We can all use a laugh
- Thread starter DILLIGAF
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DILLIGAF
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The Deadner
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A man goes to a pet shop looking for a parrot. He ask the shop assistant for a speaking parrot. The assistant points to one in the corner and says "He's the most talkative "
He walks over and the parrot speaks up "I'm a cockney parrot and I'm hard as nails. I'm a cockney parrot and I'm as hard as nails". The man laughs and says "I'll take him".
He gets him home and the parrot won't shut up. All day and night "I'm a cockney parrot and I'm as hard as nails. I'm a cockney parrot and I'm as hard as nails".
After a few days the man had enough and said to himself " I'm gonna sort this fucker out".
So he goes back to pet shop and buys a kestrel. He takes it home and as he was goin to bed he put it in the room with the parrot. The parrot still goin on and on.
The next morning he goes into the room only to find the kestrel stone dead. He said to the parrot "what happened here"? The parrot says "I'm a cockney parrot and I'm as hard as nails".
The man heads straight for the pet shop and buys an American eagle. That night he puts the eagle into the room with the parrot. The next morning he goes into the room only to find the place completely wrecked and the eagle stone dead on the floor. He turned to the parrot who was completely bald and not a feather left on him and said "What the fuck happened here"? The parrot replied "I had to take my coat off for that fucker"
He walks over and the parrot speaks up "I'm a cockney parrot and I'm hard as nails. I'm a cockney parrot and I'm as hard as nails". The man laughs and says "I'll take him".
He gets him home and the parrot won't shut up. All day and night "I'm a cockney parrot and I'm as hard as nails. I'm a cockney parrot and I'm as hard as nails".
After a few days the man had enough and said to himself " I'm gonna sort this fucker out".
So he goes back to pet shop and buys a kestrel. He takes it home and as he was goin to bed he put it in the room with the parrot. The parrot still goin on and on.
The next morning he goes into the room only to find the kestrel stone dead. He said to the parrot "what happened here"? The parrot says "I'm a cockney parrot and I'm as hard as nails".
The man heads straight for the pet shop and buys an American eagle. That night he puts the eagle into the room with the parrot. The next morning he goes into the room only to find the place completely wrecked and the eagle stone dead on the floor. He turned to the parrot who was completely bald and not a feather left on him and said "What the fuck happened here"? The parrot replied "I had to take my coat off for that fucker"
Magnificent 7
Well-known member
My 93 year old Mother in law actually told me a joke on Saturday. ..seriously .....goes like this .....
I went into the bakers on Renfrew road and noticed a sign saying 3 cakes for a pound. ..I asked the baker is that right 3 cakes for a pound ? Yes that's right he says. OK I said I'll have that wan that wan and that wan there. The baker puts them in a bag and says that will be £3 ... what do you mean £3 ?... I thought ye said it was 3 for a pound ? I did said the baker but that's MadeIra cakes ...boom boom
I went into the bakers on Renfrew road and noticed a sign saying 3 cakes for a pound. ..I asked the baker is that right 3 cakes for a pound ? Yes that's right he says. OK I said I'll have that wan that wan and that wan there. The baker puts them in a bag and says that will be £3 ... what do you mean £3 ?... I thought ye said it was 3 for a pound ? I did said the baker but that's MadeIra cakes ...boom boom
According to Saul
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sevco have issued a statement regarding the crowd outside Ibrox on Saturday.
”They’re the old supporters, nothing to do with us “.
”They’re the old supporters, nothing to do with us “.
According to Saul
Well-known member
A new strain of the virus has been traced to Ibrox and George Square and other areas of Glasgow,authorities have called it Sevcovid 1,this strain seems to affect their memory as they believe their 9 year old club has amassed 55 trophies.
According to Saul
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I asked the Doctor whether masturbation causes poor eyesight.
He said,”You’re in Halfords, mate”.
He said,”You’re in Halfords, mate”.
According to Saul
Well-known member
My son said “Dad, when was the first time you fell in Love?”
I said,”I was eighteen ,I walked into a bar and spotted the most gorgeous blonde I’d ever seen. Cupid fired his arrow the second I saw her”.
He said,”So what happened?”I said “Nothing.The c..t missed and hit your Mother ”....
I said,”I was eighteen ,I walked into a bar and spotted the most gorgeous blonde I’d ever seen. Cupid fired his arrow the second I saw her”.
He said,”So what happened?”I said “Nothing.The c..t missed and hit your Mother ”....
According to Saul
Well-known member
Paddy the electricIan has been sacked by the U.S Prison service for refusing to repair an electric chair....
He said in his opinion it was a pheghing
He said in his opinion it was a pheghing
According to Saul
Well-known member
Death Trap
Hoopy427
Well-known member
Its a strange debate to have i wouldn't really class them as contemporaries....View attachment 13856
Yep you did read that right......some crackpot hun is boasting about how Churchill could batter Jedward!
The deranged dimwitted mentality of huns captured in a single tweet!
Lady Gaga Vs Boudica thats a proper line up!
Shadow2
Well-known member
Strange isnae the word Hoopy.....how does that 'debate' even come about?
I mean whit sort of batshit fruitloop sits and contemplates who'd win in a fight between Chrurchill's corpse and Jedward ffs!
Oh and Boudica every day of the week btw
Hoopy427
Well-known member
Frank Spencer vs Mike TysonStrange isnae the word Hoopy.....how does that 'debate' even come about?
I mean whit sort of batshit fruitloop sits and contemplates who'd win in a fight between Chrurchill's corpse and Jedward ffs!
Oh and Boudica every day of the week btw
Shadow2
Well-known member
Frank Spencer vs Mike Tyson
Oooh Betty vs Oooh Bitey!
Well Iron Mike would be the obvious choice of course Hoopy BUT we shouldn't underestimate the slapstick shenanigans of Frank Spencer!Here's how I see that one playing out......
A terrified FS does a little 'whoopsie' in the ring.
MT slips in said 'whoopsie' chasing FS around the ring and knocks himself oot.
FS wins by default.
And all that ridiculous nonsense
still sounds less insane than the mad hun's Zombie Churchill vs Jedward debate! 
