We can all use a laugh

[tictastic]

Someone stole my antidepressants
Whoever they are, I hope they're happy.

 

[tictastic]

A woman walked up to me at the swimming pool and said she could see something bulging in my Speedos.
When I looked down at my crotch she said, "No, the other side..."

 

[JamSam67]

A woman walked up to me at the swimming pool and said she could see something bulging in my Speedos.
When I looked down at my crotch she said, "No, the other side..."

Was it a tic

HH

 

[Andy H]

Someone stole my antidepressants
Whoever they are, I hope they're happy.

Brilliant

 

[Fisiani]

Once upon a time a very, very intoxicated man was staggering about looking intently at the ground underneath a lamp post.

A police officer saw him and politely enquired, “Are you alright Sir?

The drunk then looked up at the police officer and replied, “No, offi-sher, I’ve lost my car keys and (hic).. and I can't find them… anywhere.”



“You’re obviously in no way fit to drive a car!”


“I know that offi-sher, I’ve had a few too many… drinks. A few too many whiskies. I know that.....But I still need to find my..... missing car keys.”



The officer looks around at the ground - no keys are anywhere in view.



“Are you sure you lost the keys here?”



“Oh No, not at all. I lost them in that dark bush over there”. Pointing in the distance.



“Then why are you looking for them here?”



“Well because there’s a lot more light here under the lamp post.”

 

[Brimcbhoy]

Poland equalise 1-1

 

[Bridie Bhoy]

Poland equalise 1-1

Ya beauty. And a 2-0 win against Gala Fairydean for our young B team.

 

[boab1916]

John Clark 8th September 2021 At 22:12

“Rangers’ Commercial and Marketing Director James Bisgrove commented: “We are delighted to announce this agreement with City Talking Studios for the Rangers72 movie.
It is fitting that in the club’s 150th anniversary year we will be able to produce a film which will tell the story of one of the most remarkable moments in Rangers’ history.” [ statement from Ibrox]
I’ve been trying to find ‘City Talking Studios’ on the Companies House pages.
I have found only ‘The City Talking Limited’ (number 10516776) “01 Sep 2021: Return of final meeting in a creditors’ voluntary winding up ”
And ‘The City Talking Inc Limited” (company no. 11641524)
A Mr Hicken was a shareholder in the first named, and is a person with significant control in the second named.
How delicious, that a club pretending to be 150 years old are having a film made about a liquidated club, by a film-maker who has first-hand knowledge of being a director with ‘liquidation’ experience, and, perhaps, a wish to try to make his new company’s name as similar as possible to his old company’s name, to suggest , perhaps, continuity?
I wonder if Mr Hicken knows anyone called Charles Green?

 

[Smelltheg-love]

Looks like a bloody prison.................I suppose it was in a way.

The funny thing is shammy i went to that school 20 years later and there was no improvements in all that time
In the last year it was open there was bits of plasterboard falling off ceiling in classes
Character building
Made your house feel salubrious

 

[Smelltheg-love]

John Clark 8th September 2021 At 22:12

“Rangers’ Commercial and Marketing Director James Bisgrove commented: “We are delighted to announce this agreement with City Talking Studios for the Rangers72 movie.
It is fitting that in the club’s 150th anniversary year we will be able to produce a film which will tell the story of one of the most remarkable moments in Rangers’ history.” [ statement from Ibrox]
I’ve been trying to find ‘City Talking Studios’ on the Companies House pages.
I have found only ‘The City Talking Limited’ (number 10516776) “01 Sep 2021: Return of final meeting in a creditors’ voluntary winding up ”
And ‘The City Talking Inc Limited” (company no. 11641524)
A Mr Hicken was a shareholder in the first named, and is a person with significant control in the second named.
How delicious, that a club pretending to be 150 years old are having a film made about a liquidated club, by a film-maker who has first-hand knowledge of being a director with ‘liquidation’ experience, and, perhaps, a wish to try to make his new company’s name as similar as possible to his old company’s name, to suggest , perhaps, continuity?
I wonder if Mr Hicken knows anyone called Charles Green?

Are you sure it’s not mr Charles dickens

 

[Smelltheg-love]

Built in the Middle Ages Shammy, and I believe they retained some of the teachers from that 'period'
Period...Ha !!!...ach never mind
They demolished the place in the 70's, and built new houses around the area, much better now

Aye the bottom one
The top one lasted till the mid 90’s

 

[DILLIGAF]

The funny thing is shammy ni went to that school 20 years later and there was no improvements in all that time
In the last year it was open there was bits of plasterboard falling off ceiling in classes
Character building
Made your house feel salubrious

"Can you say asbestos...children ?"

 

[Smelltheg-love]

is there nobody from Kilmacolm

I had a few ahem exercise classes up there in my day
Always got lost trying to sneak out the mansions in the middle of the night

 

[Smelltheg-love]

"Can you say asbestos...children ?"

No but we use it ground up for extra flavour on wur pie roll sir

 

[According to Saul]

£30 to git in!! Wonder if both Lennon and lambert would be interested in a swap fur a big pot o hame made soup fur twa tickets

And it’s £60 tae git oot

 

[According to Saul]

Took my wife to the Doctor to sort out her Tourettes.
Turns out she’s fine,I am a Tosser and she really does want me to Pheck off.

 

[According to Saul]

When I die, I want to die like my Grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep.
Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.

 

[According to Saul]

It costs more to go for a shite in Glasgow Central
than it does to buy a share in the Rangers.

 

[According to Saul]

Rangers are Pleased to confirm the signing of Singaporean international,
Taxa Voidance on a 3year deal.

 

[According to Saul]

I was sat on the bus this morning,when I noticed the beautiful young woman sitting next to me was read a book entitled ’Strange But True Sexual Facts’.
“ Is it interesting”? I asked.
”Yes she replied,for instance,did you know that the North American Red Indian has the longest Penis in the world and the Irish man has the thickest “.
”Oh I am sorry “. She continued,”My name is Helen and what’s yours? She asked .
”Tonto O‘ Riley”, I replied.