Celtic Noise FC - First XI

Spherical Planet said:
There is a team to challenge most of Scotland among our veritable members. A team that would strike fear into the hearts of many mere mortals. A team that would hold it's own in Europe and further afield.

I have chosen to deploy a flat earth back four to compliment a diamond geezer midfield four and a classic bigman/little man front two.

Goalkeeper: Clay

Whilst not particularly athletic, agile, tall or capable - Fred has the ability to part his arse cheeks and absorb any unharnessed balls in a 40-yard radius. Strap them in tight boys, but no size-5 mitre is getting past that vacuumous abyss.

Right (Wing conspiracy nut) Back - Thai Tim

While it is provisionally a flat (earth) back four, the diamond midfield shape means that Thai Phoid will have a hard shift dealing with rampaging left-wingers and logical thinkers. However - he has shown his endurance and resilience with endless hours of copy & pasting and by taking the numerous assaults upon his rationale.

Let's just hope he doesn't get injured, otherwise he might spontaneously combust at the thought of bendy watter on the magic sponge.

Right Centre Half: Andybhoy

Solid and dependable, Andybhoy can also take the threat to our opponents by his probing line of questioning. A strong defender of the club, he is not afraid to question the powers that be either.

Left Centre Half: The Verdict 1

Tough tackling and aggressive in the challenge. TV1 is a ballwinner/ballbreaker who leaves everything on the field (including his opponents body parts).

Leftist (militant) Back: Larry Cafiero

The young American has made a startling rise to prominence and his disregard and contempt of right-wingers makes this an obvious pick.

Larry may have initially struggled to adapt to the Scottish game, but his willingness to absorb information and the mothertongue means he can swear like a bastard with the rest of us now.

Holding Midfielder: Boab1916

Boab can rapidly turn defence into attack with just a click of the mouse. The field is his canvas and he also creates from the back (of his office) and plays 4-dimensional chess with the opposition.

Boab is not just a bendy watter carrier, he can also hit where it hurts when the need arises.

Left Centre Mid: Hoopy

The proverbial Andy Richie, Stan Bowles lazy bastard type who marks his territory while spaying passes about. Like a true predator, he prowls on the edge of the action waiting for an opportune moment to strike his prey. The rest of the time, he's just looking for somewhere warm to hide and to be a lazy bastard who can't even be bothered reading his team-mates posts.

Right Centre Mid: Kelly

Every successful team needs a grumpy bastard to get the most out of others. The mercurial Hoopy often goes chasing woolly balls and it needs the more agricultural approach to get him back in the game.

Tough and uncompromising, kelly is the rottweiler who has to bite the cat up the arse every now and then.

Attacking Mid: Sandman

Rarely on the back foot, Sandman has one commission - to attack at every opportunity.

Sharp and incisive, his laser-like precision can cut through opponents like soap through a hun.

He can lull the opponent into a false sense of security before unleashing a devastating muthafuckin hammer-blow to their ego and masculinity.

Big Man Up Top: Bigian

Lacks subtlety and artistic flair, but is an effective battering ram, thus allowing his more spritely sidekick the time and space to cause huge damage to the opposition.

Bigian also sniffs out any holes................


................in the opposition defence and drinks.........


............in the information provided by the boss.

Wee man/woman up top: Shammy

Wee Shammy has an unerring and unnerving accuracy on booting baws. Might not be the strongest in the air (she gets vertigo standing on a shoebox), but her ability to fellate..........sorry, fillet defences make her an automatic pick.



So there it is, my Celtic Noise XI..........might not quite be the lions, but the Walfrid Wildebeest will soon be a household name.
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😂😂😂😂😂 just seen this fuckin quality 😂😂😂😂
 
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