CELTIC v GROUNDHOG DAY - PART 1 - Sunday Feb 3 2019

Sandman

Well-known member
CELTIC v GROUNDHOG DAY


"Have you any idea what it's like to forget your own deja vu but get the feeling you knew it? Aye... What wis I sayin'?"

Puxatawney Phil.



"Big Tom? Injured? No. Tiredness? No, not at all. Thickness, yes - right now he's cutting about a park in Western Australia, boots hanging around his neck, wondering when the team bus is going to turn up. Wrong Perth."

Brendan Rogers on Rogic's absence.



"Pistol Pete's gone missing, the safe's wide open and empty, and William H. Bonney and his gang just broke jail in New Mexico. And there's no central defensive or midfield signings in. Coincidence?"

Pat Garrett



"Peter Lawwell bought a shed offay a guy in Eastern Europe without viewing it, painted it in green and white hoops and rented it out to a fella called MacLean for the rest of the season."

Guy in Pub unsubstantiated Transfer Windae Chinese Whisper Results.



"4 penalites? Zees ees outrageous. Even in ze Escape To Veectory movie we avarded ourselves only ze vun penalty. Ve can only conclude ze 'Final Solution' order has been given to ze servile Hun scum veeth ze wheesltes in ze Scotia. Zees means a penalty every 20 minutes for ze cheating Orange bastards, and hope nobody notices."

The Nazis.





Here we go... Again...



BANE - 8/10

Fleet-footed, masterful command of his cadre of henchmen (the back four), great stop early from ridiculous pinball-fortunate chance that fell to their duff striker (not you, Tony - we fucking love you).

Only blot on his copybook the misreading of a cross early second-half that almost let former Celtic wunderkind - and expert film critic - Tony Watt knock in a certainty. Fortunately, Tony 'Barry Norman' Watt knows what side his bread is buttered and missed a snip, employing all the finest De Niro acting moments he's witnessed to make it look like he'd 'nearly collided with the post.'

Tony's telling aside was a quick 'Don't dae that again...' to the Celtic defence. (Tony WATT - 10/10)


LUSTIG - 6.5/10

Mad Micka only got the first-half, a stagnant half at that, before being subbed for the new 'Toejam', German uber-defender.
A solid as usual first-half for Mick, marred by a couple of slack passes and the unusual situation of him and Jamesy not on the same wavelength, thus little progress down our right. Good defending a factor too. GOOD refereeing as well.



IZZY - 7/10

Stifled by more good defending on the left - and GOOD refereeing - crowded house antics for him and Sincy to deal with, our tripping Central American returning hero still gave his all for the jersey yet again. Relentless pressing, relentless bemusement - it's difficult to cope with Perth on a February Sunday when the clubs are shut and your satchel of premium grass is depleted to finger-pinches of smokeable weed. You don't have to tell me, Izzy - I remember the early nineties...


JOZO - 8/10

Getting there. Getting back to his flexible, interchangeable best as his match-fitness and confidence grows. Showed in that great run early second-half as he drifted through the lines and was only denied by their - excellent; sign him - keeper. Hang in there, jozo, with that level of focus- you're the only defensive man left standing.


AJER - 1/10

Big. Fucking. Eejit. And he knows it - criminal momentary lapse has screwed us defensively.

But is he to blame? 20 seconds in he took the Ali uppercup from Tony Watt's incredibly dense heid (think black hole, cosmic singularity). Spent three minutes on the floor out of it, then the next 87 wandering about the pitch thinking he was in Legoland, Denmark, chasing inflatable unicorns and singing Puff The Magic Dragon - you could still see him clearly struggling with the lyrics as he traipsed off.

GOOD refereeing. Aside from giving Gollum the erection of his year to date, we're now bereft of natural central defenders - let's hope big Nir is ready to rumble. Had been a consumate Ajer performance until that calamity; stop watching Dedryck videos!


BROON - 9/10

MOTM. Stick away yer football management simulations and yer pish console versions of the only true footlball classic game - Sensible Soccer.
Broon, who's past it, apparently, faux expertia, was THE driving force who won the game for us. Ploughing a solo furrow - dig that analogy, Perthshire farmers? ('dig', lol) - our captain defied the populist opinion and was Celtic's only reason for staying in the game and ultimately winning it - he stepped up when others were toiling; force of will, people - he knows how to get a job done in difficult circumstances.
Just magnificent. Enough said. Take the knee.


CALMAC - 6.5/10

See above. On Superbowl Sunday our quarterback went missing. Far too reserved, letting Broony play his position, he struggled to get on the ball and was most often found in parallel with our deep-lying captain. Thankfully, Broon let him off.

BUT he's class despite match form - and managed that single defining moment: brilliant ball for Timo to score the second on the counter; something we missed all day - Calmac in a proper attacking poise.



CHRISTIE - 6.5/10

Like Wednesday, first-half, his game marred by poor final touches and woeful deliveries. Yet he maintains that consistency of energy and penetrating runs. Thudded in the midriff for a penalty during the stramash when
Eddy was maimed, kept on going despite the pain, evidently; took it for the team. Let's hope he recovers for Hibs.


FORREST - 6.5/10

Scored a major goal in our season. His inclusion was worth that alone, but struggled to make an impact on the pitch he scored more goals on in one HALF than barmaids flashed in an evening back in October.

However, as soon as the business was done he disappeared up the tunnel in search of a Wotherspoon's in Perth town centre where his frustrations could be relieved. Celtic team bus was scheduled to collect Jamesy later, running out the pub doors pursued by a cadre of screaming, distraught perky teen glass collectors and a handful of suspiciously effete, gingham-check shirted, smiling Young Farmer lads.


Continued in PART 2
 

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