IMMORTAL MICHAEL DUFFY

Hoopy427 said:
This is a long story but I'll try and shorten it, years ago I wanted puzzle ball for Christmas (I dont mean years ago when I was 12, I mean years ago when I was 38) puzzle ball was a jigsaw thing that formed a globe of the earth, it excited me no end.
Anyway we lived in South Wales at the time, old South Wales not new South Wales unfortunately, and our neighbour's son was a pastor at a methodist church and we were invited to the Christmas eve Mass, it was shouty, very shouty, with lots of throwing arms in the air shouting hallelujah, praise the Lord all that jazz, fair enough. Then the pastor boy started getting all shouty and I'm convinced it was aimed at me so I said to the missus if this cunt keeps shouting at me I'm going to punch him in the fucking throat (I don't like being shouted at) so she's trying to calm me down, I'm counting to 100.
Next thing wee welsh pastor boy is in my face pointing at me and shouting in a ridiculous American accent "whats the greatest gift that could be under your tree this Christmas????"
So I replied "puzzle ball?"
Wrong! Apparently the correct answer was Jesus, we left soon after that, didn't get invited back the next year.
Click to expand...
You should've asked him about Noah's magic zoo boat
 
Got an email from a chap this morning via our website, he wants me to fit a new bathroom for him in a hurry, I was reading it thinking I can do that if its an empty hoose no worries, it'll keep me out of mischief for a few days.
Then I read the address, its in Moscow as in Moscow.... 🤷‍♂️
 
Hoopy427 said:
Got an email from a chap this morning via our website, he wants me to fit a new bathroom for him in a hurry, I was reading it thinking I can do that if its an empty hoose no worries, it'll keep me out of mischief for a few days.
Then I read the address, its in Moscow as in Moscow.... 🤷‍♂️
Click to expand...
Not to get off topic, but when I ran a landscape company, I'm in the office and the phone rings
Guy on the other end, starts ranting, raving and swearing at me, threatening lawsuit and to come down, and punch my lights out
I tell him to calm down and explain what he was on about and to cease and desist with the cursing and swearing at me, not to mention threatening me
"You tore my lawn up and dug some irrigation ditches, promised you'd come back and finish the job at 8 o'clock this morning, and nobody's turned up yet WTF is going on!!!"
I asked for his name and address, and said I'd check into why he wasn't getting any joy
He gives me the info, then adds, Delta...Lousiana
"Eh...OK...there's the problem...you've got British Columbia, Canada on the line mate"
His reaction was, stunned silence, then he checked his papers and sheepishly said "I'm so sorry"
I laughed and told him to have a nice day and wished him good luck with his lawn
I Googled the town and looked for the company name (same as ours) lo and behold, there was a landscape company with the same name down there
Blood pressure back to normal wee man

Michael loved a good laugh, he'd have liked that story, Hoopy
 
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Hoopy427 said:
Got an email from a chap this morning via our website, he wants me to fit a new bathroom for him in a hurry, I was reading it thinking I can do that if its an empty hoose no worries, it'll keep me out of mischief for a few days.
Then I read the address, its in Moscow as in Moscow.... 🤷‍♂️
Click to expand...
That's a belter
My mate's auld da years ago, got a call
"Good morning sir, this is Patrick from blah blah blah window company"
"We'd like to come up and replace you current windows, with the latest triple paned technology"
The auld man goes:
"Aye sounds good son...see yees at half 8, the morra !!!"
Hangs up
 
Hoopy427 said:
Got an email from a chap this morning via our website, he wants me to fit a new bathroom for him in a hurry, I was reading it thinking I can do that if its an empty hoose no worries, it'll keep me out of mischief for a few days.
Then I read the address, its in Moscow as in Moscow.... 🤷‍♂️
Click to expand...
Think you better get over there quick I don't think president putin likes to be kept waiting hoopy.
 
Richybhoy said:
In Germany they have these huge beer warehouse called Getranke (?) shops that sell cases of beer. We would get a case of 20 Big Bottles of Becks for 27 Deutche Marks, which was about £8 at the time. Ye got 8 DM back when you took the crate and bottles back. Never drank so much in my life as I did that year (92) and rarely if ever got a hangover.

Beer, the cause of, and answer to all of life's problems, H Simpson,
I'm gonna fuckin cripple you Durant ye wee Hun bastard, Homers brother Neil.
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I agree with you about the German beer Richy, fantastic stuff
I spent my 38th birthday there (1991) and we got a few crates of those big bottles in
Drank our faces off, and no hangoover in the morning
Heard it was illegal for breweries to put additives and preservatives in their beer, so that totally makes sense
And you're right Nick,the place is quiet, with no night shift on
 
DILLIGAF said:
That's a belter
My mate's auld da years ago, got a call
"Good morning sir, this is Patrick from blah blah blah window company"
"We'd like to come up and replace you current windows, with the latest triple paned technology"
The auld man goes:
"Aye sounds good son...see yees at half 8, the morra !!!"
Hangs up
Click to expand...
There was a time a few years ago when I was plagued with cold calls from companies trying to sell conservatories and because I'd been off work ill for a long time I decided to enjoy myself by taking the calls. I would say I'd love a conservatory but I didn't think they could build a really big one. The caller said yes yes we can, we can do big conservatories and I would say I didn't think they could. Yes yes we can build them any size, let us come and do the measurements. Ok said I, my address is flat 6 on the 6th floor and they slammed the phone down. 🤣🤣🤣
 
DILLIGAF said:
I agree with you about the German beer Richy, fantastic stuff
I spent my 38th birthday there (1991) and we got a few crates of those big bottles in
Drank our faces off, and no hangoover in the morning
Heard it was illegal for breweries to put additives and preservatives in their beer, so that totally makes sense
And you're right Nick,the place is quiet, with no night shift on
Click to expand...

I lived in Berlin for a few years and was on the sauce pretty solidly. The only time I'd ever get a hangover was on the rare weekend that I flew back to Glasgow and had two or three pints of the native stuff. We're being poisoned.
 
Hoopy427 said:
This is a long story but I'll try and shorten it, years ago I wanted puzzle ball for Christmas (I dont mean years ago when I was 12, I mean years ago when I was 38) puzzle ball was a jigsaw thing that formed a globe of the earth, it excited me no end.
Anyway we lived in South Wales at the time, old South Wales not new South Wales unfortunately, and our neighbour's son was a pastor at a methodist church and we were invited to the Christmas eve Mass, it was shouty, very shouty, with lots of throwing arms in the air shouting hallelujah, praise the Lord all that jazz, fair enough. Then the pastor boy started getting all shouty and I'm convinced it was aimed at me so I said to the missus if this cunt keeps shouting at me I'm going to punch him in the fucking throat (I don't like being shouted at) so she's trying to calm me down, I'm counting to 100.
Next thing wee welsh pastor boy is in my face pointing at me and shouting in a ridiculous American accent "whats the greatest gift that could be under your tree this Christmas????"
So I replied "puzzle ball?"
Wrong! Apparently the correct answer was Jesus, we left soon after that, didn't get invited back the next year.
Click to expand...
That was brilliant hoopy love hearing real life funny story's and that's one of them.
 
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