Sandman
Well-known member
SANDMAN DEFINITIVE CELTIC v GRAND THEFT AUTO/DANDY/BEANO/OOR WULLIE RATINGS:
'See that Jesus Christ, the Galilee manager? Brought it on himself, so he did.'
Scottish Mainstream Media, circa A.d 33.
''Sandman's ratings - did we mention them in the positive bit in the yearly comics?... I mean, 'accounts'"
Dave King
'There are three absolutely vital elements in creating a great movie - one -the script, two - the script, and three - Sandman's Ratings.'
A. Hitchcock.
GORDON - N/A
Big Pinky almost completed Red Dead Redemption 2 on the xbox he had plugged into the goalpost. only breaking off a train heist to nutmeg an unfortunate member of Arkham Asylum who had been press-ganged into playing up front for Dundee. For him, a night as desolate at the Sevco trophy cabinet.
KT - 8.5/10
Survived more assassination attempts than Saddam Hussein to produce a sterling, battling performance full of dynamism and aggression.
Dundee lathered themselves in bute and became the first SPL team to try out the new 'Free go At A Tim' handicap system introduced by avid bestiality enthusiast Hugh Dallas.
We're going to have to sign a body-double for KT to take the flak. i suggest Chuck Norris; that'll surprise them.
Benkovic - 8/10
He's looking more comfortable and accomplished by the game. Should have scored that sitter of a header he squeezed past the post.
But dealt easily with ex-Hun secret-agent, Kenny Miller, resembling a particularly angry human peanut, who ran around chasing hooped jerseys like a three-legged brain-damaged junkyard dug.
BOYATA - 8/10
Aggressive and forward-pushing, Big D the mutinous World Cup Belgian strolled the night, sniffing a goal that never came. Ended up with cramp due to having covered so much empty space along our backline. Even had plenty time to weave a few new dreads before limping off.
LUSTIG - 8/10
The mad Swede whose 'legs have gone' spent the night like a right-winger, bursting into danger areas much to the surprise of team-mates and especially the Dundee centre-half who thought he was a striker in a halloween policeman costume and upended him for the penalty.
CalMac - 9/10
Ping, ping ping... Quarterback McGregor played out the pocket last night and set up the Celtics of Glasgow's offense with some incisive passing and a few haily marys thrown in. There's no stopping this side's run to the Superbowl if coach Rodgers can get this sort of performance on the field every game.
ROGIC - 9/10
Aussie summer has hit and the languid kangaroo looks like he's playing on a beach. Beautiful footballer who scored the Raquel-Welch-in-a-fur-bikini-1967 of goals with his cultured left foot. Celebrated it like he couldn't give a Castlemaine XXXX. Bring on the Minis again 'til he barbecues them like fresh shrimp.
CHRISTE - 7.5/10
Bhoy of the moment kept up his dynamic performance level from Sunday and put in a shift, while topping it with a class finish. His father, accomplished crooner Tony, has now dedicated 'Road To Amarillo' to Ryan's screamer on Sunday...
FORREST - 8/10
Jamesy loves Halloween - usually he goes out guising in Prestwick as a flasher but tonight he was at work, terrifying the Dundonian monoliths in defence with just a single baw.
Roving, penetrating, goalscoring, just about had the lot in his game; wasn't too popular late on with team-mates in scoring positions as he tried an extra trick or treat and looked greedy.
Performed his 'special' recital of Wee Wullie Winkie, with 'props', in the dressing room after the game for extra sweeties to much hilarity...
SINCY - 7.5/10
Is he back? Has the mojo returned?
Like Hendrix risen from the grave to deliver some much-missed spine-tingling riffs, the Celtic Sonic looks like he's getting up to speed again.
It's all in the demeanour - more angry than anxious is how we like our Sincy; out to roast you like a burd at a premiership player's party, he's at his best when there's belief in his boots.
Confident, fleet-footed, and hungry; if he's back at it we're going to blitz a fair few this season.
FRENCH EDDY - 7.5/10
Always carrying himself like a gentleman spiv, our dapper Gallic spearhead is getting used to the SPL defences packed with lobotomised cyborgs whose sensors activate them only to kick a Tim. He was nimble and smart with his timing tonight- managing to find space and let his class shine through. Great movement, finished off a great team goal.
When Celtic click together, for the entranced Huns it will be like watching Leon the Professional assemble his Beretta 92FS pistol, with Odsonne Edouard the silencer; By the time we get to Eddy, they're already dead. Again.
SUBS: Morgan, Ajer, Arzani - wee cameo from the diminutive Aussie looked interesting, Lewis meandered finding his feet, and the big Praetorian guard slotted in to replace Dedryck with his usual ease and confidence.
Game was dead, so nobody needed to produce or be depended upon.
BR - 8/10
This was the sort of game which could so easily get difficult - pish team out to frustrate and stifle; so he did his job very well by keeping the players mentally right after Sunday's high.
Got the required performance and momentum to carry into another domestic biggie on Saturday as the
sneering Hun Replicants come into bladerunner territory.
We will go into it with the mindset fixated on re-taking the top; just the way achieving our dynamic levels of performance require it to be; and the way a manager proves his quality.
OVERALL - 9/10
Ran all over them, finished it like we had a plane to catch at half-time. Everybody looked like they were enjoying themselves too. Games like this become a positive reference point for players who have been inconsistent all season. Now we are in a position to get ruthless with the SPL.
The Hun Monkey & Scouse Bambi warm-up act have run out of stage-time. The main show's rolling into town on a wave of green and white glory. Lessons are about to be handed out. Popcorn at the ready...
'See that Jesus Christ, the Galilee manager? Brought it on himself, so he did.'
Scottish Mainstream Media, circa A.d 33.
''Sandman's ratings - did we mention them in the positive bit in the yearly comics?... I mean, 'accounts'"
Dave King
'There are three absolutely vital elements in creating a great movie - one -the script, two - the script, and three - Sandman's Ratings.'
A. Hitchcock.
GORDON - N/A
Big Pinky almost completed Red Dead Redemption 2 on the xbox he had plugged into the goalpost. only breaking off a train heist to nutmeg an unfortunate member of Arkham Asylum who had been press-ganged into playing up front for Dundee. For him, a night as desolate at the Sevco trophy cabinet.
KT - 8.5/10
Survived more assassination attempts than Saddam Hussein to produce a sterling, battling performance full of dynamism and aggression.
Dundee lathered themselves in bute and became the first SPL team to try out the new 'Free go At A Tim' handicap system introduced by avid bestiality enthusiast Hugh Dallas.
We're going to have to sign a body-double for KT to take the flak. i suggest Chuck Norris; that'll surprise them.
Benkovic - 8/10
He's looking more comfortable and accomplished by the game. Should have scored that sitter of a header he squeezed past the post.
But dealt easily with ex-Hun secret-agent, Kenny Miller, resembling a particularly angry human peanut, who ran around chasing hooped jerseys like a three-legged brain-damaged junkyard dug.
BOYATA - 8/10
Aggressive and forward-pushing, Big D the mutinous World Cup Belgian strolled the night, sniffing a goal that never came. Ended up with cramp due to having covered so much empty space along our backline. Even had plenty time to weave a few new dreads before limping off.
LUSTIG - 8/10
The mad Swede whose 'legs have gone' spent the night like a right-winger, bursting into danger areas much to the surprise of team-mates and especially the Dundee centre-half who thought he was a striker in a halloween policeman costume and upended him for the penalty.
CalMac - 9/10
Ping, ping ping... Quarterback McGregor played out the pocket last night and set up the Celtics of Glasgow's offense with some incisive passing and a few haily marys thrown in. There's no stopping this side's run to the Superbowl if coach Rodgers can get this sort of performance on the field every game.
ROGIC - 9/10
Aussie summer has hit and the languid kangaroo looks like he's playing on a beach. Beautiful footballer who scored the Raquel-Welch-in-a-fur-bikini-1967 of goals with his cultured left foot. Celebrated it like he couldn't give a Castlemaine XXXX. Bring on the Minis again 'til he barbecues them like fresh shrimp.
CHRISTE - 7.5/10
Bhoy of the moment kept up his dynamic performance level from Sunday and put in a shift, while topping it with a class finish. His father, accomplished crooner Tony, has now dedicated 'Road To Amarillo' to Ryan's screamer on Sunday...
FORREST - 8/10
Jamesy loves Halloween - usually he goes out guising in Prestwick as a flasher but tonight he was at work, terrifying the Dundonian monoliths in defence with just a single baw.
Roving, penetrating, goalscoring, just about had the lot in his game; wasn't too popular late on with team-mates in scoring positions as he tried an extra trick or treat and looked greedy.
Performed his 'special' recital of Wee Wullie Winkie, with 'props', in the dressing room after the game for extra sweeties to much hilarity...
SINCY - 7.5/10
Is he back? Has the mojo returned?
Like Hendrix risen from the grave to deliver some much-missed spine-tingling riffs, the Celtic Sonic looks like he's getting up to speed again.
It's all in the demeanour - more angry than anxious is how we like our Sincy; out to roast you like a burd at a premiership player's party, he's at his best when there's belief in his boots.
Confident, fleet-footed, and hungry; if he's back at it we're going to blitz a fair few this season.
FRENCH EDDY - 7.5/10
Always carrying himself like a gentleman spiv, our dapper Gallic spearhead is getting used to the SPL defences packed with lobotomised cyborgs whose sensors activate them only to kick a Tim. He was nimble and smart with his timing tonight- managing to find space and let his class shine through. Great movement, finished off a great team goal.
When Celtic click together, for the entranced Huns it will be like watching Leon the Professional assemble his Beretta 92FS pistol, with Odsonne Edouard the silencer; By the time we get to Eddy, they're already dead. Again.
SUBS: Morgan, Ajer, Arzani - wee cameo from the diminutive Aussie looked interesting, Lewis meandered finding his feet, and the big Praetorian guard slotted in to replace Dedryck with his usual ease and confidence.
Game was dead, so nobody needed to produce or be depended upon.
BR - 8/10
This was the sort of game which could so easily get difficult - pish team out to frustrate and stifle; so he did his job very well by keeping the players mentally right after Sunday's high.
Got the required performance and momentum to carry into another domestic biggie on Saturday as the
sneering Hun Replicants come into bladerunner territory.
We will go into it with the mindset fixated on re-taking the top; just the way achieving our dynamic levels of performance require it to be; and the way a manager proves his quality.
OVERALL - 9/10
Ran all over them, finished it like we had a plane to catch at half-time. Everybody looked like they were enjoying themselves too. Games like this become a positive reference point for players who have been inconsistent all season. Now we are in a position to get ruthless with the SPL.
The Hun Monkey & Scouse Bambi warm-up act have run out of stage-time. The main show's rolling into town on a wave of green and white glory. Lessons are about to be handed out. Popcorn at the ready...
