SANDMAN DEFINITIVE EDINBURGH REBELLION v Mini_Huns/Hertz RATINGS

Sandman

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SANDMAN DEFINITIVE EDINBURGH REBELLION v ‘Mini-HUNS’/HEARTS RATINGS:



‘Up at Six. Bus at Eight. Lunch at two. Huns Pumped at five. Sheared at seven. Wait ’til nine to get the Sandman ratings. Busy fckn day.’


Dolly the sheep.



“If the doors of perception were cleansed every thing would appear to the Hun as it is, desperate. For the Hun has closed himself up, till he sees all things through narrow chinks of his cavern.”


William Blake.



‘Let’s go! To Fck.’


Slippy G.




Bain: 7/10


Fresh from battling Batman in the climax to Christopher Nolan’s superbly re-thought Dark Knight trilogy, our reserve goalie swaps unintelligible face-maskery for famed yellow jersey and superglue gloves to provide competent goalkeeping. Troubled? Only by the Tetris level he reached on his phone before having to catch a cross sometime second-half.

Solid, played more with his feet than hands.


Lustig: 7/10


Mad Swede. Mad for it. Uncompromising in the face of sleekit Jambo-ism. Sleekit enough himself to get arch-Hun fanny McLean booked in the first seconds of the game.

Never the nouveau-Tims favourite, Mick is the guy who delivers the bacon when the chips are down. You can never have enough of guys like him at your side. Ask the Celts, ask the Swedes. Stop playing yer FIFA pish.


Benkovic: 8/10


Why Leicester paid £13 million. THE young Croatian centre-back in vogue, and heir to the national throne, despite what the Hun would have you believe about their pale imitation who no longer flick’s Slippy G’s bean.

Our loan is a belter. sadly we will never own him but he’s a fine watch to wear awhile.



Ajer: 7/10


Like Ajax or ‘Ayax’, young Chris is an AJER or an Ajir. Either way, a Norwegian descendent of a runaway Roman-era Praetorian guard. A presence designed to induce reflexive knee-jerk in depraved Hun goalies, the bhoy is fearless and dependable. He may run into trouble occasionally but he learns all the time; great physical presence today to defy the Mini-Hun tactic of bludgeon-a-Tim.



KT : 7/10


Roving, relentless, worrying – bhoy could do with a rest to plat Red Dead Redemption 2 on his console. maybe that has been the plan – full effort until release date of the greatest game the world has seen and then let him shoot cowboys until December, when he can return fresh in prime Hunskelping mode, by order of the Peaky Blinders.



Sam Jackson 6/10


No muthaf###### idea what was up. Seemed to grow into the game first half then disappeared like a muthaf###### after 45 minutes.. Possibly problem with Edinburgh fast food – no muthaf###### Chicken Royales on the half-time snack menu.



Calmac – 5.5/10


Callum The Undroppable escaped the hook due to good fortune and bad fortune with injuries piling up around him.

Nowhere near the physical presence required to fill the Broony boots but he has factored into his game a willingness to keep on keeping on – no matter the awkward manner of his form-lapse, exemplified today in a smorgasbord (see what I did there, Scandinavian food-fetishists?) of poor decisions and touch.

Need a refresh.



Forrest 6/.5/10


The Prestwick Flyer stuttered on take-off, looking at moments both blistering and bemused. Final ball let him down too often but he was there to do the biz just when he was needed and remains the finest boaby-flasher Prestwick nightlife has ever known.


Kouassi 6/10


Whit? Attitude looked top-notch. giving and taking. Even found time to indulge Hun-wannabee -but-never-was/will be,l Steven (with a ‘v’, fenians) McLean’s, fetish for fondling the BBC; Nothing to do with an almost-irrelevant broadcasting corporation…


Hey, kids – let’s just say young McLeans’s fondness for grabbing, equates with his search engine history and reveals a lot of interest in ‘BBC’, but no Doctor Who included on those sites….


Presume EK took a knock/ couldn’t shake off the knee buckle.

Keep playing him, tho – something good and fiery about him; great attitude to dominating the mid.



Rogic -6.5/10


A nearly-man today. Ball kept nearly running for him, nearly becoming unstuck under his feet; he nearly made enough space to nearly make the right contact on shots, nearly made the right weight of killer pass.


Yup, that ball just wouldn’t run for him; He was a split-second/half-yard off his mercurial best. Still, some player to have floating around between the lines.



French Eddy 6.5/10


Another falling short of superstar Sunday performance due to some poor final decisions. ‘Nearly’ wasn’t good enough for his price tag, but he’ll thrive in an attacking philosophy that looks to free his runs earlier.

Could have scored a couple, didn’t. Next time, eddy. Save them for the final against the Hu…oops,

lulz.



SUBS:


Much more like it – players seizing their big moments –


Sincy – 8/10


Found the MOJO for an afternoon. Long may it remain in his medicine pouch. All that talent, that pace and guile, that missus, that powerful pokemon heid – there’s no excuse for someone so blessed to be low in confidence. If it was me I’d be paying lackeys to haul me off the new Doctor Who in time to pump the Huns too, then lifting me back into position.


C’mon Sincy bhoy, realise what you’ve got and go swashbuckle the fck out those zombies and every other clugging Scottish (and Euro) side in yer way. Lit up the game today, turned Jambo keks to an off-maroon to match their depressing Victorian-dad taps.



Christie: 8/10


Beefed-up, focused, driven – just sort of player we need at this juncture in BR’s tenure to make incumbents realise they need to up their own games or lose their jerseys. on it like a boss- tough and skilful, glorious goal, main contributor to comedy second. Do. Not. stop. son. We might have a right player on our hands.



Hendry: 5/10


No chance to show/impact. Filled in at CH for Ajer.




BR: 7/10


Juggled Thursday’s ineptitude, looked like it was in vain after a tepid, disjointed first-half.


Thankfully, his two big substitutions changed the entire complexity of the encounter – whether that was by design or luck is irrelevant; all good managers carry luck and manipulate it to their advantage; BR’s today looked stricken at one point as Kouassi went lame, but the unintended early input from Sincy balanced the universe in our favour.


Likewise, the Sam Jackson for Christie switch worked brilliantly too. A good manager not only plays his luck but makes his own and deservedly so.


For whatever critique levelled at him, BR responded by making his seventh domestic final in a row.

At the same time, he resisted being out-coached by a current nemesis; If-Harry-Potter-Had-Grown-Up-Into-A-Sex-Offender Levein.




OVERALL: 7.5/10


Turgid first-half raising many questions and doubts, Grim aura alleviated only by injury to snarling apocalyptic sci-fi wasteland mutant progeny of daemonic jackal and rancid travelling whore, Naismith who, in medical terms, shat it from the Hoops early doors.

Such was the organic nature of this match, everything evolved from seemingly innocuous events onfield – our unintended subs changed the match and the result. But that’s why they are paid big bucks by Celtic – to influence.

They did their jobs to a man. Brilliantly, if not beautifully – blame the rugger pitch for the slow pace.


Onwards toward the TRIPLE REBEL TREBLE we go.



Epilogue: LOL @ the Huns. Again.
 
SANDMAN DEFINITIVE EDINBURGH REBELLION v ‘Mini-HUNS’/HEARTS RATINGS:



‘Up at Six. Bus at Eight. Lunch at two. Huns Pumped at five. Sheared at seven. Wait ’til nine to get the Sandman ratings. Busy fckn day.’


Dolly the sheep.



“If the doors of perception were cleansed every thing would appear to the Hun as it is, desperate. For the Hun has closed himself up, till he sees all things through narrow chinks of his cavern.”


William Blake.



‘Let’s go! To Fck.’


Slippy G.




Bain: 7/10


Fresh from battling Batman in the climax to Christopher Nolan’s superbly re-thought Dark Knight trilogy, our reserve goalie swaps unintelligible face-maskery for famed yellow jersey and superglue gloves to provide competent goalkeeping. Troubled? Only by the Tetris level he reached on his phone before having to catch a cross sometime second-half.

Solid, played more with his feet than hands.


Lustig: 7/10


Mad Swede. Mad for it. Uncompromising in the face of sleekit Jambo-ism. Sleekit enough himself to get arch-Hun fanny McLean booked in the first seconds of the game.

Never the nouveau-Tims favourite, Mick is the guy who delivers the bacon when the chips are down. You can never have enough of guys like him at your side. Ask the Celts, ask the Swedes. Stop playing yer FIFA pish.


Benkovic: 8/10


Why Leicester paid £13 million. THE young Croatian centre-back in vogue, and heir to the national throne, despite what the Hun would have you believe about their pale imitation who no longer flick’s Slippy G’s bean.

Our loan is a belter. sadly we will never own him but he’s a fine watch to wear awhile.



Ajer: 7/10


Like Ajax or ‘Ayax’, young Chris is an AJER or an Ajir. Either way, a Norwegian descendent of a runaway Roman-era Praetorian guard. A presence designed to induce reflexive knee-jerk in depraved Hun goalies, the bhoy is fearless and dependable. He may run into trouble occasionally but he learns all the time; great physical presence today to defy the Mini-Hun tactic of bludgeon-a-Tim.



KT : 7/10


Roving, relentless, worrying – bhoy could do with a rest to plat Red Dead Redemption 2 on his console. maybe that has been the plan – full effort until release date of the greatest game the world has seen and then let him shoot cowboys until December, when he can return fresh in prime Hunskelping mode, by order of the Peaky Blinders.



Sam Jackson 6/10


No muthaf###### idea what was up. Seemed to grow into the game first half then disappeared like a muthaf###### after 45 minutes.. Possibly problem with Edinburgh fast food – no muthaf###### Chicken Royales on the half-time snack menu.



Calmac – 5.5/10


Callum The Undroppable escaped the hook due to good fortune and bad fortune with injuries piling up around him.

Nowhere near the physical presence required to fill the Broony boots but he has factored into his game a willingness to keep on keeping on – no matter the awkward manner of his form-lapse, exemplified today in a smorgasbord (see what I did there, Scandinavian food-fetishists?) of poor decisions and touch.

Need a refresh.



Forrest 6/.5/10


The Prestwick Flyer stuttered on take-off, looking at moments both blistering and bemused. Final ball let him down too often but he was there to do the biz just when he was needed and remains the finest boaby-flasher Prestwick nightlife has ever known.


Kouassi 6/10


Whit? Attitude looked top-notch. giving and taking. Even found time to indulge Hun-wannabee -but-never-was/will be,l Steven (with a ‘v’, fenians) McLean’s, fetish for fondling the BBC; Nothing to do with an almost-irrelevant broadcasting corporation…


Hey, kids – let’s just say young McLeans’s fondness for grabbing, equates with his search engine history and reveals a lot of interest in ‘BBC’, but no Doctor Who included on those sites….


Presume EK took a knock/ couldn’t shake off the knee buckle.

Keep playing him, tho – something good and fiery about him; great attitude to dominating the mid.



Rogic -6.5/10


A nearly-man today. Ball kept nearly running for him, nearly becoming unstuck under his feet; he nearly made enough space to nearly make the right contact on shots, nearly made the right weight of killer pass.


Yup, that ball just wouldn’t run for him; He was a split-second/half-yard off his mercurial best. Still, some player to have floating around between the lines.



French Eddy 6.5/10


Another falling short of superstar Sunday performance due to some poor final decisions. ‘Nearly’ wasn’t good enough for his price tag, but he’ll thrive in an attacking philosophy that looks to free his runs earlier.

Could have scored a couple, didn’t. Next time, eddy. Save them for the final against the Hu…oops,

lulz.



SUBS:


Much more like it – players seizing their big moments –


Sincy – 8/10


Found the MOJO for an afternoon. Long may it remain in his medicine pouch. All that talent, that pace and guile, that missus, that powerful pokemon heid – there’s no excuse for someone so blessed to be low in confidence. If it was me I’d be paying lackeys to haul me off the new Doctor Who in time to pump the Huns too, then lifting me back into position.


C’mon Sincy bhoy, realise what you’ve got and go swashbuckle the fck out those zombies and every other clugging Scottish (and Euro) side in yer way. Lit up the game today, turned Jambo keks to an off-maroon to match their depressing Victorian-dad taps.



Christie: 8/10


Beefed-up, focused, driven – just sort of player we need at this juncture in BR’s tenure to make incumbents realise they need to up their own games or lose their jerseys. on it like a boss- tough and skilful, glorious goal, main contributor to comedy second. Do. Not. stop. son. We might have a right player on our hands.



Hendry: 5/10


No chance to show/impact. Filled in at CH for Ajer.




BR: 7/10


Juggled Thursday’s ineptitude, looked like it was in vain after a tepid, disjointed first-half.


Thankfully, his two big substitutions changed the entire complexity of the encounter – whether that was by design or luck is irrelevant; all good managers carry luck and manipulate it to their advantage; BR’s today looked stricken at one point as Kouassi went lame, but the unintended early input from Sincy balanced the universe in our favour.


Likewise, the Sam Jackson for Christie switch worked brilliantly too. A good manager not only plays his luck but makes his own and deservedly so.


For whatever critique levelled at him, BR responded by making his seventh domestic final in a row.

At the same time, he resisted being out-coached by a current nemesis; If-Harry-Potter-Had-Grown-Up-Into-A-Sex-Offender Levein.




OVERALL: 7.5/10


Turgid first-half raising many questions and doubts, Grim aura alleviated only by injury to snarling apocalyptic sci-fi wasteland mutant progeny of daemonic jackal and rancid travelling whore, Naismith who, in medical terms, shat it from the Hoops early doors.

Such was the organic nature of this match, everything evolved from seemingly innocuous events onfield – our unintended subs changed the match and the result. But that’s why they are paid big bucks by Celtic – to influence.

They did their jobs to a man. Brilliantly, if not beautifully – blame the rugger pitch for the slow pace.


Onwards toward the TRIPLE REBEL TREBLE we go.



Epilogue: LOL @ the Huns. Again.
And they expected me and others to buy the DR for player ratings and stats. Bravo big chap.
 
Have to disagree with the scores you gave for Cal Mac and Kouassi. Thought CMc deserved at least a 6.5/7 .Changed the game when he replaced Kouassi in his position. I did have some sympathy for EK though, having had his baws crushed then tried to run off a clearly painful knee jolt. BR said in his post match interview he had a decision to make and needed everyone at 100% so decided to sub him. A lot would have given him to halftime then made the change. It was a brave decision, and it worked.
 
Have to disagree with the scores you gave for Cal Mac and Kouassi. Thought CMc deserved at least a 6.5/7 .Changed the game when he replaced Kouassi in his position. I did have some sympathy for EK though, having had his baws crushed then tried to run off a clearly painful knee jolt. BR said in his post match interview he had a decision to make and needed everyone at 100% so decided to sub him. A lot would have given him to halftime then made the change. It was a brave decision, and it worked.


Do take your point that he acquitted himself well, but still think he's not designed to play that position on account of him being more attack-minded and not a physical enough presence to avoid being out-muscled in there too often.

Game changed because of Christie and Sincy putting them on the backfoot. Calmac had little defensive work to do.

Calmac was our most improved player last season but definitely no replacement for Broony. Kouassi can take that crown if he stays ft and screws the nut.
 

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