Sandman
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SANDMAN DEFINITIVE GLORIOUS GLASGOW CELTIC v COCAINE & ELIXIR LEIPZIG RATINGS - part 1
"On a Moscow field, the Huns did blow,
And screamed the monkeys, oh no, oh no....
They know their place, and in the sky
The Hoops still playing bravely, fly
Scarce heard amid the Huns below."
John McCrae.
"It ain't the 2001 Odyssey club, Stevie G, baby, but that Celtic Park disco is somethin' else - I'll dance with you, but it's not like you're my dream girl or nothin'."
Tony Manero.
"Eeeeeeh, tink I'm goner spend some o' me minus-fourteen million an' win de werld coop... Eh, ye wha'?"
Slippy G
"Sandman nails more ratings than I nail burds."
L.Griffiths (in absentia)
Let's Go! ...
GORDON: 9/10
Wearing one of his Fifty Shades Of Grey outfits, the fearless big fetishist bound up our defence and saved our arses being violated (see what I did there, fans of poorly written trash porn for fat housewives?)
Bravery personified as he leapt at the feet of thundering juggernaut and managed to hold onto the ball while having his spleen removed.
Criticised by those who deserve no pity, for occasional distribution flaws - no more than the opposition's no.1. The keeper's pass is the most difficult to make, for a non-outfield player unused to judging weight and distance, and to have the whole game in front of you, relying on players to make space and time to receive.
The big guy deserved his lucky crossbar after the assured handling and near-human-sacrifice for the cause.
KT : 10/10
You are watching a phenomenon. OUR phenomenon. The kid is a fecking Celtic superhero, by order of the Peaky f###ing Blinders , no less. Slashed in his goal like Arthur Shelby dishing out family retribution.
KT's story is the fermented distillation of a million Hooped dreams as penned by Morrison and Miller (see what I did there, knowledgeable graphic novel historians?).
He is the living embodiment of the Jungle's soul. He must never be allowed to leave. If so, legend has it the Brazen Heid will c-crumble to dust and the statue of Caesar weep tears of green blood that will form a rivulet of anguish along the Celtic Way to be visited centuries hence by candle-bearing pilgrims.
P.C LUSTIG: 8/10
'His legs have gone!... Again!' is the perma-cry of the mentally disenfranchised. Stalwart! is the proclamation of the enlightened. Consistent perfect positioning, timing, break-ups and support up the wing - Detective Sergeant Cripple used every ounce of his experience to help that defence grind out the win.
WRONGLY blamed for the Leipzig goal - watch and see the scorer drift into a centre-back channel, but both ours were ball-watching. Mick had to maintain his cover of the right-back area. Either Dedryck or Benny needed to glance and get touch-tight on the open forward. Neither did, Lustig hesitated, the guy found the space, bang. 1-1.
Those still in disagreement need to look at the crossbar-challenge winner moments later - this time Lustig DID go into cover the central space, leaving the right-back position wide open and luck was on our side as Kampl ('Camp', snigger...) had space and time.
Rock and a hard place for Mick due to centre-half indecision.
BOYATA: 8/10
Best Euro game he's played. Damn near perfect, for Dedryck, bar the Lustig situations. Totally focused by the quality of opposition, his tackling and distribution were exactly what we needed to settle after a ropy first ten minutes.
Even looked happy at the end. Still, come January, if he's got a second of doubt about his tenure here, taxi him toot-sweet for big bucks.
BENKOVIC: 8.5/10
And people looked with mild envy as the Huns trumpeted their 'Croatian U-21 superstar, the future of the national team' in the close season, while we could only snap up an 'inexperienced Croatian fringe player' from Leicester at the last second of the window, on loan.
No mention the kid had already been flipped for 13 million bucks. And we're beginning to see why. Completely at ease with himself despite the frenzy of quality bearing down on him many a time.
The bhoy has the mental strength of a samurai warrior and the composure of f###ing Ghandi.
He picks a pass if he can, rather than launch and give up possession; picks a pass even when I'm screaming incoherently about fixing bayonets and digging trenches and shipping in breeze block for the wall across the goals and booting it at the disco lights...
If only we could afford him; and if only he realises he gets REAL football up here, REAL euro atmospheres and REAL love from a support.
We could probably have signed him on the pitch at full time judging by his joy. Nobody had the foresight to send BR running on with a pen and a five-year contract; I blame Peter Lawwell and his lightjockey.
---------------------------------------
Part 2 somewhere on here...
"On a Moscow field, the Huns did blow,
And screamed the monkeys, oh no, oh no....
They know their place, and in the sky
The Hoops still playing bravely, fly
Scarce heard amid the Huns below."
John McCrae.
"It ain't the 2001 Odyssey club, Stevie G, baby, but that Celtic Park disco is somethin' else - I'll dance with you, but it's not like you're my dream girl or nothin'."
Tony Manero.
"Eeeeeeh, tink I'm goner spend some o' me minus-fourteen million an' win de werld coop... Eh, ye wha'?"
Slippy G
"Sandman nails more ratings than I nail burds."
L.Griffiths (in absentia)
Let's Go! ...
GORDON: 9/10
Wearing one of his Fifty Shades Of Grey outfits, the fearless big fetishist bound up our defence and saved our arses being violated (see what I did there, fans of poorly written trash porn for fat housewives?)
Bravery personified as he leapt at the feet of thundering juggernaut and managed to hold onto the ball while having his spleen removed.
Criticised by those who deserve no pity, for occasional distribution flaws - no more than the opposition's no.1. The keeper's pass is the most difficult to make, for a non-outfield player unused to judging weight and distance, and to have the whole game in front of you, relying on players to make space and time to receive.
The big guy deserved his lucky crossbar after the assured handling and near-human-sacrifice for the cause.
KT : 10/10
You are watching a phenomenon. OUR phenomenon. The kid is a fecking Celtic superhero, by order of the Peaky f###ing Blinders , no less. Slashed in his goal like Arthur Shelby dishing out family retribution.
KT's story is the fermented distillation of a million Hooped dreams as penned by Morrison and Miller (see what I did there, knowledgeable graphic novel historians?).
He is the living embodiment of the Jungle's soul. He must never be allowed to leave. If so, legend has it the Brazen Heid will c-crumble to dust and the statue of Caesar weep tears of green blood that will form a rivulet of anguish along the Celtic Way to be visited centuries hence by candle-bearing pilgrims.
P.C LUSTIG: 8/10
'His legs have gone!... Again!' is the perma-cry of the mentally disenfranchised. Stalwart! is the proclamation of the enlightened. Consistent perfect positioning, timing, break-ups and support up the wing - Detective Sergeant Cripple used every ounce of his experience to help that defence grind out the win.
WRONGLY blamed for the Leipzig goal - watch and see the scorer drift into a centre-back channel, but both ours were ball-watching. Mick had to maintain his cover of the right-back area. Either Dedryck or Benny needed to glance and get touch-tight on the open forward. Neither did, Lustig hesitated, the guy found the space, bang. 1-1.
Those still in disagreement need to look at the crossbar-challenge winner moments later - this time Lustig DID go into cover the central space, leaving the right-back position wide open and luck was on our side as Kampl ('Camp', snigger...) had space and time.
Rock and a hard place for Mick due to centre-half indecision.
BOYATA: 8/10
Best Euro game he's played. Damn near perfect, for Dedryck, bar the Lustig situations. Totally focused by the quality of opposition, his tackling and distribution were exactly what we needed to settle after a ropy first ten minutes.
Even looked happy at the end. Still, come January, if he's got a second of doubt about his tenure here, taxi him toot-sweet for big bucks.
BENKOVIC: 8.5/10
And people looked with mild envy as the Huns trumpeted their 'Croatian U-21 superstar, the future of the national team' in the close season, while we could only snap up an 'inexperienced Croatian fringe player' from Leicester at the last second of the window, on loan.
No mention the kid had already been flipped for 13 million bucks. And we're beginning to see why. Completely at ease with himself despite the frenzy of quality bearing down on him many a time.
The bhoy has the mental strength of a samurai warrior and the composure of f###ing Ghandi.
He picks a pass if he can, rather than launch and give up possession; picks a pass even when I'm screaming incoherently about fixing bayonets and digging trenches and shipping in breeze block for the wall across the goals and booting it at the disco lights...
If only we could afford him; and if only he realises he gets REAL football up here, REAL euro atmospheres and REAL love from a support.
We could probably have signed him on the pitch at full time judging by his joy. Nobody had the foresight to send BR running on with a pen and a five-year contract; I blame Peter Lawwell and his lightjockey.
---------------------------------------
Part 2 somewhere on here...
