SANDMAN'S DEFINITIVE CUP RATINGS: CELTIC v THE FLOCKERS

Sandman

Well-known member
SANDMAN'S DEFINITIVE CUP RATINGS: CELTIC v THE FLOCKERS



"Did I complain when wee Ann made me wear the gimp suit
and ball-gag? No.
Did I complain when she pulled out that rubber thing the
size and shape of Darth Vader? No.
Did I complain when there was nowhere near enough lube on
it? No.
But when the Tims are closing on the TEN..."

Craig Levein




BANE - 6/10

Thursday's heroics required no sequel. Good defending and toothless
sheep meant a peaceful afternoon for our favourite machiavellian
anti-hero. Distribution was effectively on-point in testing conditions.



PINGPONG - 7.5/10

Terrific focussed game from the duracell-powered pocket dynamo.
Showed some clean heels amid useful attacking bursts but his real
credit from today was the strength of his defending - outstanding
goal-saving block late-on crowned a day of good choices in and around
our box, and a cool head when required.


BITTON - 6/10

Appeared a little disturbed, possibly at the alarming presence beside him...
No, not Shane - Aberdeen played some gargantuan Persian-esque war-whore out
of '300' up front.
Slackened off too much on a few occassions, gifting away possession. But he
remains a fine asset to utilise when required as a makeshift central defender,
and his positiional play was well defined to cope with Duffy-schisms.



ALAN LADD - 6.5/10

More of his type of weather and opponent - a beast to combat on a dodgy
surface to blunder around with malice. Still agitates leaping kittens every
time he's on the ball in space looking to 'build'*

But he avoided blunders on a pitch asking for them and won every crucial
challenge required; a 90s defender in a 90s cup battle - made for him.


*'fire ball into ether'.



LAXALTIVE - 7.5/10

He's got class and it shows. Not on his heid. But the consistency and
sprightliness of his game reek of Serie A/South American coaching.
We get that perpetual motion and intensity of purpose that's great to
watch and exudes a sense of confidence in him to get the job done.
Not bothered by rain or sheep with chibs he bounced through defensive
work and gave them a headache with his support play. A keeper. But we
can't, so enjoy his time here.



BROON - 7.5/10

Like a fucking boss. He was having this, and no mistake. When the gears
wore down into the second half and the Dandies got excited about
opportunities, Broon was stood in the middle of the engine room with a
glower and a big fuck-off spanner. As the formerly lively Watkins of
Aberdeen may testify to after Broon gave him a 'deid everything' with
ten minutes to go.


CALMAC - 7/10

Another tidy performance as he again sat deep in tandem with his skipper
and took control. There's a priceless value in having someone so cultured
able to slip a deft pass out of a troublesome situation and pivot defence
into counter. It's a give-and-take from the new lack of his advanced threat
but it's working.


CORPUS CHRISTIE - 7.5/10

What a goal son! Said his Da'... A mirror of Mo's Thursday orgasm and we
were heading towards history. The thing was, he repeated that strike a
number of times; but they were wayward passes as his unusually heavy
weight of distribution broke us down. Still, he's pirouetting around the park
and deploying his energy in all the right spots. One day it'll all come together
and I'll reckon on him being Man Of The Match, but until then I'm calling it
for someone else..



ROGIC - 8/10 MOTM

So smooth they named a popular blended fruit drink after him, so next time
you're having a 'smoothie' (usually a stella with banana in it for some...) just
recall Big Tam in the Hoops...

His presence today gave us that magical extra dimension of imagination and
song - no wonder they call him 'Oz'. We know when he's fit and firing the
Govan Witches can't live with him and today the Northern Deviants had no
answer.

The touch, the movement, the guile, the sheer artistry; that sand-iron pitched
delivery for Elshag's goal, and Tiger Woods fell wanking to the floor...

He's got a place at Celtic, in the hearts and minds, and on the pitch. He's
a store of value, an asset we shouldn't be considering selling. One month of
a Rogic in full expansive mode is worth a season of grind from a bargain
journeyman.

So what if he can't maintain a fully-fit season. Keep him around to gild the big
moments and utilise the squad to give him rest. You don't have caviar every day
and you don't need to. Except Corpus. His Da' told me that.




ELSHAGYONLASSIE - 6.5/10

Frustrating but involved. Pitch was maybe against him as he promised much
butsaw final touches and openings elude his intent. However, no complaints -
he turned up again for a big game and filled the jersey well, got on the end of
the Rogic masterclass and took a post in the baws for his trouble. Is it him,
or is it the system? Time will tell but he's looking more worth his price since
Thursday.



FRENCH EDDY - 6/10

Dream return to the starting line-up foiled by a dream save combination;
Won't believe Lewis got them both. Like Oz, he offered dimensions to our play
we've missed- the mobile frontman opening spaces for runners, a handful
drawing panicked defenders out of position. He's operating around 80% after
the Huns infected him with covid via poisoned dart delivered by a midget
dressed as a jungle pig (Morelos). But, like conspiracy theories on the web,
no matter the strength, French Eddy is alway around and always potentially
dangerous.



SUBS:


SAM JACKSON - N/A

Muthufucka hates the daym rain. Ten minutes of it was enough for a muthufuckin'
cameo theat only required filling vacated space.


GRIFF - N/A

It was a moment we will all recall fondly with rueful grins and mirth in the years
to come. A moment that would rank with leaving a vintage bottle of Jack Daniels
with Keith Richards and returning to find it unopened, or your teenage daughter
with Jagger and returning to find her unfertilised...

It was an outbreak of professionalism that had policemen turning in their badges
and nuns recanting their vows - Griff, clean through in injury time... took. the. ball.
to. the. corner flag. Yes, he did that. Captain Jack Sparrow was suddenly Victor Mature.

A Celtic nation's jaws dropped, and our players charging in support for a glory
finish had fits of perplexion; The Yeti's heid exploded and Pingpong called his
mum to complain.

Some kind of Christmas miracle manifested a month early... Gawd bless us one and all.



THE YETI - N/A

A blistering display of... anger at his fellow sub in the LOL moment of the game.
Looked like Lennony was adding a calm word in his ear at full-time too. Comedy.



HAT ATTACK - 6/10

As ever, stuck on and stuck in with gusto; another defensive cover option
we can rely on for unswerving committment to the cause. Like Mossad do...
Or it is Hamas? Da-da-daaaa...




LENNONY - 8/10

Two in a row. Not wins, but personal moral victories over the finest computer game
football managers in the world; some of them have been leading non-league sides
to the premiership for more than three decades, you know...

Loaded us wide and negated the McInness central midfield block that had caused
so many irritations last Sunday. The Dons went chasing instead of stoically
defying our ministrations, as all we left them to deal with in the centre was
Broon in berserker mode.

Tactic worked a treat as they were dragged out of position and the spaces opened
up for us to exploit. Demanded the best his tired travellers could muster knowing
we could kill it early, the finest way a to win a cup-tie.

Now he's on the verge of history and will probably wear a dapper suit to the
final, which will most certainly keep all the poisonous Green Huns nodding in
pious approval. Well done, Lennony, have the moment deservedly.




OVERALL - 8/10


So we made the best of typical Hampden winter conditions and turned possible
swampy floudering into a display of award-winning synchronised swimming.
As we all hoped for, Thursday's hope was indeed a rebellion arising once more
and no blue moon event, making sure today was no Black Swan event either; an
Aberdeen side who'd taken three off us last week were pinned in by a Celtic
side who'd found renewed zest.

We Lille'd them first-half and it was enough. Could have been more, but two
was a gap to defend and they weren't of quality enough to pose severe problems
when our legs felt gravity's call.

The semi-final is the worst one to lose. Our bhoys haven't known that since
a brief flurry of witchcraft four and a half years ago; Thirty-five straight
cup wins and over a hundred goals later. Golden days, folks. Golden days.



Go Away Now. Until Thursday, again...


Sandman.
 
Last edited:

boab1916

Well-known member
SANDMAN'S DEFINITIVE CUP RATINGS: CELTIC v THE FLOCKERS



"Did I complain when wee Ann made me wear the gimp suit
and ball-gag? No.
Did I complain when she pulled out that rubber thing the
size and shape of Darth Vader? No.
Did I complain when there was nowhere near enough lube on
it? No.
But when the Tims are closing on the TEN..."

Craig Levein




BANE - 6/10

Thursday's heroics required no sequel. Good defending and toothless
sheep meant a peaceful afternoon for our favourite machiavellian
anti-hero. Distribution was effectively on-point in testing conditions.



PINGPONG - 7.5/10

Terrific focussed game from the duracell-powered pocket dynamo.
Showed some clean heels amid useful attacking bursts but his real
credit from today was the strength of his defending - outstanding
goal-saving block late-on crowned a day of good choices in and around
our box, and a cool head when required.


BITTON - 6/10

Appeared a little disturbed, possibly at the alarming presence beside him...
No, not Shane - Aberdeen played some gargantuan Persian-esque war-whore out
of '300' up front.
Slackened off too much on a few occassions, gifting away possession. But he
remains a fine asset to utilise when required as a makeshift central defender,
and his positiional play was well defined to cope with Duffy-schisms.



ALAN LADD - 6.5/10

More of his type of weather and opponent - a beast to combat on a dodgy
surface to blunder around with malice. Still agitates leaping kittens every
time he's on the ball in space looking to 'build'*

But he avoided blunders on a pitch asking for them and won every crucial
challenge required; a 90s defender in a 90s cup battle - made for him.


*'fire ball into ether'.



LAXALTIVE - 7.5/10

He's got class and it shows. Not on his heid. But the consistency and
sprightliness of his game reek of Serie A/South American coaching.
We get that perpetual motion and intensity of purpose that's great to
watch and exudes a sense of confidence in him to get the job done.
Not bothered by rain or sheep with chibs he bounced through defensive
work and gave them a headache with his support play. A keeper. But we
can't, so enjoy his time here.



BROON - 7.5/10

Like a fucking boss. He was having this, and no mistake. When the gears
wore down into the second half and the Dandies got excited about
opportunities, Broon was stood in the middle of the engine room with a
glower and a big fuck-off spanner. As the formerly lively Watkins of
Aberdeen may testify to after Broon gave him a 'deid everything' with
ten minutes to go.


CALMAC - 7/10

Another tidy performance as he again sat deep in tandem with his skipper
and took control. There's a priceless value in having someone so cultured
able to slip a deft pass out of a troublesome situation and pivot defence
into counter. It's a give-and-take from the new lack of his advanced threat
but it's working.


CORPUS CHRISTIE - 7.5/10

What a goal son! Said his Da'... A mirror of Mo's Thursday orgasm and we
were heading towards history. The thing was, he repeated that strike a
number of times; but they were wayward passes as his unusually heavy
weight of distribution broke us down. Still, he's pirouetting around the park
and deploying his energy in all the right spots. One day it'll all come together
and I'll reckon on him being Man Of The Match, but until then I'm calling it
for someone else..



ROGIC - 8/10 MOTM

So smooth they named a popular blended fruit drink after him, so next time
you're having a 'smoothie' (usually a stella with banana in it for some...) just
recall Big Tam in the Hoops...

His presence today gave us that magical extra dimension of imagination and
song - no wonder they call him 'Oz'. We know when he's fit and firing the
Govan Witches can't live with him and today the Northern Deviants had no
answer.

The touch, the movement, the guile, the sheer artistry; that sand-iron pitched
delivery for Elshag's goal, and Tiger Woods fell wanking to the floor...

He's got a place at Celtic, in the hearts and minds, and on the pitch. He's
a store of value, an asset we shouldn't be considering selling. One month of
a Rogic in full expansive mode is worth a season of grind form a bargain
journeyman.

So what if he can't maintain a fully-fit season. Keep him around to gild the big
moments and utilise the squad to give him rest. You don't have caviar every day
and you don't need to. Except Corpus. His Da' told nme that.




ELSHAGYONLASSIE - 6.5/10

Frustrating but involved. Pitch was maybe against him as he promised much
butsaw final touches and openings elude his intent. However, no complaints -
he turned up again for a big game and filled the jersey well, got on the end of
the Rogic masterclass and took a post in the baws for his trouble. Is it him,
or is it the system? Time will tell but he's looking more worth his price since
Thursday.



FRENCH EDDY - 6/10

Dream return to the starting line-up foiled by a dream save combination;
Won't believe Lewis got them both. Like Oz, he offered dimensions to our play
we've missed- the mobile frontman opening spaces for runners, a handful
drawing panicked defenders out of position. He's operating around 80% after
the Huns infected him with covid via poisoned dart delivered by a midget
dressed as a jungle pig (Morelos). But, like conspiracy theories on the web,
no matter the strength, French Eddy is alway around and always potentially
dangerous.



SUBS:


SAM JACKSON - N/A

Muthufucka hates the daym rain. Ten minutes of it was enough for a muthufuckin'
cameo theat only required filling vacated space.


GRIFF - N/A

It was a moment we will all recall fondly with rueful grins and mirth in the years
to come. A moment that would rank with leaving a vintage bottle of Jack Daniels
with Keith Richards and returning to find it unopened, or your teenage daughter
with Jagger and returning to find her unfertilised...

It was an outbreak of professionalism that had policemen turning in their badges
and nuns recanting their vows - Griff, clean through in injury time... took. the. ball.
to. the. corner flag. Yes, he did that. Captain Jack Sparrow was suddenly Victor Mature.

A Celtic nation's jaws dropped, and our players charging in support for a glory
finish had fits of perplexion; The Yeti's heid exploded and Pingpong called his
mum to complain.

Some kind of Christmas miracle manifested a month early... Gawd bless us one and all.



THE YETI - N/A

A blistering display of... anger at his fellow sub in the LOL moment of the game.
Looked like Lennony was adding a calm word in his ear at full-time too. Comedy.



HAT ATTACK - 6/10

As ever, stuck on and stuck in with gusto; another defensive cover option
we can rely on for unswerving committment to the cause. Like Mossad do...
Or it is Hamas? Da-da-daaaa...




LENNONY - 8/10

Two in a row. Not wins, but personal moral victories over the finest computer game
football managers in the world; some of them have been leading non-league sides
to the premiership for more than three decades, you know...

Loaded us wide and negated the McInness central midfield block that had caused
so many irritations last Sunday. The Dons went chasing instead of stoically
defying our ministrations, as all we left them to deal with in the centre was
Broon in berserker mode.

Tactic worked a treat as they were dragged out of position and the spaces opened
up for us to exploit. Demanded the best his tired travellers could muster knowing
we could kill it early, the finest way a to win a cup-tie.

Now he's on the verge of history and will probably wear a dapper suit to the
final, which will most certainly keep all the poisonous Green Huns nodding in
pious approval. Well done, Lennony, have the moment deservedly.




OVERALL - 8/10


So we made the best of typical Hampden winter conditions and turned possible
swampy floudering into a display of award-winning synchronised swimming.
As we all hoped for, Thursday's hope was indeed a rebellion arising once more
and no blue moon event, making sure today was no Black Swan event either; an
Aberdeen side who'd taken three off us last week were pinned in by a Celtic
side who'd found renewed zest.

We Lille'd them first-half and it was enough. Could have been more, but two
was a gap to defend and they weren't of quality enough to pose severe problems
when our legs felt gravity's call.

The semi-final is the worst one to lose. Our bhoys haven't known that since
a brief flurry of witchcraft four and a half years ago; Thirty-five straight
cup wins and over a hundred goals later. Golden days, folks. Golden days.



Go Away Now. Until Thursday, again...


Sandman.
Excellent execution and summarisation of the day that was.
 
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