SANDMAN'S DEFINITIVE RANTINGS: CELTIC Return To CASTLE DRACULA

Sandman

Well-known member
SANDMAN'S DEFINITIVE RANTINGS: CELTIC Return To CASTLE DRACULA



"Leesten to them, the cheeldren of thee night. What sweet music
they make - those Huns, wailing, wailing, hahahahaaaa..."

Count Dracula (Gary Oldman) 'Bram Stoker's Dracula' 1992






THE CAT - 7/10

You can always rely on The Cat. Smart saves, then channelling
The Snake as he set himself up for a brilliant stop from his
own bygone-era disaster-pass. You're allowed to hoof it now,
Craig, like a proper goalie.



JAMIE FOXX - 5/10

Well, you know what big Jamie will serve up - a scizophrenic
performance of attacking endeavour and defensive insanity.
Caught Sunday-league wrong-side of striker for their opening
goal. Spent most of the time running at them with torches
and pitchforks, often forgetting the ball. Still, 90 minutes
to try and get his groove back.



JULLIEN CLARY - 5/10

"Pah! Thees sheethole - it smell like the 'ead
of zee leetle fat Puffalo on Soonday. I weel perform
for only 45 meenutes, gaffer, zen fock eet."
So Sunday's hero took a bow and kicked a few of them
and spent the second half watching Inspector Clouseau
on his i-pad.



BAUER - 5.5/10

So startlingly blonde, many locals were scheming to kidnap
him and take him up to the castle as an offering. He sort
of floated about the game, never quite solid enough a form
to do some damage; ethereal phantoms in Transylvannia, who'd
have thought...



BITTON - 5/10

It's casual day at work every day for big Nir. Disappointing
tonight because he was the one senior head who might've aided
Sam Jackson in taking this mob by the scruff of their capes
and making things happen. But he looked as jaded as the rest
of the defence and happy to get the game done.



ROBERTSON - 6/10

His Jam is still the finest around, and his
shredless marmalade - nae bits! - works wonders
for a slice of toast on a winter's evening.
Never good to spend your big debut in an embattled
side trying to hang into the game. But this kid never
folded. He floated around feeling his way and given
the task, he'll feel he was competent, solid and
able to compete. Test passed.


SAM JACKSON - 7/10 Muthufucka Of The Match

That's CAPTAIN Muthufucka, to you, Muthufuckas!
And Captain Han Muthufuckin' Solo - another muthufuckin'
movie star used to doin' things the maverick way.
Thing was, this Muthufucka also had no daym muthufuckin'
support - all game, spent leading the inexperienced and
unengaged around him like a daym BOSS.
Almost took muthufuckin' control of things on his own,
especially second-half but there was no Vincent at his
side to help blow Muthufuckas away. Neat passing, clever
movement, no end product as Muthufuckas around him broke
things down or failed to get on the daym wavelength in time.
God-Daym, son' bitch Mu-thu-fucka!



SONIC - 4/10

Want a game, Sincy? Well, you'll have to go to Transylvania
to get one.
And then... Nope, probably startled by his nemesis, Freeman Jr.,
appearing on the same pitch at the same time. Sincy was the stand
out - as the one who needs gametime the most of all. Utilise him,
Lennony, ffs.


MORGAN FREEMAN JR. - 4/10

Offered a new contract... By 20th Century Fox. They've
got a trilogy lined up for him to star in, working-titled,
'The Blackmail Kid'.
Just when you thought Lennony must drop him... He didn't.
Just when you thought he'd turn it on... He didn't.
Just when you thought he needed one more start...He didn't.



MIKEY J - 6/10

Weaving, jinking, showing, turning, linking... Well, no,
tened to over-elaborate this evening; as much to do with
the lack of continuity around him.
However, he's a celebrated style-icon over there as Depeche
Mode just hit number one with Enjoy The Silence, from the
tv series 'The Vampire Diaries'. What better for the locals
than an appearance of 80s icon Mikey to complete the night's
celebrations. Subbed early so he could indulge them in selfies
and autographs.



GRIFF - 6.5/10

'...Wan o' Ma burds hus got a Count Duckula tramp-stamp, so
Ah'm no feart ay Vampires, man. Nae chance...Quite the opposite,
actually, when Ah'm bang..."
And Griff The Fearless went up against the European undead the
same way he faces the Scottish undead - sharp and hungry but
was deprived of any service to show more than the hopeful flashes
we got. Should have started Sunday, MUST get a start if Eddy out
at the weekend and beyond.



SUBS:

AJER - 5.5/10

Looking rough, viking rough - been on a bender since
the weekend (not you, Scott Arsefield; alcohol...).
Interrupted halfway through shaving to replace our
disgusted resistance fighter. Looked hungover.
Probably was.


SON OF A GUN - 4.5/10

First touch of a Morelos. Romped around to little effect,
almost getting on the end of a zipped cutback for what
would have been a brilliant headed goal.


KARAOKE - N/A

He's not even old enough to watch Vampire movies so this
must have all been a bit fucking terrifying. Put himself
about clutching a crucifix under his oversized tap. A nice
record as our youngest appearance in Europe for the future
Hunskelping record-breaker.



LENNONY - 7/10

Mixed it up as expected (Well, apart from one perma-pick,
if you know who I mean...). Won't have learned much more
than watching a training game (although I could point out
one head-scratching selection currently holding a jersey hostage,
if you know who I mean...).
Got valuable experience for the youth and game-time for
the needy (plus extra gametime for one less-than-needy of
it, if you know who I mean...).
Onto Sunday and next Wednesday's utterly crucial matches
against the Junkietown Good Guys and Wanks. First-picks
(aside from one who shouldn't really be, if you know
who I mean
...) will be fresh and ready to cement the lead
towards the NINE .



OVERALL - MEH/10


So we return to Vampireville and throw a few virgins at
them for insurance. And... Back to the good old days of
Hammer Horror in Europe. A non-event humping, with
half the team rusty and the other half disinterested save
for a couple; exemplified at their second goal as we
chased around aimlessly, half-expecting them to go all
'From Dusk Till Dawn' on us should we interfere with their
qualification chances.
That was a novelty I doubt we'll ever see again in our
Celtic-supporting lives - a meaningless final group
game because we'd actually WON the group.
Well done, bhoys, fingers crossed for a run all the way.
Now, get back to fucking business.



Go Away Now.



Sandman. Once bitten, twice shy.
 
SANDMAN'S DEFINITIVE RANTINGS: CELTIC Return To CASTLE DRACULA



"Leesten to them, the cheeldren of thee night. What sweet music
they make - those Huns, wailing, wailing, hahahahaaaa..."

Count Dracula (Gary Oldman) 'Bram Stoker's Dracula' 1992






THE CAT - 7/10

You can always rely on The Cat. Smart saves, then channelling
The Snake as he set himself up for a brilliant stop from his
own bygone-era disaster-pass. You're allowed to hoof it now,
Craig, like a proper goalie.



JAMIE FOXX - 5/10

Well, you know what big Jamie will serve up - a scizophrenic
performance of attacking endeavour and defensive insanity.
Caught Sunday-league wrong-side of striker for their opening
goal. Spent most of the time running at them with torches
and pitchforks, often forgetting the ball. Still, 90 minutes
to try and get his groove back.



JULLIEN CLARY - 5/10

"Pah! Thees sheethole - it smell like the 'ead
of zee leetle fat Puffalo on Soonday. I weel perform
for only 45 meenutes, gaffer, zen fock eet."
So Sunday's hero took a bow and kicked a few of them
and spent the second half watching Inspector Clouseau
on his i-pad.



BAUER - 5.5/10

So startlingly blonde, many locals were scheming to kidnap
him and take him up to the castle as an offering. He sort
of floated about the game, never quite solid enough a form
to do some damage; ethereal phantoms in Transylvannia, who'd
have thought...



BITTON - 5/10

It's casual day at work every day for big Nir. Disappointing
tonight because he was the one senior head who might've aided
Sam Jackson in taking this mob by the scruff of their capes
and making things happen. But he looked as jaded as the rest
of the defence and happy to get the game done.



ROBERTSON - 6/10

His Jam is still the finest around, and his
shredless marmalade - nae bits! - works wonders
for a slice of toast on a winter's evening.
Never good to spend your big debut in an embattled
side trying to hang into the game. But this kid never
folded. He floated around feeling his way and given
the task, he'll feel he was competent, solid and
able to compete. Test passed.


SAM JACKSON - 7/10 Muthufucka Of The Match

That's CAPTAIN Muthufucka, to you, Muthufuckas!
And Captain Han Muthufuckin' Solo - another muthufuckin'
movie star used to doin' things the maverick way.
Thing was, this Muthufucka also had no daym muthufuckin'
support - all game, spent leading the inexperienced and
unengaged around him like a daym BOSS.
Almost took muthufuckin' control of things on his own,
especially second-half but there was no Vincent at his
side to help blow Muthufuckas away. Neat passing, clever
movement, no end product as Muthufuckas around him broke
things down or failed to get on the daym wavelength in time.
God-Daym, son' bitch Mu-thu-fucka!



SONIC - 4/10

Want a game, Sincy? Well, you'll have to go to Transylvania
to get one.
And then... Nope, probably startled by his nemesis, Freeman Jr.,
appearing on the same pitch at the same time. Sincy was the stand
out - as the one who needs gametime the most of all. Utilise him,
Lennony, ffs.


MORGAN FREEMAN JR. - 4/10

Offered a new contract... By 20th Century Fox. They've
got a trilogy lined up for him to star in, working-titled,
'The Blackmail Kid'.
Just when you thought Lennony must drop him... He didn't.
Just when you thought he'd turn it on... He didn't.
Just when you thought he needed one more start...He didn't.



MIKEY J - 6/10

Weaving, jinking, showing, turning, linking... Well, no,
tened to over-elaborate this evening; as much to do with
the lack of continuity around him.
However, he's a celebrated style-icon over there as Depeche
Mode just hit number one with Enjoy The Silence, from the
tv series 'The Vampire Diaries'. What better for the locals
than an appearance of 80s icon Mikey to complete the night's
celebrations. Subbed early so he could indulge them in selfies
and autographs.



GRIFF - 6.5/10

'...Wan o' Ma burds hus got a Count Duckula tramp-stamp, so
Ah'm no feart ay Vampires, man. Nae chance...Quite the opposite,
actually, when Ah'm bang..."
And Griff The Fearless went up against the European undead the
same way he faces the Scottish undead - sharp and hungry but
was deprived of any service to show more than the hopeful flashes
we got. Should have started Sunday, MUST get a start if Eddy out
at the weekend and beyond.



SUBS:

AJER - 5.5/10

Looking rough, viking rough - been on a bender since
the weekend (not you, Scott Arsefield; alcohol...).
Interrupted halfway through shaving to replace our
disgusted resistance fighter. Looked hungover.
Probably was.


SON OF A GUN - 4.5/10

First touch of a Morelos. Romped around to little effect,
almost getting on the end of a zipped cutback for what
would have been a brilliant headed goal.


KARAOKE - N/A

He's not even old enough to watch Vampire movies so this
must have all been a bit fucking terrifying. Put himself
about clutching a crucifix under his oversized tap. A nice
record as our youngest appearance in Europe for the future
Hunskelping record-breaker.



LENNONY - 7/10

Mixed it up as expected (Well, apart from one perma-pick,
if you know who I mean...). Won't have learned much more
than watching a training game (although I could point out
one head-scratching selection currently holding a jersey hostage,
if you know who I mean...).
Got valuable experience for the youth and game-time for
the needy (plus extra gametime for one less-than-needy of
it, if you know who I mean...).
Onto Sunday and next Wednesday's utterly crucial matches
against the Junkietown Good Guys and Wanks. First-picks
(aside from one who shouldn't really be, if you know
who I mean
...) will be fresh and ready to cement the lead
towards the NINE .



OVERALL - MEH/10


So we return to Vampireville and throw a few virgins at
them for insurance. And... Back to the good old days of
Hammer Horror in Europe. A non-event humping, with
half the team rusty and the other half disinterested save
for a couple; exemplified at their second goal as we
chased around aimlessly, half-expecting them to go all
'From Dusk Till Dawn' on us should we interfere with their
qualification chances.
That was a novelty I doubt we'll ever see again in our
Celtic-supporting lives - a meaningless final group
game because we'd actually WON the group.
Well done, bhoys, fingers crossed for a run all the way.
Now, get back to fucking business.



Go Away Now.



Sandman. Once bitten, twice shy.
nothing ventured nothing gained.
 
SANDMAN'S DEFINITIVE RANTINGS: CELTIC Return To CASTLE DRACULA



"Leesten to them, the cheeldren of thee night. What sweet music
they make - those Huns, wailing, wailing, hahahahaaaa..."

Count Dracula (Gary Oldman) 'Bram Stoker's Dracula' 1992






THE CAT - 7/10

You can always rely on The Cat. Smart saves, then channelling
The Snake as he set himself up for a brilliant stop from his
own bygone-era disaster-pass. You're allowed to hoof it now,
Craig, like a proper goalie.



JAMIE FOXX - 5/10

Well, you know what big Jamie will serve up - a scizophrenic
performance of attacking endeavour and defensive insanity.
Caught Sunday-league wrong-side of striker for their opening
goal. Spent most of the time running at them with torches
and pitchforks, often forgetting the ball. Still, 90 minutes
to try and get his groove back.



JULLIEN CLARY - 5/10

"Pah! Thees sheethole - it smell like the 'ead
of zee leetle fat Puffalo on Soonday. I weel perform
for only 45 meenutes, gaffer, zen fock eet."
So Sunday's hero took a bow and kicked a few of them
and spent the second half watching Inspector Clouseau
on his i-pad.



BAUER - 5.5/10

So startlingly blonde, many locals were scheming to kidnap
him and take him up to the castle as an offering. He sort
of floated about the game, never quite solid enough a form
to do some damage; ethereal phantoms in Transylvannia, who'd
have thought...



BITTON - 5/10

It's casual day at work every day for big Nir. Disappointing
tonight because he was the one senior head who might've aided
Sam Jackson in taking this mob by the scruff of their capes
and making things happen. But he looked as jaded as the rest
of the defence and happy to get the game done.



ROBERTSON - 6/10

His Jam is still the finest around, and his
shredless marmalade - nae bits! - works wonders
for a slice of toast on a winter's evening.
Never good to spend your big debut in an embattled
side trying to hang into the game. But this kid never
folded. He floated around feeling his way and given
the task, he'll feel he was competent, solid and
able to compete. Test passed.


SAM JACKSON - 7/10 Muthufucka Of The Match

That's CAPTAIN Muthufucka, to you, Muthufuckas!
And Captain Han Muthufuckin' Solo - another muthufuckin'
movie star used to doin' things the maverick way.
Thing was, this Muthufucka also had no daym muthufuckin'
support - all game, spent leading the inexperienced and
unengaged around him like a daym BOSS.
Almost took muthufuckin' control of things on his own,
especially second-half but there was no Vincent at his
side to help blow Muthufuckas away. Neat passing, clever
movement, no end product as Muthufuckas around him broke
things down or failed to get on the daym wavelength in time.
God-Daym, son' bitch Mu-thu-fucka!



SONIC - 4/10

Want a game, Sincy? Well, you'll have to go to Transylvania
to get one.
And then... Nope, probably startled by his nemesis, Freeman Jr.,
appearing on the same pitch at the same time. Sincy was the stand
out - as the one who needs gametime the most of all. Utilise him,
Lennony, ffs.


MORGAN FREEMAN JR. - 4/10

Offered a new contract... By 20th Century Fox. They've
got a trilogy lined up for him to star in, working-titled,
'The Blackmail Kid'.
Just when you thought Lennony must drop him... He didn't.
Just when you thought he'd turn it on... He didn't.
Just when you thought he needed one more start...He didn't.



MIKEY J - 6/10

Weaving, jinking, showing, turning, linking... Well, no,
tened to over-elaborate this evening; as much to do with
the lack of continuity around him.
However, he's a celebrated style-icon over there as Depeche
Mode just hit number one with Enjoy The Silence, from the
tv series 'The Vampire Diaries'. What better for the locals
than an appearance of 80s icon Mikey to complete the night's
celebrations. Subbed early so he could indulge them in selfies
and autographs.



GRIFF - 6.5/10

'...Wan o' Ma burds hus got a Count Duckula tramp-stamp, so
Ah'm no feart ay Vampires, man. Nae chance...Quite the opposite,
actually, when Ah'm bang..."
And Griff The Fearless went up against the European undead the
same way he faces the Scottish undead - sharp and hungry but
was deprived of any service to show more than the hopeful flashes
we got. Should have started Sunday, MUST get a start if Eddy out
at the weekend and beyond.



SUBS:

AJER - 5.5/10

Looking rough, viking rough - been on a bender since
the weekend (not you, Scott Arsefield; alcohol...).
Interrupted halfway through shaving to replace our
disgusted resistance fighter. Looked hungover.
Probably was.


SON OF A GUN - 4.5/10

First touch of a Morelos. Romped around to little effect,
almost getting on the end of a zipped cutback for what
would have been a brilliant headed goal.


KARAOKE - N/A

He's not even old enough to watch Vampire movies so this
must have all been a bit fucking terrifying. Put himself
about clutching a crucifix under his oversized tap. A nice
record as our youngest appearance in Europe for the future
Hunskelping record-breaker.



LENNONY - 7/10

Mixed it up as expected (Well, apart from one perma-pick,
if you know who I mean...). Won't have learned much more
than watching a training game (although I could point out
one head-scratching selection currently holding a jersey hostage,
if you know who I mean...).
Got valuable experience for the youth and game-time for
the needy (plus extra gametime for one less-than-needy of
it, if you know who I mean...).
Onto Sunday and next Wednesday's utterly crucial matches
against the Junkietown Good Guys and Wanks. First-picks
(aside from one who shouldn't really be, if you know
who I mean
...) will be fresh and ready to cement the lead
towards the NINE .



OVERALL - MEH/10


So we return to Vampireville and throw a few virgins at
them for insurance. And... Back to the good old days of
Hammer Horror in Europe. A non-event humping, with
half the team rusty and the other half disinterested save
for a couple; exemplified at their second goal as we
chased around aimlessly, half-expecting them to go all
'From Dusk Till Dawn' on us should we interfere with their
qualification chances.
That was a novelty I doubt we'll ever see again in our
Celtic-supporting lives - a meaningless final group
game because we'd actually WON the group.
Well done, bhoys, fingers crossed for a run all the way.
Now, get back to fucking business.



Go Away Now.



Sandman. Once bitten, twice shy.
What! No garlic, otherwise good review. Agree with why?, you know who i mean?
 
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