SANDMAN'S DEFINITIVE RATINGS: CELTIC LITE v LIVING HELL

Sandman

Well-known member
SANDMAN'S DEFINITIVE RATINGS: CELTIC LITE v LIVING HELL


"I am a man of reason and peace. But if il Papa was to petition me
and ask, 'Mat, we wish Adrian Durham to contract AIDS and die with
his arse in agonized tatters," then I would have millions invoking
a good old gypsy curse in jig-time..."

Mahatma Gandhi



HAZARD - 5/10

We're into the roaring 20s right enough and his flapper dance
to chuck the game against Hibs inspired no confidence that he
cangrow into a stalwart Celtic keeper. Today, there was still
the less-than-commanding presence he brings to the six-yard
box and the evident unease of his defence. Shot-stopping
must be his strength. We will see.


TONY THE TIGER - 7/10 MOTM

Booked for the type of tackle... we've missed. Appeared to
be upsetting the rest at times with his desire to win.

Certainly gave his all and delivered decent crosses as
he advanced more and more, lacking support from the
evaporating Pingpong second-half. But he did his job well,
COMPETED, and delivered THE killer ball of the day that
SHOULD have been the winner.


DREXL - 5/10

That erratic eccentric streak is surfacing too often now
as the pressure to perform grows. He'll still keep coming
back for more but we need him to show real quality to
overcome the challenges of jammed flanks like he faced
today.


ALAN LADD - 5/10

There to win the ball. Well, he doesn't, mostly. And
suddenly he's fucking Beckenbauer, ball at his feet, the
Celtic playmaker stepping out from the back, head up,
looking... Like a goat staring at a new fence; That's the
point I always shut my eyes.


BITTON - 6.5/10

Raging he didn't decapitate the Hun unmentionable and get
a longer ban. But coming back fresh from Wrestlemania we
hoped for a bit of confidence and cool added to the ramshackle
defence. Thankfully, that's what we got as he made some vital
blocks and tidied up as things got frantic around him.

He's not even a centre-half but in this time of crisis he's
our best centre-half. Remind us, exactly how did that situation
come about, Peter?



MAN OF - 6/10

Busy. Not in the way he, or we, hoped; his day was occupied
trying to stifle a motivated, energetic opposition midfield
that threatened to swap him whenever he was on the ball.
At home. Versus Livi. Fuck's sake.


CALMAC - 6/10

I've been harsh on Calmac's missing person act over the recent
period, but I'm coming to believe it's maybe more the Celtic
gameplan that alienates our pivot and reduces his participation
to bit-part involvement when the whole opera should be conducted
by him. More on that later...

Today he appeared intermittently once more, hitting an early
screamer that gave Livi their first scare of the game. But it's
so unusual to be surprised seeing Calmac on the ball when we've
been so used to the ball being his for almost every decent passage
of midfield play for so long.



EDDIE TURNBULL - 4/10

Played like a man of his age. Drifted around with early threat but
was ultimately ineffectual, invisible, and off the pace with clumsy
touches.


ROGIC - 5/10

Battled gamely enough but on a day like this we needed him on his
tip-toes and he was moslty stuck on his heels, hounded and crowded
out of creating anything of note.


PINGPONG - 5/10

Final ball! Final Ball!

"This is a double-headed coin I'm flipping, Pingpong, call it..."

"Tails."

Such jiggery-pokery and everyone launching off their seats screaming,
'Cut it!/Shoot!" and every time the inexplicable opposite reaction
just to completely contradict every physicists' model of universal
cause and effect ever computed.

He remains an exciting, exasperating, bewildering prospect who can
disappear out of a game as easy as he explodes into it; like the
second 45 today.


MIKEY J - 3/10

Who's been watching re-runs of the Snake's grand Mordor plan, Gav?
Mikey leading the line? Like asking Michael Jackson to take point
on the SWAT team.


SUBS:

HENDERSON T-9000 - N/A

Another Henderson beamed back from the future. Not able to
replicate his clone's Lille cameo yet.


FLEX ARMSTRONG - N/A

Flex a little bit further with yer left peg and you could have
been a hero, son.




STRACHAN JR - 5/10

'The undefeated Gav' they call him in his house. Was he just carrying
out orders or was he calling the shots? We'll never know but he's the
man in the firing line for the ineffectual timid display of a team lucky
to escape with a point. A team with no strikers on the park. At Home.
Versus Livi. Fuck's sake.



OVERALL - 3/10

My head hurts. First ten minutes was like watching us try and keep
Barca or PSG at bay. Celtic hanging in the game. At home. Versus Livi.
Fuck's sake.

Special mention to Nice Guy Efe for sparing us a crushing defeat with
a point-blank row Z special.

So Livi hunted in packs, well-drilled, well-coached. Energy and application
trumped so-called superior quality. That's all it's really taken this season
to cow a once-feared Celtic; To subdue the rampant 9IAR swashbuckling
champions, now a stuttering perplexing faded imprint of the scorching
invincibles.

And it tells a story of a bigger picture. One where the brush strokes got
lazy and haphazard and attention to details got shrugged aside for
incomprehensible abstraction.

I'm talking about regimes, art students. We've become a side reliant
on individual quality over structure and rhythm. When individuals are
flat, like as most of this season, there's no unifying layer to fall back on.

Players are at best over-privileged young men incredibly well rewarded
for their talent, but given too much responsibility they tend to get into
comfort zones. Only the truly great are self-motivated enough to demand
100% of themselves every outing. They respond best as a pack of wolves
to an alpha.

Of all the utterly demented toxic shite that's bubbled to the surface this
season, one single admission struck me the most as the telling moment,
the smoking gun: Sparky recently admitted he wasn't fit enough back
in August. Apologized and said he was getting it together.

Sparky's Sparky and didn't realise what he was telling us all; well,
telling me certainly - he was the canary in the coalmine; evident that if
there was nobody on top of him making sure he was fit enough for the
TEN, then evident that this regime had gone soft, careless and apathetic
through a summer they needed to be hammering home the importance
of the coming season...

The season most pertinent - the season to secure a historical achievement
never to be matched or surpassed. And it was assumed, when it should
have been desired.

And now, as once-dominant champions prepare to take the knee - in
mid-January FFS - we get the recriminations and rueful admissions of
ill-prepared players and we witness the transition of such blase attitudes
onto the pitch as reduced conditioning allows lesser sides of journeymen to
nullify our talent.

All the Huns needed to do was stay fit and organised and focussed; they
didn't even need to outplay us. We underplayed ourselves. Shame on you,
Celtic.

'Mon the Covid. Sweep it all to the bins of history.

Go Away Now.


Sandman
 
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SANDMAN'S DEFINITIVE RATINGS: CELTIC LITE v LIVING HELL


"I am a man of reason and peace. But if il Papa was to petition me
and ask, 'Mat, we wish Adrian Durham to contract AIDS and die with
his arse in agonized tatters," then I would have millions invoking
a good old gypsy curse in jig-time..."

Mahatma Gandhi



"Alan McLeish and son Barry might need more than a Quality Tree
Surgeon to repair their Covid-wracked lungs after catching the
deadly virus while stalking Celtic in Dubai. The universe, she
is a bitch."

Karma




HAZARD - 5/10

We're into the roaring 20s right enough and his flapper dance
to chuck the game against Hibs inspired no confidence that he
cangrow into a stalwart Celtic keeper. Today, there was still
the less-than-commanding presence he brings to the six-yard
box and the evident unease of his defence. Shot-stopping
must be his strength. We will see.


TONY THE TIGER - 7/10 MOTM

Booked for the type of tackle... we've missed. Appeared to
be upsetting the rest at times with his desire to win.

Certainly gave his all and delivered decent crosses as
he advanced more and more, lacking support from the
evaporating Pingpong second-half. But he did his job well,
COMPETED, and delivered THE killer ball of the day that
SHOULD have been the winner.


DREXL - 5/10

That erratic eccentric streak is surfacing too often now
as the pressure to perform grows. He'll still keep coming
back for more but we need him to show real quality to
overcome the challenges of jammed flanks like he faced
today.


ALAN LADD - 5/10

There to win the ball. Well, he doesn't, mostly. And
suddenly he's fucking Beckenbauer, ball at his feet, the
Celtic playmaker stepping out from the back, head up,
looking... Like a goat staring at a new fence; That's the
point I always shut my eyes.


BITTON - 6.5/10

Raging he didn't decapitate the Hun unmentionable and get
a longer ban. But coming back fresh from Wrestlemania we
hoped for a bit of confidence and cool added to the ramshackle
defence. Thankfully, that's what we got as he made some vital
blocks and tidied up as things got frantic around him.

He's not even a centre-half but in this time of crisis he's
our best centre-half. Remind us, exactly how did that situation
come about, Peter?



MAN OF - 6/10

Busy. Not in the way he, or we, hoped; his day was occupied
trying to stifle a motivated, energetic opposition midfield
that threatened to swap him whenever he was on the ball.
At home. Versus Livi. Fuck's sake.


CALMAC - 6/10

I've been harsh on Calmac's missing person act over the recent
period, but I'm coming to believe it's maybe more the Celtic
gameplan that alienates our pivot and reduces his participation
to bit-part involvement when the whole opera should be conducted
by him. More on that later...

Today he appeared intermittently once more, hitting an early
screamer that gave Livi their first scare of the game. But it's
so unusual to be surprised seeing Calmac on the ball when we've
been so used to the ball being his for almost every decent passage
of midfield play for so long.



EDDIE TURNBULL - 4/10

Played like a man of his age. Drifted around with early threat but
was ultimately ineffectual, invisible, and off the pace with clumsy
touches.


ROGIC - 5/10

Battled gamely enough but on a day like this we needed him on his
tip-toes and he was moslty stuck on his heels, hounded and crowded
out of creating anything of note.


PINGPONG - 5/10

Final ball! Final Ball!

"This is a double-headed coin I'm flipping, Pingpong, call it..."

"Tails."

Such jiggery-pokery and everyone launching off their seats screaming,
'Cut it!/Shoot!" and every time the inexplicable opposite reaction
just to completely contradict every physicists' model of universal
cause and effect ever computed.

He remains an exciting, exasperating, bewildering prospect who can
disappear out of a game as easy as he explodes into it; like the
second 45 today.


MIKEY J - 3/10

Who's been watching re-runs of the Snake's grand Mordor plan, Gav?
Mikey leading the line? Like asking Michael Jackson to take point
on the SWAT team.


SUBS:

HENDERSON T-9000 - N/A

Another Henderson beamed back from the future. Not able to
replicate his clone's Lille cameo yet.


FLEX ARMSTRONG - N/A

Flex a little bit further with yer left peg and you could have
been a hero, son.




STRACHAN JR - 5/10

'The undefeated Gav' they call him in his house. Was he just carrying
out orders or was he calling the shots? We'll never know but he's the
man in the firing line for the ineffectual timid display of a team lucky
to escape with a point. A team with no strikers on the park. At Home.
Versus Livi. Fuck's sake.



OVERALL - 3/10

My head hurts. First ten minutes was like watching us try and keep
Barca or PSG at bay. Celtic hanging in the game. At home. Versus Livi.
Fuck's sake.

Special mention to Nice Guy Efe for sparing us a crushing defeat with
a point-blank row Z special.

So Livi hunted in packs, well-drilled, well-coached. Energy and application
trumped so-called superior quality. That's all it's really taken this season
to cow a once-feared Celtic; To subdue the rampant 9IAR swashbuckling
champions, now a stuttering perplexing faded imprint of the scorching
invincibles.

And it tells a story of a bigger picture. One where the brush strokes got
lazy and haphazard and attention to details got shrugged aside for
incomprehensible abstraction.

I'm talking about regimes, art students. We've become a side reliant
on individual quality over structure and rhythm. When individuals are
flat, like as most of this season, there's no unifying layer to fall back on.

Players are at best over-privileged young men incredibly well rewarded
for their talent, but given too much responsibility they tend to get into
comfort zones. Only the truly great are self-motivated enough to demand
100% of themselves every outing. They respond best as a pack of wolves
to an alpha.

Of all the utterly demented toxic shite that's bubbled to the surface this
season, one single admission struck me the most as the telling moment,
the smoking gun: Sparky recently admitted he wasn't fit enough back
in August. Apologized and said he was getting it together.

Sparky's Sparky and didn't realise what he was telling us all; well,
telling me certainly - he was the canary in the coalmine; evident that if
there was nobody on top of him making sure he was fit enough for the
TEN, then evident that this regime had gone soft, careless and apathetic
through a summer they needed to be hammering home the importance
of the coming season...

The season most pertinent - the season to secure a historical achievement
never to be matched or surpassed. And it was assumed, when it should
have been desired.

And now, as once-dominant champions prepare to take the knee - in
mid-January FFS - we get the recriminations and rueful admissions of
ill-prepared players and we witness the transition of such blase attitudes
onto the pitch as reduced conditioning allows lesser sides of journeymen to
nullify our talent.

All the Huns needed to do was stay fit and organised and focussed; they
didn't even need to outplay us. We underplayed ourselves. Shame on you,
Celtic.

'Mon the Covid. Sweep it all to the bins of history.

Go Away Now.


Sandman

👏👏👏👏
 
Of all the utterly demented toxic shite that's bubbled to the surface this
season, one single admission struck me the most as the telling moment,
the smoking gun: Sparky recently admitted he wasn't fit enough back
in August. Apologized and said he was getting it together.

Sparky's Sparky and didn't realise what he was telling us all; well,
telling me certainly - he was the canary in the coalmine; evident that if
there was nobody on top of him making sure he was fit enough for the
TEN, then evident that this regime had gone soft, careless and apathetic
through a summer they needed to be hammering home the importance
of the coming season...

The season most pertinent - the season to secure a historical achievement
never to be matched or surpassed. And it was assumed, when it should
have been desired.


Painful as that was to read, it is a perfect summation Sandman. Read this and act Celtic. Please.
 
Of all the utterly demented toxic shite that's bubbled to the surface this
season, one single admission struck me the most as the telling moment,
the smoking gun: Sparky recently admitted he wasn't fit enough back
in August. Apologized and said he was getting it together.

Sparky's Sparky and didn't realise what he was telling us all; well,
telling me certainly - he was the canary in the coalmine; evident that if
there was nobody on top of him making sure he was fit enough for the
TEN, then evident that this regime had gone soft, careless and apathetic
through a summer they needed to be hammering home the importance
of the coming season...

The season most pertinent - the season to secure a historical achievement
never to be matched or surpassed. And it was assumed, when it should
have been desired.


Painful as that was to read, it is a perfect summation Sandman. Read this and act Celtic. Please.
👏👏👏👏👏👏
 
I think Rogic was very poor today again and didn't deserve a 5.

Ralston started off fairly poorly (not surprising as he has hardly played in such a long time) and then settled down and ended up putting a phenomenal cross which should have resulted in a winner.

I still won't lay too much blame at so many of our players who have hardly kicked a ball in a competitive match for months, but we totally lacked a shape, tactics and gameplan - and made things worse by refusing to try to change things (as usual).

Fair play Sandman keeping your humour to do such a good write up after watching that game.
 

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