SANDMAN'S DEFINITIVE RATINGS: CELTIC @ RIGAN IN THE RIGGIN'

Sandman

Well-known member
SANDMAN'S DEFINITIVE RATINGS: CELTIC @ RIGAN IN THE RIGGIN'



"Eey, Alfredo's really reeelly excited about Willem II. Claims
he was up against two Willem's last time he was in Amsterdam.
Must have been some game, he says they were end-to-end..."

Slippy G.






B.A BARKIS - 6/10

Got me on a plane, fools! Duck tape and rohypnol (supplied by Griff)
got our reluctant stoner keeper across the Baltic to freeze his baltics
off in Latvia, the home of the Cafe Latvie; though it's probably not.
Nothing much to do except scare the bejesus out of us with some
gallus passing across his own empty six yard box. From the wing.



GREGGS THE BAKER - 5/10

They don't have a Greggs in Latvia, making it truly a 3rd world
commie smypathiser hovel. Pity, because Greggs was in a stock-check
mood. Check. Check. Check. Cross. The. Fucking. Ball. Early. Ocassionally.
He's our Conservative candidate for the Left Side.




BITTON - 7.5/10

What a waste. Cleaned their nippy Brazilian out with a perfectly-timed
industrial tackle after 4 minutes, Mossad eye-blink-comical-blindside-
reverse-face-smack when sheilding at the byline after 5 minutes, utterly
CRUCIAL goal-saving block when isolated in a 3 v 1 break (nowhere near
enough credit given to his sense of timing to intercept the killer pass),
and smashed another to the turf winning a header soon after.
Big Nir was on it, and Big Nir was required to be in the thick of it as
we struggled. But he remained at the left sdie of the defence when he
might have been instrumental if switched into the middle. Still, great
solid game.



ALAN LADD - 5.5/10

Big Shane wrestles coos to warm up. And he likes a wrestle on the
pitch. But... he's not designed to play the refined role Lennony
asked of him tonight - the Jullien Clary VVD impersonation does
not suit Shane's all-out ball-winning approach; he's a centre-back
in need of a sweeper alongside, or in the case of a 3-5-2, a
deeper-lying midfielder. Asking him to be the focal point of
build-up play from the back slows us down; someone from the midfield
needed to take responsibility and inject pace.



AJER - 5.5/10

Confused? He looked it. Should he stay or should he go, asked Mick
Jones, and Kris didn't know either. A- he thought his ancestors
ransacked this place centuries ago, and B - is used to a suave Frenchman
showboating beside him, he now has a savage Irish monolith rocking
around. He lacked the direct push from the back he's been refining
well, and became another pawn in the side-to-side retention.
We need committment, Ironside, on and off the park.



BROON - 6/10

Well Broon does his captain's job - comfortably retaining possession,
sorting out their upstarts, taking a booking and... He awaits others
fulfilling thier roles. He waited a long time. He'll hopefully have
something to say about that in the dressing room.



SAM JACKSON - 5.5/10

Muthufucka too cautious in that daym Reds hellhole - rocked up to
take the game to them, got muthufuckin' caught up in the midfield jam
and subdued as the rest despite unleashing a muthufuckin' hand-cannon
on them on the half hour which the keeper tipped over. Thought
that might be the muthufuckin' start of it but he, and we, failed to
exert any righteous judgement.



CALMAC - 6.5/10

Where was the influencer of previous wins? For some reason,
despite his usual tidiness, Calmac was plagued by the apprehensive
approach of his teammates, drifting too wide when we could have
done with him sparking things off centrally.

It looked a coach's problem - i.e define the roles: Corpus and
Calmac looked like they were deferring to each other when one of
them should have been bursting central to link with Eddy. We ended
up with Calmac left, Corpus spinning wide right and Eddy versus
five defenders in the middle.




CORPUS CHRISTIE - 7/10

Man, the Saviour with the tangerine sandals certainly can't
deliver a cross as well as one of his sermons.

He performed his familiar cultured role of dropping off the
front and turning when there's no gaps to run into. And
everything was set nicely for him to be our matchwinner -
movement, touch, a persistent edge making him a tough prospect
to mark, almost scored a sweet one...

But... Waaay off with crucial deliveries from great positions.
Percentage return must be low. A fine detail that just needs
adjusting in the moment, yet something so vital to our game as
we flood the box only to see the ball fail to pass the first
man (defensive first man that you see winning ALL our corners
and crosses, noobs - old football adage: 'Get the cross beyond
their 'first man.')

Burning the orange boots might be a start. Ask yer Da'.



FORREST - N/A

Jamesy lasted half an hour (ladies...). But some sort
of genital strain had him limping out of it in a
baffling few minutes when we checked the teamsheet
to see if he'd been on from the start in any case.



FRENCH EDDY - 6/10

Le frustration. Not 100% sharp means he looks sluggish
on the ball as those deft touches don't match the
acceleration. A full-on Eddy had a hat-trick tonight,
but reality was a half-yard off the pace. And
required a strike partner to take the weight...




SUBS:



PINGPONG - 8.5/10 MOTM

Thank Ghod for the wee mhan. Exuberance and energy
and dynamic, direct wingplay seemd the antithesis of
this Celtic display, yet was what made the difference
in the end.

Buzzed in, around and at them, tormenting their left
side; Jinky-esque relentlessness. The dividend was paid
out at the death after two near things, and he's credited
with setting up a winner and possibly saving face, a Euro
season, and jobs. Phew.



THE YETI - 7/10

It was almost too much to expect that he grabs another
vital goal, and in the spirit of disbelief we were
experiencing he contrived to do anything but score
from a yard out in a schoolyard scramble. Twice.
But he was lively and sharp in the danger zone.


ELSHAGYONLASSIE - 8/10

What a touch. Tension headaches subside all round as
he guides that in with all the class he often promises.
The sub nobody wanted scores the winner we all did.




LENNONY - 6/10

Two up front? Well, for 11 minutes... Then he took off
our top striker as we chased a desperate win. And... his
sub scores the winner. So, eh, ya-boo to you whingers...

But past Celtic Euro triumphs under Lennony have been
marked by the sides' great tempo from the start - something
we used to complain about when The Snake set us up to get
savaged.

Yet tonight Lennony had it far too relaxed, to the extent
we flirted with disaster instead of having the tie dusted
by half-time protein bars.

We hope he was as bemused as you or I at the ineffectiveness
of his formation; nullified by a simple regimented defensive
block. By default he found the answer - a winger to get in
behind and turn the back line. Will he learn? Will we see
another winger (left) in before the window closes? Hmm...



OVERALL - 5.5/10

And Riga take the Huns' wuruld recurd of being the youngest
club Celtic have ever played in competitive action. And
they used to be called Caramba, a Bart Simpson
expression of surprise.

So 'Ay Caramba!' it was in the 90th minute as Elshag popped
up to make the Duff beer taste sweeter; A good thing, because
the previous 89 had been diluted pish.

Anemic, tepid, hesitant play with the ball frequently mistaken
for a shuffleboard puck as the players googled 'urgency' on their
phones. Side to side we went, side to side Riga went, organised,
determined and pushing themselves to the limit of their abilities.

Credit to them for the outstanding effort - if they'd scored first
late on they'd have won. Shocking complacency from our bhoys -
we seemed to forget how to sweep aside lesser teams and fell into
the classic sinful approach, making it grim viewing and no doubt
many television sets will require therapy after being sworn at
so aggressively.

We chalk this up as a vital win, though we need some sort of mental
reset to find team cohesion again, rather than playing as a loose
collection of individual talent relying on a handful of good
performances to see us through every week. Perhaps the end of the
transfer window will see a more settled Celtic ready to forge on.

We can hope. We can also hope we won't see such inept tomfuckery
almost disgrace the Hoops in Europe ever again, against a side no
better than middling SPL fodder. Almost papped out of Europe by
Motherwell. Jesus wept. But we got there in the end.


Go Away Now

Sandman.
 
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The support need to get behind the team, the tension and negativity that is out there is getting through to the players and management and is a real concern. Some of the stuff on twitter last night was shocking. Well done Sandman, excellent once again..

 
The support need to get behind the team, the tension and negativity that is out there is getting through to the players and management and is a real concern. Some of the stuff on twitter last night was shocking. Well done Sandman, excellent once again..

Are we supposed to pretend we're happy with our recent displays? Some comments I'm sure are over the top and it's up to these professionals to play in such a manner that gives us confidence. We the supporters pay their wages wether through season tickets and buying merchandise.
It's not the supporters fault we're nervous
 
Are we supposed to pretend we're happy with our recent displays? Some comments I'm sure are over the top and it's up to these professionals to play in such a manner that gives us confidence. We the supporters pay their wages wether through season tickets and buying merchandise.
It's not the supporters fault we're nervous
Everybodys entitled to an opinion Stevie but some of the comments have been over the top especially against Lennon .Seen a poster on here call him a wee ginger prick couple of weeks ago ,might no seem bad to some but would a tim call the manager that?hmm.Think the majority would agree the footballs no been great but im sure we got off to a slow start last season not to mention we re in the middle of a pandemic playing in empty stadiums .Some people need to get a grip man.Still confident we'll do the 10.Keep the faith.
 
Everybodys entitled to an opinion Stevie but some of the comments have been over the top especially against Lennon .Seen a poster on here call him a wee ginger prick couple of weeks ago ,might no seem bad to some but would a tim call the manager that?hmm.Think the majority would agree the footballs no been great but im sure we got off to a slow start last season not to mention we re in the middle of a pandemic playing in empty stadiums .Some people need to get a grip man.Still confident we'll do the 10.Keep the faith.
You hit the nail on the head Tony. Everybody's entitled to an opinion and if some people can't accept criticism then that's their issue. No excuses regarding empty stadiums and such as it's leveler for everyone. Yes I'll always keep the faith but our team is gonna give me a fekn cardiac 🤣
 
Everybodys entitled to an opinion Stevie but some of the comments have been over the top especially against Lennon .Seen a poster on here call him a wee ginger prick couple of weeks ago ,might no seem bad to some but would a tim call the manager that?

You hit the nail on the head Tony. Everybody's entitled to an opinion and if some people can't accept criticism then that's their issue. 🤣

Yer both right! (y)

The criticism of Lenny and the players has been entirely justified and supporters have every right to voice those criticisms, trouble is some have crossed the line from valid criticism to outright personal abuse.

Think Lenny, the players and some fans all need to up their standards a bit.
 
Everybodys entitled to an opinion Stevie but some of the comments have been over the top especially against Lennon .Seen a poster on here call him a wee ginger prick couple of weeks ago ,might no seem bad to some but would a tim call the manager that?hmm.Think the majority would agree the footballs no been great but im sure we got off to a slow start last season not to mention we re in the middle of a pandemic playing in empty stadiums .Some people need to get a grip man.Still confident we'll do the 10.Keep the faith.
I would say though that the vast majority of posters on here have been respectful and constructive, but very frustrated as we seem to be repeating the same "mistakes" (if I am right to call them this as we are winning after all!), so we can't ignore them because one or two people wringly referred to Lenny as an imposter or Ginger Baws (I think that may even have been SP joking). I don't do Twitter as it is mostly push so don't care what is said on there!

I think most of us still believe we will win 10IAR but would prefer not to play crap and scrape wins by the odd goal against vastly inferior teams.

I touched on the empty stadiums before the season kicked off as I pointed out our youngsters will be used to this as most development games are played in near empty stadiums - often on plastic pitches too - but this doesn't seem to have been factored into our team selections either.

The only concern I have is that we might not manage a whole season due to this pandemic so we must ensure we have our noses in front at the top of the league at all times. HH
 

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