SANDMAN'S DEFINITIVE RATINGS: CELTIC @ THE LEGO GRAVEYARD

Sandman

Well-known member
SANDMAN'S DEFINITIVE RATINGS: CELTIC @ THE LEGO GRAVEYARD


"He had the look of one who had drunk the cup of life and
found a dead beetle at the bottom."
- P.G. Wodehouse




ROXIE - 7.5/10 MOTM

Saying he was responsible for keeping us in
the game - against Livi - is one that chokes
in the throat, similar to hearing your
great-gran had a German boyfriend called Adolf
and your grandad was born out of wedlock some
months after she broke it up and came home...

Its an undeniable fact that, ridiculous as it
seems, our keeper was our top performer. By a
distance. Kept out Jamesy Forrest's family black
sheep with a great drop and touch, but took the
breath away with his 'Check these fucking guns'
stop in the first 45 at a point-blank header;
memories of Craig gordon's injury-time
wonder-denial to prevent a Man City winner in
the 3-3 CL match. That's Man City, English
champions. And we got a draw. Not fucking Livi,
West Lothian cluggers, who beat us.

But the big guy is exempt from criticism here.
Outstanding signing.




JAMIE FOXX - 5.5/10

3am, Glasgow nightclub:
"Hey baby, I'm a Celteek player, you know?"

'Yes, my Dad's the manager, and you're
playing this afternoon, by the way...'

"What thee feek?.."

And so, one year on from being criminalised
by the fuckwits in the Scottish government, a
reprieve is handed to our wayward bad boy by
the new boss.

He might've felt it was a joke in poor taste
but to his credit he found the inverted
fullback role to his liking and remained
constantly involved, showing good feet and
support going forward. The repreive should
be exteneded.




RAQUEL - 3.5/10

Nothing plastic about Raquel, but she cleary feels
uncomfortable playing on it. The inherited jinx of
the Star Lord position struck again as she got rolled
and dumped by livewire striker for the winner.

A yellow followed, and a very good save prevented an
equaliser from her head to balance up the misery.
A bad day to pick to make glaring defensive errors.



GET CARTER - 5.5/10

Never lost that suspicious look on his face as yet
another defensive partner blew up beside him. Tried
when he could to surge towards their lines but space
was at a premuim and a unit his size was never going
to just bludgeon through unseen; might have proved
useful at set-pieces if we could cross a ball into the box.



JURAN JURAN - 4/10

Look, you're playing in your proper position today...
And it looked like he was shocked for most of the
game. Certainly, we never got the expected quality
or matchwinning contribution he's capable of.




MCCARTHYISM - 3/10

Composure is his game. So we sacrifice some dynamism.
More a pivot than a gyre. All well and good until we're
unexpectedly behind and he hasn't got the energising
effect we required to redress the balance. Influence
expected from him disappeared second-half; he looked
confused, mostly.



TURNBULL - 4/10

Just not turning up in the way we know he can for
these games. Skinned in the build up to their goal.
Toiled with a rueful grimace when this was made for
him to destroy them with devastating poise. His
postioning was questionable, falling into their
lines, being swamped rather than dropping in and
out to face them up; final ball and deliveries
almost Corpus-level pish.



ROGIC - 6/10

Everything good about Celtic; those cultured
kangaroo paws beguiling at times, always turning
and searching for openings; wish he'd ocassionally
say, "Feck it, mayte," and smash one.

In fact, maybe he could've heard us screaming,
"Smash one! For fuck's sake!" But too often he
counted on the competence of his team mates to
enhance a move he'd initiated, and all they did
was fuck it up...

But should never have been subbed; with that
extraction from the warzone, our major weapon
for unlocking their defensive block was disarmed.



ABADASS- 3/10

Ate too much fish during Yom Kippers. Looked out of
sorts and poor of touch on that criminal surface.
Terrible failed cutback early on when a simple knock
to Oz would probably have given us the lead.

Also became isolated wide right and couldn't get the
better of their stoic fullback often enough. Managed
to stay on for the 90, bewilderingly.


NOTEBOOK - 5/10

Another wing-wizard bemused by the synthetic magic carpet
he was asked to bedazzle on. Problem is, however lively
he appeared the end product was negligible and choices
he made ineffective.

This was a game made for his quick feet and directness
but he resorted to cutting insdie and back rather than
gamble on a tear-up or two, so our attacks became
predictable. Could have mixed it up a little, tried
A Different Corner, but faded.



AJETI - 6/10

Bah, he raged like captured mountain man in a wooden
crate but failed to throw off the shackles and nick a
precious goal.

Close a couple of times but the service to him was
mainly stunted and irregular, and lacking in real
quality. Gets a pass though, for his attitude remained
positive and expectant to the grim death.




SUBS:


BITTON - N/A

The return of the quiet assassin. Very quiet. Nothing
of note added.


MAN OF - N/A

Thrown in to inject some energy, finally. Did so,
helping drive us on a bit. But too late for major
impact.


MIKEY J - N/A

A third winger on the park? Yes, peculiarly, but
despite adding some nifty footwork, no potency to
save the day.



ANITA DOBSON - 3/10

Well, the honeymoon's over. We've had some exciting
moments but today was like discovering the new wife's
passport has a 'Mr.' crossed out under previous names.

Angeball got buried on the carpet bowls surface. His
brave and interesting selection looked fine until they
scored with their first attempt, then proved ruderless
and one-dimensional.

Whatever he's learning as he goes along needs some backup
plan for nightmare scenarios like today; a backup plan
which must be swiftly implemented, as any of us watching
could have told him - we've got a lot of previous at Livi
and none of it augurs well.

Half-time might have been the auspicious point in the
contest to change it around and give them something new
to think about when they came back out geared-up to hold
us off. But the system remained in place and Livi were
prepared for just that. Any expected onslaught evaporated.

Changes were too many too late, and questionable, well by
me anyway, upsetting any chance of sustained rythm to keep
pressure on. Clock's now ticking on the goodwill, Ange -
there will be rumblings across Celtic Nation after such a
shambles; many things forgiven in your circumstances but
same-old, same-old at joints like that won't be tolerated.
Better find the mojo again and make it stick.



MIBBERY - 7/10

Delivered probably the quickest yellow to an opponent
we've ever known. A few late decisions worth a frown but,
really, abject Celtic gave him and easy ride. Chuckling
away to himself, probably...



OVERALL - 1/10 (For Roxie).

The Cursed Earth. Judge Dredd had to patrol it in the 80s,
an apocalyptic, toxic wasteland. And here we are 40 years
on, toiling and suffering on a toxic, cursed pitch; yet
again a slaughterhouse for Celtic ambitions.

No matter the personnel, we just cannot play there. It's
bewildering, infuriating and utterly despairing. It's also
pathetic - the mental recoil when we go a goal down is a
disgraceful mindset for any side wearing the Hoops; they
should be rolling over attempts to bully them into submission
with continual pressing.

You contend that? Then name a Livi player. The big black guy
at the back who surperbly won everything? The nippy striker
who applied the killer blow? The sub who looked like Scotty
Sinclair, just to rub it in?

Journeymen playing out their skin, accepting the challenge
without fear, giving it their best. For some reason we turn
up there and Celtic players forget who they are, what they
are, and why they're there. A team of simps, looking around
for someone else to bail them out.

Credit to Livi for a battling, intense display that got them
their first win of the season. Yes, that's right - pumped by
every other workmanlike side they've faced, until we rolled up.
Credit to Motherwell, also, for upsetting the apes.

And Celtic? One away win in twelve? What a chance blown to
gather some serious title momentum. Not fancy a scrap on a
plastic rug on a temperate Sunday afternoon? Just fuck right
off with that.


And fock thee Diaz brothers too.

Go away now.


Sandman. Pissed. Not pished.
 

Brimcbhoy

Well-known member
Angeball is fucking dead. It never existed.
At least we've got dinosaur bones and the fucking pyramids to prove they were here. JC? no evidence either, yet millions believe.
This things got the makings of a new religion.
Of course he's got a lovely suit on son, don't be so daft,
 

Lubos left peg

Well-known member
Angeball is fucking dead. It never existed.
At least we've got dinosaur bones and the fucking pyramids to prove they were here. JC? no evidence either, yet millions believe.
This things got the makings of a new religion.
Of course he's got a lovely suit on son, don't be so daft,

Wouldn't say its dead Brim. Still in the early stages. We found out yesterday that some of our players need to man up....its not all about quick passing and attacking football. Guys like Jota and Abada need to learn that. Mccarthy has been down south to long and, like other English Premier league "stars" who venture north, he thinks it's a walk in the park. Poor game. We won't win them all but I'm sure things will get better. Anges honeymoon period is over now. Time to prove himself.
 
Last edited:

Brimcbhoy

Well-known member
Oh I did notice the rating for the Whistler Sandman. About right imo.
Unlike the Hun in black at Ibrox, their 'goal' offside as fuck.
 

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