SANDMAN'S DEFINITIVE RATINGS: CELTIC @ UAE (UNITED ARAB EXPLETIVES)

Sandman

Well-known member
SANDMAN'S DEFINITIVE RATINGS: CELTIC @ UAE (UNITED ARAB EXPLETIVES)



"You have undertaken to cheat me. I won't sue you, for
the law is too slow. I'll ruin you."

- Cornelius Vanderbilt.





ROXIE - 6.5/10

Pass of the first half early on, followed by
sclaff of the half in a couple of lax moments,
but overall still the Joe we know with commanding
presence and safe hands.




GREGGS THE BAKER - 5.5/10

Sticky, like his bakery doughnuts; Not 'donuts',
Americanised readers. He took a time to settle back
into his given role and eventually put in a better
second 45 than his first.

Passing was ropey, timing lacked an edge, but played
through the cobwebs.



STAR LORD - 7/10

Neat with the ball, and specialized without - intercepting
every cross into the box with precise positioning and
timing; we saw the best of his game without the need for
existential angst manifesting as an imaginary rodent to coach
him through stress.



GET CARTER - 7/10

A great monolith at the heart of the Celtic backline.
One that can construct as well as defend; Alert today as
plenty of play circulated through him.

Also robust to deal with the persistent and general nuisance
that was their Extinction Rebellion activist hipster sniffing
around our box like he expected a bag of mushies to drop out
of someone's back pocket.



WAYNE GRETZKY - 5.5/10

A day of inverted fullback failure. Like Greggs, young
Gretzky often had his hockey stick in a tangle and wasn't
shifting the puck or his skates anywhere near as efficiently
and smoothly as we've seen.

But also like Greggs, he forced himself into the game and
ultimately forged a formidable link to keep the Celtic chain
strong.




CALMAC - 7/10

This is...CALMAAAAAC! 400 hit, 100 more than the Spartans
could muster. He did as Calmac does in these tight contests -
maintained the tempo, shuttled the ball until their eyes
bled following it, and coaxed another solid victory out of
his men. Our Leonidis in the Hoops, he is.




MOOEY - 7.5/10 MOTM

Unexpected? He emerged from a first half toil to shake off
the drag and spark the win. As we looked to the matchwinners,
the opening came from a Mooey surge forward and nightmare cross
for any keeper to deal with.

Then moments later he was smacking in from the spot - again -
cool as the cucumber Todd Cantwell keeps in his fridge for...
special evenings.

So Mooey emerges as the surprise signing of the season that
you couldn't muster enthusiasm for, but who now brings you
comfort and expectation when you see his name on the teamsheet.
Football, bloody hell.




HAKUNA HATATE - 6.5/10

Not exactly Reo Grande, maybe more like the Tay - meandering
wide, little flow to his game as he sought spaces that were
studiously denied to him by a disciplined Untied low block.

But we still got a few flurries in the form of subtle flicks
and slipped passes - rapids popping up out of nowhere;
unfortunately nobody rode them.



ABADASS - 5/10

'The Terror Of Tannadice'. Today he was no X-rated movie for
the hosts - more a PG Pixar cartoon of a performance; inoffensive,
peppered with one or two uplifting moments worth a smile or two
but overall pretty forgettable.




KILLER MUSHROOM - 6.5/10

He'll probe and prod and forage, and usually get his rewards.
For the past month Kyogo has been inevitable, so this afternoon
it was a mystery given the positions he found himself in and the
opportunities which presented themselves, that his tally remained
as it were.

Cruel luck and good goalkeeping trumped Japanese nozomu.




NOTEBOOK - 7/10

What was I saying about his warming up for some matchwinning?
And in he comes on cue to ease the angst and loose the dogs of
war. There's probably but a nanosecond increase in his speed of
foot and thought, but with Young Guns like him that's the difference
between a string of hits or chart obscurity.

Today, we began to see the resurgence of a songwriting talent
who'll have the choirs in full voice; sparkling his way into the
game and testing the keeper from distance, followed by a brave
and guileful finish, practically curling one round the post with his heid
from an angle that had Pythagoras leaping out of his klismos screaming
"χωρίς γαμημένο τρόπο!!!"




SUBS -


OH BHOY - 6/10

Oh : 'I'll give you a debut to remember'
Oh, no you won't.

But he was close - charged around looking quite angry
and determined and deserved an assist but for Daizen's
Sebo-heided fuckery at the death.



LORD KATSUMOTO - 6/10

Only Daizen can come on and force a save with a difficult
header from ten yards then, from 6 inches out, knock one
into the Dundee shipyards from where hiding nonagenarian
Huns refused to return it until Hitler surrendered, and the game
finished.



THE BUILDER - N/A

Got himself in and out of a few fankles
as he stretched his legs.





EDDIE TURNBULL - N/A

"Ah remember when all this wis just Jute..."

'What did you call me?' frowned Abadass.

But Old Eddie had ambled away onto the park
where he wandered about looking for Oor Wullie
until the umpire blew his penny whistle.




HACKY SACK - N/A

Basically just scooted around for a wee while
to keep warm.






ANITA DOBSON - 7.5/10

Not a tricky choice for Ange today but he still surprised
with Abadass' inclusion; throwing a son of the desert into
Dundee - a desert with no sun - probably punishment for
dragging out contract negotiations.

But Angeball is the architecture, the players only components
of the grand collective facade; yet again we are spoiled by
the sheer consistency of his system in creating flashes of
glory out of domination that has - in previous times - been
a drudge and often bluntly frustrating.

But Ange's methods bring an edge, and that edge is cutting
and ruthless and has us 9 - NINE Huns, 'NEIN!' - points clear
towards consecutive Champions' joy.



MIBBERY - 6/10

'Look, we tried, right?' sighed Don and Euan at the ludge
inquisition. They had that damn cute goat's arse right in
front of their eyes for a good half hour after overturning
a Tim penalty; not the keeper, by the way - but the defender's
foul as he shovelled Kyogo into the advancing goalie - THAT'S
the offence nobody's - *cough* - talking about...

So spare a brief second to empathise with their choking obligation
to give the handball pen, lest be truly riduiculed across global TV
coverage. Surprised the whistle worked as he turned from the VAR
monitor with all that snot and tears running into it.

We saw the shameless, obsequious conniving and skullduggery at
the Rat Nest on Saturday; how galling must it be for those MIBs
ingrained in generational servitude to feel the futility of trying
to counter the relentless rebel force from Paradise.

I hope there's a few of them looking glumly over the edge of high
bridges come May. Need a push, gie's a shout.




OVERALL - 7.5/10

What a week. One mental big striker almost out the door, controversially,
and a new mental striker in the doors to cage-fight with the Japanese bhoys
about League Of Legends Esports results.

Over the city, they've come out as bisexual, although we knew anyway long
before they needed the ac/dc declaration - I mean, Ryan Kent, y'know...C'mon...

And yet again the MIBs are bending the rules like black holes with the speed
of light in order to keep the despicable rat-bastards scuttling after the
Celtic coat-tails.

All set up, then, for failure in Arabia...

Not so, this Celtic side. Every game's played like the title's on the line.
Every performance is pitched towards a standard the Bhoys set themselves -
winning with style, beating the opposition with incessant quality and
perpetual football. Match us if you can. And catch us if you can.

15 to go; delicious triumph almost within sight, and out of reach of the
gnashing teeth of the archaic, cloven-hooved, inbred bigots who think this
country's footballing future has room for their fascist 'kulchur';
Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery- the Glasgow Celts will free
your minds.



Go Away Now


Sandman
 
SANDMAN'S DEFINITIVE RATINGS: CELTIC @ UAE (UNITED ARAB EXPLETIVES)



"You have undertaken to cheat me. I won't sue you, for
the law is too slow. I'll ruin you."

- Cornelius Vanderbilt.





ROXIE - 6.5/10

Pass of the first half early on, followed by
sclaff of the half in a couple of lax moments,
but overall still the Joe we know with commanding
presence and safe hands.




GREGGS THE BAKER - 5.5/10

Sticky, like his bakery doughnuts; Not 'donuts',
Americanised readers. He took a time to settle back
into his given role and eventually put in a better
second 45 than his first.

Passing was ropey, timing lacked an edge, but played
through the cobwebs.



STAR LORD - 7/10

Neat with the ball, and specialized without - intercepting
every cross into the box with precise positioning and
timing; we saw the best of his game without the need for
existential angst manifesting as an imaginary rodent to coach
him through stress.



GET CARTER - 7/10

A great monolith at the heart of the Celtic backline.
One that can construct as well as defend; Alert today as
plenty of play circulated through him.

Also robust to deal with the persistent and general nuisance
that was their Extinction Rebellion activist hipster sniffing
around our box like he expected a bag of mushies to drop out
of someone's back pocket.



WAYNE GRETZKY - 5.5/10

A day of inverted fullback failure. Like Greggs, young
Gretzky often had his hockey stick in a tangle and wasn't
shifting the puck or his skates anywhere near as efficiently
and smoothly as we've seen.

But also like Greggs, he forced himself into the game and
ultimately forged a formidable link to keep the Celtic chain
strong.




CALMAC - 7/10

This is...CALMAAAAAC! 400 hit, 100 more than the Spartans
could muster. He did as Calmac does in these tight contests -
maintained the tempo, shuttled the ball until their eyes
bled following it, and coaxed another solid victory out of
his men. Our Leonidis in the Hoops, he is.




MOOEY - 7.5/10 MOTM

Unexpected? He emerged from a first half toil to shake off
the drag and spark the win. As we looked to the matchwinners,
the opening came from a Mooey surge forward and nightmare cross
for any keeper to deal with.

Then moments later he was smacking in from the spot - again -
cool as the cucumber Todd Cantwell keeps in his fridge for...
special evenings.

So Mooey emerges as the surprise signing of the season that
you couldn't muster enthusiasm for, but who now brings you
comfort and expectation when you see his name on the teamsheet.
Football, bloody hell.




HAKUNA HATATE - 6.5/10

Not exactly Reo Grande, maybe more like the Tay - meandering
wide, little flow to his game as he sought spaces that were
studiously denied to him by a disciplined Untied low block.

But we still got a few flurries in the form of subtle flicks
and slipped passes - rapids popping up out of nowhere;
unfortunately nobody rode them.



ABADASS - 5/10

'The Terror Of Tannadice'. Today he was no X-rated movie for
the hosts - more a PG Pixar cartoon of a performance; inoffensive,
peppered with one or two uplifting moments worth a smile or two
but overall pretty forgettable.




KILLER MUSHROOM - 6.5/10

He'll probe and prod and forage, and usually get his rewards.
For the past month Kyogo has been inevitable, so this afternoon
it was a mystery given the positions he found himself in and the
opportunities which presented themselves, that his tally remained
as it were.

Cruel luck and good goalkeeping trumped Japanese nozomu.




NOTEBOOK - 7/10

What was I saying about his warming up for some matchwinning?
And in he comes on cue to ease the angst and loose the dogs of
war. There's probably but a nanosecond increase in his speed of
foot and thought, but with Young Guns like him that's the difference
between a string of hits or chart obscurity.

Today, we began to see the resurgence of a songwriting talent
who'll have the choirs in full voice; sparkling his way into the
game and testing the keeper from distance, followed by a brave
and guileful finish, practically curling one round the post with his heid
from an angle that had Pythagoras leaping out of his klismos screaming
"χωρίς γαμημένο τρόπο!!!"




SUBS -


OH BHOY - 6/10

Oh : 'I'll give you a debut to remember'
Oh, no you won't.

But he was close - charged around looking quite angry
and determined and deserved an assist but for Daizen's
Sebo-heided fuckery at the death.



LORD KATSUMOTO - 6/10

Only Daizen can come on and force a save with a difficult
header from ten yards then, from 6 inches out, knock one
into the Dundee shipyards from where hiding nonagenarian
Huns refused to return it until Hitler surrendered, and the game
finished.



THE BUILDER - N/A

Got himself in and out of a few fankles
as he stretched his legs.





EDDIE TURNBULL - N/A

"Ah remember when all this wis just Jute..."

'What did you call me?' frowned Abadass.

But Old Eddie had ambled away onto the park
where he wandered about looking for Oor Wullie
until the umpire blew his penny whistle.




HACKY SACK - N/A

Basically just scooted around for a wee while
to keep warm.






ANITA DOBSON - 7.5/10

Not a tricky choice for Ange today but he still surprised
with Abadass' inclusion; throwing a son of the desert into
Dundee - a desert with no sun - probably punishment for
dragging out contract negotiations.

But Angeball is the architecture, the players only components
of the grand collective facade; yet again we are spoiled by
the sheer consistency of his system in creating flashes of
glory out of domination that has - in previous times - been
a drudge and often bluntly frustrating.

But Ange's methods bring an edge, and that edge is cutting
and ruthless and has us 9 - NINE Huns, 'NEIN!' - points clear
towards consecutive Champions' joy.



MIBBERY - 6/10

'Look, we tried, right?' sighed Don and Euan at the ludge
inquisition. They had that damn cute goat's arse right in
front of their eyes for a good half hour after overturning
a Tim penalty; not the keeper, by the way - but the defender's
foul as he shovelled Kyogo into the advancing goalie - THAT'S
the offence nobody's - *cough* - talking about...

So spare a brief second to empathise with their choking obligation
to give the handball pen, lest be truly riduiculed across global TV
coverage. Surprised the whistle worked as he turned from the VAR
monitor with all that snot and tears running into it.

We saw the shameless, obsequious conniving and skullduggery at
the Rat Nest on Saturday; how galling must it be for those MIBs
ingrained in generational servitude to feel the futility of trying
to counter the relentless rebel force from Paradise.

I hope there's a few of them looking glumly over the edge of high
bridges come May. Need a push, gie's a shout.




OVERALL - 7.5/10

What a week. One mental big striker almost out the door, controversially,
and a new mental striker in the doors to cage-fight with the Japanese bhoys
about League Of Legends Esports results.

Over the city, they've come out as bisexual, although we knew anyway long
before they needed the ac/dc declaration - I mean, Ryan Kent, y'know...C'mon...

And yet again the MIBs are bending the rules like black holes with the speed
of light in order to keep the despicable rat-bastards scuttling after the
Celtic coat-tails.

All set up, then, for failure in Arabia...

Not so, this Celtic side. Every game's played like the title's on the line.
Every performance is pitched towards a standard the Bhoys set themselves -
winning with style, beating the opposition with incessant quality and
perpetual football. Match us if you can. And catch us if you can.

15 to go; delicious triumph almost within sight, and out of reach of the
gnashing teeth of the archaic, cloven-hooved, inbred bigots who think this
country's footballing future has room for their fascist 'kulchur';
Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery- the Glasgow Celts will free
your minds.



Go Away Now


Sandman
Love it Sandman lots of lols yet again Keep up the good work !!!!
 

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