Sandman
Well-known member
SANDMAN'S DEFINITIVE RATINGS: CELTIC v BUGGERS
"And though you’re still
I hear you breathing
Maybe that shouldn’t mean much to me
But I’ve a reason for believing
And I can’t help what I see for
This is where we were meant to be
This is where we were meant to be
This is whеre we werе meant to be
Almost..."
- This is Where We Were Meant To Be (Almost):
Kevin McDermott Orchestra
THE FRIENDLY GHOST - 7.5/10
"You! Get the fucking finger oot!
You - kick in the baws required!
You! Yer Da' wears a fuckin' dress indoors and
the neighbours know it!
You - whit's Japanese for 'Have you had a fuckin
stroke?' - get yer fucking act together!
You - yer Frauline keeps an untidy hoose! Wake up!
Listless cunts the lot of ye!"...
Big Kasper pulled no punches with his impromptu
team talk after the CCV cataclysm. Perfect personality
for such a moment - reset the heads as they drop.
Topped his man-management with the splendid and
spectacular save of the game using his gold-tipped
gloves to keep us in it first minute of second-half
after they'd shown us up by winning two big tackles
in the middle and burst through; summed up the night
- second to everything, but survived by our fingertips.
GREGGS THE BAKER - 5.5/10
Busy as per usual but surprisingly ineffective.
Suffered like many from being off the Buggers' pace
most of the contest. Still reliable enough as he worked
hard to counter their torrid flow down his wing until
jetlagged from chasing smoke trails.
WAYNE GRETZKY - 6.5/10
Those big Moose legs got a work out tonight. Up against
a classy winger with a touch and nous, AJ fought it like
a Rocky bout, taking plenty of dizzying slugs but rallied
really well after the break and gave them something to
think about with penetrating support runs.
GET CARTER - 4/10
Happy Thanksgiving, Yanks - here's your turkey. Fitba lessons
101, kids - when passing back to your goalie, it helps to look
and make sure you actually have one.
Secondly, ALWAYS pass OUTSIDE the posts, just in case you
really were hallucanating.
Dear-oh-dear, what a calamity in such a game. To his credit,
the big mhan took it on his Desperate Dan chin and set his
mind well on stability for the remainder.
CRUSTY THE CLOWN - 7/10
Happy Thanksgiving #2 - here's a bemused pilgrim wondering
why his fellow pioneer has just invited the injuns to dinner
and told the Wampanoag chief his favourite squaw's a minger.
Crusty did very well to negate his compatriot's suicidal
urges and use that atheticism and pace to put in a fine shift,
combative to the max against a mobile and physical front line.
CALMAC - 5/10
It's the season for some Dickens! Not Xmas Carol yet - tonight
for Calmac it was Oliver Twist Wednesday and Fagan's weasel's
were continually picking his pocket (or two) in the overrun midfield.
Says a lot for the skipper's individual quality that as his support
system misfired and he spent most of the game watching it bypass
him, he finally got his foot on the ball to assert some pressure for
the last half hour and give us a fighting chance.
HAKUNA HATATE - 4/10
Totally off it. Yes, one blistering strike. But around that Reo
couldn't pick a pass or time a run bar one which resulted in
a diving header when a touch and strike was on.
Some of his deep play was terrifying - twice putting THEIR
centre-forward through in the first half; a link-up working so
well that BR tried to buy him for us at half-time.
The one we really got away with was Reo's awful loose ball into
the middle which resulted in a turnover and their second, disallowed,
goal. Kept swanning about like it was a five-a-side game up Glasgow
Powerleague Soccer centre.
How he lasted so long, only one man knows. When his touch is
marginally off like tonight - even got Paulo booked due to it - in
a game of such magnitude, then he needs a mercy-hook early. We
all do.
THE TERMINATOR - 3/10
An invisible midfielder, we do not need on CL nights. Reminds
me a lot of early Matty O'Riley in that we know he's got talent
but suffers - at this young age - from being yet unable to impose
himself in games, thus fades too easily.
However, the collective's overall poor display wasn't helping.
Like Matty, he'll come good. Real good. But bench him meantime.
LORD KATSUMOTO - 8/10 MOTM
Thank Ghod (who was in the stand with his missus) for Daizeminem.
Electrified in the first half when we could find him, then as we
toiled, we had one spark left to light up the night and bhoy, did
he ever with a stunning equaliser.
Took the roof off, then BR took him off.
Why? Who the fuck knows.
Their blone teenage moppet, Shirly Temple at right-back, who'd
been terrified out of gallusness into damage limitation by the
goal, suddenly was back making tik-tok clips and ranting about
Just Stopping Oil and we'd lost our most potent in-form weapon.
KILLER MUSHROOM - 6.5/10
The wee ghuy's shift work was exemplary and would have been
crowned with a goal but for him being a touch or two away
from glory. Still, ran his tiny socks off and can consider himself
unlucky to be on the end of such poor service.
TAKINTE - 7/10
Could the German Jinky do it again? A jinking run near half-time
lifted chilled arses of seats and was a final deft move away
from being an all-time CL classic goal.
Whenever we could involve him, you felt there was hope amid the
despair, and always a special moment brewing. He dropped, drifted,
showed, but the midfield just was not in-tune enough to utilise
him properly.
SUBS -
SAINT BERNARDO - 6.5/10
"Now let this scrapper come to me," said the Magistrate in Braveheart.
"Now set the scrapper free," said Brendan, as main character syndrome
took hold and he paraphrased some famous movie lines for the cameras,
biopic in mind...
And if our scrapper had been introduced earlier, maybe the Buggers
would have had their throats cut by him, too. So close with a whack
from the edge of the box, the anguish in that moment reflective of
the night in general. 1/100 he starts Saturday.
YING - N/A
Late for the date. Maybe another Saturday shift upcoming.
DUNCAN IDAHO - N/A
See above. No time to shine.
JAMESY - 6/10
Neat and bustling, offered something different and created a
few openings meandering across their 18-yard line...
Jamesy senses some Xmas parties brewing and we'll do well to
deploy his fitness tactically over the next month between him
crashing office dos with mistletoe and his secret Santa; essentially
always just a Pinata filled with condoms...
UNCANNY - 6/10
Good to see you kid! Damn shame we're losing him in January
because he's got great football intuition. Looked hungry for
some action and well capable of sparking something all his short
time on the pitch.
THE NOTAPRODDYGAL - 6/10
As the team failed to get their act together, BR mirrored it.
Credit for turning it somewhat via his half-time intervention,
but that didn't extend to hooking those most culpable early
enough, nor baffling everyone - well, fucking ME - by making
the Buggers' most beneficial tactical move of the night and
removing possibly-matchwinning Daizen just when the tide
was turning out way at last, with 15 minutes left.
I mean, whit? Don't sub him - AUGMENT him - let the tricky
Spanish kid link up with the zippy Japanese tonado.
Did you want the win, Brendan? Rhetorical question, obviously,
but... Fuck me, I didn't get it.
I thought the Buggers were spent, and sinking into the same
kind of Japanese-induced terror as I did watching The Ring;
then the threat was completely removed and it ended more
like some kooky anime with big-heided cartoon characters
prancing aobut.
MIBBERY - 2/10
Not much to complain about here - following the movie-star
lookalike theme we've had for home refs, this one looked much
like a generic action movie extra - sure I've seen him mutter
a line or two and take a bullet or throw himself on a grenade
or get karake-kicked to oblivion in a mass brawl with the hero
in plenty of low budget thrillers.
At least him and the production team were on it to kill their
offside second, Phew.
OVERALL - 6/10
"It ain't pretty but ye'll take it.." as my old granpappy said
to me on my 16th birthday as he gifted me my 'present' down
the village brothel...
A disjointed, bit shambolic outing against a fine, perfectly
disciplined, beautifully orchestrated opponent who was no mug
and had the lhads throwing hands in exasperation at each other
most of the rotten opening 45.
The cons - we looked like we were making it up as we went along.
Miles away from what is required at CL level. They picked us off
at will, rinsed us most of the first-half, pressed us and
counter-pressed so well we had no answer. Played through us like
Jamesy being thrown into a room with the Swedish women's U-21
netball squad.
The Pros - somehow, the Bhoys found the wherewithall to claw
their way back into it. Our resurgence was a thing to be proud of;
demonstrating how much we've improved mentally, that the will to
power existed to impose our game on them when given the opprtunity
and not hide.
Finally, the fact we're mildly disappointed with a draw against the
Belgian champions who've been writing their own great CL story this
season.
So, five down, two wins, two draws and a single defeat. Three to
go, one certainly winnable and enough to qualify us. This particular
moment in Celtic time has been a dream for over a decade.
Let's not go too critical on the Bhoys for what's considered a
moderately forgettable night; that in itself shows you how far
they've taken us on this ride. And we've still got the reins in
hand. I'm sure we've got someone who'll provide the arse-whip to
get us over the line...
On we rock.
Go Away Now
Sandman
"And though you’re still
I hear you breathing
Maybe that shouldn’t mean much to me
But I’ve a reason for believing
And I can’t help what I see for
This is where we were meant to be
This is where we were meant to be
This is whеre we werе meant to be
Almost..."
- This is Where We Were Meant To Be (Almost):
Kevin McDermott Orchestra
THE FRIENDLY GHOST - 7.5/10
"You! Get the fucking finger oot!
You - kick in the baws required!
You! Yer Da' wears a fuckin' dress indoors and
the neighbours know it!
You - whit's Japanese for 'Have you had a fuckin
stroke?' - get yer fucking act together!
You - yer Frauline keeps an untidy hoose! Wake up!
Listless cunts the lot of ye!"...
Big Kasper pulled no punches with his impromptu
team talk after the CCV cataclysm. Perfect personality
for such a moment - reset the heads as they drop.
Topped his man-management with the splendid and
spectacular save of the game using his gold-tipped
gloves to keep us in it first minute of second-half
after they'd shown us up by winning two big tackles
in the middle and burst through; summed up the night
- second to everything, but survived by our fingertips.
GREGGS THE BAKER - 5.5/10
Busy as per usual but surprisingly ineffective.
Suffered like many from being off the Buggers' pace
most of the contest. Still reliable enough as he worked
hard to counter their torrid flow down his wing until
jetlagged from chasing smoke trails.
WAYNE GRETZKY - 6.5/10
Those big Moose legs got a work out tonight. Up against
a classy winger with a touch and nous, AJ fought it like
a Rocky bout, taking plenty of dizzying slugs but rallied
really well after the break and gave them something to
think about with penetrating support runs.
GET CARTER - 4/10
Happy Thanksgiving, Yanks - here's your turkey. Fitba lessons
101, kids - when passing back to your goalie, it helps to look
and make sure you actually have one.
Secondly, ALWAYS pass OUTSIDE the posts, just in case you
really were hallucanating.
Dear-oh-dear, what a calamity in such a game. To his credit,
the big mhan took it on his Desperate Dan chin and set his
mind well on stability for the remainder.
CRUSTY THE CLOWN - 7/10
Happy Thanksgiving #2 - here's a bemused pilgrim wondering
why his fellow pioneer has just invited the injuns to dinner
and told the Wampanoag chief his favourite squaw's a minger.
Crusty did very well to negate his compatriot's suicidal
urges and use that atheticism and pace to put in a fine shift,
combative to the max against a mobile and physical front line.
CALMAC - 5/10
It's the season for some Dickens! Not Xmas Carol yet - tonight
for Calmac it was Oliver Twist Wednesday and Fagan's weasel's
were continually picking his pocket (or two) in the overrun midfield.
Says a lot for the skipper's individual quality that as his support
system misfired and he spent most of the game watching it bypass
him, he finally got his foot on the ball to assert some pressure for
the last half hour and give us a fighting chance.
HAKUNA HATATE - 4/10
Totally off it. Yes, one blistering strike. But around that Reo
couldn't pick a pass or time a run bar one which resulted in
a diving header when a touch and strike was on.
Some of his deep play was terrifying - twice putting THEIR
centre-forward through in the first half; a link-up working so
well that BR tried to buy him for us at half-time.
The one we really got away with was Reo's awful loose ball into
the middle which resulted in a turnover and their second, disallowed,
goal. Kept swanning about like it was a five-a-side game up Glasgow
Powerleague Soccer centre.
How he lasted so long, only one man knows. When his touch is
marginally off like tonight - even got Paulo booked due to it - in
a game of such magnitude, then he needs a mercy-hook early. We
all do.
THE TERMINATOR - 3/10
An invisible midfielder, we do not need on CL nights. Reminds
me a lot of early Matty O'Riley in that we know he's got talent
but suffers - at this young age - from being yet unable to impose
himself in games, thus fades too easily.
However, the collective's overall poor display wasn't helping.
Like Matty, he'll come good. Real good. But bench him meantime.
LORD KATSUMOTO - 8/10 MOTM
Thank Ghod (who was in the stand with his missus) for Daizeminem.
Electrified in the first half when we could find him, then as we
toiled, we had one spark left to light up the night and bhoy, did
he ever with a stunning equaliser.
Took the roof off, then BR took him off.
Why? Who the fuck knows.
Their blone teenage moppet, Shirly Temple at right-back, who'd
been terrified out of gallusness into damage limitation by the
goal, suddenly was back making tik-tok clips and ranting about
Just Stopping Oil and we'd lost our most potent in-form weapon.
KILLER MUSHROOM - 6.5/10
The wee ghuy's shift work was exemplary and would have been
crowned with a goal but for him being a touch or two away
from glory. Still, ran his tiny socks off and can consider himself
unlucky to be on the end of such poor service.
TAKINTE - 7/10
Could the German Jinky do it again? A jinking run near half-time
lifted chilled arses of seats and was a final deft move away
from being an all-time CL classic goal.
Whenever we could involve him, you felt there was hope amid the
despair, and always a special moment brewing. He dropped, drifted,
showed, but the midfield just was not in-tune enough to utilise
him properly.
SUBS -
SAINT BERNARDO - 6.5/10
"Now let this scrapper come to me," said the Magistrate in Braveheart.
"Now set the scrapper free," said Brendan, as main character syndrome
took hold and he paraphrased some famous movie lines for the cameras,
biopic in mind...
And if our scrapper had been introduced earlier, maybe the Buggers
would have had their throats cut by him, too. So close with a whack
from the edge of the box, the anguish in that moment reflective of
the night in general. 1/100 he starts Saturday.
YING - N/A
Late for the date. Maybe another Saturday shift upcoming.
DUNCAN IDAHO - N/A
See above. No time to shine.
JAMESY - 6/10
Neat and bustling, offered something different and created a
few openings meandering across their 18-yard line...
Jamesy senses some Xmas parties brewing and we'll do well to
deploy his fitness tactically over the next month between him
crashing office dos with mistletoe and his secret Santa; essentially
always just a Pinata filled with condoms...
UNCANNY - 6/10
Good to see you kid! Damn shame we're losing him in January
because he's got great football intuition. Looked hungry for
some action and well capable of sparking something all his short
time on the pitch.
THE NOTAPRODDYGAL - 6/10
As the team failed to get their act together, BR mirrored it.
Credit for turning it somewhat via his half-time intervention,
but that didn't extend to hooking those most culpable early
enough, nor baffling everyone - well, fucking ME - by making
the Buggers' most beneficial tactical move of the night and
removing possibly-matchwinning Daizen just when the tide
was turning out way at last, with 15 minutes left.
I mean, whit? Don't sub him - AUGMENT him - let the tricky
Spanish kid link up with the zippy Japanese tonado.
Did you want the win, Brendan? Rhetorical question, obviously,
but... Fuck me, I didn't get it.
I thought the Buggers were spent, and sinking into the same
kind of Japanese-induced terror as I did watching The Ring;
then the threat was completely removed and it ended more
like some kooky anime with big-heided cartoon characters
prancing aobut.
MIBBERY - 2/10
Not much to complain about here - following the movie-star
lookalike theme we've had for home refs, this one looked much
like a generic action movie extra - sure I've seen him mutter
a line or two and take a bullet or throw himself on a grenade
or get karake-kicked to oblivion in a mass brawl with the hero
in plenty of low budget thrillers.
At least him and the production team were on it to kill their
offside second, Phew.
OVERALL - 6/10
"It ain't pretty but ye'll take it.." as my old granpappy said
to me on my 16th birthday as he gifted me my 'present' down
the village brothel...
A disjointed, bit shambolic outing against a fine, perfectly
disciplined, beautifully orchestrated opponent who was no mug
and had the lhads throwing hands in exasperation at each other
most of the rotten opening 45.
The cons - we looked like we were making it up as we went along.
Miles away from what is required at CL level. They picked us off
at will, rinsed us most of the first-half, pressed us and
counter-pressed so well we had no answer. Played through us like
Jamesy being thrown into a room with the Swedish women's U-21
netball squad.
The Pros - somehow, the Bhoys found the wherewithall to claw
their way back into it. Our resurgence was a thing to be proud of;
demonstrating how much we've improved mentally, that the will to
power existed to impose our game on them when given the opprtunity
and not hide.
Finally, the fact we're mildly disappointed with a draw against the
Belgian champions who've been writing their own great CL story this
season.
So, five down, two wins, two draws and a single defeat. Three to
go, one certainly winnable and enough to qualify us. This particular
moment in Celtic time has been a dream for over a decade.
Let's not go too critical on the Bhoys for what's considered a
moderately forgettable night; that in itself shows you how far
they've taken us on this ride. And we've still got the reins in
hand. I'm sure we've got someone who'll provide the arse-whip to
get us over the line...
On we rock.
Go Away Now
Sandman
totally agree with your assessment. I thought your part on Trusty is one of your funniest, can’t stop laughing at it 
