Sandman
Well-known member
SANDMAN'S DEFINITIVE RATINGS: CELTIC v DEEK'S DIETS
"And it all breaks down at the first rehearsal..."
- 'Nancy Bhoy' by Placebo.
THE FRIENDLY GHOST - 6.5/10
No calamity from Kasper as he was exposed like Jamesy's
third leg for both goals. Did his thing when he was
counted on to defy them and providfed the Celtic highlight
of the day when he Panenka-ed the entire stadium with a
perfect dinked clearance that triggered a few
overly-sensitive souls' anxiety complexes.
KATIE - 6/10
Well, KT passed the isolation test, finding no problem
playing in a back three and was solid enough, also
providing the goal nobody in advanced positions could
be bothered to...
OF JUSTICE - 5.5/10
Liam was quiet, mainly because his big American cohort
wouldn't let him have a kick. When he did have it, his
often precise passing failed to manifest and we never
got the sweeping, forward changes of momentum he can
bring. Did cope reasonably with Heart's skill-merchants.
CRUSTY THE CLOWN - 7/10 MOTM
"It's ma ball and you'll only get a shot of it when
I decide..."
For the majority of the game - certainly the opening
45 - it felt like Austin v Celtic v Hearts. He had more
touches than Prince Andrew at a high school prom
and seemed our only, if not main, distribution channel.
Both Man of the Match and flaw in the system - too easy
to isolate and too far from his wideman to guarantee
igniting attacks with perfectly accurate balls every
time; thus he had to take a few strides which gave
them a chance to reset and cover.
For a lefty in such a solo, specialised role, he did
pretty well, though.
CALMAC - 6/10
For a while, the addition of extra midfield legs suited
the skipper. He dominated the ball, had time to govern
his territory and it did look a distinct probability he'd
find the key at any time to open them up, and close their
hopes. Alas, any great captain still needs his men around
him performing to the best of their ability.
NEGAN - 3/10
Why? He's been a useful impact sub, but starting in this
position has cost us already this season.
4th-best swede, MON said; I preume he was talking about
turnips. If Negan had the quality, we'd have won - twice
in succession he blipped a killer final ball, then came
the fatal moment right after he'd been walking off the
park, only to be reprieved and lose his man at a
corner who headed their second goal.
HAKUNA HATATE - 5/10
A confused Reo, seeing Negan trotting around in his favoured
spaces. The effect was for Reo to drop deeper, become less
potent, relieve pressure on Hearts' backline and mean we
lacked the penetration his drifting guile between lines can
provide. Cracked the bar when he should have burst the net.
THE TERMINATOR - 4/10
Where's the confidence drained to? Bhoy was looking more
gallus with every outing under MON but after an hour today
his influence faded and his presence all but evaporated
for a while when it was most required to get them under
the knuckle.
Did resurface later to miss a sitter, but the inconsistency
which has marked his Celtic career was back to haunt him.
LORD KATSUMOTO - 5/10
Right there with Negan for could-have-beens was Daizen
blowing two great chances when clean through.
Looking war-ready like he'd just been plucked from the
Vietnamese jungle, it was obvious Daizen's blistering
pace had the measure of their high backline early on.
Yet for... Reasons... we failed to play to that strength
beyond the golden openings and he was left to scamper
around fruitlessly for the remainder of the game.
TUTANKHAMUN - 3.5/10
TMJ - Tunisian Mikey Johnston - makes another blunt
appearance down the wing. He appeared to be offering
plenty on the ball, but with every check-back or
lightweight brush-off, all we got were false hopes.
Again.
YING - 5/10
He didn't hide but didn't inspire, either. Displayed
a willingness to make things happen but not the ability
to execute when he had the ball at his feet and
possibilities appearing. May need a ride at this time
of year to get him in the right groove if last season
was anything to go by...
SUBS -
KENNY JOHNNY - N/A
The whippet thrown on in the futile hope of causing
them some whiplash but also found himself rebuked
by their hardcore backline and dropping deeper to see
any action.
HIGHLAND TOFFEE - 5/10
Luke, a new boss to impress. And might've got a Luke
in for future selection, if not by default, with his
keen involvement, but which unfortunately didn't lead
to much.
LIONEL RICHIE - 5/10
Hello, is it me you're looking for?
Well, not really, but seein' as you're in the door...
Celtic manager. Black. French. Surname with effette
connotations - he is surely the end-level boss of all
Hun phone-in callers.
Whether he'll get much time to disturb the disturbed
will depend on his solitaire skills with that magnetic
Hun-blue tactics whiteboard.
A welcome four in the midfeld was hampered by a spartan
three spread across the back, meaning no overlappers
getting beyond wingers clamped by maroon limpets.
Thus, we were stunted when they faced up organised and
eager to pick us one-on-one when we advanced at slow
pace.
Maybe the overall tactical vibe is 3-4-3 with dynamic
rotation of ball and spare midfielder but that's a
wish-list requiring specific instruction to players
with the ability to implement it.
Might think about starting his new regime by utilising
our Portugal U-23 captain's perfectly-designed, well-coached
(at Benfica), disciplined style of play to enhance that midfield
four, rather than heidless chicken Negan... Just sayin'.
MIBBERY - 5/10
The Don. Smiling through the rain as his beautiful
sunday played out and he got to witness a pseudo-huns
triumph first-hand. Didn't need to get out of second
gear; just a brief flurry of yellows to salt the wound
and home for roasted sub-continental war-orphan and
tatties.
OVERALL - 4/10
Does anyone have MON on speed-dial?
A worryingly punchless start to the reign of an eclectic,
possibly eccentric, and ultimately loquaciously-baffling
new Pope.
Celtic started with decent verve, dominated, pressured,
threatened to dissect and overwhelm them. But the intensity
dissipated, then the players began to look a little bemused,
leading to Captain Calmac engaging in a game of Rebound to
see who got to call the shots onfield, after the tactics
whiteboard simply spelled out 'Mowbray' in braille for the
latter part of the game.
We finished clueless and pointless in a stadium that was
lifeless, many resigned to the grim realisation we're back at
square one with an unknown quantity trying to prove the job's
not too big or too alien for him to handle.
Bang in the middle of a season where the title's on the line
and there's a few pretenders to the throne showing up to
take a swing at glory.
No pressure and no worries, then.
Aaaye...
Go Away Now
Sandman
"And it all breaks down at the first rehearsal..."
- 'Nancy Bhoy' by Placebo.
THE FRIENDLY GHOST - 6.5/10
No calamity from Kasper as he was exposed like Jamesy's
third leg for both goals. Did his thing when he was
counted on to defy them and providfed the Celtic highlight
of the day when he Panenka-ed the entire stadium with a
perfect dinked clearance that triggered a few
overly-sensitive souls' anxiety complexes.
KATIE - 6/10
Well, KT passed the isolation test, finding no problem
playing in a back three and was solid enough, also
providing the goal nobody in advanced positions could
be bothered to...
OF JUSTICE - 5.5/10
Liam was quiet, mainly because his big American cohort
wouldn't let him have a kick. When he did have it, his
often precise passing failed to manifest and we never
got the sweeping, forward changes of momentum he can
bring. Did cope reasonably with Heart's skill-merchants.
CRUSTY THE CLOWN - 7/10 MOTM
"It's ma ball and you'll only get a shot of it when
I decide..."
For the majority of the game - certainly the opening
45 - it felt like Austin v Celtic v Hearts. He had more
touches than Prince Andrew at a high school prom
and seemed our only, if not main, distribution channel.
Both Man of the Match and flaw in the system - too easy
to isolate and too far from his wideman to guarantee
igniting attacks with perfectly accurate balls every
time; thus he had to take a few strides which gave
them a chance to reset and cover.
For a lefty in such a solo, specialised role, he did
pretty well, though.
CALMAC - 6/10
For a while, the addition of extra midfield legs suited
the skipper. He dominated the ball, had time to govern
his territory and it did look a distinct probability he'd
find the key at any time to open them up, and close their
hopes. Alas, any great captain still needs his men around
him performing to the best of their ability.
NEGAN - 3/10
Why? He's been a useful impact sub, but starting in this
position has cost us already this season.
4th-best swede, MON said; I preume he was talking about
turnips. If Negan had the quality, we'd have won - twice
in succession he blipped a killer final ball, then came
the fatal moment right after he'd been walking off the
park, only to be reprieved and lose his man at a
corner who headed their second goal.
HAKUNA HATATE - 5/10
A confused Reo, seeing Negan trotting around in his favoured
spaces. The effect was for Reo to drop deeper, become less
potent, relieve pressure on Hearts' backline and mean we
lacked the penetration his drifting guile between lines can
provide. Cracked the bar when he should have burst the net.
THE TERMINATOR - 4/10
Where's the confidence drained to? Bhoy was looking more
gallus with every outing under MON but after an hour today
his influence faded and his presence all but evaporated
for a while when it was most required to get them under
the knuckle.
Did resurface later to miss a sitter, but the inconsistency
which has marked his Celtic career was back to haunt him.
LORD KATSUMOTO - 5/10
Right there with Negan for could-have-beens was Daizen
blowing two great chances when clean through.
Looking war-ready like he'd just been plucked from the
Vietnamese jungle, it was obvious Daizen's blistering
pace had the measure of their high backline early on.
Yet for... Reasons... we failed to play to that strength
beyond the golden openings and he was left to scamper
around fruitlessly for the remainder of the game.
TUTANKHAMUN - 3.5/10
TMJ - Tunisian Mikey Johnston - makes another blunt
appearance down the wing. He appeared to be offering
plenty on the ball, but with every check-back or
lightweight brush-off, all we got were false hopes.
Again.
YING - 5/10
He didn't hide but didn't inspire, either. Displayed
a willingness to make things happen but not the ability
to execute when he had the ball at his feet and
possibilities appearing. May need a ride at this time
of year to get him in the right groove if last season
was anything to go by...
SUBS -
KENNY JOHNNY - N/A
The whippet thrown on in the futile hope of causing
them some whiplash but also found himself rebuked
by their hardcore backline and dropping deeper to see
any action.
HIGHLAND TOFFEE - 5/10
Luke, a new boss to impress. And might've got a Luke
in for future selection, if not by default, with his
keen involvement, but which unfortunately didn't lead
to much.
LIONEL RICHIE - 5/10
Hello, is it me you're looking for?
Well, not really, but seein' as you're in the door...
Celtic manager. Black. French. Surname with effette
connotations - he is surely the end-level boss of all
Hun phone-in callers.
Whether he'll get much time to disturb the disturbed
will depend on his solitaire skills with that magnetic
Hun-blue tactics whiteboard.
A welcome four in the midfeld was hampered by a spartan
three spread across the back, meaning no overlappers
getting beyond wingers clamped by maroon limpets.
Thus, we were stunted when they faced up organised and
eager to pick us one-on-one when we advanced at slow
pace.
Maybe the overall tactical vibe is 3-4-3 with dynamic
rotation of ball and spare midfielder but that's a
wish-list requiring specific instruction to players
with the ability to implement it.
Might think about starting his new regime by utilising
our Portugal U-23 captain's perfectly-designed, well-coached
(at Benfica), disciplined style of play to enhance that midfield
four, rather than heidless chicken Negan... Just sayin'.
MIBBERY - 5/10
The Don. Smiling through the rain as his beautiful
sunday played out and he got to witness a pseudo-huns
triumph first-hand. Didn't need to get out of second
gear; just a brief flurry of yellows to salt the wound
and home for roasted sub-continental war-orphan and
tatties.
OVERALL - 4/10
Does anyone have MON on speed-dial?
A worryingly punchless start to the reign of an eclectic,
possibly eccentric, and ultimately loquaciously-baffling
new Pope.
Celtic started with decent verve, dominated, pressured,
threatened to dissect and overwhelm them. But the intensity
dissipated, then the players began to look a little bemused,
leading to Captain Calmac engaging in a game of Rebound to
see who got to call the shots onfield, after the tactics
whiteboard simply spelled out 'Mowbray' in braille for the
latter part of the game.
We finished clueless and pointless in a stadium that was
lifeless, many resigned to the grim realisation we're back at
square one with an unknown quantity trying to prove the job's
not too big or too alien for him to handle.
Bang in the middle of a season where the title's on the line
and there's a few pretenders to the throne showing up to
take a swing at glory.
No pressure and no worries, then.
Aaaye...
Go Away Now
Sandman
Slàinte
