Sandman
Well-known member
SANDMAN'S DEFINITIVE RATINGS: CELTIC v JUTE GUISERS
"Darkness falls across the land
The midnight hour is close at hand
The Huns crawl in search of blood
To terrorize your neighborhood
And whosoever shall be found
Without the Celtic soul for getting down
Must stand and face those Huns of hell
And rot inside their zombie shells"
- Vincent Price, 'Thriller'.
THE FRIENDLY GHOST - 6.5/10
WTF? A shot!
And a smart, stretchy save kept the tremors of upset
at bay. That's what he's there for and that's what we
got - an experienced shot-stopper, sharp as one of
Brendan's suits, adding the Gucci belt with a vital
right hand, far too early for comfort.
Thankfully, being awake first meant he could kick some
sleepy arses in front of him and avoid further trauma
all night.
GREGGS THE BAKER - 5.5/10
Welcome back, but work it out; not just the contract -
also the lag after his match-fitness has slipped.
Pretty untidy as the mind and legs seemd out of synch.
However, you are guaranteed 100% endeavour with Greggs,
to match the flavour of the sausage rolls; he'll be
thankful for the game time and the chance to re-engage
with the system.
GET CARTER - 6/10
Careful, now... The Father Ted warning well heeded
as the big strong mhan eased his way through an hour
of what was probably more involvement than he'd
expected - Ginger Haloween icon up front for them
was a nuisance on every long ball, but good practice.
CRUSTY THE CLOWN - 6.5/10
We're seeing that complimentary attribute more now -
his athleticism; none moreso than in the 79th minute
with a fine recovery block.
He's making it a difficult job to pick 2 from three.
Maintaining performances at this level will mean BR
soon has to bring in Jamesy for such advice.
TONY THE TIGER - 5.5/10
Beside Trusty, meet Rusty. Tony as ever the tiger,
solid and uncompromising. But that aside, his
stand-out Celtic contribution has always been killer
deliveries. Not so tonight; haywire. Claws unusually
blunted in and around their box.
SAINT BERNARDO - 6/10
A reliable, Calmacian outing for the Portuguese
Hunskelper. Nothing fancy, nothing outlandish
required; simply mop up, break up, build up.
He did everything asked with competence and
assurity.
HIGHLAND TOFFEE - 6/10
"Look, it's Luke!" Cried the opposition's more
daffy participants as their former captain lined
up against them.
Difficult game against yer old pals? If it was,
Young Jobson kept his emotions under lock and
key, played the consummate pro and let his boots
talk.
A sound game, more influential in the first half
than second, when he took a back seat to...
THE TERMINATOR - 7/10 MOTM
This was interesting. A scowl at Yang for missing
a long ball mid-opening period; petulance? arrogance?
reuful?
Lightning deliveries (stupid tactical low front post
corners bugging me now; not his fault, I know), optimistic
long strikes, swivelling, fluid passing; felt like he was
building up to something.
Then, curiously, as the subs were made, he dropped
into a deeper-lying position and, well, took over
the game.
That was the bit that aroused my pique, as they say
in all the best establishments - Arne cruised around
in the Calmac position dictating the play with
purposeful class.
Also swept in the pen like a boss, but the swaggering
side to his demeanour was what I liked; the kid knows
he's got quality, some Bundesliga conceit rubbed off
on him.
So, not just a sometimes ethereal attacking-mid presence.
He's got the baws to face them up with the ball at his
feet and call the shots. A very good thing for us to
have such a young Kaiser in the making.
YING - 6/10
Busy busy bee, but not makee honee. Industrious and keen;
I wanted him to succeeed and in a way he did, if not too
spectacularly - managing to assist the opening goal with
his last contribution.
KILLER MUSHROOM - 5.5/10
FFS! I love the wee guy, but put one in the fucking net!
Fair enough, a fine take and good leg by the keeper on
his first chance. A great save by same acrobatic netminder
on the third scuff. But in-between we had the surreal
Japanese comic sketch of Kyogo channelling Diana Ross
at the USA 1994 World Cup opening ceremony.
Incredible how he didn't notch one, but did win the
penalty through sheer tricky persistence.
BRIAN DE - 6/10
Well, blow me, as a certain top-shagger of a winger is
fond of saying to exasperated glass collectors; not this
one, however - his blowing was hot and cold; frustrating
then uplifting.
Among the bewidlering variety of his performance, one
moment does make me inclined to say we should persevere
with him - played the sumptuous pass of the night with
the outside of his boot that deserved, and was close to,
a wonderful goal. Just that second of pure guile can be a
matchwinning rarity, and worth more overall tolerance.
SUBS -
WAYNE GRETZKY - 6.5/10
"Looooose The Moose!" yelled JFK (John Fuckin' Kennedy)
to the louring night sky on the hour, and ten minutes
later we were home and hosed.
Impact sub when you need a goalscorer? Call AJ.
Kyogo, take note; First touch in-off the moose-knuckle.
Steady, Jamesy.
Then he was throwing himself on a grenade in his own
box to save the jerseys; nearly broke an antler. An
eventful cameo indeed.
LORD KATSUMOTO - 5.5/10
Daizen run. Daizen run fast. Daizen on left wing,
pop up right back. Daizen terrorize. Daizen victimised.
Daizen miss sitter. Just Daizen Daizening.
OF JUSTICE - N/A
Smiles of justice, more like. A happy few minutes workout
before the weekend.
HAKUNA HATATE - N/A
Mainly intrduced to give them something to think about directly
in front of their backline and absorb focus.
JAMESY - 5.5/10
On to bluster down the right-wing corridor with AJ in
tandem, enhancing our attack. Didn't work out exactly,
as AJ took over the goalscoring and dropped back to
consolidate our lead.
So Jamesy was on his own, mostly, just stretching them
and probing. Yes, straight out of his 'other' playbook...
Should be an eventful night in Prestwick tomorrow as
the wildlife wardens get called out amid claims of an
escaped zoo animal terrorising guisers.
But we'll all know what that's about won't we? - Jamesy's
going trick or treating; "D'ye want tae see ma elephant
impersonation?"...
THE NOTAPRODDYGAL - 7/10
Ooft, if Sunday was a little gallus, tonight was baws
on the road showboatery - no Calmac again, no Kuhn either;
neither on bench, and second-choice wingers and fullback
given the starts.
So you'd better win, eh? And he did again, even if not
in the most dazzling style; the second 45 proving the
system is solid and its erosive qualities will wear down
the most stubborn defensive block regardless of who's
grinding it out.
So, two matches with reshuffling a priority, two clean
sheets, six points, and major players rested. Just in
time for a big cup semi and CL megamatch. He'll be well
satisfied.
MIBBERY - 4/10
Oh, look, it's Halloween and isn't it nice of the new
MIB, Hardon, to turn up in costume; dressed as a cunt.
Underhand sleekitness permeated the game; baffling
fouls and set pieces awarded against us when the polar
opposite was in plain sight. A lip-biting reluctance
to issue more than a yellow to certain players hell-bent
on battering around recklessly into anything in Hoops.
I'll presume by his generally sour weasel-face that he
had a live update from Pittodrie pinging into his
throbbing ear. Har de har.
OVERALL - 6.5/10
Well it wasn't pretty, in fitting with this particular
holiday week. But it also wasn't too scary; maybe like
when your gran dresses up as Pennywise the clown.
We excpected a formality here, and the general hope was
that the Huns would go up North 'Duking' for apples (see
what I did there, afficionados of portly but speedy Sheep
wingers and Scottish halloween traditions?) , but end up
bitter oranges. And it actually happened, facilitating that
cheesy gag; lol at the fucking Huns.
Bottom-line required was a Sopranos night - three points
and forget about it. Exactly how it turned out and, though
nothing glorious, there was a nice vibe of competence
and bristling excellence underpinning the way the players
went about their business; finding a way to succeed
despite the re-jigging of team selection.
They got the balance right in the end, backup bhoys got
to feel included in the overall effort, and we got a
measure of the synchronised strength of the squad; quite
formidable for our league.
And now the fun really starts. Let's get shearing, and
spiking energy drinks...
Go Away Now
Sandman
"Darkness falls across the land
The midnight hour is close at hand
The Huns crawl in search of blood
To terrorize your neighborhood
And whosoever shall be found
Without the Celtic soul for getting down
Must stand and face those Huns of hell
And rot inside their zombie shells"
- Vincent Price, 'Thriller'.
THE FRIENDLY GHOST - 6.5/10
WTF? A shot!
And a smart, stretchy save kept the tremors of upset
at bay. That's what he's there for and that's what we
got - an experienced shot-stopper, sharp as one of
Brendan's suits, adding the Gucci belt with a vital
right hand, far too early for comfort.
Thankfully, being awake first meant he could kick some
sleepy arses in front of him and avoid further trauma
all night.
GREGGS THE BAKER - 5.5/10
Welcome back, but work it out; not just the contract -
also the lag after his match-fitness has slipped.
Pretty untidy as the mind and legs seemd out of synch.
However, you are guaranteed 100% endeavour with Greggs,
to match the flavour of the sausage rolls; he'll be
thankful for the game time and the chance to re-engage
with the system.
GET CARTER - 6/10
Careful, now... The Father Ted warning well heeded
as the big strong mhan eased his way through an hour
of what was probably more involvement than he'd
expected - Ginger Haloween icon up front for them
was a nuisance on every long ball, but good practice.
CRUSTY THE CLOWN - 6.5/10
We're seeing that complimentary attribute more now -
his athleticism; none moreso than in the 79th minute
with a fine recovery block.
He's making it a difficult job to pick 2 from three.
Maintaining performances at this level will mean BR
soon has to bring in Jamesy for such advice.
TONY THE TIGER - 5.5/10
Beside Trusty, meet Rusty. Tony as ever the tiger,
solid and uncompromising. But that aside, his
stand-out Celtic contribution has always been killer
deliveries. Not so tonight; haywire. Claws unusually
blunted in and around their box.
SAINT BERNARDO - 6/10
A reliable, Calmacian outing for the Portuguese
Hunskelper. Nothing fancy, nothing outlandish
required; simply mop up, break up, build up.
He did everything asked with competence and
assurity.
HIGHLAND TOFFEE - 6/10
"Look, it's Luke!" Cried the opposition's more
daffy participants as their former captain lined
up against them.
Difficult game against yer old pals? If it was,
Young Jobson kept his emotions under lock and
key, played the consummate pro and let his boots
talk.
A sound game, more influential in the first half
than second, when he took a back seat to...
THE TERMINATOR - 7/10 MOTM
This was interesting. A scowl at Yang for missing
a long ball mid-opening period; petulance? arrogance?
reuful?
Lightning deliveries (stupid tactical low front post
corners bugging me now; not his fault, I know), optimistic
long strikes, swivelling, fluid passing; felt like he was
building up to something.
Then, curiously, as the subs were made, he dropped
into a deeper-lying position and, well, took over
the game.
That was the bit that aroused my pique, as they say
in all the best establishments - Arne cruised around
in the Calmac position dictating the play with
purposeful class.
Also swept in the pen like a boss, but the swaggering
side to his demeanour was what I liked; the kid knows
he's got quality, some Bundesliga conceit rubbed off
on him.
So, not just a sometimes ethereal attacking-mid presence.
He's got the baws to face them up with the ball at his
feet and call the shots. A very good thing for us to
have such a young Kaiser in the making.
YING - 6/10
Busy busy bee, but not makee honee. Industrious and keen;
I wanted him to succeeed and in a way he did, if not too
spectacularly - managing to assist the opening goal with
his last contribution.
KILLER MUSHROOM - 5.5/10
FFS! I love the wee guy, but put one in the fucking net!
Fair enough, a fine take and good leg by the keeper on
his first chance. A great save by same acrobatic netminder
on the third scuff. But in-between we had the surreal
Japanese comic sketch of Kyogo channelling Diana Ross
at the USA 1994 World Cup opening ceremony.
Incredible how he didn't notch one, but did win the
penalty through sheer tricky persistence.
BRIAN DE - 6/10
Well, blow me, as a certain top-shagger of a winger is
fond of saying to exasperated glass collectors; not this
one, however - his blowing was hot and cold; frustrating
then uplifting.
Among the bewidlering variety of his performance, one
moment does make me inclined to say we should persevere
with him - played the sumptuous pass of the night with
the outside of his boot that deserved, and was close to,
a wonderful goal. Just that second of pure guile can be a
matchwinning rarity, and worth more overall tolerance.
SUBS -
WAYNE GRETZKY - 6.5/10
"Looooose The Moose!" yelled JFK (John Fuckin' Kennedy)
to the louring night sky on the hour, and ten minutes
later we were home and hosed.
Impact sub when you need a goalscorer? Call AJ.
Kyogo, take note; First touch in-off the moose-knuckle.
Steady, Jamesy.
Then he was throwing himself on a grenade in his own
box to save the jerseys; nearly broke an antler. An
eventful cameo indeed.
LORD KATSUMOTO - 5.5/10
Daizen run. Daizen run fast. Daizen on left wing,
pop up right back. Daizen terrorize. Daizen victimised.
Daizen miss sitter. Just Daizen Daizening.
OF JUSTICE - N/A
Smiles of justice, more like. A happy few minutes workout
before the weekend.
HAKUNA HATATE - N/A
Mainly intrduced to give them something to think about directly
in front of their backline and absorb focus.
JAMESY - 5.5/10
On to bluster down the right-wing corridor with AJ in
tandem, enhancing our attack. Didn't work out exactly,
as AJ took over the goalscoring and dropped back to
consolidate our lead.
So Jamesy was on his own, mostly, just stretching them
and probing. Yes, straight out of his 'other' playbook...
Should be an eventful night in Prestwick tomorrow as
the wildlife wardens get called out amid claims of an
escaped zoo animal terrorising guisers.
But we'll all know what that's about won't we? - Jamesy's
going trick or treating; "D'ye want tae see ma elephant
impersonation?"...
THE NOTAPRODDYGAL - 7/10
Ooft, if Sunday was a little gallus, tonight was baws
on the road showboatery - no Calmac again, no Kuhn either;
neither on bench, and second-choice wingers and fullback
given the starts.
So you'd better win, eh? And he did again, even if not
in the most dazzling style; the second 45 proving the
system is solid and its erosive qualities will wear down
the most stubborn defensive block regardless of who's
grinding it out.
So, two matches with reshuffling a priority, two clean
sheets, six points, and major players rested. Just in
time for a big cup semi and CL megamatch. He'll be well
satisfied.
MIBBERY - 4/10
Oh, look, it's Halloween and isn't it nice of the new
MIB, Hardon, to turn up in costume; dressed as a cunt.
Underhand sleekitness permeated the game; baffling
fouls and set pieces awarded against us when the polar
opposite was in plain sight. A lip-biting reluctance
to issue more than a yellow to certain players hell-bent
on battering around recklessly into anything in Hoops.
I'll presume by his generally sour weasel-face that he
had a live update from Pittodrie pinging into his
throbbing ear. Har de har.
OVERALL - 6.5/10
Well it wasn't pretty, in fitting with this particular
holiday week. But it also wasn't too scary; maybe like
when your gran dresses up as Pennywise the clown.
We excpected a formality here, and the general hope was
that the Huns would go up North 'Duking' for apples (see
what I did there, afficionados of portly but speedy Sheep
wingers and Scottish halloween traditions?) , but end up
bitter oranges. And it actually happened, facilitating that
cheesy gag; lol at the fucking Huns.
Bottom-line required was a Sopranos night - three points
and forget about it. Exactly how it turned out and, though
nothing glorious, there was a nice vibe of competence
and bristling excellence underpinning the way the players
went about their business; finding a way to succeed
despite the re-jigging of team selection.
They got the balance right in the end, backup bhoys got
to feel included in the overall effort, and we got a
measure of the synchronised strength of the squad; quite
formidable for our league.
And now the fun really starts. Let's get shearing, and
spiking energy drinks...
Go Away Now
Sandman
