SANDMAN'S DEFINITIVE RATINGS: CELTIC V KILLIE THEM WITH FIRE

Sandman

Well-known member
SANDMAN'S DEFINITIVE RATINGS: CELTIC V KILLIE THEM WITH FIRE


"The Grandmaister has this afternoon, by decree of the Right Royal
Staunch Defenders Of The Faith, Crown and Bestiality, hereby declared
that the month of MAY has been cancelled forthwith. It shall be struck
from every staunch calendar for the remainder of eternity, which as
we're in the End Of Days anyway, shall probalby be at the end of the
next RIFC accounting period. And no loyal brother may even mention MAY.
Um, 'may even...' Damn!
And neither should any loyal brother tolerate being asked 'How'd yeez
get on against Jimmy St.Johnstone?'"

WOOTV - William Of Orange TV anouncement. (TV ='Transvestite').





THE WALL - 6/10

Get back to fucking Southampton; imagine NOT saving a penalty!
Amazing unnatural occurence rocked Paradise as we wondered what
sorcery was bedevilling our title hopes. Thereafter, he was a
spectator mostly, as sanity was reinstated and his handling/feet
solid as ever.



AJER - 7/10

ANOTHER crucial goal from the escaped-goat-in-waiting of the
terminally browbeaten. Young Ironside is viking steel through
and through - plenty of rough edges to be honed by experience,
but built around a core of class and stoicism. Refinement will
come, be glad now of his regular presence, fitness and superb
attitude. Ronny Deila, we thank you.



JULLIEN CLARY - 7/10

Finished Thursday resembling the Hunchback of Notre Dame, yet
took the hallowed turf today with the revitalised aura of a
Parisien catwalk icon.

The elegance pervades his game, too. More and more we see the
calculated-suavery in action, like he's attempting to achieve
bonus points for style. Last time this combination of
sophisticated defensive swagger and natural ability engaged
Paradise its guise was Van Dijk. Saint Christopher de Jullien
lacks the arrogance of his predecessor but that's not to be
considered a negative attribute; better humble and committed
than aloof and dismissive.

Like top prospects, he is his own constant critic; chastising
himself sometimes to the level of self-flagellation, a-la Morelos'
sexual devaince.
But his leadership skills were most notable today as he hustled
and cajoled his losing side toward a comeback victory.



JOZO - 7.5/10

Recovered superbly after being at the centre of the soft penalty
shocker. Took it upon himsself to reprise the Gulag uprising of'99
and storm the ugly guardians of the keep, or Killie, as they are
known.

This time last year Jozo turned into a matchwinner and he was at
it again, setting up the second, playing like a man on a mission;
mission accomplished, Terminator, now reset for Thursday.



GREGGS THE BAKER - 7/10

Surprised at his inclusion after he slit his own throat at
Pittodrie, but kudos to his recovery powers to be back in the
jersey a week after life-saving surgery.

Emerging as our first-choice left/wing-back via performances
based on his bakery skills - consistent and reliable, a staple
part of the Celtic diet. Again, fulfilled every requirement
today. Retail rumour has it there's going to be a Greggs in
every Asda supermarket soon. Well, they already have green
and white livery, so the natural progression is...



PINGPONG - 8/10 MOTM

Vengeance is thine, young duracell - facing your rapist is
a daunting task but terrorising him and his henchmen then
drawing the dismissal foul is sweet satisfaction.

Used his best assets, pace and energy, to fine effect with
a wing vacated by Jamesy - worn out after over-exposure to
Danish pornography. The young buck pranced over tackles and
buzzed at their hulking ogres like a green and white hooped
wasp.



CALMAC - 7.5/10

With the power of Celtic captaincy comes great responsibility.
And a ubiquitous booking. Whistling Masons aside, Calmac is
the leader in this time of Broon-crisis and he did so with
assured professionalism.
What a footballer.



ROGIC - 6/10

Disappointingly quiet - had expected him to be the pivot of
victory but his role was mostly supporting, with some trademark
finesse; maybe needs more starts to get properly tuned-in. Time
running out for him to make an impact though, however you wouldn't
bet against a convergence of his guile and class to yet thrill us
before June.



CORPUS CHRISTIE - 6/10

Like Oz, still to regain his groove after injury, but barring
crucifixion - been there, done that - he's going to be in their
faces, using his seemingly boundless energy to aid the cause if
it's not working for him in an attacking sense. More a workhorse
than a golden calf today.



GRIFF - 6.5/10

Can't keep it in the stadium from 25-yard free-kicks any more
but give him a Monster Munch special from a foot out and he's deadly...
There's still a bit to go but you can see the Griff back in the
saddle (ladies...) by the time the Huns shuffle into view. Nobody
I'd like to see more cap off the NINE by smashing them for a few;
the celebrations alone will supply the interweb with memes for the
next decade.




FRENCH EDDY - 7/10

Sitters going begging, but the predatory poke to sicken a nation
of horribles. Banker of the day was l'assassin to strike and he
did for the bookmakers hopes at the perfect time, giving us the
lead right after levelling. There's plenty more in his locker to
come; this might even be considered a lean spell for him...



SUBS:


SON OF A GUN - 6/10

It's like throwing a wardrobe into a waltzer - you don't want
to be around this big angular threshing machine when he's out to
prove himself; a headache for a defence already stretched and a
suitable nightmare for Kirk Clovenhoof to deal with. Could and
maybe should have scored; may still become a useful alternative
striking option for us.



ELSHAGYONLASSIE - 5/10

Nothing to report, really - more competitive game-time exactly
what he requires. Another warming-up for the grand finale.


BITTON - N/A

On for Griff to the distain of many, BUT... It was just to
make sure there were no chinks of light afforded by tired limbs.
Remember Thursday, whiners? Orders from Lennony simple - 'Shut
the door and lock up, Nir'. Yes, would have been nice to see
Klimala Klimax, but let's keep the frills for thrills once the
main prize is retained. Maybe this coming Thursday will be his
night...




LENNONY - 8.5/10

Another win. Another shuffle of available titans and we get a
comeback win and a further two points closer to glory. Edgy
around Paradise as we realised Captain Marvel was absent,
expectant hopes dashed then raised by carrier pigeon out of
Perth, only for Lennony to have the conundrum of losing an
early goal.
No panic, just encouragement and level-headeness from the
technical area - a trademark of his return; thunder replaced
by tsunami: we're on the roll of rolls, a relentless domestic
surge sweeping all before us thanks in no small part to the
will to power of a man watiting to claim HIS title. Ten until
the NINE, Lennony.



OVERALL - 8.5/10

We thank the glowering, sinewy men from the shadows of Ayrshire
for their contribution to the Hunskelping Comedy Compilation of
recent times. We question qualified Hunskelper Brophy's traitorous
decision to put the penalty to The Wall's left and thus handicap
the title prospects. 'How dare you!?' protested the wee lassie
beside me called Greta...

But in the end it was another Beautiful Sunday and another test
passed with flying Hoops. You cannot take away from this side the
mindset that is sweeping us to history - Alex Ferguson was asked
what he was thinking about when he lifted a Man United trophy;
his answer: 'The next one.'

This squad, this management team, seem to have employed that
wipe-and-reset mindset of great sporting sides to wonderful
effect since the start of this new decade. While we the support
fermented over the Black Xmas 2 result and fretted over the
destination of OUR title, the players who will live within and
create those moments which will become gilded memory were
resetting their focus and preparing for times to come.

They have startled and delighted every one of us this year.
They need only do it another ten times, maybe less to become
absolute legends.




Sandman. Impressed. Go Away Now.
 
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