Sandman
Well-known member
SANDMAN'S DEFINITIVE RATINGS: CELTIC v MR. BROWN'S BOYS
Countdown conundrum: Who's this cringey, plump fan of
Monster Munch crisps who fancies himself as a Porky
Blinder and gets off on 'daring' jibes at Tims on the
telly? -
Risky DOB
ROXIE - 7.5/10
Poleaxed before kick-off by Mexican drug cartel enforcer.
Thought she was deid, then recovers to ping admirable
passes and makes a miraculous save to further enhance
growing legendary status. Almost a musical in there
somewhere...
TONY THE TIGER - 7/10
A tigerous beast. Recovering from his German roasting,
pinged some lovely balls cross-field and fired in about
the Sheep as if he was tributing Broony in the actual
moments of his return to Paradise; existential widardry.
JURAN JURAN - 6.5/10
Bright opening then, as on a few occassions, seemed to
disappear among the bodies, only to resurface like a
porpoise to save the jerseys late in the game with a
perfectly-anticipated defensive header off the line.
RAQUEL - 7/10
Three dazzling performances in a row from the silver screen
sex symbol. Confident and deliberate in challenges, doing
all the simple things correctly; eliminating the mistakes
that curse a defender's game. She's been a rock.
GET CARTER - 7/10
Never wasted a ball. Got his right leg strapped up like
the original Terminator T-800 model - but is a lot more
robust - and now appears composed stepping forward as
opposed to uncertain - probably getting used to the system
and the movement ahead.
MCCARTHYISM - 6/10
Angeball leaves him a bit wanting. He's not yet up to speed
and of presence of mind enough to atune to the shifts up
the gears required at times.
Safety first is his mantra which, to be fair, served us well
enough today. But the DM difference between his footballing
ability and the extra dimension big Blockchain brings was
evident at times as opportunities to play in runners were
squandered in favour of conservative side-to-side balls.
CALMAC - 7.5/10
What a return to form! Absent in Germany, subdued most of
the first-half today but for the glimpse of quality to set
up Notebook, the skipper came alive again after half-time
and was everywhere when we needed him most.
His resurgence was capped off by a retrospective link-up
with time-travelling Great War hero Jonny Hayes who
provided the delivery for Captain Fantastic to win the game
with a stunning mid-air backheeled volley. Goal Of The Season,
right there.
EDDIE TURNBULL - 6.5/10
Added intensity to his performances - probably due to some
sort of exo-skeleton enhancing his aged frame (deid) - is
getting him through the tough contests now.
Today, faced by legend Broon and leg-ned genetic aberration
Fergushun - spawn of a 'dynasty' surpassed only by the Adams
- Eddie eventually found the power to wrap the steel in silk
and make an impression on the match.
Only big critique from this madman is that he could have
been a bit more adventurous at times, more speculative with
early passes and offered better service to the wee man up
the middle.
ABADASS - 4.5/10
Aye, the balance of duff games v good games is becoming
tilted the wrong way. Feet looked great early on but he
lapsed into confusion and fell out of the proceedings too
quickly. Now getting into 'owes us a game' territory and
risks losing goodwill and patience.
MR.KOBAYASHI - 7/10
Workrate, jeez-us, this Japanese Bhoy puts it in.
Frustration, jeez-us, he must feel like Tom Cruise's
missus; (touch side of nose) Say no more, say no more...
Constant motion, beguiling backlines with his drift and
bursts, finding space only to see the ball shuttled
laterally.
Really, there's less than half the probing balls played
that his movement deserves. We need to compliment his
honourable endeavour with a samurai sword of a cutting
pass or two.
Also, lots made of Koyogo's attentiveness when an opponent
is down injured. Aw, isn't he a caring wee fella?
No, no, I'm afraid not - if you can lip-read Japansese as
he whispers to the fallen :
"I learn your weaknesses..."
NOTEBOOK - 8/10 MOTM
Yet again, young Michael-Ridgeley proves he operates at a
velocity most players cannot cope with. Opponents see a
flurry of limbs and then fresh air. As his confidence in
the Hoops grows and stardom envelops him, he's discovering
the word 'gallus' and we're discovering a new lever for
lifting arses off cold plastic.
Now when he's on the ball, Celtic Park expects. And most
of the time, he fulfills. A bhoy from Lisbon with a
special performance on the day Bertie is honoured; perfect.
SUBS:
JAMESY - 6/10
On with a smile that only lasted until he'd jogged over
to the flank and realised the linesman wasn't the burd
from Leverkusen; talk about crestfallen.
So he applied himself to his football with a frown and
was more direct and troublesome in minutes than the kid
had been for an hour. Now deserves an extended run in the
jersey to find a groove.
MIKEY J - N/A
On for minutes but more impressive than his recent duff
cameos.
The YETI - N/A
Arguably one of his finest perfromances of the season.
ANITA DOBSON - 7.5/10
Big game, big man, big selection problems. But Ange stuck
to his guns and had McCarthyism in where many hoped the Man
Of Soro would be. It did slow down the Angeball rhythm but
in the end bravery prevailed as the demands required, and a
potential banana skin was stepped over.
Good to see the bulk of the starting eleven go into injury
time as Ange realised the importance of keeping momentum
with us.
MIBERRY - 6.5/10
Ooft, a close one for Kevin. Must feel aggreived at losing
to a wonder-goal after beautiful simping to give a not-penalty
at Paradise; one of the four pillars of masonic skullduggery
directly channelled to the high priest of the Shrike temple
of reptilian dystopia on the planet Hyperion. According to
David Icke.
But poor Clancy Drew had to watch the fenians roll to a
crucial victory despite his best efforts, even managing to
find an extra minute at the end of an added five before
forcing the whistle between clenched teeth to end his
torture. Prick. Another one.
OVERALL - 8/10
Major win for the Bhoys after a draining epic in Deutschland.
Robust opponents schooled by the Great Broon in the dark
arts, keen to make a contest of it in the same way Conor
McGregor likes civilised discord in a bar after 12 pints.
A fitting 2-1 victory on the day a Lisbon Lion was honoured
and serenaded into the halls of Valhalla. The Bhoys approached
the challenge in the right way - intense and with as much tempo
as we could muster given the re-jigged middle.
Not punishing the Sheep more at 1-0 left it open to a grind
if they drew level, and so it transpired. But we won the day
and sickened the Huns; incidentally, whose discarded abortions
turn up at Paradise on Thursday looking to do their monstrous
overlords a favour after Hibs Hibs it the night before.
But we'll have that extra day's rest and the Bhoys will be
ready to go again. Xmas is coming, and so are we.
Steady, Jamesy.
Go Away Now.
Sandman.
Countdown conundrum: Who's this cringey, plump fan of
Monster Munch crisps who fancies himself as a Porky
Blinder and gets off on 'daring' jibes at Tims on the
telly? -
Risky DOB
ROXIE - 7.5/10
Poleaxed before kick-off by Mexican drug cartel enforcer.
Thought she was deid, then recovers to ping admirable
passes and makes a miraculous save to further enhance
growing legendary status. Almost a musical in there
somewhere...
TONY THE TIGER - 7/10
A tigerous beast. Recovering from his German roasting,
pinged some lovely balls cross-field and fired in about
the Sheep as if he was tributing Broony in the actual
moments of his return to Paradise; existential widardry.
JURAN JURAN - 6.5/10
Bright opening then, as on a few occassions, seemed to
disappear among the bodies, only to resurface like a
porpoise to save the jerseys late in the game with a
perfectly-anticipated defensive header off the line.
RAQUEL - 7/10
Three dazzling performances in a row from the silver screen
sex symbol. Confident and deliberate in challenges, doing
all the simple things correctly; eliminating the mistakes
that curse a defender's game. She's been a rock.
GET CARTER - 7/10
Never wasted a ball. Got his right leg strapped up like
the original Terminator T-800 model - but is a lot more
robust - and now appears composed stepping forward as
opposed to uncertain - probably getting used to the system
and the movement ahead.
MCCARTHYISM - 6/10
Angeball leaves him a bit wanting. He's not yet up to speed
and of presence of mind enough to atune to the shifts up
the gears required at times.
Safety first is his mantra which, to be fair, served us well
enough today. But the DM difference between his footballing
ability and the extra dimension big Blockchain brings was
evident at times as opportunities to play in runners were
squandered in favour of conservative side-to-side balls.
CALMAC - 7.5/10
What a return to form! Absent in Germany, subdued most of
the first-half today but for the glimpse of quality to set
up Notebook, the skipper came alive again after half-time
and was everywhere when we needed him most.
His resurgence was capped off by a retrospective link-up
with time-travelling Great War hero Jonny Hayes who
provided the delivery for Captain Fantastic to win the game
with a stunning mid-air backheeled volley. Goal Of The Season,
right there.
EDDIE TURNBULL - 6.5/10
Added intensity to his performances - probably due to some
sort of exo-skeleton enhancing his aged frame (deid) - is
getting him through the tough contests now.
Today, faced by legend Broon and leg-ned genetic aberration
Fergushun - spawn of a 'dynasty' surpassed only by the Adams
- Eddie eventually found the power to wrap the steel in silk
and make an impression on the match.
Only big critique from this madman is that he could have
been a bit more adventurous at times, more speculative with
early passes and offered better service to the wee man up
the middle.
ABADASS - 4.5/10
Aye, the balance of duff games v good games is becoming
tilted the wrong way. Feet looked great early on but he
lapsed into confusion and fell out of the proceedings too
quickly. Now getting into 'owes us a game' territory and
risks losing goodwill and patience.
MR.KOBAYASHI - 7/10
Workrate, jeez-us, this Japanese Bhoy puts it in.
Frustration, jeez-us, he must feel like Tom Cruise's
missus; (touch side of nose) Say no more, say no more...
Constant motion, beguiling backlines with his drift and
bursts, finding space only to see the ball shuttled
laterally.
Really, there's less than half the probing balls played
that his movement deserves. We need to compliment his
honourable endeavour with a samurai sword of a cutting
pass or two.
Also, lots made of Koyogo's attentiveness when an opponent
is down injured. Aw, isn't he a caring wee fella?
No, no, I'm afraid not - if you can lip-read Japansese as
he whispers to the fallen :
"I learn your weaknesses..."
NOTEBOOK - 8/10 MOTM
Yet again, young Michael-Ridgeley proves he operates at a
velocity most players cannot cope with. Opponents see a
flurry of limbs and then fresh air. As his confidence in
the Hoops grows and stardom envelops him, he's discovering
the word 'gallus' and we're discovering a new lever for
lifting arses off cold plastic.
Now when he's on the ball, Celtic Park expects. And most
of the time, he fulfills. A bhoy from Lisbon with a
special performance on the day Bertie is honoured; perfect.
SUBS:
JAMESY - 6/10
On with a smile that only lasted until he'd jogged over
to the flank and realised the linesman wasn't the burd
from Leverkusen; talk about crestfallen.
So he applied himself to his football with a frown and
was more direct and troublesome in minutes than the kid
had been for an hour. Now deserves an extended run in the
jersey to find a groove.
MIKEY J - N/A
On for minutes but more impressive than his recent duff
cameos.
The YETI - N/A
Arguably one of his finest perfromances of the season.
ANITA DOBSON - 7.5/10
Big game, big man, big selection problems. But Ange stuck
to his guns and had McCarthyism in where many hoped the Man
Of Soro would be. It did slow down the Angeball rhythm but
in the end bravery prevailed as the demands required, and a
potential banana skin was stepped over.
Good to see the bulk of the starting eleven go into injury
time as Ange realised the importance of keeping momentum
with us.
MIBERRY - 6.5/10
Ooft, a close one for Kevin. Must feel aggreived at losing
to a wonder-goal after beautiful simping to give a not-penalty
at Paradise; one of the four pillars of masonic skullduggery
directly channelled to the high priest of the Shrike temple
of reptilian dystopia on the planet Hyperion. According to
David Icke.
But poor Clancy Drew had to watch the fenians roll to a
crucial victory despite his best efforts, even managing to
find an extra minute at the end of an added five before
forcing the whistle between clenched teeth to end his
torture. Prick. Another one.
OVERALL - 8/10
Major win for the Bhoys after a draining epic in Deutschland.
Robust opponents schooled by the Great Broon in the dark
arts, keen to make a contest of it in the same way Conor
McGregor likes civilised discord in a bar after 12 pints.
A fitting 2-1 victory on the day a Lisbon Lion was honoured
and serenaded into the halls of Valhalla. The Bhoys approached
the challenge in the right way - intense and with as much tempo
as we could muster given the re-jigged middle.
Not punishing the Sheep more at 1-0 left it open to a grind
if they drew level, and so it transpired. But we won the day
and sickened the Huns; incidentally, whose discarded abortions
turn up at Paradise on Thursday looking to do their monstrous
overlords a favour after Hibs Hibs it the night before.
But we'll have that extra day's rest and the Bhoys will be
ready to go again. Xmas is coming, and so are we.
Steady, Jamesy.
Go Away Now.
Sandman.
