Sandman
Well-known member
SANDMAN'S DEFINITIVE RATINGS: CELTIC v ROSCO P. COLTRANE
"Never settle for 'just getting the job done'. Excel!"
- Tom Hopkins
THE FRIENDLY GHOST - 6/10
The ballboys knew what was coming - handed him a Xmas present
on twenty minutes; a Celtic crossword book and pen. So that at
least kept his mind occupied while his nuts chilled. Finished
the game with one clue left to get: 'What are dead but not dead,
smell like carbolic soap and boiled cabbage and think King Billy
was straight?" Four letters, begins with 'H', ends with 'S'.
WAYNE GRETZKY - 7/10
AJ doesn't need to talk to you - he's rated in the current
top 22 defenders on the planet. But you wouldn't think he'd
heard.
Humbly giving his 100% for the Hoops, running his hooves off
and generally Moose-ing about like a nuisance (a moosance!)
for their backlines; might have scored too if he'd gotten a
long leg on the end of a sizzling Jamesy near-post ball.
UNCANNY - 7/10
"I'm not fuckin' leavin'!" The Wolf Of Wall Street meme is stong
in this one. Barca throw us an early Xmas gift with a season-long
approval and a hint of a buyout possibility.
So the kid gets a start and for a wee while it's looking like the
Catalans are trolling us because he's untidy, slack and erratic.
But he's also EVERYWHERE. And soon the touch took and he landed in
his groove and we got a comprehensive display of why he's rated;
so unlucky not to get a glory goal of his own too.
OF JUSTICE - 8/10 MOTM
A goal and an assist in the first fifteen minutes - we had
the Ginger Baresi, Beckenbauer and Maldini all rolled into
one.
No confidence crisis for Liam over his unfortunate omissions
from the starting eleven - he epitomised the correct attitude
for 90 minutes, making his mark and giving the boss a conundrum
for Wednesday.
GET CARTER - 6.5/10
Took to Wednesday's field of screams once more with
determination and focus; not on his watch was that
happening again.
So with Kasper's encouraging words ringing in his ears -
"Stay oot Ma fuckin' boax" - big CCV made amends with
a quiet but accomplished performance.
CALMAC - 7/10
Wham bam thank ye M'am! - number FIVE from outside the
box from the skipper's lethal left peg. This one the sweetest
of all - perfectly caught, bending and blistering away from
the keeper's outstretched paws. Lovely highlight of a well
orchestrated win.
SAINT BERNARDO - 7.5/10
'We want Paulo!', posted the hordes all over the web.
And Paulo we got - rugged, languid, guileful and impactful.
The workrate was capped by the skill factor and his goal
well deserved. Expected starter in midweek?
HIGHLAND TOFFEE - 7.5/10
Luke what we've got here - a classy goalscoring midfielder
living the dream. Great movement - which underpinned his
afternoon - take and hit for his goal; earned the break.
Had his wits about him and relished the responsibility of
getting the three valuable points. Did so with aplomb.
JAMESY - 7/10
Incredibly the, 'couldnae score in a brothel' line is
still tagged to Jamesy's latest season. Not for want
of trying; blocked, foiled, unlucky, and still hustlng
around like a young 'un.
The mounting Jamesy frustration should be a warning
to any partying ladies out and about in Prestwick tonight -
beware, 'cos it'll be like the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man
exploded...
DUNCAN IDAHO - 7.5/10
Smothered for a quarter of the game, rarley glimpsed
among the bodies then, after being slow to a dangerous
ball, he took the stage and looked a valuable asset
after all.
Could have been a hat-trick, save for the woodwork, but
memorable sweeping effort after a tidy dragback. No Xmas
donkey auditions today; this one had quite a kick.
LORD KATSUMOTO - 7/10
No Daizen, no party. The lobotomized amongst us don't
rate him but the rest of the world does. On days like
these his pace does the simple job of isolating the
full-back, drawing fouls, cards and setting up goals.
On the big CL nights that pace buys precious time for
the team to reset and focus as Daizen Daizens-it,
carreering round opposition defences, disrupting
build-up and counters.
But I don't need to explain that to you, dear reader,
because you're not a fucking idiot. You interlopers,
on the other hand... Enjoy yer nights, pals.
SUBS -
YING - 6/10
Good feet, fast sharp and keen. Nice run-out.
TONY THE TIGER - N/A
The Brickie thrown in to see out the points.
THE TERMINATOR - N/A
The Calmac deep lying role not a problem for
the youngster. His bill is 'attacking mid', but we'll
see.
HAKUNA HATATE - N/A
Poor Reo, thinking he was on a rest day. Nope.
Tune-up for The Sheep.
GREGGS THE BAKER - N/A
See Reo; another dragged away from his Tik-Tok
for the last ten minutes.
THE NOTAPRODDYGAL - 8/10
That went well. Changes can be troublesome, but
the only trouble he caused was to Coonty. Every
replacement contributed, the system remained
functional and productive, with added glamour
and sparkle making it a dazzling display.
All-in, a bit of a Gucci belt of an afternoon.
MIBBERY - 1/10
Dazed and confused; not just a 90s indie movie, but a
pretty good summation of the MIBs dressing room at
half-time.
Only question was, who was more devastated and
reluctant to come back out for the second half - them
or Coonty?
OVERALL - 8/10
A game of two halves. Thank Ghod we held on for the win.
There's always been games like these dotted through the
seasons that are more like landmines than banana skins
and can seriously derail momentum. Not so, today. The
Heelanders were cleared out so brutally they thought
they'd just lost Culloden again.
Their keeper shat it before half-time and the new fella
gets to wind him up all week with a clean sheet. We'd
already done the business in swashbuckling style with
every new face contributing majorly to another scintillating
Celtic performance.
This was the perfect answer to any question of complacency
or demotivation coming off the CL highs. Getting the three
points is always the ultimate goal, but doing it in style
seems to be this squad's forte. Long may that continue as
we get entertainment heaped on top of success. Now for
Wednesday and the title clincher. Who wants to face these
Celts on a roll? Baaaaaa....
Dedicated to:
Simon Donnelly.
The 'wee lad' is FIFTY tomorrow. Fifty. Jeez-oh. Seems like
yesterday Macari was hailing our new Dalglish and the slight, nippy
blonde kid with the eye for goal was buzzing about up front with
a Celtic strip flapping around him like he'd been hung up on a
washing line inside a quilt cover.
Simon shone as a young man in a toiling Celtic team that was
among the worst in our history. What could have been if a bhoy
of his talent had today's advantages in coaching and facilities.
But he gave his all and gave us some bright moments in the
deadly gloom of the early Nineties. And now he gets his reward -
a licence to talk pish to us down Celtic Tv co-comms of an
afternoon.
Happy Birthday, Simon, and cheers.
Go Away Now
Sandman
"Never settle for 'just getting the job done'. Excel!"
- Tom Hopkins
THE FRIENDLY GHOST - 6/10
The ballboys knew what was coming - handed him a Xmas present
on twenty minutes; a Celtic crossword book and pen. So that at
least kept his mind occupied while his nuts chilled. Finished
the game with one clue left to get: 'What are dead but not dead,
smell like carbolic soap and boiled cabbage and think King Billy
was straight?" Four letters, begins with 'H', ends with 'S'.
WAYNE GRETZKY - 7/10
AJ doesn't need to talk to you - he's rated in the current
top 22 defenders on the planet. But you wouldn't think he'd
heard.
Humbly giving his 100% for the Hoops, running his hooves off
and generally Moose-ing about like a nuisance (a moosance!)
for their backlines; might have scored too if he'd gotten a
long leg on the end of a sizzling Jamesy near-post ball.
UNCANNY - 7/10
"I'm not fuckin' leavin'!" The Wolf Of Wall Street meme is stong
in this one. Barca throw us an early Xmas gift with a season-long
approval and a hint of a buyout possibility.
So the kid gets a start and for a wee while it's looking like the
Catalans are trolling us because he's untidy, slack and erratic.
But he's also EVERYWHERE. And soon the touch took and he landed in
his groove and we got a comprehensive display of why he's rated;
so unlucky not to get a glory goal of his own too.
OF JUSTICE - 8/10 MOTM
A goal and an assist in the first fifteen minutes - we had
the Ginger Baresi, Beckenbauer and Maldini all rolled into
one.
No confidence crisis for Liam over his unfortunate omissions
from the starting eleven - he epitomised the correct attitude
for 90 minutes, making his mark and giving the boss a conundrum
for Wednesday.
GET CARTER - 6.5/10
Took to Wednesday's field of screams once more with
determination and focus; not on his watch was that
happening again.
So with Kasper's encouraging words ringing in his ears -
"Stay oot Ma fuckin' boax" - big CCV made amends with
a quiet but accomplished performance.
CALMAC - 7/10
Wham bam thank ye M'am! - number FIVE from outside the
box from the skipper's lethal left peg. This one the sweetest
of all - perfectly caught, bending and blistering away from
the keeper's outstretched paws. Lovely highlight of a well
orchestrated win.
SAINT BERNARDO - 7.5/10
'We want Paulo!', posted the hordes all over the web.
And Paulo we got - rugged, languid, guileful and impactful.
The workrate was capped by the skill factor and his goal
well deserved. Expected starter in midweek?
HIGHLAND TOFFEE - 7.5/10
Luke what we've got here - a classy goalscoring midfielder
living the dream. Great movement - which underpinned his
afternoon - take and hit for his goal; earned the break.
Had his wits about him and relished the responsibility of
getting the three valuable points. Did so with aplomb.
JAMESY - 7/10
Incredibly the, 'couldnae score in a brothel' line is
still tagged to Jamesy's latest season. Not for want
of trying; blocked, foiled, unlucky, and still hustlng
around like a young 'un.
The mounting Jamesy frustration should be a warning
to any partying ladies out and about in Prestwick tonight -
beware, 'cos it'll be like the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man
exploded...
DUNCAN IDAHO - 7.5/10
Smothered for a quarter of the game, rarley glimpsed
among the bodies then, after being slow to a dangerous
ball, he took the stage and looked a valuable asset
after all.
Could have been a hat-trick, save for the woodwork, but
memorable sweeping effort after a tidy dragback. No Xmas
donkey auditions today; this one had quite a kick.
LORD KATSUMOTO - 7/10
No Daizen, no party. The lobotomized amongst us don't
rate him but the rest of the world does. On days like
these his pace does the simple job of isolating the
full-back, drawing fouls, cards and setting up goals.
On the big CL nights that pace buys precious time for
the team to reset and focus as Daizen Daizens-it,
carreering round opposition defences, disrupting
build-up and counters.
But I don't need to explain that to you, dear reader,
because you're not a fucking idiot. You interlopers,
on the other hand... Enjoy yer nights, pals.
SUBS -
YING - 6/10
Good feet, fast sharp and keen. Nice run-out.
TONY THE TIGER - N/A
The Brickie thrown in to see out the points.
THE TERMINATOR - N/A
The Calmac deep lying role not a problem for
the youngster. His bill is 'attacking mid', but we'll
see.
HAKUNA HATATE - N/A
Poor Reo, thinking he was on a rest day. Nope.
Tune-up for The Sheep.
GREGGS THE BAKER - N/A
See Reo; another dragged away from his Tik-Tok
for the last ten minutes.
THE NOTAPRODDYGAL - 8/10
That went well. Changes can be troublesome, but
the only trouble he caused was to Coonty. Every
replacement contributed, the system remained
functional and productive, with added glamour
and sparkle making it a dazzling display.
All-in, a bit of a Gucci belt of an afternoon.
MIBBERY - 1/10
Dazed and confused; not just a 90s indie movie, but a
pretty good summation of the MIBs dressing room at
half-time.
Only question was, who was more devastated and
reluctant to come back out for the second half - them
or Coonty?
OVERALL - 8/10
A game of two halves. Thank Ghod we held on for the win.
There's always been games like these dotted through the
seasons that are more like landmines than banana skins
and can seriously derail momentum. Not so, today. The
Heelanders were cleared out so brutally they thought
they'd just lost Culloden again.
Their keeper shat it before half-time and the new fella
gets to wind him up all week with a clean sheet. We'd
already done the business in swashbuckling style with
every new face contributing majorly to another scintillating
Celtic performance.
This was the perfect answer to any question of complacency
or demotivation coming off the CL highs. Getting the three
points is always the ultimate goal, but doing it in style
seems to be this squad's forte. Long may that continue as
we get entertainment heaped on top of success. Now for
Wednesday and the title clincher. Who wants to face these
Celts on a roll? Baaaaaa....
Dedicated to:
Simon Donnelly.
The 'wee lad' is FIFTY tomorrow. Fifty. Jeez-oh. Seems like
yesterday Macari was hailing our new Dalglish and the slight, nippy
blonde kid with the eye for goal was buzzing about up front with
a Celtic strip flapping around him like he'd been hung up on a
washing line inside a quilt cover.
Simon shone as a young man in a toiling Celtic team that was
among the worst in our history. What could have been if a bhoy
of his talent had today's advantages in coaching and facilities.
But he gave his all and gave us some bright moments in the
deadly gloom of the early Nineties. And now he gets his reward -
a licence to talk pish to us down Celtic Tv co-comms of an
afternoon.
Happy Birthday, Simon, and cheers.
Go Away Now
Sandman
Last edited:
Happy 50th...
