Sandman
Well-known member
SANDMAN'S DEFINITIVE RATINGS: CELTIC v SAINT JINKY
"All good things arrive unto them that wait -
and don't die in the meantime."
- Mark Twain.
ROXIE - 6.5/10
Another 'quiet' day, although kept busy enough playing
sweeper and calling the shots; don't underestimate the
presence and the influence of an experienced showgirl...
TONY THE TIGER - 8/10 MOTM
Grrrreat... Got to say, for every miscue there's a peach -
exemplified by Tony's snapped half-volley cross at the
perfect time to tee up the opener.
Witness the industry required to keep that precious jersey,
and the determination and focus of a serial killer on a
personal-best spree.
Even assassination attempts by his own Japansese samurai
are walked off and treated as everyday work hazards. I'd
imagine he's now Ange's first name on the teamsheet; no
qualms about what you'll get from the Tiger, tiger, burning
bright...
GET CARTER - 7/10
How dare you! As Cop26 (whoever the fuck he is, and how
hopeless were the first 25?) tries to stop the planet
exploding/melting/freezing (Ask Al 'Messiah' Gore...)
wee Greta is outraged on her trip to Celtic Park as Get
Carter dares to absorb kicks and punches, and is rightly
booked for his insolence...
Welcome to Scotland. 'Solid' best describes our growling
Yank in both physicality and performance. Let's hope Kane
broke his foot and knuckles. Nobody rolls the Big Man and
gets away with it. The November semi-final should provide
some popcorn-worthy rematches...
STAR LORD - 7.5/10
Ooh, so close to being Invisible Talking Racoon Of The Match.
Best first-half in the Hoops as he got a nod on every cross,
was alert and flew into tackles with controlled aggression.
Even looked comfortable on the ball and keen to get involved.
But his imaginary friend must have stayed in hospitality
at half-time as nerves began to fray and we got jittery
Star Lord for a while, lacking decisiveness, shipping a
couple of alarming opportunities. But, overall, our paranoid
schizophrenic centre-back came through with stability and
credit. Rodent's still in the bar, though...
JURAN JURAN - 7/10
The penalty king of Parkhead. Not a difficult title to earn
but thank Ghod there's someone who knows how to plant one
like a proper accomplished taker.
After a quiet first half his class came to the fore; great
touches, support, impact. Now appears to be settling into
his Celtic role well .
CALMAC - 7.5/10
A treasure. The human metronome who processes every Celtic
move, turning us over, maintaining the base mechanics of
Celtic play even when there's not a lot happening further
ahead of him.
As they stifled us, he dictated tempo, refusing to lapse
into first gear and facillitate their gameplan. His
constant prompting kept us on our toes and forced them
into energy-draining shuttling.
A cultured captain's performance.
ROGIC - 6.5/10
Crowded House were from New Zealand, but you get the
general antipodean drift as Oz went shoulder-to-shoulder
in the low-block St.Johnstone jungle.
But he found much more influence on the game today than
Tuesday's misfire. Once they tired, the dancing boats came
into play and space opened up for him to deftly nudge us
towards a win.
EDDIE TURNBULL - 6.5/10
Like Oz, their aim was to curb his guile and nullify
our creative ambitions as much as possible. So they hid
his zimmer.
But again like Oz, his persistence paid dividend latterly
as precious extra seconds of time allowed his ability to
make a difference. Saw something today that's been missing
often from his general game: dig.
NOTEBOOK - 6/10
6.5million is all Benfica want for him according to a
fella in the pub who knows a lot about the interweb.
So get that Just Giving page opened and find the cash
before TheRangers step in ahead of us and snatch him....
LOL, just kidding, Hun interlopers - we know you're
fucking rookit and probably going to auction off a
pump at Morelos' missus (or Alfie himself...) just to
keep the lights on; all before Slippy G jumps the sinking
ship (Titanic II) to Geordieland.
Anyway, despite enlivening flashes of silken grace,
nothing really ran for him today - apart from being awarded
the pished-up-sponsors MOTM so their former Wham groupie
wives can get their pics with young 'Georgedy'...
MR.KOBAYASHI - 6/10
Winger? The only wings Koyogo does well are those on Mitsibushi
Zeros... (see what I did there WWII Pacific conflict historians
and glorious suicide fans?). So the conundrum is where to start
our dynamic shogun.
Out wide he's far too absent. Down the middle is where he belongs.
If that entails playing a 3-3-4 against SPL muppets to facilitate
Koyogo and a target Son Of Jackie, so be it; or sacrifice a winger.
But when he's given free reign to maraud around the centre-backs
the chaos is match-winning, as his penalty award indicates.
SON OF JACKIE - 6.5/10
He's a big unit, and agile too. That finish was class; adjusting
to guide in a flashing ball at waist height. Something his Dad
specialized in. Both on and off the park...
We saw decent movement as well as he jousted contantly to find an
opening amid a packed defence. Only gripe would be that we didn't
play to his strengths enough - looks like the would thrive on plenty
of crosses thrown in early; we dithered and checked too much today,
and his potential was somewhat wasted.
SUBS:
MIKEY J - 6/10
Gave us a few dizzying dribbles to savour and some decent balls in;
damn cursed to strike the post flat-on after measuring up a late
chance well.
ABADASS - N/A
His well-earned rest interrupted by a late introduction.
THE YETI - N/A
Incredible effort to amble on for injury time. Took it's toll
as he tumbled in the box, but was revived successfully.
ANITA DOBSON - 7.5/10
The honeymoon's long over, Ange. Den's needing the bar stocked.
He was told after the witchcraft of Mordor, and he's taken it on
board; we're now in a period of settling into domesticity, and
we're getting some added bliss.
Up against The Real Manager Of The Year last season, who out-scored
his nearest rival 2 trophies to 1 yet was left empty handed as the
Scottish Football establishment and hacks fell wanking to the floor
over the Hun anomaly in the matrix and forgot all about him.
So Angeball faced up to a drilled, stoical team prepared to deny
space, time and creativity at all costs. Probably the system's
best test to date because we had to sacrifice its core dynamism.
And once more, conviction saw Ange's methodology through. Naysayers
and doubters may be seen shrugging and buying tickets for the Angebus
now, because we're picking up momentum. And we'd all be as well
getting on board to see where this ride takes us.
MIBBERY - 7/10
My suspicion of MIBs often overflows into what the wife calls
'irrational hate'... Stupid burd, open your eyes...
Well, as early as mid-first period, after a few mental tweaks
from seeing mystifying flags and whistles, I was snarling at
Junior Brother Walsh's handling of things, bad omens
rising.
Then it came as we failed to kill them off (I told you so, woman!)
- the Get Carter incident; a straight red for a violent opponent
masonified into a yellow for the hooped victim. Little Nick himself,
who's now a certianty to have a train pulled on him at the next
ludge meeting after that fenian-baiting fiasco.
Such a laughable tragedy for him to have to award the penalty
minutes after. No way out of that one. Like Zinedine Zidane before
his penalty against England in Euro 2004, I swear Walsh threw up
near the spot he was pointing at. Nae luck, Nick. Go pull a pinkie
for me, eh?
OVERALL - 7.5/10
That was a good dull win. Professional job done, potential bannana
skin negotiated well. St.Johnstone have become a difficult obstacle
to overcome without mishap. Today wasn't pretty, it was patient;
Like Michael Mols' missus, you might say...
But three 2-0 wins on the trot is formidable for confidence ahead
of a tricky trip to junkietown midweek. On we roll, roll, roll,
thrill ma soul...
Alright.
And Fock Thee Diaz Brothers!
Go Away Now
Sandman.
"All good things arrive unto them that wait -
and don't die in the meantime."
- Mark Twain.
ROXIE - 6.5/10
Another 'quiet' day, although kept busy enough playing
sweeper and calling the shots; don't underestimate the
presence and the influence of an experienced showgirl...
TONY THE TIGER - 8/10 MOTM
Grrrreat... Got to say, for every miscue there's a peach -
exemplified by Tony's snapped half-volley cross at the
perfect time to tee up the opener.
Witness the industry required to keep that precious jersey,
and the determination and focus of a serial killer on a
personal-best spree.
Even assassination attempts by his own Japansese samurai
are walked off and treated as everyday work hazards. I'd
imagine he's now Ange's first name on the teamsheet; no
qualms about what you'll get from the Tiger, tiger, burning
bright...
GET CARTER - 7/10
How dare you! As Cop26 (whoever the fuck he is, and how
hopeless were the first 25?) tries to stop the planet
exploding/melting/freezing (Ask Al 'Messiah' Gore...)
wee Greta is outraged on her trip to Celtic Park as Get
Carter dares to absorb kicks and punches, and is rightly
booked for his insolence...
Welcome to Scotland. 'Solid' best describes our growling
Yank in both physicality and performance. Let's hope Kane
broke his foot and knuckles. Nobody rolls the Big Man and
gets away with it. The November semi-final should provide
some popcorn-worthy rematches...
STAR LORD - 7.5/10
Ooh, so close to being Invisible Talking Racoon Of The Match.
Best first-half in the Hoops as he got a nod on every cross,
was alert and flew into tackles with controlled aggression.
Even looked comfortable on the ball and keen to get involved.
But his imaginary friend must have stayed in hospitality
at half-time as nerves began to fray and we got jittery
Star Lord for a while, lacking decisiveness, shipping a
couple of alarming opportunities. But, overall, our paranoid
schizophrenic centre-back came through with stability and
credit. Rodent's still in the bar, though...
JURAN JURAN - 7/10
The penalty king of Parkhead. Not a difficult title to earn
but thank Ghod there's someone who knows how to plant one
like a proper accomplished taker.
After a quiet first half his class came to the fore; great
touches, support, impact. Now appears to be settling into
his Celtic role well .
CALMAC - 7.5/10
A treasure. The human metronome who processes every Celtic
move, turning us over, maintaining the base mechanics of
Celtic play even when there's not a lot happening further
ahead of him.
As they stifled us, he dictated tempo, refusing to lapse
into first gear and facillitate their gameplan. His
constant prompting kept us on our toes and forced them
into energy-draining shuttling.
A cultured captain's performance.
ROGIC - 6.5/10
Crowded House were from New Zealand, but you get the
general antipodean drift as Oz went shoulder-to-shoulder
in the low-block St.Johnstone jungle.
But he found much more influence on the game today than
Tuesday's misfire. Once they tired, the dancing boats came
into play and space opened up for him to deftly nudge us
towards a win.
EDDIE TURNBULL - 6.5/10
Like Oz, their aim was to curb his guile and nullify
our creative ambitions as much as possible. So they hid
his zimmer.
But again like Oz, his persistence paid dividend latterly
as precious extra seconds of time allowed his ability to
make a difference. Saw something today that's been missing
often from his general game: dig.
NOTEBOOK - 6/10
6.5million is all Benfica want for him according to a
fella in the pub who knows a lot about the interweb.
So get that Just Giving page opened and find the cash
before TheRangers step in ahead of us and snatch him....
LOL, just kidding, Hun interlopers - we know you're
fucking rookit and probably going to auction off a
pump at Morelos' missus (or Alfie himself...) just to
keep the lights on; all before Slippy G jumps the sinking
ship (Titanic II) to Geordieland.
Anyway, despite enlivening flashes of silken grace,
nothing really ran for him today - apart from being awarded
the pished-up-sponsors MOTM so their former Wham groupie
wives can get their pics with young 'Georgedy'...
MR.KOBAYASHI - 6/10
Winger? The only wings Koyogo does well are those on Mitsibushi
Zeros... (see what I did there WWII Pacific conflict historians
and glorious suicide fans?). So the conundrum is where to start
our dynamic shogun.
Out wide he's far too absent. Down the middle is where he belongs.
If that entails playing a 3-3-4 against SPL muppets to facilitate
Koyogo and a target Son Of Jackie, so be it; or sacrifice a winger.
But when he's given free reign to maraud around the centre-backs
the chaos is match-winning, as his penalty award indicates.
SON OF JACKIE - 6.5/10
He's a big unit, and agile too. That finish was class; adjusting
to guide in a flashing ball at waist height. Something his Dad
specialized in. Both on and off the park...
We saw decent movement as well as he jousted contantly to find an
opening amid a packed defence. Only gripe would be that we didn't
play to his strengths enough - looks like the would thrive on plenty
of crosses thrown in early; we dithered and checked too much today,
and his potential was somewhat wasted.
SUBS:
MIKEY J - 6/10
Gave us a few dizzying dribbles to savour and some decent balls in;
damn cursed to strike the post flat-on after measuring up a late
chance well.
ABADASS - N/A
His well-earned rest interrupted by a late introduction.
THE YETI - N/A
Incredible effort to amble on for injury time. Took it's toll
as he tumbled in the box, but was revived successfully.
ANITA DOBSON - 7.5/10
The honeymoon's long over, Ange. Den's needing the bar stocked.
He was told after the witchcraft of Mordor, and he's taken it on
board; we're now in a period of settling into domesticity, and
we're getting some added bliss.
Up against The Real Manager Of The Year last season, who out-scored
his nearest rival 2 trophies to 1 yet was left empty handed as the
Scottish Football establishment and hacks fell wanking to the floor
over the Hun anomaly in the matrix and forgot all about him.
So Angeball faced up to a drilled, stoical team prepared to deny
space, time and creativity at all costs. Probably the system's
best test to date because we had to sacrifice its core dynamism.
And once more, conviction saw Ange's methodology through. Naysayers
and doubters may be seen shrugging and buying tickets for the Angebus
now, because we're picking up momentum. And we'd all be as well
getting on board to see where this ride takes us.
MIBBERY - 7/10
My suspicion of MIBs often overflows into what the wife calls
'irrational hate'... Stupid burd, open your eyes...
Well, as early as mid-first period, after a few mental tweaks
from seeing mystifying flags and whistles, I was snarling at
Junior Brother Walsh's handling of things, bad omens
rising.
Then it came as we failed to kill them off (I told you so, woman!)
- the Get Carter incident; a straight red for a violent opponent
masonified into a yellow for the hooped victim. Little Nick himself,
who's now a certianty to have a train pulled on him at the next
ludge meeting after that fenian-baiting fiasco.
Such a laughable tragedy for him to have to award the penalty
minutes after. No way out of that one. Like Zinedine Zidane before
his penalty against England in Euro 2004, I swear Walsh threw up
near the spot he was pointing at. Nae luck, Nick. Go pull a pinkie
for me, eh?
OVERALL - 7.5/10
That was a good dull win. Professional job done, potential bannana
skin negotiated well. St.Johnstone have become a difficult obstacle
to overcome without mishap. Today wasn't pretty, it was patient;
Like Michael Mols' missus, you might say...
But three 2-0 wins on the trot is formidable for confidence ahead
of a tricky trip to junkietown midweek. On we roll, roll, roll,
thrill ma soul...
Alright.
And Fock Thee Diaz Brothers!
Go Away Now
Sandman.
