SANDMAN'S DEFINITIVE RATINGS: CELTIC v STEELY DAN

Sandman

Well-known member
SANDMAN'S DEFINITIVE RATINGS: CELTIC v STEELY DAN


"Defeat may serve as well as victory to shake the soul
and let the glory out."

- Edwin Markham


"The eye of genius always has a plaintive expression
and its natural language is pathos."

- Lydia M. Child






ROXIE - 7/10

"Big Joe! Big Joe! He passes like Pirlo!
Na Na-naaa, Na-Nanaaa!"

He also executes textbook headers and ocassionally
feels the need to use his hands.


GREGGS THE BAKER - 6.5/10

The prime exmple of not stopping - his game was
again all about the mentality that's secured him the
jersey. Here, there, and everywhere in their faces;
Like a discarded sausage roll bag blowing around.



STAR LORD - 6.5/10

Scene of the day - the racoon standing behind their
goal jaw-dropped, hands wide in perplexity trying to
work out how the bosss managed to miss with that
header.

So close, yet so far, to his first Celtic goal -
obviously a Shelby bookies scam. And then threw in
his ubiquitous self-destruct moment by trying to
give Joe something to do late on with Motherwell's
best through-ball of the day.



GET CARTER - 6.5/10

Made of rockcrete; spent his lunchtime bouncing
around big angular plastic hardmen forwards as he
auditioned for the big American event of the year -
the part of "The Thing" in the Fantastic Four
movie reboot.



TONY THE TIGER - 7/10

The Ralstonado tearing up the wing has been a
sight to behold. If today was the showcase for
next season, then he's enhanced his chances of
retaining the spot with some wicked crossing on
top of the tireless supporting runs.



CALMAC - 6.5/10

Skip the light fantastic. Our skip strolled in
the sun, drinking in his inaugral 90 minutes as
title-winning captain. Should have had shades on
with the mask as he basked deservedly in the
glory, pinging passes around with a grin.



OZ THE MAGNIFICENT - 7/10

Rivers, man, rivers... Who cut the onions?

An unwelcome sight on such a joyous day: the
final appearance of a Hooped maestro. Such a
shock to dull the edge of glory; a loss to our
guile and invention that we'd seen a glorious
reprise of in this campaign, and surely vital to
our Champions League hopes...

But no - this time it's for real. Oz's magic
slippers are clicking together and he's going
home for good.

No! Noooo!

"There's no place like paradise,
there's no place like paradise..." Say it, damn
you Oz! Say it!

Ah, well... A traitorous post prevented a fitting
finale with a Rogic goal to complete the
scintillating highlights reel of a modern-day
legend.

And when his number came up for the last time,
The Wizard himself couldn't maintain that
illusion of beatific calm and choked with the
emotion.

Didn't we all... And still are. So farewell to
a beautiful Hunskelping man and footballer.

Sniff...



EDDIE TURNBULL - 7/10

"Motherwell? Did I used to play for them? Hibs,
surely?"

Confused, the old boy took a little while to
settle, but thereafter we got glimpses of his
invention and sweet ability that had us
anguishing over his cup final injury. Maybe
he's the hope we need for midfield mastery.



NOTEBOOK - 8/10

Currently getting a jaggy bunnet from big Joe
in the dressing room after snatching away
the world keepie-uppie title from him with
some juggling magic early on.

Then proved a real headache for the 'Well
defence with his lively dynamism, echoing
the prancing frivolity of the Wham Rap! video.

Ultimately, got a deserved last goal of the
season that was a yard offside. Just to annoy
the Huns a little more.
Should we retrospectively agree to disallow
it as a gesture of goodwill and prelude the
forthcoming introduction of VAR?

Yes, if it'll make the New Klub feel better
about being pumped by 20 goals instead of 21,
then we have to do all we can as it's 'be kind
to animals' weekend.

Because on Wednesday it's Spanish riot cops'
'Smash A Donkey To Fuck Day,' apparently.
Whatever that entails...



LORD KATSUMOTO - 7/10

Buzz, buzz, buzz. Non-stop terrorising of
Scotland first-choice right-back (no laughing)
Scion McDonegal. At you like a hungover wasp,
with a sting to ruin your game, breaking-up,
breaking-out, setting up, and scorching the turf
with his pace.

People wonder if he's even got an off-switch.
Don't be ridiculous; he's Japanese - Ange works
him by remote control.



MR.KOBAYASHI - 8.5/10 MOTM

The Samurai blade is sharp - a work of art by
master swordsmiths, conceived of many-folded
steel layers, honed to perfection. Our cutting-edge
got blunted mid-season, only after showing us what
he's capable of.

Now we can see what may come with rest and
recuperation - icisive, deadly, glinting strikes
in the (rising) sun that take your breath away.
Two finishes of intuitive ability, executed a
mind-step ahead of opponents. And me. And you.

Can't wait for next season's Kyogo, already.



SUBS:


SON OF JACKIE - 7.5/10

Anything you can do... How about that for a
finale? The Greek Denis Law, The Handsome Wayne
Rooney, The Hunskelper-In-Waiting, gave us a
moment to enthrall with acrobatics not seen
outside Alfie's wife's lover's bedroom.

Then he capped it all with a comedy injury-time
finish, scoring with two-touches for only the
second time in his Celtic career.

Another who, when fully-fit, has you salivating
for August.



BLOCKCHAIN - NIR/10

For God's sake, Celtic, there's no fucking hankies left.
The tungsten-linked Israeli Racing Snake took
the field in tears, proudly brandishing the
captain's armband one last time, epotomising his
glorious service to this club. Our utility player
of the century. תודה Nir.



MCCARTHYISM - N/A

Entered amid the farewell furore, looked like
he enjoyed himself, particulary when he skittled
over Jackie with a goalbound strike.



TAMAGOTCHI - N/A

Done up like Steven Segal, it was interesting
to see how the 4th Samurai segued into Angeball.
Couple of moments raised interest - particularly
a deft side-footed pass out of trouble outside
our box that had the beguiling air of Turnbull
about it; until someone told me, against my
insistence, that it was actually Tamagotchi.
That's non-racially discriminating beer for you.



RAQUEL - N/A

As if the day wasn't glamorous enough, on she
comes and floats around; floating in the air at
one point, nearly connecting her divine head
with the sixth before Jackie bundled it in.
Just as well - might have ruined the hair.





ANITA DOBSON - 9/10

He delivered, completely. Set the side up for
verve, and no little pathos - gave the big
players the big moments their fantastic Celtic
careers deserved, and enjoyed his own spadefuls
of well-earned adulation.

And it was sunny, just like home. But he still
wore a jumper. Point off for no taps aff...



MIBBERY - 1/10

Showed early promise by intercepting a pass
as we sought to open them up. But pretty soon
the calculator in his Casio digital watch
finished the calculation it had been working
on since last Saturday, and to his gall he
realised a 10-0 defeat for us wouldn't result
in a 5-point deduction, therefore all MIB
hopes were truly lost.

Somehow made it through the game, taking
our emotional moments to shed tears of his
own for... Other reasons...
Then choked at the sheer audacity of the Tims
to score in the little injury time he added, giving
him his own personal little Boby Tait moment.

Was last seen greetin' his eyes out in the car park.



OVERALL - 9/10

It's such a perfect day, I'm glad I spent it
with you...

Not a dry eye in the house. Tears of joy, sobs
of farewell. Glory in green and white, sunshine
over sorrows - we got everything we wanted on
and off the pitch and memories to cherish.

Such a fine win to cap it all off and conclude
a season that will live long in the pantheon of
great Celtic triumphs. Goals of quality, and
flashes of greatness that wowed the galleries;
and that was without Jamesy.

The curtain was brought down with a flourish,
we left this exciting stage with heavy hearts
but uplifted spirits as we imagine the shape
of things to come.

It's been emotional. To say the least.


Go Away Now

Until I pitch in some insane gabbling one last
time with the season review. Gimme a week.


Sandman.
 

boab1916

Well-known member
SANDMAN'S DEFINITIVE RATINGS: CELTIC v STEELY DAN


"Defeat may serve as well as victory to shake the soul
and let the glory out."

- Edwin Markham


"The eye of genius always has a plaintive expression
and its natural language is pathos."

- Lydia M. Child






ROXIE - 7/10

"Big Joe! Big Joe! He passes like Pirlo!
Na Na-naaa, Na-Nanaaa!"

He also executes textbook headers and ocassionally
feels the need to use his hands.


GREGGS THE BAKER - 6.5/10

The prime exmple of not stopping - his game was
again all about the mentality that's secured him the
jersey. Here, there, and everywhere in their faces;
Like a discarded sausage roll bag blowing around.



STAR LORD - 6.5/10

Scene of the day - the racoon standing behind their
goal jaw-dropped, hands wide in perplexity trying to
work out how the bosss managed to miss with that
header.

So close, yet so far, to his first Celtic goal -
obviously a Shelby bookies scam. And then threw in
his ubiquitous self-destruct moment by trying to
give Joe something to do late on with Motherwell's
best through-ball of the day.



GET CARTER - 6.5/10

Made of rockcrete; spent his lunchtime bouncing
around big angular plastic hardmen forwards as he
auditioned for the big American event of the year -
the part of "The Thing" in the Fantastic Four
movie reboot.



TONY THE TIGER - 7/10

The Ralstonado tearing up the wing has been a
sight to behold. If today was the showcase for
next season, then he's enhanced his chances of
retaining the spot with some wicked crossing on
top of the tireless supporting runs.



CALMAC - 6.5/10

Skip the light fantastic. Our skip strolled in
the sun, drinking in his inaugral 90 minutes as
title-winning captain. Should have had shades on
with the mask as he basked deservedly in the
glory, pinging passes around with a grin.



OZ THE MAGNIFICENT - 7/10

Rivers, man, rivers... Who cut the onions?

An unwelcome sight on such a joyous day: the
final appearance of a Hooped maestro. Such a
shock to dull the edge of glory; a loss to our
guile and invention that we'd seen a glorious
reprise of in this campaign, and surely vital to
our Champions League hopes...

But no - this time it's for real. Oz's magic
slippers are clicking together and he's going
home for good.

No! Noooo!

"There's no place like paradise,
there's no place like paradise..." Say it, damn
you Oz! Say it!

Ah, well... A traitorous post prevented a fitting
finale with a Rogic goal to complete the
scintillating highlights reel of a modern-day
legend.

And when his number came up for the last time,
The Wizard himself couldn't maintain that
illusion of beatific calm and choked with the
emotion.

Didn't we all... And still are. So farewell to
a beautiful Hunskelping man and footballer.

Sniff...



EDDIE TURNBULL - 7/10

"Motherwell? Did I used to play for them? Hibs,
surely?"

Confused, the old boy took a little while to
settle, but thereafter we got glimpses of his
invention and sweet ability that had us
anguishing over his cup final injury. Maybe
he's the hope we need for midfield mastery.



NOTEBOOK - 8/10

Currently getting a jaggy bunnet from big Joe
in the dressing room after snatching away
the world keepie-uppie title from him with
some juggling magic early on.

Then proved a real headache for the 'Well
defence with his lively dynamism, echoing
the prancing frivolity of the Wham Rap! video.

Ultimately, got a deserved last goal of the
season that was a yard offside. Just to annoy
the Huns a little more.
Should we retrospectively agree to disallow
it as a gesture of goodwill and prelude the
forthcoming introduction of VAR?

Yes, if it'll make the New Klub feel better
about being pumped by 20 goals instead of 21,
then we have to do all we can as it's 'be kind
to animals' weekend.

Because on Wednesday it's Spanish riot cops'
'Smash A Donkey To Fuck Day,' apparently.
Whatever that entails...



LORD KATSUMOTO - 7/10

Buzz, buzz, buzz. Non-stop terrorising of
Scotland first-choice right-back (no laughing)
Scion McDonegal. At you like a hungover wasp,
with a sting to ruin your game, breaking-up,
breaking-out, setting up, and scorching the turf
with his pace.

People wonder if he's even got an off-switch.
Don't be ridiculous; he's Japanese - Ange works
him by remote control.



MR.KOBAYASHI - 8.5/10 MOTM

The Samurai blade is sharp - a work of art by
master swordsmiths, conceived of many-folded
steel layers, honed to perfection. Our cutting-edge
got blunted mid-season, only after showing us what
he's capable of.

Now we can see what may come with rest and
recuperation - icisive, deadly, glinting strikes
in the (rising) sun that take your breath away.
Two finishes of intuitive ability, executed a
mind-step ahead of opponents. And me. And you.

Can't wait for next season's Kyogo, already.



SUBS:


SON OF JACKIE - 7.5/10

Anything you can do... How about that for a
finale? The Greek Denis Law, The Handsome Wayne
Rooney, The Hunskelper-In-Waiting, gave us a
moment to enthrall with acrobatics not seen
outside Alfie's wife's lover's bedroom.

Then he capped it all with a comedy injury-time
finish, scoring with two-touches for only the
second time in his Celtic career.

Another who, when fully-fit, has you salivating
for August.



BLOCKCHAIN - NIR/10

For God's sake, Celtic, there's no fucking hankies left.
The tungsten-linked Israeli Racing Snake took
the field in tears, proudly brandishing the
captain's armband one last time, epotomising his
glorious service to this club. Our utility player
of the century. תודה Nir.



MCCARTHYISM - N/A

Entered amid the farewell furore, looked like
he enjoyed himself, particulary when he skittled
over Jackie with a goalbound strike.



TAMAGOTCHI - N/A

Done up like Steven Segal, it was interesting
to see how the 4th Samurai segued into Angeball.
Couple of moments raised interest - particularly
a deft side-footed pass out of trouble outside
our box that had the beguiling air of Turnbull
about it; until someone told me, against my
insistence, that it was actually Tamagotchi.
That's non-racially discriminating beer for you.



RAQUEL - N/A

As if the day wasn't glamorous enough, on she
comes and floats around; floating in the air at
one point, nearly connecting her divine head
with the sixth before Jackie bundled it in.
Just as well - might have ruined the hair.





ANITA DOBSON - 9/10

He delivered, completely. Set the side up for
verve, and no little pathos - gave the big
players the big moments their fantastic Celtic
careers deserved, and enjoyed his own spadefuls
of well-earned adulation.

And it was sunny, just like home. But he still
wore a jumper. Point off for no taps aff...



MIBBERY - 1/10

Showed early promise by intercepting a pass
as we sought to open them up. But pretty soon
the calculator in his Casio digital watch
finished the calculation it had been working
on since last Saturday, and to his gall he
realised a 10-0 defeat for us wouldn't result
in a 5-point deduction, therefore all MIB
hopes were truly lost.

Somehow made it through the game, taking
our emotional moments to shed tears of his
own for... Other reasons...
Then choked at the sheer audacity of the Tims
to score in the little injury time he added, giving
him his own personal little Boby Tait moment.

Was last seen greetin' his eyes out in the car park.



OVERALL - 9/10

It's such a perfect day, I'm glad I spent it
with you...

Not a dry eye in the house. Tears of joy, sobs
of farewell. Glory in green and white, sunshine
over sorrows - we got everything we wanted on
and off the pitch and memories to cherish.

Such a fine win to cap it all off and conclude
a season that will live long in the pantheon of
great Celtic triumphs. Goals of quality, and
flashes of greatness that wowed the galleries;
and that was without Jamesy.

The curtain was brought down with a flourish,
we left this exciting stage with heavy hearts
but uplifted spirits as we imagine the shape
of things to come.

It's been emotional. To say the least.


Go Away Now

Until I pitch in some insane gabbling one last
time with the season review. Gimme a week.


Sandman.
Class and look forward to your input next season Hail Hail Sandman enjoy your break .

1652552438402.png
 

Shottsghirl

Well-known member
SANDMAN'S DEFINITIVE RATINGS: CELTIC v STEELY DAN


"Defeat may serve as well as victory to shake the soul
and let the glory out."

- Edwin Markham


"The eye of genius always has a plaintive expression
and its natural language is pathos."

- Lydia M. Child






ROXIE - 7/10

"Big Joe! Big Joe! He passes like Pirlo!
Na Na-naaa, Na-Nanaaa!"

He also executes textbook headers and ocassionally
feels the need to use his hands.


GREGGS THE BAKER - 6.5/10

The prime exmple of not stopping - his game was
again all about the mentality that's secured him the
jersey. Here, there, and everywhere in their faces;
Like a discarded sausage roll bag blowing around.



STAR LORD - 6.5/10

Scene of the day - the racoon standing behind their
goal jaw-dropped, hands wide in perplexity trying to
work out how the bosss managed to miss with that
header.

So close, yet so far, to his first Celtic goal -
obviously a Shelby bookies scam. And then threw in
his ubiquitous self-destruct moment by trying to
give Joe something to do late on with Motherwell's
best through-ball of the day.



GET CARTER - 6.5/10

Made of rockcrete; spent his lunchtime bouncing
around big angular plastic hardmen forwards as he
auditioned for the big American event of the year -
the part of "The Thing" in the Fantastic Four
movie reboot.



TONY THE TIGER - 7/10

The Ralstonado tearing up the wing has been a
sight to behold. If today was the showcase for
next season, then he's enhanced his chances of
retaining the spot with some wicked crossing on
top of the tireless supporting runs.



CALMAC - 6.5/10

Skip the light fantastic. Our skip strolled in
the sun, drinking in his inaugral 90 minutes as
title-winning captain. Should have had shades on
with the mask as he basked deservedly in the
glory, pinging passes around with a grin.



OZ THE MAGNIFICENT - 7/10

Rivers, man, rivers... Who cut the onions?

An unwelcome sight on such a joyous day: the
final appearance of a Hooped maestro. Such a
shock to dull the edge of glory; a loss to our
guile and invention that we'd seen a glorious
reprise of in this campaign, and surely vital to
our Champions League hopes...

But no - this time it's for real. Oz's magic
slippers are clicking together and he's going
home for good.

No! Noooo!

"There's no place like paradise,
there's no place like paradise..." Say it, damn
you Oz! Say it!

Ah, well... A traitorous post prevented a fitting
finale with a Rogic goal to complete the
scintillating highlights reel of a modern-day
legend.

And when his number came up for the last time,
The Wizard himself couldn't maintain that
illusion of beatific calm and choked with the
emotion.

Didn't we all... And still are. So farewell to
a beautiful Hunskelping man and footballer.

Sniff...



EDDIE TURNBULL - 7/10

"Motherwell? Did I used to play for them? Hibs,
surely?"

Confused, the old boy took a little while to
settle, but thereafter we got glimpses of his
invention and sweet ability that had us
anguishing over his cup final injury. Maybe
he's the hope we need for midfield mastery.



NOTEBOOK - 8/10

Currently getting a jaggy bunnet from big Joe
in the dressing room after snatching away
the world keepie-uppie title from him with
some juggling magic early on.

Then proved a real headache for the 'Well
defence with his lively dynamism, echoing
the prancing frivolity of the Wham Rap! video.

Ultimately, got a deserved last goal of the
season that was a yard offside. Just to annoy
the Huns a little more.
Should we retrospectively agree to disallow
it as a gesture of goodwill and prelude the
forthcoming introduction of VAR?

Yes, if it'll make the New Klub feel better
about being pumped by 20 goals instead of 21,
then we have to do all we can as it's 'be kind
to animals' weekend.

Because on Wednesday it's Spanish riot cops'
'Smash A Donkey To Fuck Day,' apparently.
Whatever that entails...



LORD KATSUMOTO - 7/10

Buzz, buzz, buzz. Non-stop terrorising of
Scotland first-choice right-back (no laughing)
Scion McDonegal. At you like a hungover wasp,
with a sting to ruin your game, breaking-up,
breaking-out, setting up, and scorching the turf
with his pace.

People wonder if he's even got an off-switch.
Don't be ridiculous; he's Japanese - Ange works
him by remote control.



MR.KOBAYASHI - 8.5/10 MOTM

The Samurai blade is sharp - a work of art by
master swordsmiths, conceived of many-folded
steel layers, honed to perfection. Our cutting-edge
got blunted mid-season, only after showing us what
he's capable of.

Now we can see what may come with rest and
recuperation - icisive, deadly, glinting strikes
in the (rising) sun that take your breath away.
Two finishes of intuitive ability, executed a
mind-step ahead of opponents. And me. And you.

Can't wait for next season's Kyogo, already.



SUBS:


SON OF JACKIE - 7.5/10

Anything you can do... How about that for a
finale? The Greek Denis Law, The Handsome Wayne
Rooney, The Hunskelper-In-Waiting, gave us a
moment to enthrall with acrobatics not seen
outside Alfie's wife's lover's bedroom.

Then he capped it all with a comedy injury-time
finish, scoring with two-touches for only the
second time in his Celtic career.

Another who, when fully-fit, has you salivating
for August.



BLOCKCHAIN - NIR/10

For God's sake, Celtic, there's no fucking hankies left.
The tungsten-linked Israeli Racing Snake took
the field in tears, proudly brandishing the
captain's armband one last time, epotomising his
glorious service to this club. Our utility player
of the century. תודה Nir.



MCCARTHYISM - N/A

Entered amid the farewell furore, looked like
he enjoyed himself, particulary when he skittled
over Jackie with a goalbound strike.



TAMAGOTCHI - N/A

Done up like Steven Segal, it was interesting
to see how the 4th Samurai segued into Angeball.
Couple of moments raised interest - particularly
a deft side-footed pass out of trouble outside
our box that had the beguiling air of Turnbull
about it; until someone told me, against my
insistence, that it was actually Tamagotchi.
That's non-racially discriminating beer for you.



RAQUEL - N/A

As if the day wasn't glamorous enough, on she
comes and floats around; floating in the air at
one point, nearly connecting her divine head
with the sixth before Jackie bundled it in.
Just as well - might have ruined the hair.





ANITA DOBSON - 9/10

He delivered, completely. Set the side up for
verve, and no little pathos - gave the big
players the big moments their fantastic Celtic
careers deserved, and enjoyed his own spadefuls
of well-earned adulation.

And it was sunny, just like home. But he still
wore a jumper. Point off for no taps aff...



MIBBERY - 1/10

Showed early promise by intercepting a pass
as we sought to open them up. But pretty soon
the calculator in his Casio digital watch
finished the calculation it had been working
on since last Saturday, and to his gall he
realised a 10-0 defeat for us wouldn't result
in a 5-point deduction, therefore all MIB
hopes were truly lost.

Somehow made it through the game, taking
our emotional moments to shed tears of his
own for... Other reasons...
Then choked at the sheer audacity of the Tims
to score in the little injury time he added, giving
him his own personal little Boby Tait moment.

Was last seen greetin' his eyes out in the car park.



OVERALL - 9/10

It's such a perfect day, I'm glad I spent it
with you...

Not a dry eye in the house. Tears of joy, sobs
of farewell. Glory in green and white, sunshine
over sorrows - we got everything we wanted on
and off the pitch and memories to cherish.

Such a fine win to cap it all off and conclude
a season that will live long in the pantheon of
great Celtic triumphs. Goals of quality, and
flashes of greatness that wowed the galleries;
and that was without Jamesy.

The curtain was brought down with a flourish,
we left this exciting stage with heavy hearts
but uplifted spirits as we imagine the shape
of things to come.

It's been emotional. To say the least.


Go Away Now

Until I pitch in some insane gabbling one last
time with the season review. Gimme a week.


Sandman.
Bravo Sandman ! Worth the wait 💚☘️💚☘️
 

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