Sandman
Well-known member
SANDMAN'S DEFINITIVE RATINGS: CELTIC v THE WEANS OF MIDDLE-EARTH
"You don't have to be great to start, but you have to start to
be great."
- Zig Ziglar
THE FRIENDLY GHOST - 7.5/10
'Snap!' goes Lego Thanos' glove and the title challengers'
fantasies of a Falkirk plunder are dust, with more terrific
goalkeeping when the End Game is in sight (see what I did
there fans of the rare GOOD Marvel movies?).
After much hubub about his tub, the Fat Controller is well
in command of his rails. May he have the engine to rumble
around the Celtic goalmouth until the title trundles home...
(Also, see what I did there, fans of Thomas The Tim Engine?).
KATIE - 8/10 MOTM
Phenomenal KT-ing for consecutive games, facing another
stern test against a side who like to move the ball quickly
and inject some pace down the flanks and channels.
After his Thursday input and the lack of cover for proper
rest and recovery, I was anxious. But KT turned the tables
and became the aggressor they needed to worry about.
Whipped in a fine ball for the vital opening goal and remained
consistently rugged and stoic to see us through. But we do
need some cover for him. And we've got a day to heed that...
AZTECO - 7.5/10
His critics were the same who deride any new signing who's
not a proven superstar; y'know the kind - all mouth and
fuckwitterty. This Tex-Mex (Well, California, to be exact
but fucking artistic licence, right?) hadn't played all
season, we were grimly informed by the Karens among
us.
Aye, and that was a bad thing? Eh, naw- it meant we had
a fit and hungry top pro incoming with a bit to prove.
Not only to us, but to the Cartel who own him...
And he's certainly doing that in his performances to
date.
Today, more fleet feet and dynamic attacking contributions,
deserving of a goal, coupled with dogged defensive tracking.
This pinata ain't no donkey - he's a thoroughbred who'll
get better as we get deep into the heat of the finish.
OF JUSTICE - 7/10
Liam is my shepherd, said the congregation this afternoon,
voicing the part of young Murray as the team was announced
and priests everywhere prayed for divine intervention.
And by dint of minor miracles, Liam was able to introduce
the bhoy to the concept of efficient, sensible defending,
pinpoint positioning and timeous intervention. A minder's
job well enough done.
GREAT - 6.5/10
Whew. Somewhere around the third Guinness last night I'd
forgotten the Austin red and accompanying ban. Then,
squinting at the line-up today the hangover thudded in
like a dawn raid for a pirate firestick. Not that I've
got one, for clarification, officer...
So, knowing Falkirk's adept way of springing lightning
breaks on us as they did when roasting us 0-1 at their
3/4 finished sticklebrick midden, the though of the raw
lump of wood facing up to that and surviving was
sinus-throbbing.
But he did - with the Gaelic lilt of The Ginger Baresi
in his lugs - maintain a dither-free 90 minutes, aside
from one habitual blip that had me flailing out my seat
in a flurry of unintelligible expletives like someone
stuck a firework up the arse of a cat with tourettes.
But, admirably the bhoy overcame my hungover dread
and remained solid to notch a creditable clean sheet.
CALMAC - 7/10
Much more in the groove. Yet - as will be mentioned
later - it's evident he required the correct personel
around him; young Arne the water-carrier for our most
dominant spell, which saw Calmac dictate like an Uber-Fuhrer
and double our lead thanks to a spellbinding bit of interplay
with the mercurial Swede.
Soon as his henchman was hooked, he faded, they gained.
Needs addressed and set in stone - protect the skipper,
win the games. Win the title.
THE TERMINATOR - 6.5/10
As per the Captain's rating, Arne put in the shift
nobody likes and under-appreciates; splendid spadework
to stifle their intent and provide us with the platform
to pin them in. Once he departed they took a grip.
Martin? Sean? Fozzy? Strachs Junior? The sentient Laptap?
Somebody take note.
NEGAN - 7/10
"Whit? Where?"
'There!'
"Fucking hell, again! Another one!"
'Aye, right out the fog of war - ping, ping, ping, bam!'
There's yer dinner, Middle-Earthers!"
"Unreal. That's some knack. He'll be buz... Hang on,
where's he gone?"
'Eh, nae idea. Was somewhere in... Nope. Vanished.'
"Ach, well. Will probably pop-up Wednesday again."
'Aye...'
LORD KATSUMOTO - 5.5/10
An improvement on Thursday but that wouldn't be hard.
Daizen's finest value was useful today as he tirelessly
harried and hustled defensively, doing his utmost to put
them out of their stride.
Still blunt in an attacking sense, but I suspect that's a
just a rub-of-the-green thing many forwards go thorugh;
it'll turn in his favour soon enough and he'll be a force
in the run-in.
CARAVAN - 7.5/10
Yes, the big ghuy! Sutty, eat yer heart out. Almost a
classic throwback to MON's celebrated first spell in
charge - the big striker getting on the end of a well-flighted
early ball into the box. All that was missing today was a
dreadlocked Ghod following in his trail, celebratory arms
outspread...
Ah, memories... But what a timely throwback. And hopefully
no fluke; He looked as able and interested as last week,
adding a similar burst of pace in the second half which had
him in surging away, only for a scuffed shot to spoil the
glory. Hope springs.
YING - 4/10
Harried and shuttled but didn't look sharp or involved as
usual. A bit of a non-event all-round and was hooked very
early, suggesting injury or illness.
SUBS -
JAMESY - 6/10
Spring's a-coming, but Jamesy's not waiting -
getting limber for mating-season early this year with
a lively introduction. And further teased with a fine
half of sprightly innovation that was unlucky not to
climax with more penetration. But that'll come. Ladies...
HAKUNA HATATE - N/A
At least Reo looked sharp if not totally interested for
his cameo; not exactly the right man for the circumstances,
though.
TUTANKHAMUN - 6/10
Pretty decent impact, a disallowed goal and a couple of
scorching cutbacks deserving of more.
ITCHYCOO PARK - N/A
Keleche getting warmed-up for a striking partnership?
RAQUEL - N/A
Dazzled the away support with the glamour of her late
stint.
"You don't have to be great to start, but you have to start to
be great."
- Zig Ziglar
THE FRIENDLY GHOST - 7.5/10
'Snap!' goes Lego Thanos' glove and the title challengers'
fantasies of a Falkirk plunder are dust, with more terrific
goalkeeping when the End Game is in sight (see what I did
there fans of the rare GOOD Marvel movies?).
After much hubub about his tub, the Fat Controller is well
in command of his rails. May he have the engine to rumble
around the Celtic goalmouth until the title trundles home...
(Also, see what I did there, fans of Thomas The Tim Engine?).
KATIE - 8/10 MOTM
Phenomenal KT-ing for consecutive games, facing another
stern test against a side who like to move the ball quickly
and inject some pace down the flanks and channels.
After his Thursday input and the lack of cover for proper
rest and recovery, I was anxious. But KT turned the tables
and became the aggressor they needed to worry about.
Whipped in a fine ball for the vital opening goal and remained
consistently rugged and stoic to see us through. But we do
need some cover for him. And we've got a day to heed that...
AZTECO - 7.5/10
His critics were the same who deride any new signing who's
not a proven superstar; y'know the kind - all mouth and
fuckwitterty. This Tex-Mex (Well, California, to be exact
but fucking artistic licence, right?) hadn't played all
season, we were grimly informed by the Karens among
us.
Aye, and that was a bad thing? Eh, naw- it meant we had
a fit and hungry top pro incoming with a bit to prove.
Not only to us, but to the Cartel who own him...
And he's certainly doing that in his performances to
date.
Today, more fleet feet and dynamic attacking contributions,
deserving of a goal, coupled with dogged defensive tracking.
This pinata ain't no donkey - he's a thoroughbred who'll
get better as we get deep into the heat of the finish.
OF JUSTICE - 7/10
Liam is my shepherd, said the congregation this afternoon,
voicing the part of young Murray as the team was announced
and priests everywhere prayed for divine intervention.
And by dint of minor miracles, Liam was able to introduce
the bhoy to the concept of efficient, sensible defending,
pinpoint positioning and timeous intervention. A minder's
job well enough done.
GREAT - 6.5/10
Whew. Somewhere around the third Guinness last night I'd
forgotten the Austin red and accompanying ban. Then,
squinting at the line-up today the hangover thudded in
like a dawn raid for a pirate firestick. Not that I've
got one, for clarification, officer...
So, knowing Falkirk's adept way of springing lightning
breaks on us as they did when roasting us 0-1 at their
3/4 finished sticklebrick midden, the though of the raw
lump of wood facing up to that and surviving was
sinus-throbbing.
But he did - with the Gaelic lilt of The Ginger Baresi
in his lugs - maintain a dither-free 90 minutes, aside
from one habitual blip that had me flailing out my seat
in a flurry of unintelligible expletives like someone
stuck a firework up the arse of a cat with tourettes.
But, admirably the bhoy overcame my hungover dread
and remained solid to notch a creditable clean sheet.
CALMAC - 7/10
Much more in the groove. Yet - as will be mentioned
later - it's evident he required the correct personel
around him; young Arne the water-carrier for our most
dominant spell, which saw Calmac dictate like an Uber-Fuhrer
and double our lead thanks to a spellbinding bit of interplay
with the mercurial Swede.
Soon as his henchman was hooked, he faded, they gained.
Needs addressed and set in stone - protect the skipper,
win the games. Win the title.
THE TERMINATOR - 6.5/10
As per the Captain's rating, Arne put in the shift
nobody likes and under-appreciates; splendid spadework
to stifle their intent and provide us with the platform
to pin them in. Once he departed they took a grip.
Martin? Sean? Fozzy? Strachs Junior? The sentient Laptap?
Somebody take note.
NEGAN - 7/10
"Whit? Where?"
'There!'
"Fucking hell, again! Another one!"
'Aye, right out the fog of war - ping, ping, ping, bam!'
There's yer dinner, Middle-Earthers!"
"Unreal. That's some knack. He'll be buz... Hang on,
where's he gone?"
'Eh, nae idea. Was somewhere in... Nope. Vanished.'
"Ach, well. Will probably pop-up Wednesday again."
'Aye...'
LORD KATSUMOTO - 5.5/10
An improvement on Thursday but that wouldn't be hard.
Daizen's finest value was useful today as he tirelessly
harried and hustled defensively, doing his utmost to put
them out of their stride.
Still blunt in an attacking sense, but I suspect that's a
just a rub-of-the-green thing many forwards go thorugh;
it'll turn in his favour soon enough and he'll be a force
in the run-in.
CARAVAN - 7.5/10
Yes, the big ghuy! Sutty, eat yer heart out. Almost a
classic throwback to MON's celebrated first spell in
charge - the big striker getting on the end of a well-flighted
early ball into the box. All that was missing today was a
dreadlocked Ghod following in his trail, celebratory arms
outspread...
Ah, memories... But what a timely throwback. And hopefully
no fluke; He looked as able and interested as last week,
adding a similar burst of pace in the second half which had
him in surging away, only for a scuffed shot to spoil the
glory. Hope springs.
YING - 4/10
Harried and shuttled but didn't look sharp or involved as
usual. A bit of a non-event all-round and was hooked very
early, suggesting injury or illness.
SUBS -
JAMESY - 6/10
Spring's a-coming, but Jamesy's not waiting -
getting limber for mating-season early this year with
a lively introduction. And further teased with a fine
half of sprightly innovation that was unlucky not to
climax with more penetration. But that'll come. Ladies...
HAKUNA HATATE - N/A
At least Reo looked sharp if not totally interested for
his cameo; not exactly the right man for the circumstances,
though.
TUTANKHAMUN - 6/10
Pretty decent impact, a disallowed goal and a couple of
scorching cutbacks deserving of more.
ITCHYCOO PARK - N/A
Keleche getting warmed-up for a striking partnership?
RAQUEL - N/A
Dazzled the away support with the glamour of her late
stint.
