Sandman
Well-known member
SANDMAN'S DEFINITIVE RATINGS: CELTIC v TOMMYKNOCKERS
"Take a deep breath and focus on what's really important."
- Wayne Dyer.
THE FRIENDLY GHOST - 7/10
Now THAT'S a save! Almost better than Thursday, this time
with added treachery from Liam, nicking it over him with
spin like Shane Warne.
But the old man' reflexes were still sharp as Austin Trusty's
cup semi-final studs and he pulled off miraculous fingertip
defiance to keep us ahead.
That crucial save was the highlght of another solid outing,
capping safe handling all round and a clean sheet to defy
his recent critics.
SCRATCHY - N/A
Is Lennoxtown built over a cursed Injun burial ground?
In timely coincidence we've now lost more men than
they did on the first day of the Somme.
If Celts continue to fall at the current rate then I'll
be looking out my boots again, and some of you will, too.
Ghod help us.
PUSEY PATROL - 5.5/10
Finally the Citeh kid with the Finbar Saunders surname
gets to make his debut, meaning Jamesy has to be nowhere
near the squad for... Reasons...
And he took time to relax; understandable given the only
football he's seen in four months has been on his Playstation.
Bit shaky overall, no upgrade on what we've seen to date
with anyone else in the role, but kudos for going out on
a promising high with a formidable wipeout tackle just
before he was hooked.
OF JUSTICE - 6/10
Better from Liam, though not quite Ginger Baresi levels
of excellence as Killie's lively frontline pulled him
around for a while.
But he didn't crack under interrogation, - unlike Lee
Wallace - and maintained composure when it
counted to maintain the zero. Helped of course, by a
Trusty defensive partner, every fucking pun intended...
CRUSTY THE CLOWN - 8/10 MOTM
This is what we bought him for; taking care of SPL
canon fodder with the calm and ease of the Big Lebowski
at a 'bowling and blow' festival.
When he exerts his natural atheticism he's streets ahead
in pitch coverage and presents a useful countering weapon
- witness the sprightly interception around our box to
stop a breakaway second-half, then his Jinky-channelling
foray up the wing, breezing past a couple of their stiffs
to turn defence into attack.
And all done by this lefty down the RIGHT WING, employing
some use of his RIGHT PEG...
Oh, the imbalance... Do fuck off, Brendan...
CALMAC - 6.5/10
Special player, special phychological makeup. Confining
Thursday's torment to the 'redundant' file, the skipper
faced up to the Ayrshire Hun dogs with rejuvanated attitude
and positive expectations, all reflected in his priming
and prompting; using his natural footballing instincts
to fine-tune the rotations and get the best out of...
HAKUNA HATATE - 7/10
...This guy... Finally, a match in which Reo takes centre
stage instead of drifiting in from the periphery. And as
Calmac sorted the spaces, Reo inhabited them with ideal
presence, finding his touch and passing range to put in
his best display in some time; early signs wiith his
witty bit of recovery to set up the first, maintained
until deep in the game, pinging the passes to tire the
opposition.
HIGHLAND TOFFEE - 5.5/10
Lukes less likely every time Luke's promising... This
was a big opportunty for Luke to hold a starting jersey
but he failed to impact after a lively opening and like
previous games he faded without enough standout input
to merit a consecLuketive selection.
LORD KATSUMOTO - 6.5/10
Jesus H, Daizen , there's nothing like polarisation -
the hair typhoon-blown forward instead of slicked,
the boots on the wrong feet as he back-heeled an open
net after Plug from the Bash Street Kids dropped the
ball in front of him.
Then the booking - more later -but all eclipsed later in
true Daizen style with a devastating run and finish to kill
the mongrels stone-dead and seal the points.
The fact he missed an identical run-and-shot minutes
later can be overlooked.
Because we love Daizen.
Because he's mental.
KENNY JOHNNY - 6.5/10
Okay, another notched, this time a blstering rocket...
Yet there's always the notion that JK can do better,
score for fun utilising that pace and the edge it gives
him.
But he's still learning, so to speak, even if it's a
course that needs completed and passed by next May;
and he's doing alright through various tests, and a
few trials by fire.
TUTANKHAMUN - 6/10
He's so close to NOT being the Tunisian Mikey J it can
hurt your gums as you grind your teeth willing him to
apply the finish, the final ball, the uplifting finale
to some fanciful footwork.
And he was close to doing it a few times today; just
not quite close enough.
SUBS -
KATIE - 7/10
Terrific impact form the maligned legend. He's been
struggling since returning with barely a few flashes
of the KT of lore. But moments like his daisy-cutter
revive the glory days, and expectations surge that
he'll find a groove and not look back.
YING - N/A
Still Yanging around? Managed to win a penalty at
the death when being hauled back as he made a run
for Birmingham.
NEGAN - N/A
MON's patience seems to have run out on the ethereal
presence of the Swedish Martin Hayes. Had a brief
glimpse of goal when he appeared, but.. . You know
the rest...
THE TERMINATOR - 6.5/10
Well, that's how to re-assert your claim to the
starting jersey; sensational assist for our third
and a perfectly-dispatched penalty beyond the
lengthy grasp of Plug (that's what happens when
you let Ross McCausland fuck giraffes).
If only young Arne would realise what he's
capable of and reproduce it on a regular basis.
TONY THE TIGER - N/A
Tony known now as 'the straight Tom Daly'... But to
make amends:
Anything Arne can do... Tony reprised the 'find-Daizen-
with-a-lovely-ball-bent-in-behind,' scene from the
earlier Terminator movie...
And Daizen fucked it.
FATHER MARTIN AND SAMWISE GANGEE - 7.5/10
A classic MON rinsing of the starting line-up after a
rinsing in Europe. Only a couple of questions remain -
why no Paulo (has he been running about with the GB?)
and why no Shin? You could probably add Jackie Inamura
to that, too.
But I'm not sure if Martin's aware of many players
outside those he's utilised in the past four games.
Getting on a bit...
But the motivational edge doesn't seme to have faltered
and along with Shaun and mad Fozzie he got the best out
of a beleagured squad and the best result we could have
hoped for after the midweek trauma.
MIBBERY - 5/10
Can't beat a good clown show on a Sunday afternoon and
The Don produced a few pratfalls to entertain the crowd.
Or incense. And I don't mean he lit some aromatic material...
What he did light was a fuse that he was lucky didn't
set off dynamite and end up with some players lost in a
red mist:
Calmac booked for executing a textbook sliding tackle on
Tony Ralston...
And Daizen, hustled early on for standing perfectly
legitimately within range of Plug, then booked later on
for standing perfectly legitimately within range of
James Brown (the shite James Brown, godfather of arsehole)
re-enacting a Platoon death scene.
Luckily, for Robertson, the game was well-won or he'd
be sitting on his couch, lights-out, tonight waiting for
the Yakuza to knock on his door...
Masonic chump.
OVERALL - 7.5/10
Any win. That was the remit. Just go out and get the
points and sit back and recover for a fortnight before
the festive madness sets in.
And the Bhoys done good, Mama...
With less trouble than a handful of recent encounters
they had enough about them to pin Killie in for periods
at a time and pick-off the goals at crucial moments.
The crowd stayed with them despite the timid collapse
in Denmark. Even the Green Brigade turned up to bounce
around despite a fair majority thinking they'd been
banned for charging about the stadium in their dozens
like weans giving honners in a school playground fight,
then playing 'Where's Wally The Cop Version' on their
X account.
So as Edinburgh Ludge FC begin their 'totally-unexpected'
collapse and normal service looms to be resumed, we head
into a fortnight of nationalistic ambitions being
sacrificed on the altar of Stevie Clarke jurisprudence -
the philosophical consideration of legal justification
for 'Why Attack At All?' tactics.
But our players, in the main, are able to look forward with
heightened anticipation and hopefully renewed vigour, to
the coming months of glamour games and perhaps a second
chance for many to impress a new boss.
Onwards and upwards.
Go Away Now
Sandman
"Take a deep breath and focus on what's really important."
- Wayne Dyer.
THE FRIENDLY GHOST - 7/10
Now THAT'S a save! Almost better than Thursday, this time
with added treachery from Liam, nicking it over him with
spin like Shane Warne.
But the old man' reflexes were still sharp as Austin Trusty's
cup semi-final studs and he pulled off miraculous fingertip
defiance to keep us ahead.
That crucial save was the highlght of another solid outing,
capping safe handling all round and a clean sheet to defy
his recent critics.
SCRATCHY - N/A
Is Lennoxtown built over a cursed Injun burial ground?
In timely coincidence we've now lost more men than
they did on the first day of the Somme.
If Celts continue to fall at the current rate then I'll
be looking out my boots again, and some of you will, too.
Ghod help us.
PUSEY PATROL - 5.5/10
Finally the Citeh kid with the Finbar Saunders surname
gets to make his debut, meaning Jamesy has to be nowhere
near the squad for... Reasons...
And he took time to relax; understandable given the only
football he's seen in four months has been on his Playstation.
Bit shaky overall, no upgrade on what we've seen to date
with anyone else in the role, but kudos for going out on
a promising high with a formidable wipeout tackle just
before he was hooked.
OF JUSTICE - 6/10
Better from Liam, though not quite Ginger Baresi levels
of excellence as Killie's lively frontline pulled him
around for a while.
But he didn't crack under interrogation, - unlike Lee
Wallace - and maintained composure when it
counted to maintain the zero. Helped of course, by a
Trusty defensive partner, every fucking pun intended...
CRUSTY THE CLOWN - 8/10 MOTM
This is what we bought him for; taking care of SPL
canon fodder with the calm and ease of the Big Lebowski
at a 'bowling and blow' festival.
When he exerts his natural atheticism he's streets ahead
in pitch coverage and presents a useful countering weapon
- witness the sprightly interception around our box to
stop a breakaway second-half, then his Jinky-channelling
foray up the wing, breezing past a couple of their stiffs
to turn defence into attack.
And all done by this lefty down the RIGHT WING, employing
some use of his RIGHT PEG...
Oh, the imbalance... Do fuck off, Brendan...
CALMAC - 6.5/10
Special player, special phychological makeup. Confining
Thursday's torment to the 'redundant' file, the skipper
faced up to the Ayrshire Hun dogs with rejuvanated attitude
and positive expectations, all reflected in his priming
and prompting; using his natural footballing instincts
to fine-tune the rotations and get the best out of...
HAKUNA HATATE - 7/10
...This guy... Finally, a match in which Reo takes centre
stage instead of drifiting in from the periphery. And as
Calmac sorted the spaces, Reo inhabited them with ideal
presence, finding his touch and passing range to put in
his best display in some time; early signs wiith his
witty bit of recovery to set up the first, maintained
until deep in the game, pinging the passes to tire the
opposition.
HIGHLAND TOFFEE - 5.5/10
Lukes less likely every time Luke's promising... This
was a big opportunty for Luke to hold a starting jersey
but he failed to impact after a lively opening and like
previous games he faded without enough standout input
to merit a consecLuketive selection.
LORD KATSUMOTO - 6.5/10
Jesus H, Daizen , there's nothing like polarisation -
the hair typhoon-blown forward instead of slicked,
the boots on the wrong feet as he back-heeled an open
net after Plug from the Bash Street Kids dropped the
ball in front of him.
Then the booking - more later -but all eclipsed later in
true Daizen style with a devastating run and finish to kill
the mongrels stone-dead and seal the points.
The fact he missed an identical run-and-shot minutes
later can be overlooked.
Because we love Daizen.
Because he's mental.
KENNY JOHNNY - 6.5/10
Okay, another notched, this time a blstering rocket...
Yet there's always the notion that JK can do better,
score for fun utilising that pace and the edge it gives
him.
But he's still learning, so to speak, even if it's a
course that needs completed and passed by next May;
and he's doing alright through various tests, and a
few trials by fire.
TUTANKHAMUN - 6/10
He's so close to NOT being the Tunisian Mikey J it can
hurt your gums as you grind your teeth willing him to
apply the finish, the final ball, the uplifting finale
to some fanciful footwork.
And he was close to doing it a few times today; just
not quite close enough.
SUBS -
KATIE - 7/10
Terrific impact form the maligned legend. He's been
struggling since returning with barely a few flashes
of the KT of lore. But moments like his daisy-cutter
revive the glory days, and expectations surge that
he'll find a groove and not look back.
YING - N/A
Still Yanging around? Managed to win a penalty at
the death when being hauled back as he made a run
for Birmingham.
NEGAN - N/A
MON's patience seems to have run out on the ethereal
presence of the Swedish Martin Hayes. Had a brief
glimpse of goal when he appeared, but.. . You know
the rest...
THE TERMINATOR - 6.5/10
Well, that's how to re-assert your claim to the
starting jersey; sensational assist for our third
and a perfectly-dispatched penalty beyond the
lengthy grasp of Plug (that's what happens when
you let Ross McCausland fuck giraffes).
If only young Arne would realise what he's
capable of and reproduce it on a regular basis.
TONY THE TIGER - N/A
Tony known now as 'the straight Tom Daly'... But to
make amends:
Anything Arne can do... Tony reprised the 'find-Daizen-
with-a-lovely-ball-bent-in-behind,' scene from the
earlier Terminator movie...
And Daizen fucked it.
FATHER MARTIN AND SAMWISE GANGEE - 7.5/10
A classic MON rinsing of the starting line-up after a
rinsing in Europe. Only a couple of questions remain -
why no Paulo (has he been running about with the GB?)
and why no Shin? You could probably add Jackie Inamura
to that, too.
But I'm not sure if Martin's aware of many players
outside those he's utilised in the past four games.
Getting on a bit...
But the motivational edge doesn't seme to have faltered
and along with Shaun and mad Fozzie he got the best out
of a beleagured squad and the best result we could have
hoped for after the midweek trauma.
MIBBERY - 5/10
Can't beat a good clown show on a Sunday afternoon and
The Don produced a few pratfalls to entertain the crowd.
Or incense. And I don't mean he lit some aromatic material...
What he did light was a fuse that he was lucky didn't
set off dynamite and end up with some players lost in a
red mist:
Calmac booked for executing a textbook sliding tackle on
Tony Ralston...
And Daizen, hustled early on for standing perfectly
legitimately within range of Plug, then booked later on
for standing perfectly legitimately within range of
James Brown (the shite James Brown, godfather of arsehole)
re-enacting a Platoon death scene.
Luckily, for Robertson, the game was well-won or he'd
be sitting on his couch, lights-out, tonight waiting for
the Yakuza to knock on his door...
Masonic chump.
OVERALL - 7.5/10
Any win. That was the remit. Just go out and get the
points and sit back and recover for a fortnight before
the festive madness sets in.
And the Bhoys done good, Mama...
With less trouble than a handful of recent encounters
they had enough about them to pin Killie in for periods
at a time and pick-off the goals at crucial moments.
The crowd stayed with them despite the timid collapse
in Denmark. Even the Green Brigade turned up to bounce
around despite a fair majority thinking they'd been
banned for charging about the stadium in their dozens
like weans giving honners in a school playground fight,
then playing 'Where's Wally The Cop Version' on their
X account.
So as Edinburgh Ludge FC begin their 'totally-unexpected'
collapse and normal service looms to be resumed, we head
into a fortnight of nationalistic ambitions being
sacrificed on the altar of Stevie Clarke jurisprudence -
the philosophical consideration of legal justification
for 'Why Attack At All?' tactics.
But our players, in the main, are able to look forward with
heightened anticipation and hopefully renewed vigour, to
the coming months of glamour games and perhaps a second
chance for many to impress a new boss.
Onwards and upwards.
Go Away Now
Sandman
Last edited:
making a run for Birmingham floored me 
