M
Maria
Guest
Went to like your post tic and its gone lol
michael duffy
Well-known member
wonder how many english players will play in the C.L and E.L finals!
tictastic
Well-known member
A man walks into a bar, notices a very large jar on the counter,and sees that it's filled to the brim with £10 notes. He guesses there must be at least ten thousand pounds in it.
He approaches the bartender and asks, "What's with the money in the jar?"
"Well..., you pay £10, and if you pass three tests, you get all the money in the jar and the keys to a brand new Lexus."
The man certainly isn't going to pass this up, so he asks, “What are the three tests?"
"You gotta pay first," says the bartender, "those are the rules."
So, after thinking it over a while, the man gives the bartender £10 which he stuffs into the jar.
"Okay," says the bartender, "here's what you need to do:
First - You have to drink a whole litre of tequila, in 60 seconds or less,
and you can't make a face while doing it."
"Second - There's a pit bull chained in the back with a bad tooth. You have to remove that tooth with your bare hands."
"Third - There's a 90-year old lady upstairs who's never had sex. You have to take care of that problem."
The man is stunned! "I know I paid my £10 -- but I'm not an idiot! I won't do it!
You'd have to be nuts to drink a quart of tequila and then do all those other things!"
"Your call," says the bartender, "but, your money stays where it is."
As time goes on, the man has a few more drinks and finally says, “Where's the damn tequila?!"
He grabs the bottle with both hands and drinks it as fast as he can.Tears stream
down both cheeks -- but he doesn't make a face -- and he drinks it in 58 seconds!
Next, he staggers out the back door where he sees the pit bull chained to a pole.
Soon, the people inside the bar hear loud growling, screaming, and sounds of a terrible fight -then, nothing but silence!
Just when they think that the man surely must be dead, he staggers back into the bar.
His clothes are ripped to shreds and he's bleeding from bites and gashes all over his body.
He drunkenly says, "Now..., where's that old woman with the bad tooth?"
He approaches the bartender and asks, "What's with the money in the jar?"
"Well..., you pay £10, and if you pass three tests, you get all the money in the jar and the keys to a brand new Lexus."
The man certainly isn't going to pass this up, so he asks, “What are the three tests?"
"You gotta pay first," says the bartender, "those are the rules."
So, after thinking it over a while, the man gives the bartender £10 which he stuffs into the jar.
"Okay," says the bartender, "here's what you need to do:
First - You have to drink a whole litre of tequila, in 60 seconds or less,
and you can't make a face while doing it."
"Second - There's a pit bull chained in the back with a bad tooth. You have to remove that tooth with your bare hands."
"Third - There's a 90-year old lady upstairs who's never had sex. You have to take care of that problem."
The man is stunned! "I know I paid my £10 -- but I'm not an idiot! I won't do it!
You'd have to be nuts to drink a quart of tequila and then do all those other things!"
"Your call," says the bartender, "but, your money stays where it is."
As time goes on, the man has a few more drinks and finally says, “Where's the damn tequila?!"
He grabs the bottle with both hands and drinks it as fast as he can.Tears stream
down both cheeks -- but he doesn't make a face -- and he drinks it in 58 seconds!
Next, he staggers out the back door where he sees the pit bull chained to a pole.
Soon, the people inside the bar hear loud growling, screaming, and sounds of a terrible fight -then, nothing but silence!
Just when they think that the man surely must be dead, he staggers back into the bar.
His clothes are ripped to shreds and he's bleeding from bites and gashes all over his body.
He drunkenly says, "Now..., where's that old woman with the bad tooth?"
boab1916
Well-known member
Iknow two ex Celtic players who will star in the first.
Kevza
Well-known member
Chap walking through the park at night hears a lady's voice in the bushes! "Fancy a good time, only 5 quid?" "Why not",he thinks He is just about to grope the lady when a policeman shines his torch! "What's going on?",asked the policeman "Do you mind",replied the chap, "I am about to have sex with my wife!" "Sorry",said the policeman "didn't realise it was your wife!" "Neither did I till you shone your bloody torch!" responded the husband.
tictastic
Well-known member
What did Mick Jagger say to the Scotsman?
Hey! Mcloud! Get off of my ewe!
Hey! Mcloud! Get off of my ewe!
M
Maria
Guest
They are coming hahahaha. Funniest thing ever
Digger
Well-known member
No joke M married 19 -7-1969 met in Gibraltar 1968
M
Maria
Guest
Congrats pal. Just thinking how many murders could be done and back out in that time ??
tictastic
Well-known member
Cheers pal,appreciated
Shadow2
Well-known member
Whats the difference between a hedgehog and a Sevvie supporter's bus......the hedgehog has the pricks on the outside!
How many Sevvie fans does it take to change a light bulb......none, they all just sit in the dark and cry!
I once went to a fancy dress party dressed as a chicken and met this gorgeous lassie dressed as an egg, we had a laugh and a few drinks and the next thing I knew she was dragging me upstairs to the bedroom. That night I finally learned the answer to that age old question......the chicken!
I'll get my coat!
How many Sevvie fans does it take to change a light bulb......none, they all just sit in the dark and cry!
I once went to a fancy dress party dressed as a chicken and met this gorgeous lassie dressed as an egg, we had a laugh and a few drinks and the next thing I knew she was dragging me upstairs to the bedroom. That night I finally learned the answer to that age old question......the chicken!
I'll get my coat!
Theres this gorilla and he's very horny. He's walking through the jungle and sees this lion who eating away at something.so the gorilla runs over and has his way with the lions ass. So when the horny gorilla finishes his dirty deed he throws the lion to the side and runs like he'll. The lion is just mental now trying to catch the gorilla the gorilla is in a panic now he's looking somewhere to hide he sees toilets runs inside goes in one of the cubicles closes the door and lifts a news paper up as if he's been in thier a while.the lion whose temper is through the roof runs into the toilets and starts kicking the cubicle doors open he kicks open the door where the gorilla is hiding the gorilla who has the news paper shaking the lion say hey have you seen a gorilla. The gorilla say would that be the gorilla that raped the lion the lion says fuck don't tell me it's in the papers already
M
Maria
Guest
???Whats the difference between a hedgehog and a Sevvie supporter's bus......the hedgehog has the pricks on the outside!
How many Sevvie fans does it take to change a light bulb......none, they all just sit in the dark and cry!
I once went to a fancy dress party dressed as a chicken and met this gorgeous lassie dressed as an egg, we had a laugh and a few drinks and the next thing I knew she was dragging me upstairs to the bedroom. That night I finally learned the answer to that age old question......the chicken!
tictastic
Well-known member
An angry wife says to her husband " I should've married the devil he would've made a better husband than you!"
The husband responds "you would've been arrested because marriage between relatives is illegal in this country"
The husband responds "you would've been arrested because marriage between relatives is illegal in this country"
tictastic
Well-known member
There's this little boy of five crying on the high street, he's lost.
A policeman comes up to him and says "don't worry lad, we'll find your mum, what's she like?" the boy says "Cock and bingo mainly".
A policeman comes up to him and says "don't worry lad, we'll find your mum, what's she like?" the boy says "Cock and bingo mainly".
B
bertie auld
Guest
What's the difference between a apple and an orange?
You canny get a apple bastard !!!!!!!
You canny get a apple bastard !!!!!!!
M
Maria
Guest
B
bertie auld
Guest
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