Tell Me Something

Lemon

Well-known member
#21
I definitely needed to get my eyes tested:
Many winters ago a girlfriend moved to Edinburgh and I arranged to visit her for the weekend. The train I was on was running late and I knew time was tight for our agreed 8pm meeting at a pub on Lothian Rd. It was the days before mobile phones so there was no way to let her know. I dashed out of waverley station and belted along princes St. I had no idea of the time and have never worn a watch. Running along I stopped an old boy and pointing above the castle said "what time does it say on that clock up there." He looked at me as if I was daft and said "son, that big clock up there is the moon"
 

Maria

Well-known member
#22
I definitely needed to get my eyes tested:
Many winters ago a girlfriend moved to Edinburgh and I arranged to visit her for the weekend. The train I was on was running late and I knew time was tight for our agreed 8pm meeting at a pub on Lothian Rd. It was the days before mobile phones so there was no way to let her know. I dashed out of waverley station and belted along princes St. I had no idea of the time and have never worn a watch. Running along I stopped an old boy and pointing above the castle said "what time does it say on that clock up there." He looked at me as if I was daft and said "son, that big clock up there is the moon"

Haha Lemon fkn peach


I thought every guy liked a nice watch.

God knows ive paid a fair few thousand on buying them. 😀
 

The Shamrock

Well-known member
#23
Girl I once knew told me her and her pal had been to the dancing in Renfrew one Saturday night and they got off with these 2 likely lads who said they would drive them home! Needless to say they drove them up to the Gleniffer Braes and told them to cock or walk it.
The one I knew didn't have blisters on her feet. :ROFLMAO::ROFLMAO::ROFLMAO:
 

Benignus

Well-known member
#24
Girl I once knew told me her and her pal had been to the dancing in Renfrew one Saturday night and they got off with these 2 likely lads who said they would drive them home! Needless to say they drove them up to the Gleniffer Braes and told them to cock or walk it.
The one I knew didn't have blisters on her feet. :ROFLMAO::ROFLMAO::ROFLMAO:
Aye but did she burn her arse on the bonnet?
 
A

Anthony

Guest
#25
Girl I once knew told me her and her pal had been to the dancing in Renfrew one Saturday night and they got off with these 2 likely lads who said they would drive them home! Needless to say they drove them up to the Gleniffer Braes and told them to cock or walk it.
The one I knew didn't have blisters on her feet. :ROFLMAO::ROFLMAO::ROFLMAO:
Remember years ago took a bird up there my motor broke down 😁Had the radio on with the engine on so the battery went flat lol Got a lift back into paisley by the polis 🀣
 

kelly

Well-known member
#30
Worked on a Rusian cruise ship sailing from OZ going round the south pacificin the 80s(young adventurer ) anyway wedock in Suva Fiji islands and we had an extra day over as ship was waiting for a repair

Fiji customs officials organized with the Russian crew a game of footie in exchange they would allow the Ruskys ashore for 5 hours , (remember this was the late 80's) So to help with this they needed a ref this would get the game going and the staff would get off the ship i was nominated all the rest were kiwis or aussies

Afternoon of the game we all go to the only muddy shithole footie field available , game kicks off and the ruskys score good i thought were winning , fiji customs guy comes up and says it was offside ,were not playing offside i barks back

Then came the threats if we don't win your not getting back on that boat , penalty to fiji

Russians , if we dont win we'll make sure your lifes a misery on board ,,,penalty

everytime any team crossed the half way line i would blow for a foul no fkn way anyone was scoring fk that

I didn't have a clue young full of the ale from the night before everyone i booked wanted a fight every decision was the wrong decision , in the end the russians won on penaltys

I came off the pitch with more bruises than i went on it and fiji customs held my passport right up untill the boat was leaving the dock
 
#31
Wee craic heard from mates in Cleland few years ago. They were on a tour in Benidorm first night obviously mayhem. So next day all stoatin about looking for the cure. Came across a boozer call George and The Dragon. Anyway one of the bhoys pops his head a shouts " hello anybody severin"
Second later this woman pops up behind from the bar crabbit as fuck replies " were no open till 10.30"
Quick as flash wee bhoy at the back says
" is George in"
Still psml at that..belterπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
 

Benignus

Well-known member
#32
Wee craic heard from mates in Cleland few years ago. They were on a tour in Benidorm first night obviously mayhem. So next day all stoatin about looking for the cure. Came across a boozer call George and The Dragon. Anyway one of the bhoys pops his head a shouts " hello anybody severin"
Second later this woman pops up behind from the bar crabbit as fuck replies " were no open till 10.30"
Quick as flash wee bhoy at the back says
" is George in"
Still psml at that..belterπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
That's a topper mate, the quick response ones are the funniest.
 

Maria

Well-known member
#34
Girl I once knew told me her and her pal had been to the dancing in Renfrew one Saturday night and they got off with these 2 likely lads who said they would drive them home! Needless to say they drove them up to the Gleniffer Braes and told them to cock or walk it.
The one I knew didn't have blisters on her feet. :ROFLMAO::ROFLMAO::ROFLMAO:

πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚. I would have smashed those fkrs up.

That wiz proper funny though Sham. I see the masterbater is back on the old blog. Givin it big licks.

Need to put his gas at a peep. Go after him the morra πŸ˜‚
 

Maria

Well-known member
#35
Worked on a Rusian cruise ship sailing from OZ going round the south pacificin the 80s(young adventurer ) anyway wedock in Suva Fiji islands and we had an extra day over as ship was waiting for a repair

Fiji customs officials organized with the Russian crew a game of footie in exchange they would allow the Ruskys ashore for 5 hours , (remember this was the late 80's) So to help with this they needed a ref this would get the game going and the staff would get off the ship i was nominated all the rest were kiwis or aussies

Afternoon of the game we all go to the only muddy shithole footie field available , game kicks off and the ruskys score good i thought were winning , fiji customs guy comes up and says it was offside ,were not playing offside i barks back

Then came the threats if we don't win your not getting back on that boat , penalty to fiji

Russians , if we dont win we'll make sure your lifes a misery on board ,,,penalty

everytime any team crossed the half way line i would blow for a foul no fkn way anyone was scoring fk that

I didn't have a clue young full of the ale from the night before everyone i booked wanted a fight every decision was the wrong decision , in the end the russians won on penaltys

I came off the pitch with more bruises than i went on it and fiji customs held my passport right up untill the boat was leaving the dock

I know a lot of people that worked on the ships whether it be cruise liners or the merchant navy. Pub at every port the amount of them who were left stranded in ports coz their ships left without them is fkn hilarious.

Heavy drinkin culture πŸ˜‚

kelly pal you were stitched up proper 😜
 

Maria

Well-known member
#36
Wee craic heard from mates in Cleland few years ago. They were on a tour in Benidorm first night obviously mayhem. So next day all stoatin about looking for the cure. Came across a boozer call George and The Dragon. Anyway one of the bhoys pops his head a shouts " hello anybody severin"
Second later this woman pops up behind from the bar crabbit as fuck replies " were no open till 10.30"
Quick as flash wee bhoy at the back says
" is George in"
Still psml at that..belterπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

I dont get that?
 

Maria

Well-known member
#38
She was the dragon, that's why he asked for George.

Doh! Thanx Shammy. That wiz funny Galway. πŸ‘πŸ‘

Young guy i work with we are always bantering each other.

He wiz still wasted this morning and he loves his grub so he said think i might get a sausage supper for lunch and i said i love a sausage supper me and he pished himself laughing and said he likes a pie supper.

I didn’t get it for a minute or 2 but he wiz in fits

He kept watching me eat my last sausage in there too.

No eatin a sausage in front of that wee horndog again. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
 

The Shamrock

Well-known member
#39
I knew a woman, let's call her Jane, who lived in a single-end in Govan and her elderly neighbour came chapping her door one morning to say that her husband has just died. As her own place was a bit untidy, Jane ushered the old dear back to her own place to get her a cup of tea and since it was a single-end, the bed-settee was still down. After making the tea Jane sat on the bed and asked the old soul what time the undertakers took her deceased hubby away and the aul yin said 'oh they've no been yet hen'. Jane was a bit bemused by this and asked where he was so the aul yin said, 'yer siitin oan him hen'. Poor soul was that wee and thin that Jane never saw him under the blankets.
 
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