the Immaculate Deception serialised on The Noise

“I woke up and switched off the alarm and the first thing I saw was blood on my hand. This one here,” and held up her bloodied right hand. I thought it was my own blood initially, of course. I saw there was blood all over me. My nightdress is absolutely covered in it. Look at it. Lots of blood. I don’t understand how it could have got there. I looked across the bed and saw Billy looking like that. I freaked out of course. It was a total shock. I couldn’t believe it. I still can’t believe it. I must have called for an ambulance right away I think, and they got here before you guys did. But Billy was dead they said. I probably sort of knew he was dead all along though. He looked awful lying there. How did this happen? Who did this to him? Who was it? How did they get in here? Who was it killed my Billy? Why would someone, anyone, want to do such a dreadful thing to my Billy? It doesn’t make any sense to me.”

“That’s what we are now investigating Anna. We will try to find the answer to all those questions I can assure you. Now I do have some more questions for you. First, the obvious one of course. Tell me Anna did you do this? Was it you who stabbed your husband with that knife?”

Anna’s eyes opened wide and her eyebrows and voice rose. “Don’t be ridiculous. Of course not! That’s completely ridiculous. Are you not listening to me at all? I’ve told you what happened. I found him lying like that. Why on earth did you ask me that? I don’t tell lies. That would be a sin. It’s the truth I’m telling you. I don’t know who did it. I’ve told you I woke up and found him that way. Someone else obviously did it, but who did it and why? I need to know. It doesn’t make any sense at all to me. None of it does. How could it have happened?”

“That’s my job to answer such questions. I have a few more questions. Now tell me Anna, you say you woke up this morning and you were extensively covered in his blood. Do you happen to know what time is was you woke?”

Anna ran her right bloodied hand through her blonde curly hair, “Hmm. I presume it was 6.30. That’s when my radio alarm is set to go off. No wait, it must have been a few minutes later. The radio came on at 6.30 as it always does. I remember it doing that, but I hit the snooze button on the alarm once as I have a habit of doing when I first wake up. The peace lasts for a few more minutes. But it comes on again, and I switch it off and always get up. I never ever snooze the alarm twice. Never. I don’t know what time it is now. I don’t have a watch on me. I usually look at my cell phone to tell the time.”

Tim glanced at his watch, “Ambulance control got a 111 call some time before 7 am. I’ll find out what time it was logged at later. I got the call from my controller at 7.05am and it’s now…… twenty to eight. What about earlier? Before you went to bed and sleep. When did you go to bed? Do you remember that?”

“Probably 10.20 or so. I think. I didn’t look at the clock. I went to bed before the rugby ended and Billy was still watching the game.”

“The Hurricanes game?”

“Yeah. They were beating the Blues I think.”

Tim’s eyebrows involuntarily raised as she said this, as it was the first thing she had said that did not ring true to him and he blurted, “The rugby finished well before 10. I saw it too.”

“I know that of course. It was recorded on MYSKY. You can check on the set if you want to. Billy wanted to see the game so he had programmed it to record the match and he watched it a bit delayed. He often does that if he is working late, like he did last night”

Tim nodded in understanding. ‘That explains the obvious time discrepancy, so probably not telling a lie.’ Tim being a local, was also a keen Hurricanes fan.

“It was a good game. The Hurricanes won of course. The Blues are a crap team. So, you’re telling me Anna you left him watching a delayed replay of the rugby at about 10.20 and went to bed. Do you happen to know if you fell asleep quick?”

Anna shrugged, “I presume I did. I usually do. I don’t remember. I went to bed and it usually takes a few minutes till I fall asleep. I’m a good sleeper now. I was fast asleep as usual whenever Billy came to bed. I don’t know what time he later came to bed. Probably right after the game ended. I tend to sleep deeply. He doesn’t ever usually wake me if I’m asleep when he comes to bed.”
 
I think it was the priest, he's not really a priest he's clearly Mr O'Riley from Faulty Towers.
Was wondering where he'd been since the 70s, now we know.
Poor Mr O'Riley had to give up the building trade after a horrific accident where he lost his arm - fortunately he was able to pick-up a job as hopeless terrible Oirish stereotype, waiter and dishwasher in Robin's Nest cafe.

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Poor Mr O'Riley had to give up the building trade after a horrific accident where he lost his arm - fortunately he was able to pick-up a job as hopeless terrible Oirish stereotype, waiter and dishwasher in Robin's Nest cafe.

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Lost an arm you say??

That's enough proof for me that he's careless with knives, lock him up!

"Ahh It's a fair cop boss, a did stab dat fecker Billy so I did"
 
"Tim looked attentively into Anna’s eyes, “OK Anna, I can see your husband is dead and has been so for a while and of course I can also see the reason he is dead"

Don't trust this Tim jumping to conclusions, how does he know the carving knife in the chest was the cause of death? Has there been a post mortem? Naw!
Billy could have been poked up the hole with some novichok before being stabbed for all Tim knows, fucking sloppy police work if you ask me.

As for looking attentively into Anna’s eyes, Billy's no cold yet, Anna's still covered in his blood and this Tim cunts got ideas of pouncing on her! Dirty bastard!!
 
"Tim looked attentively into Anna’s eyes, “OK Anna, I can see your husband is dead and has been so for a while and of course I can also see the reason he is dead"

Don't trust this Tim jumping to conclusions, how does he know the carving knife in the chest was the cause of death? Has there been a post mortem? Naw!
Billy could have been poked up the hole with some novichok before being stabbed for all Tim knows, fucking sloppy police work if you ask me.

As for looking attentively into Anna’s eyes, Billy's no cold yet, Anna's still covered in his blood and this Tim cunts got ideas of pouncing on her! Dirty bastard!!
Thought that as well, that he should at least wait until Billy’s body had been bagged and tagged before he made a move on her.
Maybe there is a shortage of doable wummin in Karori
 
“So you’re stating to me that’s all you remember? Going to bed in the evening and waking up in the morning completely covered in his blood all down the front of your nightdress? “

“Yeah.”

“What about last night?”

“What do you mean?”

“Tell me what happened last night.”

“What do you mean what happened last night? I don’t understand you.”

“Tell me what you remember about last night. Start with who was there last night and what they did.”

“Who was there? ……It was only Billy and me, the two of us, like usual. No one else was there.”

“Go on….”

“We had our dinner at eight thirty. That’s a bit later than usual, but Billy was later getting in than usual. I made the dinner of course. We both ate it and he watched the game.”

“What was it?”

“You mean…………what was it we had for dinner?

“Yeah”

“Seriously?............. You want to know what we had for dinner?

Tim nodded.

“It was a cottage pie and a green salad.”

“Was it a home-made cottage pie?”

“I’m a professional chef working at the James Cook……. of course it was bloody home-made.”

“Do you remember what you put in the cottage pie?”

Anna stared at Tim. “Seriously, you’re now asking me to tell you…. what have I put in the cottage pie? I can’t believe you’re wasting time now asking me this. Billy’s lying over there, dead…… with a carving knife in his chest …and instead of asking me about who might have killed him and why…. you’re wasting time asking me my recipe for making a fucking cottage pie?”

Tim remained cool and calm, “You said to me earlier Anna you could not remember things. I’m merely asking that question to test how good your recent memory of last night is.”

“Oh. I see. OK. Sorry.” Anna’s head drooped and she sighed. “That probably makes some sort of sense I suppose. Look Officer Sir, I’m sorry for swearing at you. I try not to swear if possible. My mother hates it whenever I do, she never does, never has ever sworn. I only tend to swear if I get stressed, like I am now. Sorry. Well Officer, whatever your name is, if you want to know how I made the cottage pie last night, well first off all you brown the mince. You don’t need me to explain how to do that, do you?”

Tim shook his head.

“Good, now it’s got to be good quality beef mince though that you use. Not too much or too little fat. I get my mince from the butcher in Gipp St. Up the road. He takes a cut of good quality meat I particularly select and he trims most of the fat, but not all of it of course, and he minces it up specially for me. Most commercial mince you tend to get in a supermarket comes from the cheap crap off cuts of beef. Don’t ever use that kind of mince if you care about taste. Too much fat and gristle in that cheap stuff. Life is too short to eat bad tasting food. I added a small bit of water to stop it sticking to the bottom of the pan and I keep stirring it of course to stop it from burning. I added some finely diced carrot and some frozen peas and some diced onions plus a bit of minced garlic and a large spoonful of caramelized onions to add a bit of sweetness. Billy likes it that way, but you could easily omit that step if you want. I also added a beef stock cube mixed with some corn flour for thickening the gravy and a good splash of HP and Worcestershire sauce and some Shiraz, I seasoned it of course with pepper and some special zesty citrus and chili salt that I have.” Anna paused briefly and asked, “Do you want me to continue with all this?”

“Please do, all sounds great so far. You’re doing well with your recall.”

“Well you let that cook on a fairly low heat for 30 minutes. You still need the topping for the cottage pie of course. That’s why it’s called a cottage pie. The roof of the cottage is the spuds. Whilst that was all happening, I also boiled up some agria spuds and mashed them with a splash of warmed cream, it has to be slightly warmed mind you, and add 100g of butter plus a raw egg beaten in to make the potatoes super creamy and rich. That tops the mince in a casserole dish and I grated some tasty cheddar cheese over the top and a generous sprinkle of parmesan as well for extra flavour and you stick it in the oven till the cheese is all melted. As it was cooking, I threw together a basic green salad. I take it you don’t need me to tell you what I put in the bloody salad as well do you?”

“No of course not, well that’s indeed fairly strong evidence you do have a good and precise memory of last night Anna. Incredibly detailed. So, no evidence of any memory loss from last evening. Sounds like an absolutely delicious cottage pie by the way.”

“There’s some leftovers in the fridge for Billy’s lunch tomorrow.” Anna paused as those words sunk in. “He’ll never have those leftovers now. That was his last ever meal. Cottage pie.”

Anna continued, “If you seriously want to check on the actual contents of the pie look in the fridge. I am telling you the truth.”
 
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