We can all use a laugh

An elderly couple entered a McDonald's and sat next to a table where some young people were having dinner.
The old man walked over and made the order for himself.
He unwrapped the burger, cut it in half and put one half next to his wife. Carefully he counted all the fries and did the same.
He dipped 2 straws in the soda and put it between himself and his wife.
The old woman began to eat her half of the burger, whilst people stared at her compassionately.
A young man approached them and offered to buy them another portion of food.
The old woman replied not to bother, as they were used to sharing everything.
People realized that the old man had not eaten, he only watched as his wife ate.
The young man approached and repeated his offer.
This time it was the old man, who explained that no, they were used to sharing everything.
The young man then asked the old man,
And what are you waiting for then?
THE
TEETH!!!
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Micky D's.jpg
 
Jesus, Henrik Larsson and Steven Gerrard were out on a boat fishing on Loch Lomond. After about an hour Jesus stands up and says "fuck this lโ€™m away for a pint". He steps out the boat and walks on the water to the shore. After another hour Henrik says "Fuck it, lโ€™m going for a pintโ€ Henrik walks over the water to join Jesus for couple of pints. Gerrard is having no luck with the fish. He sees Jesus and Henrik enjoying their pints and waving at him to join them. โ€œEeeeeh fuck it, I've had enough, lโ€™m going for a pint". He takes a couple of steps on the water, falls in and drowns. Jesus and Henrik watched it all from the shore. Jesus turns to Henrik and says "Did you not tell him about the stepping stones?โ€ Henrik says "What fucking stepping stones?โ€
 
Mag7...Smellyglove...Andy H...
The Young Strone join a gym
:)
I was miles away from the Strone....went through school with a load
Thats near Andy's turf though...
not sure about the Mag7, it's the quiet one's that are for watching :)
me personally its not about where your from... it's about what your ll about
having said that...if you were frae the gibby, i'd think twice about saying i'd spam on my packed lunch sandwiches
 
I met this girl the other day.
She took me back to her house where things got hot and heavy very quickly.

I bent her over the kitchen table and started going at it when suddenly we heard the front door open.

โ€œOh shit, itโ€™s my boyfriend!โ€ she exclaimed โ€œQuick, use the backdoorโ€ .

Now itโ€™s at about this time I probably should have left..... ......but you just donโ€™t get an offer like that every day.
 
Paddy and the Mary are approaching their 40th wedding anniversary.
Mary hasn't had an orgasm during sex in their entire marriage. So paddy goes to the doctor to see if there's anything he can do about it as he would love his wife to have an orgasm. He explains the situation to the doctor and after a bit of thought the doctor tells paddy that his wife is overheating during sex and can't achieve an orgasm because of this. He tells paddy to buy a good fan and direct it at Mary during sex.
But paddy is a miserable fucker and doesn't want to be spending money on a fan. So he asks the wife would it be ok if he asked his friend joe to stand at the side of the bed and uses a towel as a fan. She agreed.
So paddy was on top of Mary flat out for twenty minutes and Mary was just lying there showing no signs of excitement as Joe was standing at the side of the bed fanning a towel.
As nothing is happening, Mary suggests Joe and paddy swap. Paddy agrees. So he takes the towel while Joe gets on top of Mary. Within seconds marys level of excitement goes through the roof while paddy is flat out fanning the towel at the side of the bed. Mary achieves orgasm after orgasm until she can't take any more. She asks joe to stop before she passes out. So as Joe gets off Mary paddy grabs him and shouts "now joe, that's how ye fan a fuckin towel".
 

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