We can all use a laugh

tictastic

Well-known member
The secret to a long life
A tough old cowboy from Texas counseled his granddaughter that if she wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gun powder on her oatmeal every morning.

The granddaughter did this religiously until the age of 103, when she died.

She left behind 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 45 great-grandchildren, 25 great-great-grandchildren, and a 40-foot deep hole where the crematorium used to be.
 

DILLIGAF

Well-known member
True story, sitting at home one morning and there's a knock on our door
I could see as I came downstairs, that it was couple of dark suited bible thumpers, the God squad, and they were looking for converts :rolleyes:
That's no' me...
I opened the door..."Good morning Sir...blah blah blah...the Lord..."
I said "Hang on I'll get my husband, he normally deals with these kind of things..."
I left the door open, as I walked back upstairs...when I returned, they had gone... :unsure:

:cool::whistle::whistle::whistle::whistle::whistle:
 

boab1916

Well-known member
True story, sitting at home one morning and there's a knock on our door
I could see as I came downstairs, that it was couple of dark suited bible thumpers, the God squad, and they were looking for converts :rolleyes:
That's no' me...
I opened the door..."Good morning Sir...blah blah blah...the Lord..."
I said "Hang on I'll get my husband, he normally deals with these kind of things..."
I left the door open, as I walked back upstairs...when I returned, they had gone... :unsure:

:cool::whistle::whistle::whistle::whistle::whistle:
Good Mormon sir, happened in the Calton district two turned up at the home of one of the blue angels, they (the Angels) were team handed smoking hash and been rebels, as only one Angel had opened the door he deviantly invited them in, 2 hours later two stoned mormons humming Black Sabbath tunes.
God works in mysterious ways indeed.
 

JamSam67

Well-known member
Don't talk to me about tax, I've spent the day trying to prove my online identity to the HMRC so I can join PAYE as an employer and according to them I'm not me!
I'm registered for vat, I'm registered for corporation tax, I have a P60 that they sent me but I'm not me according to them!
So I phone the bastards, wait for an hour, then get an automated message saying you need your PAYE reference number to use this service!!!

If I had a PAYE reference number I wouldn't be phoning you ffs! At that point I gave up and opened a Stella.
You signed as You not the noise you but you tell me yi didny sign in as the 6 shoats o the raffle.
Askin fur ma pal Hector

HH 🙀
 

Croppybhoy

Well-known member
Hi guys listened to the experts on tv talking about the fitbe ano🤓 so thoroughly sickened by their slavering I started to read a book.About the Roman invasion of Britain.Two Roman soldiers sitting talking before a battle telling jokes to keep their spirits up.How do you castrate a HUN says one Dunno says his mate. “Kick his sister on the chin”.Even back then they knew.😂☘️
 

JamSam67

Well-known member
Remember bringing ma da home with his new hearing AIDS set up by computer
(Now he said I’m no deaf it’s just sometimes I don’t hear you) So there’s Ma mum sitting waiting with the TV off he tells her to put it on she does it’s set at the level he always had it. It’s funny how high you jump when an unexpected noise hits you
But smashing the glass coffee table they had for 20 years was still ffs funny that and my maws teeth bouncing off the floor at high speed.
ah the guid auld days Miss them

HH 😂😂
 
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