This couple got married and went to a country hotel for the honeymoon....The receptionist showed them the honeymoon suite. About 10 mins later the guy, dressed in his fishing gear came downstairs, and the receptionist said to him, where are you going....He replied 'Fishing'....The receptionist said but, your just married. He said I know but she has syphilis....He then went fishing. About 4 hours later, he returned to the hotel, the receptionist again met him and said....Look yer just married, what about the hand, he replied, She's got dermatitis....He then went up to the honeymoon suite. About 20 min later, he again came downstairs ready to go fishing again. The receptionist again met him and said look she may have syphilis, and dermatitis, what about the mouth......Canny, the guy said, she has ulcers in her mouth, then he went away fishing again for a few hours. On his return to the hotel, the puzzled receptionist said to him.....She has syphilis, dermatitis on her hands, and ulcers in her mouth....Why did you marry her.
The fisherman guy replied...…... ' Cause she's got worms'
A squad o guys are working on a building site. The gaffer pulls them in and tells them, " I have to go aff site today, it's very important ye all stay on site today. If ye leave yer punted".
The gaffer heads aff. The squad quickly agree, pint n bookies here we go. One guy, Tam, says "I live roond the corner so I will nip home".
Tam goes home and hears noise upstairs. He sneaks up and sees the gaffer and his wife hard at it. Tam says nothing and sneaks back to work flustered.
Next day same scenario. The gaffer tells them stay on site or be sacked.
The squad say "pint n bookies yee ha, what aboot you Tam are you going to yer hoose again?". Tam says " na fuck that I will just come to bookies with all you, I nearly got caught yesterday"
If you work for the 'Muni' local municipality, it's said you've got a job for life
One day the supervisor, gets a call from the site
"Hey boss, we showed up and somebody's nicked all our shovels"
Boss: FFS !!! Lean against each other, till I get there"
I'll get my coat