Lubos left peg
Well-known member
when one to many pints a white lightning makes you feel brave 
We can all use a laugh
- Thread starter DILLIGAF
- Start date
when one to many pints a white lightning makes you feel brave
T
Tony
Guest
T
Tony
Guest
He ll no dae that again thats for sure!Well deserved!
tictastic
Well-known member
One day when Jesus was relaxing in Heaven, He happened to notice a familiar-looking old man.
Wondering if the old man was His father Joseph, Jesus asked him, "Did you, by any chance, ever have a son?"
"Yes," said the old man, "but he wasn't my biological son. He was born by a miracle, by the intervention of a magical being from the heavens."
"Very interesting," said Jesus. "Did this boy ever have to fight temptation?"
"Oh, yes, many times," answered the old man. "But he eventually won. Unfortunately, he heroically died at one point, but he came back to life shortly afterwards."
Jesus couldn't believe it. Could this actually be His father?
"One last question," He said. "Were you a carpenter?"
"Why yes," replied the old man. "Yes I was."
Jesus rubbed His eyes and said, "Dad?"
The old man rubbed his eyes and said, "Pinocchio?"
Wondering if the old man was His father Joseph, Jesus asked him, "Did you, by any chance, ever have a son?"
"Yes," said the old man, "but he wasn't my biological son. He was born by a miracle, by the intervention of a magical being from the heavens."
"Very interesting," said Jesus. "Did this boy ever have to fight temptation?"
"Oh, yes, many times," answered the old man. "But he eventually won. Unfortunately, he heroically died at one point, but he came back to life shortly afterwards."
Jesus couldn't believe it. Could this actually be His father?
"One last question," He said. "Were you a carpenter?"
"Why yes," replied the old man. "Yes I was."
Jesus rubbed His eyes and said, "Dad?"
The old man rubbed his eyes and said, "Pinocchio?"
tictastic
Well-known member
Yesterday, I was washing the car with my son.
He said: ‘dad, can’t you just use a sponge?’
He said: ‘dad, can’t you just use a sponge?’
tictastic
Well-known member
I went to a bar on the weekend and the sign read:
Hamburgers £1:00 Cheeseburgers £2:00 Hand Job £3:00 (Oh yesss!!) I called the attractive blonde behind the bar across to enquire. "Can I help you?" she asked with a big smile. "I was wondering (I whispered) Are you the one who gives them ummm!! Hand Jobs?" "Yessssss" she almost purrs "I am" "Well wash your hands," I said "I want a cheeseburger!!"
Hamburgers £1:00 Cheeseburgers £2:00 Hand Job £3:00 (Oh yesss!!) I called the attractive blonde behind the bar across to enquire. "Can I help you?" she asked with a big smile. "I was wondering (I whispered) Are you the one who gives them ummm!! Hand Jobs?" "Yessssss" she almost purrs "I am" "Well wash your hands," I said "I want a cheeseburger!!"
K
kelly
Guest
that cheered ma night up haha
T
Tony
Guest
seconded!!
michael duffy
Well-known member
michael duffy
Well-known member
lcafiero
Well-known member
[Copied/Pasted from the Green Brigade's Facebook page. For some reason, I couldn't copy the link.]
Diego Maradona decides to come out of retirement and play for Celtic, he goes into the changing room to find all his team mates looking a bit glum.
"What's up?" He asks.
"Well, we're having trouble getting motivated for this game. We know it's important but it's only Rangers. They're shit and we can't be bothered".
Maradona looks at them and says "Well I know I'm a bit fat and old, but I reckon I can beat them by myself, you lads go down the pub."
So Maradona goes out to play Rangers by himself and the rest of the Celtic team go off for a few beers. After a few pints they wonder how the game is going, so they get the landlord to put the TV on. A big cheer goes up as the screen shows
"Celtic1 (Maradona 10 minutes) – Rangers 0
He is beating Rangers all by himself! Anyway, a few more beers later and the game is forgotten until someone remembers "It must be full time now, let's see how he got on" They put the TV on.
"Result from Parkhead: Celtic 1 (Maradona 10 minutes) – Rangers 1 (Kent 89 minutes)
They can't believe it, he has single handed got a draw against Rangers! They rush back to the Stadium to congratulate him. They find him in the dressing room, still in his gear, sat with his head in his hands.
He refuses to look at them. "I've let you down I've let you down"
"Don't be stupid Diego, you got a draw against Rangers all by yourself. And they only scored at the very very end!"
Maradona says "No, No, I have, I've let you down!. I got sent off after 12 minutes!"
Diego Maradona decides to come out of retirement and play for Celtic, he goes into the changing room to find all his team mates looking a bit glum.
"What's up?" He asks.
"Well, we're having trouble getting motivated for this game. We know it's important but it's only Rangers. They're shit and we can't be bothered".
Maradona looks at them and says "Well I know I'm a bit fat and old, but I reckon I can beat them by myself, you lads go down the pub."
So Maradona goes out to play Rangers by himself and the rest of the Celtic team go off for a few beers. After a few pints they wonder how the game is going, so they get the landlord to put the TV on. A big cheer goes up as the screen shows
"Celtic1 (Maradona 10 minutes) – Rangers 0
He is beating Rangers all by himself! Anyway, a few more beers later and the game is forgotten until someone remembers "It must be full time now, let's see how he got on" They put the TV on.
"Result from Parkhead: Celtic 1 (Maradona 10 minutes) – Rangers 1 (Kent 89 minutes)
They can't believe it, he has single handed got a draw against Rangers! They rush back to the Stadium to congratulate him. They find him in the dressing room, still in his gear, sat with his head in his hands.
He refuses to look at them. "I've let you down I've let you down"
"Don't be stupid Diego, you got a draw against Rangers all by yourself. And they only scored at the very very end!"
Maradona says "No, No, I have, I've let you down!. I got sent off after 12 minutes!"
Croppybhoy
Well-known member
Indian brave says to his da,why is our chief called Dark Cloud and my grandad Running deer.My uncle is called Little Bear.His da says when baby is born father looks out of tepee and calls son after first thing he sees.Why all the questions Two Dogs Fucking.
The Shamrock
Well-known member
Indian brave says to his da,why is our chief called Dark Cloud and my grandad Running deer.My uncle is called Little Bear.His da says when baby is born father looks out of tepee and calls son after first thing he sees.Why all the questions Two Dogs Fucking.
That joke's aulder than me Croppy!
Croppybhoy
Well-known member
The auld wans are the best shammy.
Spherical Planet
Well-known member
Columbus had'nae even got on the boat when you were a nipper, Shammy
The Shamrock
Well-known member
michael duffy
Well-known member
Austria placed on UK quarantine list,guess where Liverpools pre season traing camp is? 
Bellshill bhoy
Well-known member
You’d have to be daft to go out the country for preseason training, another 6 countries added to the 2 week quarantine list
michael duffy
Well-known member
Austria, border with Hungary, jist sayin.........
