Sandman
Well-known member
SANDMAN'S DEFINITIVE EURO RANTINGS: CELTIC v THE 300
"'Scotch Soccer Sex Pest Craig Levein In Tears As Celtic
Wins U.S Election.'
"It's just not fair!" cries closet Orange Man afficionado..."
Washington Post Headline and article.
BANE - 6/10
Well, little he could do with the shots peppered in at
him and the goals. Actually made some fine stops and -
bar one suicide ball - his distribution is still the best of
any Celtic keeper; can cut a decent long pass accurately
as any.
LAXALTIVE - 5.5/10
Like most, started pretty effectively an was a pain in
their right flank. But was missing the essential final
delivery and slightly more one-footed than we needed;
got found-out and run-over when they pressed, neutralising
his potency.
ALAN LADD - 5/10
'I am not a footballer...I am not a footballer...'
The psychological coaching took effect and the mantra
seemed to be working as he blocked and was efficient
despite us being two down, possibly forcing a comeback...
Then he slipped a shoe or something - and with no blacksmith
in sight their troublesome no.7 skinned him like a trapper
with a rabbit to set up the depressing finale.
About time we asked the rustlers to return him to the donkey
sanctuary?
BITTON - 5.5/10
Early facial expression of discontent proved ominous as he
set for their first corner; something was up, and soon it
was - them, by 2.
Still remains a viable option as we saw during a spell of
dominance when we chased an equaliser - bringing the ball
out and picking the pass is his forte.
PINGPONG - 6.5/10
Good industry, as ever, almost turned some bursts into goals
but was found wanting during the first-half when Sparta broke
down his side; got played-around, ball watching as they spiked
in deadly crosses and was caught in-between runners through
indecision a sthey surprised us.
Yet, he kept at it - showed brilliant effort second 45 and he tore
them up, almost scoring himself.
BROON - 5/10
This. Is. Parkheid! Bellowed Broon and tried to kick somebody in the
baws. But they were too quick for him. All night.
May have fallen into a false sense of security as he lorded it in the
first quarter of the match, picking up everything in the middle and
penning them in.
But once they found space and their touch he was chasing shadows.
CALMAC - 5/10
So poor. Atrocious defending at their killer just before half-time -
guy turned him inside out to pap the shot in. Brief resurgence after
half-time but we rely on him - particulrly in big games - to be the
conductor, set the tempo. Dropped the baton in the tunnel tonight.
CORPUS CHRISTIE - 5/10
If only he had the final delivery or pass to equal his movement
and zip. But when the gild is missing the jewels are lightweight;
Not his presence - got stuck in about them - I mean his influence.
Corpus is all about the devastating strike - see Sunday - or the
killer quarterback delivery - see his only good ball to Elshag to hit
barfirst half - and when that's missing, so's he.
Lost in no-man's land every time they broke, not backtracking
properly- i.e sticking with runners - therefore unable to help
the defence being swamped.
ROGIC - 7/10
If only we had a functioning system around him tonight, the result
would have been different. Yet again the magic big boats lit up
the midfield with some beguiling footwork. When we got the ball
to him.
Criminally underused at times - there has to be a shield to give
Oz a pocket to play in. When we got that right - rarely - we saw the
game-changing affect it can have. The shift of feet at our goal, the
intricacy around their box.
If you can feed your creative wizard the opposition get wary and sit in.
too often we failed to leverage his presence between their lines; credit
him for working back to collect, but that's when calamity can strike as
he gets into clugger territory seeking the ball - thankfully survived
an double-assassination attempt, almost losing an achilles to one of the
ugliest Goonies villains to rock up to Celtic Park in Europe for some
time.
If we're going to play Oz and benefit, we might need to sacrifice the
floating Corpus to get a suitable enforcer in beside him.
ELSHAGYONLASSIE - 5.5/10
Almost, was the tale of his evening. Almost a deft equaliser first-half,
almost burrowing his way throyugh their packed box at times second-half,
almost roasting Lennony for subbing him. But almost is a luxury when the
chips are down.
FRENCH EDDY - 4/10
See Calmac. Early promise from a wriggle evaporated. A surprising reversal
in hope versus reality, especially when he eventually got the strike partner he
needs. As Griff struck us back into things, the expectation was Eddy would
light-up and feed off his energy, find more space and capitalise. Eh, nope...
SUBS:
SAM JACKSON - N/A
Muthufucka got a great view of their third stood on the touchline then the
muthufuckin' joke was played on him and he was thrown into the grim last
ten minutes.
THE YETI - N/A
Growled around the sidelines, then growled some more as the game was
snatched away from us before he even got a kick.
HAT ATTACK - 5/10
Looked competent, reliable as ever when asked to fit in and focus; but let
himself down with an uncertain, loose, hopeful pass from a good attacking
position which was intercepted and facilitated their break for the third goal.
GRIFF - 8/10
Another sub appearance, another MOTM moment to give us hope and lift
the entire performance. Irony of the maddest loveable bastard in the Hoops
tapping his temple to try and get his toiling cohorts to get their heads
in the game was not lost - he came onto the pitch with a mission and ten
more like him have excelled in past European games.
The side got a lift and for a spell an equaliser looked inevitable. Alas,
our current tendancy towards ineffective fragility resurfaced like a poxy
phoenix before the classic Celtic euro-fire could engulf Sparta, and the
Griff-inspired-comeback-glory tale to tell his four hundred grandchildren
did not come to pass.
But, PLAY HIM from the start now.
LENNONY - 4/10
Oh, dear. It all looked so reasonably positive for the opening period.
But once more the former Lennony trait of having motivated Celtic European
teams playing at high tempo from the first whistle was absent.
We moved and sprayed the ball around promisingly enough but lacking
any really inspired tempo or hunger or cutting edge; the sort that has
had visitors on their heels on great victory nights.
To compound his misery, the Sparta flurry that had us two down wasn't
combated to any effect - it was held in reserve and sprung on us again
to notch another two. He didn't/couldn't alter our shape to cope/nullify.
Lennony's recent vindicating displays and results were lacerated by a side
playing very much in the manner his Celtic teams have done; surprising
supposedly superior opponents with pace and desire. Sparta stuck to their
plan, exploited their strengths, exposed our weaknesses perfectly.
We failed both tactically and psychologically to counter or control their
best efforts. You don't get to play Aberdeen every week. Time for shakedown,
Lennony.
OVERALL - 4/10
Well, we had a plan. Then this pishy Euro side began to pay a little
and fancied their chances, and... Celtic looked on it for the first
twenty then somehow managed a complete dissolution of expectations.
We simply appeared to fall apart every time they moved at us with
speed and mobility. A close-up on Bane after their second told it all:
'...shambles..' he seemed to mouth, prefixed by 'fucking' most likely.
Their third and fourth about summed it up; the utter state of our backline
trying to cope with their break resembling some tired kids fed-up with
running about.
So all it took was a competent Euro side to turn up and once they got
confidence and realised they could utilise pace, they picked us off
like virgins in a Dundee nightclub.
We looked like blushing ingenues at a Stones backstage party as we
were plundered time and time again; there was a Sunday League
hangover air about the desperate chasing back and scattered positional
play.
Defensive coach, anyone... But maybe that's too harsh on the defence -
Alan Ladd's a stopper pure and simple and we were overrun by nippy
Spartans - our midfield also culpable for neglecting defensive
disciplines to an alarming extent.
All this grim analysis, yet at 70 minutes you could get even money
on a Celtic equaliser; you could say it seemed inevitable. So not
all is lost... just a harsh lesson on the night on how to be clinical
and disregarding of reputation.
An ignominious humping at home in Europe should play on the
minds of those involved; we'll find out in Prague soon, on a trip
that won't be all cheap beer and hookers - there'll be pride and
contracts at stake too. We must play as a team, not just a collective.
Anyway, Europe, pah... Focus on the TEN. Sunday's looming fast.
Go Away Now.
Sandman.
"'Scotch Soccer Sex Pest Craig Levein In Tears As Celtic
Wins U.S Election.'
"It's just not fair!" cries closet Orange Man afficionado..."
Washington Post Headline and article.
BANE - 6/10
Well, little he could do with the shots peppered in at
him and the goals. Actually made some fine stops and -
bar one suicide ball - his distribution is still the best of
any Celtic keeper; can cut a decent long pass accurately
as any.
LAXALTIVE - 5.5/10
Like most, started pretty effectively an was a pain in
their right flank. But was missing the essential final
delivery and slightly more one-footed than we needed;
got found-out and run-over when they pressed, neutralising
his potency.
ALAN LADD - 5/10
'I am not a footballer...I am not a footballer...'
The psychological coaching took effect and the mantra
seemed to be working as he blocked and was efficient
despite us being two down, possibly forcing a comeback...
Then he slipped a shoe or something - and with no blacksmith
in sight their troublesome no.7 skinned him like a trapper
with a rabbit to set up the depressing finale.
About time we asked the rustlers to return him to the donkey
sanctuary?
BITTON - 5.5/10
Early facial expression of discontent proved ominous as he
set for their first corner; something was up, and soon it
was - them, by 2.
Still remains a viable option as we saw during a spell of
dominance when we chased an equaliser - bringing the ball
out and picking the pass is his forte.
PINGPONG - 6.5/10
Good industry, as ever, almost turned some bursts into goals
but was found wanting during the first-half when Sparta broke
down his side; got played-around, ball watching as they spiked
in deadly crosses and was caught in-between runners through
indecision a sthey surprised us.
Yet, he kept at it - showed brilliant effort second 45 and he tore
them up, almost scoring himself.
BROON - 5/10
This. Is. Parkheid! Bellowed Broon and tried to kick somebody in the
baws. But they were too quick for him. All night.
May have fallen into a false sense of security as he lorded it in the
first quarter of the match, picking up everything in the middle and
penning them in.
But once they found space and their touch he was chasing shadows.
CALMAC - 5/10
So poor. Atrocious defending at their killer just before half-time -
guy turned him inside out to pap the shot in. Brief resurgence after
half-time but we rely on him - particulrly in big games - to be the
conductor, set the tempo. Dropped the baton in the tunnel tonight.
CORPUS CHRISTIE - 5/10
If only he had the final delivery or pass to equal his movement
and zip. But when the gild is missing the jewels are lightweight;
Not his presence - got stuck in about them - I mean his influence.
Corpus is all about the devastating strike - see Sunday - or the
killer quarterback delivery - see his only good ball to Elshag to hit
barfirst half - and when that's missing, so's he.
Lost in no-man's land every time they broke, not backtracking
properly- i.e sticking with runners - therefore unable to help
the defence being swamped.
ROGIC - 7/10
If only we had a functioning system around him tonight, the result
would have been different. Yet again the magic big boats lit up
the midfield with some beguiling footwork. When we got the ball
to him.
Criminally underused at times - there has to be a shield to give
Oz a pocket to play in. When we got that right - rarely - we saw the
game-changing affect it can have. The shift of feet at our goal, the
intricacy around their box.
If you can feed your creative wizard the opposition get wary and sit in.
too often we failed to leverage his presence between their lines; credit
him for working back to collect, but that's when calamity can strike as
he gets into clugger territory seeking the ball - thankfully survived
an double-assassination attempt, almost losing an achilles to one of the
ugliest Goonies villains to rock up to Celtic Park in Europe for some
time.
If we're going to play Oz and benefit, we might need to sacrifice the
floating Corpus to get a suitable enforcer in beside him.
ELSHAGYONLASSIE - 5.5/10
Almost, was the tale of his evening. Almost a deft equaliser first-half,
almost burrowing his way throyugh their packed box at times second-half,
almost roasting Lennony for subbing him. But almost is a luxury when the
chips are down.
FRENCH EDDY - 4/10
See Calmac. Early promise from a wriggle evaporated. A surprising reversal
in hope versus reality, especially when he eventually got the strike partner he
needs. As Griff struck us back into things, the expectation was Eddy would
light-up and feed off his energy, find more space and capitalise. Eh, nope...
SUBS:
SAM JACKSON - N/A
Muthufucka got a great view of their third stood on the touchline then the
muthufuckin' joke was played on him and he was thrown into the grim last
ten minutes.
THE YETI - N/A
Growled around the sidelines, then growled some more as the game was
snatched away from us before he even got a kick.
HAT ATTACK - 5/10
Looked competent, reliable as ever when asked to fit in and focus; but let
himself down with an uncertain, loose, hopeful pass from a good attacking
position which was intercepted and facilitated their break for the third goal.
GRIFF - 8/10
Another sub appearance, another MOTM moment to give us hope and lift
the entire performance. Irony of the maddest loveable bastard in the Hoops
tapping his temple to try and get his toiling cohorts to get their heads
in the game was not lost - he came onto the pitch with a mission and ten
more like him have excelled in past European games.
The side got a lift and for a spell an equaliser looked inevitable. Alas,
our current tendancy towards ineffective fragility resurfaced like a poxy
phoenix before the classic Celtic euro-fire could engulf Sparta, and the
Griff-inspired-comeback-glory tale to tell his four hundred grandchildren
did not come to pass.
But, PLAY HIM from the start now.
LENNONY - 4/10
Oh, dear. It all looked so reasonably positive for the opening period.
But once more the former Lennony trait of having motivated Celtic European
teams playing at high tempo from the first whistle was absent.
We moved and sprayed the ball around promisingly enough but lacking
any really inspired tempo or hunger or cutting edge; the sort that has
had visitors on their heels on great victory nights.
To compound his misery, the Sparta flurry that had us two down wasn't
combated to any effect - it was held in reserve and sprung on us again
to notch another two. He didn't/couldn't alter our shape to cope/nullify.
Lennony's recent vindicating displays and results were lacerated by a side
playing very much in the manner his Celtic teams have done; surprising
supposedly superior opponents with pace and desire. Sparta stuck to their
plan, exploited their strengths, exposed our weaknesses perfectly.
We failed both tactically and psychologically to counter or control their
best efforts. You don't get to play Aberdeen every week. Time for shakedown,
Lennony.
OVERALL - 4/10
Well, we had a plan. Then this pishy Euro side began to pay a little
and fancied their chances, and... Celtic looked on it for the first
twenty then somehow managed a complete dissolution of expectations.
We simply appeared to fall apart every time they moved at us with
speed and mobility. A close-up on Bane after their second told it all:
'...shambles..' he seemed to mouth, prefixed by 'fucking' most likely.
Their third and fourth about summed it up; the utter state of our backline
trying to cope with their break resembling some tired kids fed-up with
running about.
So all it took was a competent Euro side to turn up and once they got
confidence and realised they could utilise pace, they picked us off
like virgins in a Dundee nightclub.
We looked like blushing ingenues at a Stones backstage party as we
were plundered time and time again; there was a Sunday League
hangover air about the desperate chasing back and scattered positional
play.
Defensive coach, anyone... But maybe that's too harsh on the defence -
Alan Ladd's a stopper pure and simple and we were overrun by nippy
Spartans - our midfield also culpable for neglecting defensive
disciplines to an alarming extent.
All this grim analysis, yet at 70 minutes you could get even money
on a Celtic equaliser; you could say it seemed inevitable. So not
all is lost... just a harsh lesson on the night on how to be clinical
and disregarding of reputation.
An ignominious humping at home in Europe should play on the
minds of those involved; we'll find out in Prague soon, on a trip
that won't be all cheap beer and hookers - there'll be pride and
contracts at stake too. We must play as a team, not just a collective.
Anyway, Europe, pah... Focus on the TEN. Sunday's looming fast.
Go Away Now.
Sandman.
