Sandman
Well-known member
SANDMAN'S DEFINITIVE RATINGS: CELTIC @ DUNDEELIVERANCE
"Indecent assault can involve heterosexual activity or
same sex activity in which one party is forced into sexual
contact or sexual activity against their will – including
another individual touching them intimately. Exception -
a Celtic player in a Dundee goalmouth; anything goes,
really..."
- the CPS 'Scottish VAR MIBBERY' amendment to the law.
ROXIE - 6/10
Ah, there he is. Travelled to Dundee at half-time
on Saturday and was camped in his 6 yard box.
Where he spent the afternoon, snoozing in his tent
as play mostly raged on up the other end.
Three-in-a-row of fuckall-to-do would be a nice
way to end the year, Joe...
GREGGS THE BAKER - 7/10
Ensconced inverted in the middle now, a moral victory
over stultifying coaching demands of early season. And
he's much more involved - too involved some might
say (me) because so much of our play first half
seemed to flow through him.
No sleight on Greggs for that excessive involvement
or participation in seemingly every attack - more of
a question as to why there's not a more guileful,
skill-laden player being the larger % fulcrum to his
industry (ahem, Matty?).
WAYNE GRETZKY - 6.5/10
Another busybody, supporting malfunctioning winger,
but using Daizen as a distraction while he thundered
forward, displaying pretty decent intricacies in
multiple attmepts to open up their defensive portcullis.
OF JUSTICE - 6/10
Still shaking off the Xmas Guinness as he picked up
an early yellow instigated by his own slack pass.
But then so unlucky as he caressed a header narrowly
wide, which in a way ignited our total dominance.
Never looked out of step after that.
GET CARTER - 6.5/10
Injured as Dundee keeper Carson (Hun bastard) and
Shaugnessy (should know better) prepared to re-enact
an infamous scene from Deliverance, a Xmas tradition
to foster the unhealthy excitement of the home end,
expressed in a cacophony of pig squeals.
He was strolling through proceedings, then he was
sat on his arse, now we're victims of the Dundonian
Mother-Witch curse as the big mhan looks set to miss
the Visit Of The Vampiric; we wait like Estragon and
Vladimir.
CALMAC - 6.5/10
Tidiness is next to Godliness, and being Celtic captain
is to sit at the right hand of the King Of Kings. So The
Almighty Henrik would have approved of Calmac's calm and
efficient oversight of the midfield rhythm. And Keith Moon,
too...
THE BUILDER - 7/10
He took his time, but once he'd shaken off the creeping
heebie-jeebies of being the first viking to land in Dundee
since Harald Jakey Bojangles started the settlement with
fifteen cross-eyed screeching harridans and two thumbless
stud berserkers, Matty got to work.
They couldn't contain him from his first glorious injection
of quality, releasing Kyogo one-on-one, and he drifted and
linked and kept the pressure at alarming levels for their
backline until submssion.
SAINT BERNARDO - 7.5/10 MOTM
I've said there was more to come from this Portuguese
O'Reilly twin, but I hadn't expected today's levels of
committment and dynamism.
He does like a bit of swashbuckling but it looks secondary
in his nature to all-action water-carrying; a worthy
attribute for a player who must also have an abundance
of skill in reserve.
Certainly got himself around and in their faces, and
frantically dug like Fred West at sunrise until he was
rewarded with the glory of the breakthrough
goal.
And it still doesn't feel as if he's peaking or that we're
yet seeing the best of him. Watch this space...
BRIAN DE - 7/10
"Ach, ffs, eh? Magic, ya bastard..." Which sums up the
frustration and excitement of watching him chop, shoot,
fluff, bedazzle, irritate and inspire; shots, heiders,
corners - the spectrum of pish to perfection was covered.
KILLER MUSHROOM - 6/10
Oooohhh, a shaved post away from a Larsson-esque finish
to send us all home sentimental. But not quite.
Yet, as misses go, his was not an ego-bruiser; more like
a happily rueful near thing, leaving him smiling about
being so damn close to the thrilling highlight of the day -
like Michael Fagan must have felt when the palace guards
dragged him off just before the tickly bit.
And now for our rejuvanated ninja assassin, as the
quaint Japanese proverb has it - 'To fucking the Huns..."
LORD KATSUMOTO - 5/10
Nothing for you here, Daizen... Marshalled and denied
space in a low low low block which completely nullifies
his game. However, was also another hour of match-fitness
to carry towards Skelping Saturday.
SUBS -
OH BHOY - 6/10
Close, close, and...nae luck, better next time;
in fact the bhoy's due a Hunskelping special, and
you wouldn't bet against him rattling them on Saturday.
YING - 5.5/10
Busy feet and still exuding plenty confidence; which
is a good sign, and probably also means he can't
understand the quaint colloquialism, "Fuck aff, ye're
pish."
I'm not sure that he is, and hold hopes that he's
going to settle into a period of sparkling success
to show us why they were raving about him back in
Korea. South, not North, ya eejit - he's not Kim Wrong 'Un.
MIKEY J - 7/10
"Who? For fu...
YASSS! "
And...
"Yass! Two?! This gear's great... "
And Santa saves his last and best present for Mikey, who
had the most redemptive Xmas experience since Jimmy
Stewart bumped into Clarence Odbody...
RAQUEL - N/A
Buck Rodgers will play anybody but the new centre backs,
so Dundee was treated to some glamour in a fur bikini
as CCV capitulated.
Then they made Raquel their sect leader and we'll not
see him again until he defeats the village Jabberwocky
in unarmed combat and gets to ride the ceremonial
Pterodactyl back to Glasgow.
THE SHNAKE - 6.5/10
'I will stick with tradition, seeing as it's Xmas.'
And so we got delivered Raquel and Mikey, and nobody's
gotten such a bigger surprise in stockings since Richard
Gough turned up at sportsman's dinner looking like
Frankenfurter from the Rocky Horror Show after
misinterpreting the 'dress informal' notification on
the invitation.
So the unwanted loss stat of 2-in-a-row is cut at that,
and D-Day looms; a chance for him to vanquish the
pestilence eating away at his reputation, or succumb
to mediocrity and be phoning rentals in the Middle
East by the bells...
MIBBERY - 5/10
A fenian penalty? On Boxing Day? Pah! Nothing to see
here...
Three penalties at Mordor that was. And a red. CCV
luckily not impregnated, VAR amazingly* not filling
the air with sirens and strobing alerts for a clear
and obvious spit-roast. Pathetic Hun acolytes that
they are.
*not really
OVERALL - 7/10
1888 is a significant number in Celtic history.
It's the final corner count from today. The players
got so numb from taking them they started a Green
Brigade lottery draw for chances to have a go yourself.
This was an exercise in focus and consistency; to
their great credit the team kept functioning at a
high level of intensity, wearing down the resistance
like Andy Dufresne chipping away the Shawshank cell
wall.
As an exercise in silencing unmentionables goes, it
was also a success as the home Huns-Not-huns-But-
Yes-You-Are 'support' ran dry of Mordor cover versions
to spit at the away end, and were treated to some
redemptive Irish folks songs which they'll still
have humming round their empty skulls at this very
moment as they chase their lumpen hogwives around the
slums, fists red balls of rage... Nice...
So, away from those picturesque Monet scenes, we'll
look to repeat the rhythmic tempo of today and see
the same result come the weekend.
Luck saved Dundee from a savaging but also demanded
more of our bhoys than sulking fatalism; they responded
well and will thrive on the certitude that their consistent
efforts to maintain quality of play WILL be rewarded.
There really is nothing more they need after today -
they have the tools and the mindset to dismantle those
pitiless impostors who'll come calling for our title.
So go and put them down like the mad Hun dogs they are.
Go Away Now
Sandman
"Indecent assault can involve heterosexual activity or
same sex activity in which one party is forced into sexual
contact or sexual activity against their will – including
another individual touching them intimately. Exception -
a Celtic player in a Dundee goalmouth; anything goes,
really..."
- the CPS 'Scottish VAR MIBBERY' amendment to the law.
ROXIE - 6/10
Ah, there he is. Travelled to Dundee at half-time
on Saturday and was camped in his 6 yard box.
Where he spent the afternoon, snoozing in his tent
as play mostly raged on up the other end.
Three-in-a-row of fuckall-to-do would be a nice
way to end the year, Joe...
GREGGS THE BAKER - 7/10
Ensconced inverted in the middle now, a moral victory
over stultifying coaching demands of early season. And
he's much more involved - too involved some might
say (me) because so much of our play first half
seemed to flow through him.
No sleight on Greggs for that excessive involvement
or participation in seemingly every attack - more of
a question as to why there's not a more guileful,
skill-laden player being the larger % fulcrum to his
industry (ahem, Matty?).
WAYNE GRETZKY - 6.5/10
Another busybody, supporting malfunctioning winger,
but using Daizen as a distraction while he thundered
forward, displaying pretty decent intricacies in
multiple attmepts to open up their defensive portcullis.
OF JUSTICE - 6/10
Still shaking off the Xmas Guinness as he picked up
an early yellow instigated by his own slack pass.
But then so unlucky as he caressed a header narrowly
wide, which in a way ignited our total dominance.
Never looked out of step after that.
GET CARTER - 6.5/10
Injured as Dundee keeper Carson (Hun bastard) and
Shaugnessy (should know better) prepared to re-enact
an infamous scene from Deliverance, a Xmas tradition
to foster the unhealthy excitement of the home end,
expressed in a cacophony of pig squeals.
He was strolling through proceedings, then he was
sat on his arse, now we're victims of the Dundonian
Mother-Witch curse as the big mhan looks set to miss
the Visit Of The Vampiric; we wait like Estragon and
Vladimir.
CALMAC - 6.5/10
Tidiness is next to Godliness, and being Celtic captain
is to sit at the right hand of the King Of Kings. So The
Almighty Henrik would have approved of Calmac's calm and
efficient oversight of the midfield rhythm. And Keith Moon,
too...
THE BUILDER - 7/10
He took his time, but once he'd shaken off the creeping
heebie-jeebies of being the first viking to land in Dundee
since Harald Jakey Bojangles started the settlement with
fifteen cross-eyed screeching harridans and two thumbless
stud berserkers, Matty got to work.
They couldn't contain him from his first glorious injection
of quality, releasing Kyogo one-on-one, and he drifted and
linked and kept the pressure at alarming levels for their
backline until submssion.
SAINT BERNARDO - 7.5/10 MOTM
I've said there was more to come from this Portuguese
O'Reilly twin, but I hadn't expected today's levels of
committment and dynamism.
He does like a bit of swashbuckling but it looks secondary
in his nature to all-action water-carrying; a worthy
attribute for a player who must also have an abundance
of skill in reserve.
Certainly got himself around and in their faces, and
frantically dug like Fred West at sunrise until he was
rewarded with the glory of the breakthrough
goal.
And it still doesn't feel as if he's peaking or that we're
yet seeing the best of him. Watch this space...
BRIAN DE - 7/10
"Ach, ffs, eh? Magic, ya bastard..." Which sums up the
frustration and excitement of watching him chop, shoot,
fluff, bedazzle, irritate and inspire; shots, heiders,
corners - the spectrum of pish to perfection was covered.
KILLER MUSHROOM - 6/10
Oooohhh, a shaved post away from a Larsson-esque finish
to send us all home sentimental. But not quite.
Yet, as misses go, his was not an ego-bruiser; more like
a happily rueful near thing, leaving him smiling about
being so damn close to the thrilling highlight of the day -
like Michael Fagan must have felt when the palace guards
dragged him off just before the tickly bit.
And now for our rejuvanated ninja assassin, as the
quaint Japanese proverb has it - 'To fucking the Huns..."
LORD KATSUMOTO - 5/10
Nothing for you here, Daizen... Marshalled and denied
space in a low low low block which completely nullifies
his game. However, was also another hour of match-fitness
to carry towards Skelping Saturday.
SUBS -
OH BHOY - 6/10
Close, close, and...nae luck, better next time;
in fact the bhoy's due a Hunskelping special, and
you wouldn't bet against him rattling them on Saturday.
YING - 5.5/10
Busy feet and still exuding plenty confidence; which
is a good sign, and probably also means he can't
understand the quaint colloquialism, "Fuck aff, ye're
pish."
I'm not sure that he is, and hold hopes that he's
going to settle into a period of sparkling success
to show us why they were raving about him back in
Korea. South, not North, ya eejit - he's not Kim Wrong 'Un.
MIKEY J - 7/10
"Who? For fu...
YASSS! "
And...
"Yass! Two?! This gear's great... "
And Santa saves his last and best present for Mikey, who
had the most redemptive Xmas experience since Jimmy
Stewart bumped into Clarence Odbody...
RAQUEL - N/A
Buck Rodgers will play anybody but the new centre backs,
so Dundee was treated to some glamour in a fur bikini
as CCV capitulated.
Then they made Raquel their sect leader and we'll not
see him again until he defeats the village Jabberwocky
in unarmed combat and gets to ride the ceremonial
Pterodactyl back to Glasgow.
THE SHNAKE - 6.5/10
'I will stick with tradition, seeing as it's Xmas.'
And so we got delivered Raquel and Mikey, and nobody's
gotten such a bigger surprise in stockings since Richard
Gough turned up at sportsman's dinner looking like
Frankenfurter from the Rocky Horror Show after
misinterpreting the 'dress informal' notification on
the invitation.
So the unwanted loss stat of 2-in-a-row is cut at that,
and D-Day looms; a chance for him to vanquish the
pestilence eating away at his reputation, or succumb
to mediocrity and be phoning rentals in the Middle
East by the bells...
MIBBERY - 5/10
A fenian penalty? On Boxing Day? Pah! Nothing to see
here...
Three penalties at Mordor that was. And a red. CCV
luckily not impregnated, VAR amazingly* not filling
the air with sirens and strobing alerts for a clear
and obvious spit-roast. Pathetic Hun acolytes that
they are.
*not really
OVERALL - 7/10
1888 is a significant number in Celtic history.
It's the final corner count from today. The players
got so numb from taking them they started a Green
Brigade lottery draw for chances to have a go yourself.
This was an exercise in focus and consistency; to
their great credit the team kept functioning at a
high level of intensity, wearing down the resistance
like Andy Dufresne chipping away the Shawshank cell
wall.
As an exercise in silencing unmentionables goes, it
was also a success as the home Huns-Not-huns-But-
Yes-You-Are 'support' ran dry of Mordor cover versions
to spit at the away end, and were treated to some
redemptive Irish folks songs which they'll still
have humming round their empty skulls at this very
moment as they chase their lumpen hogwives around the
slums, fists red balls of rage... Nice...
So, away from those picturesque Monet scenes, we'll
look to repeat the rhythmic tempo of today and see
the same result come the weekend.
Luck saved Dundee from a savaging but also demanded
more of our bhoys than sulking fatalism; they responded
well and will thrive on the certitude that their consistent
efforts to maintain quality of play WILL be rewarded.
There really is nothing more they need after today -
they have the tools and the mindset to dismantle those
pitiless impostors who'll come calling for our title.
So go and put them down like the mad Hun dogs they are.
Go Away Now
Sandman
Last edited:
Aye, bbc stats say 23, must be right it's the bbc(Hun Luving bastards)
