Sandman
Well-known member
SANDMAN'S DEFINITIVE RATINGS: CELTIC v ROSSTAFARIAN COUNTY, MAN...
"Ye ugly, creepan, blastet wonner,
Detested, shunn'd, by saunt an' sinner,
How daur ye set your fit upon her,
Sae fine a Lady!
Gae somewhere else and seek your
dinner, On some poor body."
- 'To A Zombie Hun' by Rabbie Burns
ROXIE - 6/10
Ah, y'all were bemoaning his age and guile when he got
caught under a corner first half. Yet, when the chips
were scattered around the joint at the death, the old
mhan of jhoy was the rock of ages, finding the nous
and agility - and bravery - to pull off a points-saving
stop; not to mention the superb recovery to smother
at the feet of an onrushing yokel.
At both those incidents he was more exposed than Jamesy
at a glass-collectors' convention so questions need
asked about our defensive setups for corners and
laughable attempts to 'close out' games.
DIEGO ARMANDO MARADONA - 5/10
Well, the kid matched the missing Greggs for industry
but was missing his gifted left boot when openings
arose. With this position right up for grabs we could
have expected more, though when he roves around their
final third he still looks a decent threat with his
skill level.
WAYNE GRETZKY - 6.5/10 MOTM
Foot like a traction engine. Well, like a tractor...
On such universal off-days you always need someone who'll
fight for the cause and come up with something special.
And The Moose put in the most consistent 90 min after
getting us off to a flyer before the wings were clipped.
So let the right-back wallow in the glory of being able to
tell his grandchildren he was once a Celtic matchwinner
with a 30-yard screamer; just don't check youtube, kids...
OF JUSTICE - 4.5/10
Shaking Liam, nearly letting This Old Hoose collapse from
under him as he unusually found himself out of touch and
timing, rolled by marauding heelanders, and too casual
in posession. Takes comfort in the fact he was not alone.
GET CARTER - 5/10
The big mhan back and... Not 100%, obviously. Even his
monolithic presence couldn't dispell the air of fragility
our defence had all game. And Ghod knows where he
was when they hit the bar from practically inside the net
as their twin central defenders flummoxed ours.
CALMAC - 5.5/10
Skipper? Wherfor art thou? Intermittent apparitions of
Banquo's Ghost Calmac does for worrying omens foretell,
a Shakespearian tragedy doest brewest. Let his influence
be atested by those venerable souls who rode with hi...
Oh, for fuck's sake, the prose here's gone as bizarrely
off-course as Calmac's afternoon did; Wandering
pointlessness for the most.
SAINT BERNARDO - 4.5/10
Jeez, hold that fee. Hunskelper malfunction from the
moment he Van Vossened (right in line with me that night,
right next to the disbelieving Huns, what a moment, lol...)
an open net then teed up a chance for them at the other end.
Could not find his touch, mostly; promising moments fizzled
out and he, like us, spent much of his time on the park
ruefully shaking his head.
THE BUILDER - 6/10
George Sqaure or the Plaza Mayor?
Ye whit? Assuming the bhoy has a fondness for Hun-on-Hun
cage fighting it appears he might be in the Hoops another
few months.
He'll need to cut down on the shagging, though, because
his back went early and set our hearts a-fluttering. He
recovered but couldn't quite reach his handsome best,
summed-up with his ever-so-close free-kick.
BRIAN DE - 4/10
"Here, ya stuttering runup fuck, read my lips - 'N-no
m-more f-f-fcuk-in' p-p-p-penalties f-for y-you,
ya c-cunt".
- Tommy, 'Goodfellas' (1990).
KILLER MUSHROOM - 4/10
'Rye hrate ru, Brennan Rajas. Maka me get knacka fa
fucka nutan. Fuka runna arse aff, git nada sereveez.
Fak dat.'
How's the English lessons on TikTok comin' along wee
mhan?
'Jus frine...'
ABADASS - 5/10
So much promise early on then faded with the collective
towards ineffectual anonymity. Let's hope this isn't the
memory he leaves us with...
SUBS -
TAKINTE - N/A
Welcome... To hell. Pull yer socks up. No, not like that..
The Germanic lovechild of Paddy Roberts and KT, thrown
into malfunctioning misery, unable to add any debut
cheer.
EDDIE TURNBULL - N/A
Forget which way yer shooting, auld yin? Coonty's most
dangerous player last ten minutes as he initiated a number
of dangerous attacks for them...
MIKEY J - N/A
Still here? Still ahead in the queue? Am I on acid? Did I
step through a portal to 2017?
APOLLO CREED - N/A
Thankless task of wading into a fight that should have
been counted out long before his presence; didn't offer
much more in terms of stability as the nerves shredded
in stoppage time.
THE SHNAKE - 4/10
System? What fucking system? The system of playing
has-beens ahead of eager youngsters? a week of young
Vata drama and we get Mikey and Eddie T before Rocco
and Odin?
Conservatism and game-management heavy when we know
ruthless slaughter is always the answer against SPL
low-block dross.
Lucky man to see that out as his methods get questioned
once more, now hounded by a dogged rabble of Huns
seemingly composed of sinister-looking ex-cons and
probationers on the run from interpol, who're grinding out
results and threatening to dismount the Rodgers Rodeo.
Can't imaging he'll be too happy with this shitshow on
his CV either. What with the liverpool vacancy coming up...
MIBBERY - 5.5/10
Sneaky. Averse to booking snarling ginger Huns (well known)
for A) conceding penalties, B) agressive behaviour towards
the Celtic captain, or C) continuing to be a cunt for
the rest of the game.
Personally, I think he deserved a booking pre-match in
the tunnel for sheer fucking ugliness; how in hell are
we going to sell Scottish football as a TV package with
that heid like a burnt lasagne screeching out of the
screen?
So, let the Tims struggle and let the battering commence
was the earpiece instruction... Saving grace - they amazingly
got the VAR calls correct.
OVERALL - 5/10
It's Celtic, the colostomy bag era - as we suffer under
increasing pressure from pish.
Kicking on from last week's cup warmup was the general
idea. What we found was bare truth of the moment - a side
lapsing badly, scraping through, wandering about in search
of a focus and an energising gameplan around which to
galvanise.
It was a desperate three points won by individuals and
luck; something we were so glad to get away from in the
past two seasons as the collective ideals brought dynamic
systems into which players fitted like interchangeable
cogs; all for one, one for all.
Now it feels like regression - reliance on fortune and
hope. Give young men no focus, you'll get aberrations
like today. We got away with it, but let's be honest -
it won't last and before much longer the phrases of the
moment will be 'saw it coming' and 'was on the cards'.
Because prescience - the ability to see through time -
is a given as a football fan. And we've seen enough of
this version of a Celtic side to know there's major
slip-ups ahead.
Will it be football black ice before winter's out, or
will it be the Ides of March? With this feeling of lack
of tempo and general purpose the run-in is going to
be more psychologically loaded with trepidation
than anticipation.
Today the sense was of possible disaster - a grinding,
groaning list in the good ship Celtic as a Northern
iceberg loomed large.
We avoided it, just. But we're headed right into
Northwest Passage territory instead of cruising towards
the sun.
That Northwest Passage analogy's going to be the theme
of the week as we head North to The Sheep Pen to face a
combative side as much in need of the points as we are.
The original Northwest Passage explorers failed, getting
stuck, lost, and freezing to death. Let's hope any
metaphorical comparisons end with a resounding win, but
somebody's going to have to light quite a fire under the
Bhoys in order to ensure that. Pyro at the ready!
Go Away Now
Sandman
"Ye ugly, creepan, blastet wonner,
Detested, shunn'd, by saunt an' sinner,
How daur ye set your fit upon her,
Sae fine a Lady!
Gae somewhere else and seek your
dinner, On some poor body."
- 'To A Zombie Hun' by Rabbie Burns
ROXIE - 6/10
Ah, y'all were bemoaning his age and guile when he got
caught under a corner first half. Yet, when the chips
were scattered around the joint at the death, the old
mhan of jhoy was the rock of ages, finding the nous
and agility - and bravery - to pull off a points-saving
stop; not to mention the superb recovery to smother
at the feet of an onrushing yokel.
At both those incidents he was more exposed than Jamesy
at a glass-collectors' convention so questions need
asked about our defensive setups for corners and
laughable attempts to 'close out' games.
DIEGO ARMANDO MARADONA - 5/10
Well, the kid matched the missing Greggs for industry
but was missing his gifted left boot when openings
arose. With this position right up for grabs we could
have expected more, though when he roves around their
final third he still looks a decent threat with his
skill level.
WAYNE GRETZKY - 6.5/10 MOTM
Foot like a traction engine. Well, like a tractor...
On such universal off-days you always need someone who'll
fight for the cause and come up with something special.
And The Moose put in the most consistent 90 min after
getting us off to a flyer before the wings were clipped.
So let the right-back wallow in the glory of being able to
tell his grandchildren he was once a Celtic matchwinner
with a 30-yard screamer; just don't check youtube, kids...
OF JUSTICE - 4.5/10
Shaking Liam, nearly letting This Old Hoose collapse from
under him as he unusually found himself out of touch and
timing, rolled by marauding heelanders, and too casual
in posession. Takes comfort in the fact he was not alone.
GET CARTER - 5/10
The big mhan back and... Not 100%, obviously. Even his
monolithic presence couldn't dispell the air of fragility
our defence had all game. And Ghod knows where he
was when they hit the bar from practically inside the net
as their twin central defenders flummoxed ours.
CALMAC - 5.5/10
Skipper? Wherfor art thou? Intermittent apparitions of
Banquo's Ghost Calmac does for worrying omens foretell,
a Shakespearian tragedy doest brewest. Let his influence
be atested by those venerable souls who rode with hi...
Oh, for fuck's sake, the prose here's gone as bizarrely
off-course as Calmac's afternoon did; Wandering
pointlessness for the most.
SAINT BERNARDO - 4.5/10
Jeez, hold that fee. Hunskelper malfunction from the
moment he Van Vossened (right in line with me that night,
right next to the disbelieving Huns, what a moment, lol...)
an open net then teed up a chance for them at the other end.
Could not find his touch, mostly; promising moments fizzled
out and he, like us, spent much of his time on the park
ruefully shaking his head.
THE BUILDER - 6/10
George Sqaure or the Plaza Mayor?
Ye whit? Assuming the bhoy has a fondness for Hun-on-Hun
cage fighting it appears he might be in the Hoops another
few months.
He'll need to cut down on the shagging, though, because
his back went early and set our hearts a-fluttering. He
recovered but couldn't quite reach his handsome best,
summed-up with his ever-so-close free-kick.
BRIAN DE - 4/10
"Here, ya stuttering runup fuck, read my lips - 'N-no
m-more f-f-fcuk-in' p-p-p-penalties f-for y-you,
ya c-cunt".
- Tommy, 'Goodfellas' (1990).
KILLER MUSHROOM - 4/10
'Rye hrate ru, Brennan Rajas. Maka me get knacka fa
fucka nutan. Fuka runna arse aff, git nada sereveez.
Fak dat.'
How's the English lessons on TikTok comin' along wee
mhan?
'Jus frine...'
ABADASS - 5/10
So much promise early on then faded with the collective
towards ineffectual anonymity. Let's hope this isn't the
memory he leaves us with...
SUBS -
TAKINTE - N/A
Welcome... To hell. Pull yer socks up. No, not like that..
The Germanic lovechild of Paddy Roberts and KT, thrown
into malfunctioning misery, unable to add any debut
cheer.
EDDIE TURNBULL - N/A
Forget which way yer shooting, auld yin? Coonty's most
dangerous player last ten minutes as he initiated a number
of dangerous attacks for them...
MIKEY J - N/A
Still here? Still ahead in the queue? Am I on acid? Did I
step through a portal to 2017?
APOLLO CREED - N/A
Thankless task of wading into a fight that should have
been counted out long before his presence; didn't offer
much more in terms of stability as the nerves shredded
in stoppage time.
THE SHNAKE - 4/10
System? What fucking system? The system of playing
has-beens ahead of eager youngsters? a week of young
Vata drama and we get Mikey and Eddie T before Rocco
and Odin?
Conservatism and game-management heavy when we know
ruthless slaughter is always the answer against SPL
low-block dross.
Lucky man to see that out as his methods get questioned
once more, now hounded by a dogged rabble of Huns
seemingly composed of sinister-looking ex-cons and
probationers on the run from interpol, who're grinding out
results and threatening to dismount the Rodgers Rodeo.
Can't imaging he'll be too happy with this shitshow on
his CV either. What with the liverpool vacancy coming up...
MIBBERY - 5.5/10
Sneaky. Averse to booking snarling ginger Huns (well known)
for A) conceding penalties, B) agressive behaviour towards
the Celtic captain, or C) continuing to be a cunt for
the rest of the game.
Personally, I think he deserved a booking pre-match in
the tunnel for sheer fucking ugliness; how in hell are
we going to sell Scottish football as a TV package with
that heid like a burnt lasagne screeching out of the
screen?
So, let the Tims struggle and let the battering commence
was the earpiece instruction... Saving grace - they amazingly
got the VAR calls correct.
OVERALL - 5/10
It's Celtic, the colostomy bag era - as we suffer under
increasing pressure from pish.
Kicking on from last week's cup warmup was the general
idea. What we found was bare truth of the moment - a side
lapsing badly, scraping through, wandering about in search
of a focus and an energising gameplan around which to
galvanise.
It was a desperate three points won by individuals and
luck; something we were so glad to get away from in the
past two seasons as the collective ideals brought dynamic
systems into which players fitted like interchangeable
cogs; all for one, one for all.
Now it feels like regression - reliance on fortune and
hope. Give young men no focus, you'll get aberrations
like today. We got away with it, but let's be honest -
it won't last and before much longer the phrases of the
moment will be 'saw it coming' and 'was on the cards'.
Because prescience - the ability to see through time -
is a given as a football fan. And we've seen enough of
this version of a Celtic side to know there's major
slip-ups ahead.
Will it be football black ice before winter's out, or
will it be the Ides of March? With this feeling of lack
of tempo and general purpose the run-in is going to
be more psychologically loaded with trepidation
than anticipation.
Today the sense was of possible disaster - a grinding,
groaning list in the good ship Celtic as a Northern
iceberg loomed large.
We avoided it, just. But we're headed right into
Northwest Passage territory instead of cruising towards
the sun.
That Northwest Passage analogy's going to be the theme
of the week as we head North to The Sheep Pen to face a
combative side as much in need of the points as we are.
The original Northwest Passage explorers failed, getting
stuck, lost, and freezing to death. Let's hope any
metaphorical comparisons end with a resounding win, but
somebody's going to have to light quite a fire under the
Bhoys in order to ensure that. Pyro at the ready!
Go Away Now
Sandman
