Sandman
Well-known member
CELTIC v ST JOHNS AMBULANCE SELECT
"Maybe my hair is far too colour-consistent and lacking any grey for a man of my vintage. And maybe my face does put one in mind of a scowling woodsman from a Grimm's fairytale about to attack a wolf with his axe, but that's all down to staunch Ulster Protestant genes, I'll have ye know. Wig, my feckin' erse!"
Tommy Wright, St.Johnstone Growler.
"I need a way out of this ugliness. Everybody hates me. Me family hates me, me dogs too. An' all the supporters of me favourite team, Celtic. Only people that like me are Ra Peepul. Ders irony far ye. An ye know what Nelson Mandela said about them. So I'm kind of 'opin me album of Cilla Black covers goes mega, like, an' me werld
tour means I 'ave to quit these shitbags."
Slippy G.
"The People are angry, always angry. They are starving. They are rabid. There is no law and order in their townships. They steal, kill and eat one another. There is such rage, and it is permanent."
N.Mandela.
Aaaaand one...
BANE - 8/10
No, it is 'Bane', don't misjudge the 'Bain' he uses to interact in everyday life as the Celtic keepr - this is a cunning supervillain who learned his identity trickery in the hellhole of Peña Duro prison,fluent in English, Spanish, Portuguese and Latin, as tutored by an elderly Jesuit priest.
But he's our cunning supervillain so that's working out fine - and so's his goalkeeping. Not that it was needed tonight, but his admirable ability to ping a pass puts him at number six on our top midfielders chart.
LUSTIG - 8.5/10
Haters gonna hate. Boo bhoys blinded to the part-time polis's outstanding contribution, and the trend victims can't get over their group-think... Threw in some superb crosses, kept the tempo high, linking constantly with Jamesy all first-hlaf, roving up and down the right; didn't put a foot wrong. Radar between him and the Prestwick Flyer malfunctioned second half later on but mostly due to Jamesy out of sync.
Even survived a second-half career-ending attmept by a stubbly husk of double-surname infamy called Murray Davidson - a dirty bastard, as they say in rural Perthshire - who filled his time between first and full-time whistles galloping about the sacred turf like a demonic wraith, sporting the sartorial elegance of an apocalytpic hobo
from Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome, slashing at anyone in Hoops. He actually gets paid for that, handsomely (which is ironic...) ; no, seriously...
Micka about MOTM for me. Solid as Ashford and Simpson.
IZZY - 8/10
Donde esta la biblioteca? Senor Izzy buzzed around the left wing, seemingly determined to interact with Sonic and continue the scintillating dynamism on the left we've seen the past few matches.
But there was a log-jam tonight as the Ambulance fellas doubled up down that side. Yet he maintained his energy and focus for the ninety, without succumbing to his usual momentary flake-outs; not easy to do on a cold January night when you're loaded with peyote and can't shake the Doors' 'Waiting for The Sun' out yer head.
JOZO - 8/10
Handed his comeback opportunity due to the injury/wounding of Benny Kovic in a shootout in the 1970s whilst helping Starksy and Hutch out of a sticky situation involving Huggy Bear, Kojak and a friendly hooker with a heart of gold. Consumate perfrormance. Tight on runners, read everytihng, occupied territory like a stubborn militia.
Jozo - confirmed now as a Croatian - formerly known as Ivan Denesovich, whose mettle was forged through early years in a Bosnian Gulag, has a natural defensive ability when he's fit and focussed. He fills the spaces that the opposition creatives look up to find. It's an art. That split-second of decision-making can kill you off if the pass is on. Jozo's job is to make the pass look off. It's something he excelled at in his best Celtic performances. Anderlecht away srpings to mind; closing down the openings, clearing up the scraps.
Injury and preference have hampered him in recent times, but let's not forget he was almost the hero of Athens when that last-ditch effort in the CL qualifier clipped off him and almost spun into the Athens net to put us through. Fine margins - and his career has been fine margins, marred by injury when he's looked almost a world-beater. But here he is again, another chance to stay in the team and establish himself. Defenders don't get as much leeway from the fans as attacking players do - less time to find their feet and form. I hope Jozo gets the gametime and avoids calamity, because he's a better natural defender than Boyata by a mile. In my less than humble opinion...
AJER - 8/10
This bhoy is the future. Our requirement is finding the perfect defensive partner upon which to build a new spine of Celtic 2019/20 onwards. Confidence mounting, as he himself mounts most opoponents, ravishing them into submission before marauding towards the opposition penalty box.
On form, coming up against big Kris is like a hot date with a horny polar Bear; He looks a warm cuddly fella but he's got a bite and if you let him get on top of you, you'll be unable to sit down for a week.
BROON - 8.5/10
The captain does what the captain does best - steadies the ship, lays down the law. Takes control. Brought the steely determination to the team tonight and refused to let anyone slack off. Another immaculate performance, save for his shooting - as accurate as Hopalong Cassidy rolling up to the County fair pished on moonshine.
Had to have a chuckle to himself about his second-half effort. Aye, Broony, tell that amusing anecdote to the kid in the Jock Stein upper who'll never laugh again because yer shot took his face off!
Cont. in Part 2
"Maybe my hair is far too colour-consistent and lacking any grey for a man of my vintage. And maybe my face does put one in mind of a scowling woodsman from a Grimm's fairytale about to attack a wolf with his axe, but that's all down to staunch Ulster Protestant genes, I'll have ye know. Wig, my feckin' erse!"
Tommy Wright, St.Johnstone Growler.
"I need a way out of this ugliness. Everybody hates me. Me family hates me, me dogs too. An' all the supporters of me favourite team, Celtic. Only people that like me are Ra Peepul. Ders irony far ye. An ye know what Nelson Mandela said about them. So I'm kind of 'opin me album of Cilla Black covers goes mega, like, an' me werld
tour means I 'ave to quit these shitbags."
Slippy G.
"The People are angry, always angry. They are starving. They are rabid. There is no law and order in their townships. They steal, kill and eat one another. There is such rage, and it is permanent."
N.Mandela.
Aaaaand one...
BANE - 8/10
No, it is 'Bane', don't misjudge the 'Bain' he uses to interact in everyday life as the Celtic keepr - this is a cunning supervillain who learned his identity trickery in the hellhole of Peña Duro prison,fluent in English, Spanish, Portuguese and Latin, as tutored by an elderly Jesuit priest.
But he's our cunning supervillain so that's working out fine - and so's his goalkeeping. Not that it was needed tonight, but his admirable ability to ping a pass puts him at number six on our top midfielders chart.
LUSTIG - 8.5/10
Haters gonna hate. Boo bhoys blinded to the part-time polis's outstanding contribution, and the trend victims can't get over their group-think... Threw in some superb crosses, kept the tempo high, linking constantly with Jamesy all first-hlaf, roving up and down the right; didn't put a foot wrong. Radar between him and the Prestwick Flyer malfunctioned second half later on but mostly due to Jamesy out of sync.
Even survived a second-half career-ending attmept by a stubbly husk of double-surname infamy called Murray Davidson - a dirty bastard, as they say in rural Perthshire - who filled his time between first and full-time whistles galloping about the sacred turf like a demonic wraith, sporting the sartorial elegance of an apocalytpic hobo
from Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome, slashing at anyone in Hoops. He actually gets paid for that, handsomely (which is ironic...) ; no, seriously...
Micka about MOTM for me. Solid as Ashford and Simpson.
IZZY - 8/10
Donde esta la biblioteca? Senor Izzy buzzed around the left wing, seemingly determined to interact with Sonic and continue the scintillating dynamism on the left we've seen the past few matches.
But there was a log-jam tonight as the Ambulance fellas doubled up down that side. Yet he maintained his energy and focus for the ninety, without succumbing to his usual momentary flake-outs; not easy to do on a cold January night when you're loaded with peyote and can't shake the Doors' 'Waiting for The Sun' out yer head.
JOZO - 8/10
Handed his comeback opportunity due to the injury/wounding of Benny Kovic in a shootout in the 1970s whilst helping Starksy and Hutch out of a sticky situation involving Huggy Bear, Kojak and a friendly hooker with a heart of gold. Consumate perfrormance. Tight on runners, read everytihng, occupied territory like a stubborn militia.
Jozo - confirmed now as a Croatian - formerly known as Ivan Denesovich, whose mettle was forged through early years in a Bosnian Gulag, has a natural defensive ability when he's fit and focussed. He fills the spaces that the opposition creatives look up to find. It's an art. That split-second of decision-making can kill you off if the pass is on. Jozo's job is to make the pass look off. It's something he excelled at in his best Celtic performances. Anderlecht away srpings to mind; closing down the openings, clearing up the scraps.
Injury and preference have hampered him in recent times, but let's not forget he was almost the hero of Athens when that last-ditch effort in the CL qualifier clipped off him and almost spun into the Athens net to put us through. Fine margins - and his career has been fine margins, marred by injury when he's looked almost a world-beater. But here he is again, another chance to stay in the team and establish himself. Defenders don't get as much leeway from the fans as attacking players do - less time to find their feet and form. I hope Jozo gets the gametime and avoids calamity, because he's a better natural defender than Boyata by a mile. In my less than humble opinion...
AJER - 8/10
This bhoy is the future. Our requirement is finding the perfect defensive partner upon which to build a new spine of Celtic 2019/20 onwards. Confidence mounting, as he himself mounts most opoponents, ravishing them into submission before marauding towards the opposition penalty box.
On form, coming up against big Kris is like a hot date with a horny polar Bear; He looks a warm cuddly fella but he's got a bite and if you let him get on top of you, you'll be unable to sit down for a week.
BROON - 8.5/10
The captain does what the captain does best - steadies the ship, lays down the law. Takes control. Brought the steely determination to the team tonight and refused to let anyone slack off. Another immaculate performance, save for his shooting - as accurate as Hopalong Cassidy rolling up to the County fair pished on moonshine.
Had to have a chuckle to himself about his second-half effort. Aye, Broony, tell that amusing anecdote to the kid in the Jock Stein upper who'll never laugh again because yer shot took his face off!
Cont. in Part 2
