Sandman
Well-known member
SANDMAN'S DEFINITIVE RATINGS: CELTIC v WALTER WHITE'S XI
"What have the Tims ever done that we haven't, eh?"
- 'Won the European Cup.'
"Yeah but apart from that?"
- 'Won yet another treble.'
"Yeeeehh.. But outwith those things?"
- 'Pumped us in everygame that mattered."
"Aye, eh, but if you didn't count them matches..."
- 'Outspent, outplayed, out-thought, outearned us.'
"Right you, fuck off, you're out..."
- Monty Python; 'We Arra Peepils Front Of Judea' sketch.
ROXIE - 6/10
Bizarrely caught out for the opener as
he went down like a tranquilised King Kong.
Looked unsettled by the makeshift central
defence and a somewhat less than disciplined
backline seemingly drawn by Stevie Wonder.
GREGGS THE BAKER - 5.5/10
Misfiring passes the order of the day and Greggs
had his own share as he gave his usual 100% but
caught the deftless bug riddling the squad.
STAR LORD - 6.5/10
Pretty decent given the WWF wrestler he had to
counter but lost that battle and a couple of
goals to boot. Not really his job, though, and
Shaglord was forced into combat more than desired
due to the unusual presence of...
TONIO IWATAO - 4/10
"Me? But don't you mean the other Ja..."
'No, mayte - yer in besoide Carl.'
And as Tonio's interpreter attempted to translate
a brief synopsis of how to play centre half, a
confused DM took to the park to try out at CB.
Accomplished in the middle doesn't mean accomplished
at the back. Different energy required; And he mostly
got his battered out of him by Paisley's Vin Paraffin.
TONY THE TIGER - 5/10
Grim was the Tiger's set today, and grim it stayed.
Howler to concede the first, but those African Savannah
wildebeast-outpacing-the-lioness runs of his were
in plentiful supply and may have won the day if it
weren't for his cursed final ball, almost every time.
CALMAC - 5.5/10
Good grief; couldn't complete a pass to save his skin
but completed a gorgeous guided, gilded, calculated strike
to save the day and get pass marks for eventual sheer class
overcoming his 90 minutes of tortuous abstraction.
THE BUILDER - 6/10
I thought the construction kid was pretty decent - runs
were great but service invisible, touch and passing better
than most, and he was in about them with a fiesty spirit.
HAKUNA HATATE - 4.5/10
Reo still a way, way back from top form after injury; lost
in the Modror murk last week, moved with more clarity today,
yet for all his toil, the only moment of quality we saw was the
shuffle onto Kyogo for the first equaliser.
LORD KATSUMOTO - 6/10
Daizen's Daizen, folks. Perpetual motion, speedboat lacking
a rudder, but always on the verge of destruction - the volatility
of his crosses is breathtaking, from stinging the Huns at Hampden
to lobbing a grenade into the Jock Stein today.
All might have been forgiven had he prodded in the easiest chance
of the day at the back post but it was too far out for him to be
sure...
KILLER MUSHROOM - 7/10 MOTM
Give me ball, I score goals. Yes you do. And yes we did. And yes,
YOU did. Brilliantly, spectacularly.
And you might have thought the rest of them realised they were onto
something here, but, no - and the service dried up like the stripper
who realised she's been hired for Allan McGregor's leaving do.
NOTEBOOK - 6/10
Effervescent, but ever-frustrated. Twisty-turny, dancy, jingly,
tweaky - Jota tried it all to pick their lock and may have succeeded
if he could have shaken the curse of the final ball that hung over
Paradise this gloomy afternoon.
SUBS -
OH BHOY - 6/10
Oh, damn. Almost yet another sensational entry for the Korean
Gerd Muller; swivel and smack and scorned by the post.
Despite the lamenting of the departure of the big Greek mercenary,
Oh's knack of appearing late in the game and getting on the end of
a chance/creating one, must be about as good. A slight shift in luck
and his record will be fire.
ABADASS - 5.5/10
Lively and intense, and for a brief time it looked like he'd do some
matchwinning damage.
HACKY SACK - 5.5/10
Straight onto the ball and as above, appeared in heroic mood.
However, even he couldn't find that killer pass or strike to break
through their block.
ANITA DOBSON - 6/10
'Ach, ask me how many fucks I give, mayte,' seemed the residue of
another fruitless struggle to eviscerate SPL stoics.
Ange knows his Bhoys did it when it mattered and today, though going
full-Mowbray, knew too that Angeball wasn't going to reap results.
Japanese for Japanese at Centre-back hadn't worked and the conductor
of his orchestra was flailing about the midfield, unable to get his
act together, causing all sorts of bum notes.
Doubt the big mhan will lose much sleep over routine league countdown
dead rubbers; just hope he can tune them back in to pump the monster-hiders.
MIBBERY - 5/10
"Quick, draw a line aff McGregor's heel! A squinty wan!
Aye, that'll dae...Onside! Goal!"
They gave it up weeks ago but suspicions will remain as
we watch for skullfuckery practice in advance of next season.
OVERALL - 5.5/10
Meh.
Pretty tepid affair, the Hoops in sleep mode first half then
sparking a bit to stage a comeback late on.
St.Mirren, under Baldricks' command, have proven our most troublesome
domestic opponent this season - yes, the stats don't lie, interloping
Huns - and today they were well-drilled, keen to counter and 'physically
competitive'.
Deserved their point; and being kind, gave us a decent workout to remind
the players they need to raise levels for the big finale.
Highlight of the day was seeing big Jozo in the stand; might have
even thrown him in at centre-half as 'trialist'. Obviously timing a
vist over to catch Kenny Miller. Literally; Should be approaching
re-entry any day now.
So on we go to Junkietown then it's trophy day - a sweet week ahead.
And a fortnight of glory if all goes well on the Treble 3rd.
Silver polish on order. Or we could borrow the Huns'. Not like they're
going to need it anytime soon.
Go Away Now
Sandman
"What have the Tims ever done that we haven't, eh?"
- 'Won the European Cup.'
"Yeah but apart from that?"
- 'Won yet another treble.'
"Yeeeehh.. But outwith those things?"
- 'Pumped us in everygame that mattered."
"Aye, eh, but if you didn't count them matches..."
- 'Outspent, outplayed, out-thought, outearned us.'
"Right you, fuck off, you're out..."
- Monty Python; 'We Arra Peepils Front Of Judea' sketch.
ROXIE - 6/10
Bizarrely caught out for the opener as
he went down like a tranquilised King Kong.
Looked unsettled by the makeshift central
defence and a somewhat less than disciplined
backline seemingly drawn by Stevie Wonder.
GREGGS THE BAKER - 5.5/10
Misfiring passes the order of the day and Greggs
had his own share as he gave his usual 100% but
caught the deftless bug riddling the squad.
STAR LORD - 6.5/10
Pretty decent given the WWF wrestler he had to
counter but lost that battle and a couple of
goals to boot. Not really his job, though, and
Shaglord was forced into combat more than desired
due to the unusual presence of...
TONIO IWATAO - 4/10
"Me? But don't you mean the other Ja..."
'No, mayte - yer in besoide Carl.'
And as Tonio's interpreter attempted to translate
a brief synopsis of how to play centre half, a
confused DM took to the park to try out at CB.
Accomplished in the middle doesn't mean accomplished
at the back. Different energy required; And he mostly
got his battered out of him by Paisley's Vin Paraffin.
TONY THE TIGER - 5/10
Grim was the Tiger's set today, and grim it stayed.
Howler to concede the first, but those African Savannah
wildebeast-outpacing-the-lioness runs of his were
in plentiful supply and may have won the day if it
weren't for his cursed final ball, almost every time.
CALMAC - 5.5/10
Good grief; couldn't complete a pass to save his skin
but completed a gorgeous guided, gilded, calculated strike
to save the day and get pass marks for eventual sheer class
overcoming his 90 minutes of tortuous abstraction.
THE BUILDER - 6/10
I thought the construction kid was pretty decent - runs
were great but service invisible, touch and passing better
than most, and he was in about them with a fiesty spirit.
HAKUNA HATATE - 4.5/10
Reo still a way, way back from top form after injury; lost
in the Modror murk last week, moved with more clarity today,
yet for all his toil, the only moment of quality we saw was the
shuffle onto Kyogo for the first equaliser.
LORD KATSUMOTO - 6/10
Daizen's Daizen, folks. Perpetual motion, speedboat lacking
a rudder, but always on the verge of destruction - the volatility
of his crosses is breathtaking, from stinging the Huns at Hampden
to lobbing a grenade into the Jock Stein today.
All might have been forgiven had he prodded in the easiest chance
of the day at the back post but it was too far out for him to be
sure...
KILLER MUSHROOM - 7/10 MOTM
Give me ball, I score goals. Yes you do. And yes we did. And yes,
YOU did. Brilliantly, spectacularly.
And you might have thought the rest of them realised they were onto
something here, but, no - and the service dried up like the stripper
who realised she's been hired for Allan McGregor's leaving do.
NOTEBOOK - 6/10
Effervescent, but ever-frustrated. Twisty-turny, dancy, jingly,
tweaky - Jota tried it all to pick their lock and may have succeeded
if he could have shaken the curse of the final ball that hung over
Paradise this gloomy afternoon.
SUBS -
OH BHOY - 6/10
Oh, damn. Almost yet another sensational entry for the Korean
Gerd Muller; swivel and smack and scorned by the post.
Despite the lamenting of the departure of the big Greek mercenary,
Oh's knack of appearing late in the game and getting on the end of
a chance/creating one, must be about as good. A slight shift in luck
and his record will be fire.
ABADASS - 5.5/10
Lively and intense, and for a brief time it looked like he'd do some
matchwinning damage.
HACKY SACK - 5.5/10
Straight onto the ball and as above, appeared in heroic mood.
However, even he couldn't find that killer pass or strike to break
through their block.
ANITA DOBSON - 6/10
'Ach, ask me how many fucks I give, mayte,' seemed the residue of
another fruitless struggle to eviscerate SPL stoics.
Ange knows his Bhoys did it when it mattered and today, though going
full-Mowbray, knew too that Angeball wasn't going to reap results.
Japanese for Japanese at Centre-back hadn't worked and the conductor
of his orchestra was flailing about the midfield, unable to get his
act together, causing all sorts of bum notes.
Doubt the big mhan will lose much sleep over routine league countdown
dead rubbers; just hope he can tune them back in to pump the monster-hiders.
MIBBERY - 5/10
"Quick, draw a line aff McGregor's heel! A squinty wan!
Aye, that'll dae...Onside! Goal!"
They gave it up weeks ago but suspicions will remain as
we watch for skullfuckery practice in advance of next season.
OVERALL - 5.5/10
Meh.
Pretty tepid affair, the Hoops in sleep mode first half then
sparking a bit to stage a comeback late on.
St.Mirren, under Baldricks' command, have proven our most troublesome
domestic opponent this season - yes, the stats don't lie, interloping
Huns - and today they were well-drilled, keen to counter and 'physically
competitive'.
Deserved their point; and being kind, gave us a decent workout to remind
the players they need to raise levels for the big finale.
Highlight of the day was seeing big Jozo in the stand; might have
even thrown him in at centre-half as 'trialist'. Obviously timing a
vist over to catch Kenny Miller. Literally; Should be approaching
re-entry any day now.
So on we go to Junkietown then it's trophy day - a sweet week ahead.
And a fortnight of glory if all goes well on the Treble 3rd.
Silver polish on order. Or we could borrow the Huns'. Not like they're
going to need it anytime soon.
Go Away Now
Sandman
