Sandman
Well-known member
SANDMAN'S DEFINITIVE RATINGS: CHAMPIONS v THE GREAT NORTHERN FLOCK
"But how many quick corners do we have to turn?
How many Huns do I have to burn?
All that love I get right from the stands
But I'm a lucky man
With Celtic in my hands"
- 'Lucky Man' by The Verve. From the album, 'Urban Tims'.
ROXIE - 6/10
A clutch under pressure, a diving punch, then participation in
our penalty box five-a-side keep-ball for the remainder of time
it came his way.
GREGGS THE BAKER - 6.5/10
A difference? Yes. Tangible improvement in functionality as
Greggs fits back into the system and adds some leftfield
dynamism.
STAR LORD - 8/10
Saw a lonesome wee Jac... She-who-shall-not-be-named... Wandering
the pitch after the celebrations. Wonder who she was waiting on?
Completely unrelated, in steps big Carl with a fitting Cesar header
to break The Lions epic goal tally. Which seemed to spark a shaved
racoon crowd-surfing up the North Curve, or did my eyes deceive me?
The truly optimistic take from the post-split torture has been his
performances - has relished the responsibility thrust upon his
shoulders by the CCV absence and it's made him sharper, more
accomplished. We hope it's permanent.
Such responsibility will also shape him well for fatherhood. Again,
a completely unrelated comment...
TONIO IWATAO - 6/10
Anonymous, but in a good way. It was all about playing under the
Starlord governance today, knowing his place as a Guardian Of The
Celtic Galaxy. He shackled their known threats well, employing good
awareness and movement; looked pretty confused by the end, though -
kept glimpsing a screeching Racoon spitting instructions at him. In a
Kansai-ben accent...
WAYNE GRETZKY - 7/10
Terrific tussle with time-travelling Hunskelping legend, Jonny
'Scourge Of The Kaiser' Hayes. Linking superbly with the mid and
wing, everything appeared ice-blade smooth until his injury played
up after an hour.
CALMAC - 8/10
Who's on the drums? Calmac! Beat out the rhythm from the first
whistle, demanding a tempo that blew them away. Pass, pass, pass,
and the skipper had his and Celtic's groove back in time for glory.
THE BUILDER - 7.5/10
Matty's gone 'continental' with his half-mast socks and they've
been metaphorically pulled up in terms of his contributions; back
on the ball in a troublesome way, interlinking our attcking play
with style. Hot and cold through the seaosn, the kid - yes, he's
still a kid, remember - might be finishing with a flourish.
HAKUNA HATATE - 7/10
Reo finding his beguiling feet again was the warming sight of the
opening play; tuning in for a national team treat and no more than
he deserves after his coruscating form for the Hoops.
ABADASS - 7/10
The Trickster continues to enforce my opinion that he's found new
confidence and focus since committing to the Hoops. Startlingly great
run from our half that had Mo Salah sucking in breath and hissing,
'Fuck's sake...' And Liel maintained the exciting directness until
he was pulled off at half time.
Who by? We don't know. But that's the treat you get on trophy day
when you play for the champions.
KILLER MUSHROOM - 8.5/10 MOTM
"I am Godzilla, you are Japan!" he screeched at the Dons defence as
he annihiliated them in the space of 5 minutes. Provided the icing on
the Champions' cake with breathtaking ruthlessness to celebrate the
Japanese national coach finally realising that to win football matches
you need to score goals.
NOTEBOOK - 6.5/10
Took a while to join the party, but found his dancing feet in the
second-half and might have notched one for himself whilst opening
them up at will.
SUBS -
OH BHOY - 8/10
Does this Bhoy stand in fertiliser between games? He's big unit,
getting bigger and more deadlier. That goal-to-minutes-played ratio
beginning to eclipse those fond memories of rampaging Greeks.
Remember, too, that Oh did 2 years South Korean military service,
where he was deployed in Special Ops. And led numerous
assassination missions deep into the dystopian North*.
A stone cold killer. As the Sheep will testify.
*No he didn't.
EDDIE TURNBULL - N/A
Surprise. As much to him as to us. Will he figure
next season? Hmm.
JAMESY - N/A
Another medal for Jamesy - that's now 472, and if
he picks up another next week that'll be enough to
distribute one to each of his Prestwick 'dates'...
TONY THE TIGER - N/A
Eager, keen to bite you; never a worry when Tony has
to put in a shift and there's bricks to be laid.
BERNIE WINTERS - N/A
Great fun for the youngster to get some minutes on
such a grand occasion. And an opportunity to show he
can do it without Harry Potter's help at all.
ANITA DOBSON - 8/10
"I'm not fucking leaving!" he roared to the crowd -
Wolf Of Wall Street stylee - and the pitch was invaded
and Ange carried aloft, instant legend.
Well, that's how it was going to go in my heid. Instead,
it was respect all round, an emotionally profound quote
from 'the immortal' Tommy, and smiles with a sweet 'Lucky Man'
quip to trigger the Huns for the weekend. Like they aren't
fucking perma-ragin' enough, the serial ugly bridesmaids
His team selection was of serious intent to tune up for
The Treble; pretty evident. And it worked a treat.
Champions League is the carrot to keep Ange, and we only
need dangle it for a week or so because...
As I type, and as you read, The Snake will be on his belly,
slithering under Daniel Levy's door, unzipping his fly
with his forked tongue. Expect an announcement soon on his
pledged allegiance to a club he's always loved...
MIBBERY - 3/10
Meh. What else is there for them to do? Break VAR in a fit
of frustration after our fourth? Yes. A poignant end to their
embittered season's efforts.
OVERALL - 8.5/10
Trophy Day is terrific - from the epic GB tifo that
transformed the stadium into a historic tribute (And also
a fine Oasis album cover...) to the scintillating
on-field action as the Bhoys woke up from their post-title
slumber and it was roast mutton for lunch.
Looks like the team's recovered their mojo and choked the
screeching hysterics' "it's all falling apart!" psychodramas.
Told ye these things happen in football. Told ye the Hoops
never sleep - they wait. CHAMPIONS come to the fore.
And I'll tell ye nippy wee Billy 'A Son Of William' Dodds
and his Heelan' Huns will be considering taking a long walk
into the deep loch waters after witnessing that.
The Treble will be done by half-time and the 'Super Caley'
mantra consigned to a mythological tourist-kiosk tale.
Four, minumum. One for every hump on Nessie's back.
Phil Lynott said it best - The Bhoys Are Back In Town.
Go Away Now
Sandman
"But how many quick corners do we have to turn?
How many Huns do I have to burn?
All that love I get right from the stands
But I'm a lucky man
With Celtic in my hands"
- 'Lucky Man' by The Verve. From the album, 'Urban Tims'.
ROXIE - 6/10
A clutch under pressure, a diving punch, then participation in
our penalty box five-a-side keep-ball for the remainder of time
it came his way.
GREGGS THE BAKER - 6.5/10
A difference? Yes. Tangible improvement in functionality as
Greggs fits back into the system and adds some leftfield
dynamism.
STAR LORD - 8/10
Saw a lonesome wee Jac... She-who-shall-not-be-named... Wandering
the pitch after the celebrations. Wonder who she was waiting on?
Completely unrelated, in steps big Carl with a fitting Cesar header
to break The Lions epic goal tally. Which seemed to spark a shaved
racoon crowd-surfing up the North Curve, or did my eyes deceive me?
The truly optimistic take from the post-split torture has been his
performances - has relished the responsibility thrust upon his
shoulders by the CCV absence and it's made him sharper, more
accomplished. We hope it's permanent.
Such responsibility will also shape him well for fatherhood. Again,
a completely unrelated comment...
TONIO IWATAO - 6/10
Anonymous, but in a good way. It was all about playing under the
Starlord governance today, knowing his place as a Guardian Of The
Celtic Galaxy. He shackled their known threats well, employing good
awareness and movement; looked pretty confused by the end, though -
kept glimpsing a screeching Racoon spitting instructions at him. In a
Kansai-ben accent...
WAYNE GRETZKY - 7/10
Terrific tussle with time-travelling Hunskelping legend, Jonny
'Scourge Of The Kaiser' Hayes. Linking superbly with the mid and
wing, everything appeared ice-blade smooth until his injury played
up after an hour.
CALMAC - 8/10
Who's on the drums? Calmac! Beat out the rhythm from the first
whistle, demanding a tempo that blew them away. Pass, pass, pass,
and the skipper had his and Celtic's groove back in time for glory.
THE BUILDER - 7.5/10
Matty's gone 'continental' with his half-mast socks and they've
been metaphorically pulled up in terms of his contributions; back
on the ball in a troublesome way, interlinking our attcking play
with style. Hot and cold through the seaosn, the kid - yes, he's
still a kid, remember - might be finishing with a flourish.
HAKUNA HATATE - 7/10
Reo finding his beguiling feet again was the warming sight of the
opening play; tuning in for a national team treat and no more than
he deserves after his coruscating form for the Hoops.
ABADASS - 7/10
The Trickster continues to enforce my opinion that he's found new
confidence and focus since committing to the Hoops. Startlingly great
run from our half that had Mo Salah sucking in breath and hissing,
'Fuck's sake...' And Liel maintained the exciting directness until
he was pulled off at half time.
Who by? We don't know. But that's the treat you get on trophy day
when you play for the champions.
KILLER MUSHROOM - 8.5/10 MOTM
"I am Godzilla, you are Japan!" he screeched at the Dons defence as
he annihiliated them in the space of 5 minutes. Provided the icing on
the Champions' cake with breathtaking ruthlessness to celebrate the
Japanese national coach finally realising that to win football matches
you need to score goals.
NOTEBOOK - 6.5/10
Took a while to join the party, but found his dancing feet in the
second-half and might have notched one for himself whilst opening
them up at will.
SUBS -
OH BHOY - 8/10
Does this Bhoy stand in fertiliser between games? He's big unit,
getting bigger and more deadlier. That goal-to-minutes-played ratio
beginning to eclipse those fond memories of rampaging Greeks.
Remember, too, that Oh did 2 years South Korean military service,
where he was deployed in Special Ops. And led numerous
assassination missions deep into the dystopian North*.
A stone cold killer. As the Sheep will testify.
*No he didn't.
EDDIE TURNBULL - N/A
Surprise. As much to him as to us. Will he figure
next season? Hmm.
JAMESY - N/A
Another medal for Jamesy - that's now 472, and if
he picks up another next week that'll be enough to
distribute one to each of his Prestwick 'dates'...
TONY THE TIGER - N/A
Eager, keen to bite you; never a worry when Tony has
to put in a shift and there's bricks to be laid.
BERNIE WINTERS - N/A
Great fun for the youngster to get some minutes on
such a grand occasion. And an opportunity to show he
can do it without Harry Potter's help at all.
ANITA DOBSON - 8/10
"I'm not fucking leaving!" he roared to the crowd -
Wolf Of Wall Street stylee - and the pitch was invaded
and Ange carried aloft, instant legend.
Well, that's how it was going to go in my heid. Instead,
it was respect all round, an emotionally profound quote
from 'the immortal' Tommy, and smiles with a sweet 'Lucky Man'
quip to trigger the Huns for the weekend. Like they aren't
fucking perma-ragin' enough, the serial ugly bridesmaids
His team selection was of serious intent to tune up for
The Treble; pretty evident. And it worked a treat.
Champions League is the carrot to keep Ange, and we only
need dangle it for a week or so because...
As I type, and as you read, The Snake will be on his belly,
slithering under Daniel Levy's door, unzipping his fly
with his forked tongue. Expect an announcement soon on his
pledged allegiance to a club he's always loved...
MIBBERY - 3/10
Meh. What else is there for them to do? Break VAR in a fit
of frustration after our fourth? Yes. A poignant end to their
embittered season's efforts.
OVERALL - 8.5/10
Trophy Day is terrific - from the epic GB tifo that
transformed the stadium into a historic tribute (And also
a fine Oasis album cover...) to the scintillating
on-field action as the Bhoys woke up from their post-title
slumber and it was roast mutton for lunch.
Looks like the team's recovered their mojo and choked the
screeching hysterics' "it's all falling apart!" psychodramas.
Told ye these things happen in football. Told ye the Hoops
never sleep - they wait. CHAMPIONS come to the fore.
And I'll tell ye nippy wee Billy 'A Son Of William' Dodds
and his Heelan' Huns will be considering taking a long walk
into the deep loch waters after witnessing that.
The Treble will be done by half-time and the 'Super Caley'
mantra consigned to a mythological tourist-kiosk tale.
Four, minumum. One for every hump on Nessie's back.
Phil Lynott said it best - The Bhoys Are Back In Town.
Go Away Now
Sandman
but when Ange quoted our Tommy... Ach well.. Thats what sunglasses are for 
...
I wonder if Starlords improved form is due to him playing in his natural position on the right 
