Spherical Planet
Well-known member
T'was the night before Christmas and all through the Noise, the only sound around was Artur playing with toys.
Artur was growing restless and was too excited to sleep, so he slipped into his love island onesie and decided to go outside to see if he could see Santa coming.
Once he got outside, he immediately saw a great glowing green light in the sky........it was The Celtic Star and Artur decided to follow it's light to see where it shone.
He walked for miles in the cold before happening upon a strange man kneeling on the murky street with a spirit level:
"Whit ye daein, wee man?" asked Artur
- "I'm little gonky, on the dusty road" replied the stranger "I'm just using this masonic device to see if the earth is truly flat"
Artur looked at him like the daftie that he was and continued on his merry way following the green glowing star. As he was leaving he heard the little gonky saying something like: "that's not a star, it's just a big flashlight in the sky, just like Peter's disco lights at Parkhead"
Artur scarpered speedily away, he realised that that kind of shite was infectious and didn't want to take the chance that he would catch Thai Timitis.
Shortly after, Artur bumped into three wise looking men carrying what appeared to be gifts.
"Awrite fellas, whaur yiz goin' wie the prezzies?" Artur asked.
The oldest one answered: "tonight the son of Rod is born and we are here to pay homage and bestow the finest gifts upon him"
"Can I come tae?" asked Artur
"aye, sure ye kin, but don't be talkin' shite aboot love island or yir gettin punted" replied the youngest of the three men.
The four travellers continued on their way and shortly after, they had to make the perilous journey past the midden. The Celtic Star was now shining brightly on the birthplace of the son of Rod and it shone it's glow on a wee shed just at the back of the onion bar.
As the four warily ventured past, the grunting and squealing reminded them of the movie Deliverance. They also heard how the Virgin Shammy had been denied entry and had been forced to take shelter in an old shed at the back. As the four approached, they heard singing coming from some strange folk dressed in red: "away at the rangers, a chib in their head. Got pumped fae the Celtic by a goal fae French Ed".
Artur and the three wise looking men slowly advanced before realising it was just sheep who missed their bus back north the previous Saturday.
It was then that they noticed a beautiful figure enhanced by the glow of the Celtic Star. Here lay the Virgin Shammy holding a beautiful baby boy.
The three wise men approached the Virgin and child and the first stepped forward.
"I am Boab from the East-End and I bring a Pink Floyd box set for the child"
The second stepped forward and said: "I am Stevie from the East-End and I bring the child a boax"
The third approached and stated: "I am Mick Duffy fae parts unknown, I did bring the child a six-pack of Stella, but it would be wasted on the bairn when I could use it just to get wasted......I bought a spare boax though, in case Stevie's breaks down, don't worry aboot me - I've got another four in my palace"
Artur stepped forward and the room fell silent as he whispered: "i'm a little jiner boy and I have no gift to bring; however I did find this stupit lookin' big drum beside the onion bar, can I play it for the baby?"
The Virgin Shammy looked up at Artur and said: "hey listen pal, you bang that drum and I'll bang your heid aff that wa'.......I've just got the we'an settled and you'll start they bams up wie their flutes and toots if you bang that bastard o' a drum"
So ends this winter tale and may you all have a Merry Merry Christmas.
Artur was growing restless and was too excited to sleep, so he slipped into his love island onesie and decided to go outside to see if he could see Santa coming.
Once he got outside, he immediately saw a great glowing green light in the sky........it was The Celtic Star and Artur decided to follow it's light to see where it shone.
He walked for miles in the cold before happening upon a strange man kneeling on the murky street with a spirit level:
"Whit ye daein, wee man?" asked Artur
- "I'm little gonky, on the dusty road" replied the stranger "I'm just using this masonic device to see if the earth is truly flat"
Artur looked at him like the daftie that he was and continued on his merry way following the green glowing star. As he was leaving he heard the little gonky saying something like: "that's not a star, it's just a big flashlight in the sky, just like Peter's disco lights at Parkhead"
Artur scarpered speedily away, he realised that that kind of shite was infectious and didn't want to take the chance that he would catch Thai Timitis.
Shortly after, Artur bumped into three wise looking men carrying what appeared to be gifts.
"Awrite fellas, whaur yiz goin' wie the prezzies?" Artur asked.
The oldest one answered: "tonight the son of Rod is born and we are here to pay homage and bestow the finest gifts upon him"
"Can I come tae?" asked Artur
"aye, sure ye kin, but don't be talkin' shite aboot love island or yir gettin punted" replied the youngest of the three men.
The four travellers continued on their way and shortly after, they had to make the perilous journey past the midden. The Celtic Star was now shining brightly on the birthplace of the son of Rod and it shone it's glow on a wee shed just at the back of the onion bar.
As the four warily ventured past, the grunting and squealing reminded them of the movie Deliverance. They also heard how the Virgin Shammy had been denied entry and had been forced to take shelter in an old shed at the back. As the four approached, they heard singing coming from some strange folk dressed in red: "away at the rangers, a chib in their head. Got pumped fae the Celtic by a goal fae French Ed".
Artur and the three wise looking men slowly advanced before realising it was just sheep who missed their bus back north the previous Saturday.
It was then that they noticed a beautiful figure enhanced by the glow of the Celtic Star. Here lay the Virgin Shammy holding a beautiful baby boy.
The three wise men approached the Virgin and child and the first stepped forward.
"I am Boab from the East-End and I bring a Pink Floyd box set for the child"
The second stepped forward and said: "I am Stevie from the East-End and I bring the child a boax"
The third approached and stated: "I am Mick Duffy fae parts unknown, I did bring the child a six-pack of Stella, but it would be wasted on the bairn when I could use it just to get wasted......I bought a spare boax though, in case Stevie's breaks down, don't worry aboot me - I've got another four in my palace"
Artur stepped forward and the room fell silent as he whispered: "i'm a little jiner boy and I have no gift to bring; however I did find this stupit lookin' big drum beside the onion bar, can I play it for the baby?"
The Virgin Shammy looked up at Artur and said: "hey listen pal, you bang that drum and I'll bang your heid aff that wa'.......I've just got the we'an settled and you'll start they bams up wie their flutes and toots if you bang that bastard o' a drum"
So ends this winter tale and may you all have a Merry Merry Christmas.
ya madman!Merry Xmas mate 
