Sandman
Well-known member
SANDMAN'S DEFINITIVE RATINGS: CELTIC @ BROWN SUGAR BOYS
"Choose life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family.
Choose a fucking big television. Choose a pumping from the
Hoops to watch on it."
- Mark Renton, Hibs nutritionist.
ROXIE - 6.5/10
What's that? A post? Clunk went the ball and Joe woke up.
The only time his goal was breached, so to speak; around
it he kept on his toes - particularly the first 20 minutes -
working well in tandem with his defence as they came in
close with some dangerous balls; always a sign of good
communication.
GREGGS THE BAKER - 6.5/10
A bit of a sticky start had Greggs slack with forward balls
and getting turned on his heels as they got in behind him.
But like a good Steak Bake, there was meat in the middle and
once he'd dusted off the pastry flakes he bit into his given
role with as much consistency as ever; capped his comeback
with a delightful ball inside the fullback to put Daizen
through for the penalty award.
STAR LORD - 8/10
Just the type of game we needed at just the right
time. From the first minute Star Lord was the lynchpin
at the back, picking off every dangerous ball, throwing
in some excellent interceptions as Hibs got gallus.
Roared on by a screeching rodent lurking somewhere
behind the ballboy in front of the Hibs casuals, he
produced his best game of the season to contain them,
defy them, then set up the victory.
GET CARTER - 7/10
An exemplary night for CCV - robust and sharp and
very precise with his passing out from deep. May have
erred only once when Nisbet escaped him to miss badly,
but thereafter he bossed it and not even the late
introduction of Johnny Rotten could faze him.
HAKUNA HATATE - 7/10
I am back of the right once more. Tonight I will
be on toast for one quarter of the contest before
asserting my honour and bringing domination to my
wing. Ultimately, I will display football purity
and with the delicacy of origami fingers will slide
a pass to my countryman, Kyogo San, of such exquisite
nature that the move will be enshrined and celebrated
down the ages in Shadow Art by Kumi Yamashita.
Arigato. Yakshemash.
CALMAC - 6.5/10
For once, the slippers were on early. Not that he
didn't produce his own magic moments - the superb
tackle/pickpocketing of two Hibees to win the ball
for Reo to set up Kyogo - but Calmac actually didn't
need to hit third gear as Mooey did his job and more
for him. Nice rest for the skipper before the sash
bashing next week.
THE BUILDER - 6/10
His run of sub-par performances continues but this
one grew more promising as the night wore on and
he imposed himself on the game.
Could have ended his scoring drought but for a fine
stop, however, his role was as supporting cast for
the main man in the middle.
MOOEY - 9/10 MOTM
What's happened? Quiet and unassuming Mooey turns
swashbuckling lothario, heating up the night with
downright filthy quality - like a ladies' favourite
'Hub performer; basically, he was Jonny Sins with boots
on.
Not only did he take control of the game, but sealed
the points with a double, announcing himself as
penalty-taker while we're at it.
A midfield masterclass from the Qatar paladin.
ABADASS - 5.5/10
A lot of buzzing, no sting to define his worth
tonight. Credit his intensity but probably will
have more luck against Barisic come the 2nd. As
per usual...
KILLER MUSHROOM - 7/10
For all the wonders flourishing around him, Kyogo
seemed pretty stifled by a compact Hibs defence.
Then persistence beat resistance and he was away;
another perfectly timed run, great first take and
a composed finish and we saluted the lethal wee
dynamo.
LORD KATSUMOTO - 8.5/10
He doesn't bother with the easy ones when there's a
World Cup special just round the corner. No sooner
was his name cursed than exhalted as he lifted the
roof with a schoolboy swerver, arcing it in like a
Mitsibushi Zero sinking the Hib's tugboat.
He remained a scintillating out-ball all evening,
roasting the toiling full-back like a glass collector
at Jamesy's private Xmas bash. Allegedly.
SUBS -
SON OF JACKIE - N/A
Rumbled on just to make man-baby Porteus cry.
He did.
VALUE ADDED TAX - N/A
He's what the Huns won't pay, and he's now an Albanian
legend like his pioneering Dad. Won't be long before
Ilir Meta's commissioning a statue of the rangy kid
with the Blackadder barnet.
NOTEBOOK - N/A
Pranced on like a cover of Color Climax to warm up for
Monday's S&M lesson.
JAMESY - 6/10
A grizzly Jamesy huffed and puffed in the dank chill
night sporting the look he calls 'winter muff'. Was cruelly
denied a beautifully cultivated goal by the fortunate thigh
of a lunging Hibee with the very last Celtic kick of 2022.
DIEGO ARMANDO MARADONA - 6.5/10
Obviously wee Diego's been watching D10S Mk II in the World
Cup and we were treated to some silky slaloming footwork and
exciting forward surges. Risky? Not when you've got that ability.
ANITA DOBSON - 8/10
Big Ange doesn't really tinker; he tweaks. The system is God,
and once God woke up tonight then his quiet confidence in
Angeball winning the day was vindicated.
No panic, no worries as they had a square go - we don't stop;
managed to see out a comfortable win at a difficult ground -
only 2 wins in our last 10 visits; yeah, I frowned at that too.
Noice one, Ange, mayte.
MIBBERY - 2/10
Sigh, poor Damien Dallas. Waiting for this all Christmas and
the Tims take it away from him before he can press a red button
in anger.
Him and Alan Muir - who looks like he takes absentee names at a
Ludge meeting - just had no answer to the overwhelming force of
nature that trounced their fantasies, like a tsunami wiping out
a beach changing hut with a couple of peeping toms lurking in it.
OVERALL - 8/10
Well, that was a doddle. Eventually. Ye of little faith would
have been making the overtures to the deities as we began
sluggish and Hibs vibrant.
But this was a Dicken's Xmas special 'Tale Of Three Tims' -
Starfelt, Mooy and Maeda; Two Baldies and a Tweaker.
The Three Stooges emerging as a specialist spine of the
unlikely, like some fantastic alternative A-Team from a
parallel dimension blowing away the spoon-burners'
ambitions.
A brilliant result to keep us well clear and able to clinch the
title even before the first fat, kilted, pished-up cooncilor stabs
a haggis.
So we roll over the city to rock up at the worst New Year party
venue since Jurrasic park opened the raptor pen for bookings.
They'll be ready ('Aye'...Ur yeez, Aye?), frothing like rabid
baboons and falling wanking to the floor before the game's
even kicked-off. And that'll just be the officials.
The Huns will be all bravado and bullshit. But there'll be a spike
of terror in their chests behind every vomited incomprehensible
sentiment of hate, because they know if the Celtic turn up and turn
it on, that spike will be rammed through their black hearts quicktime
and in multiples.
So go and get them Celtic, and have them raping each other on the
subway before Ange even thinks about a sub...
Dedicated to...
Big Craig Gordon. Shot-stopper supreme and still one of the rare
Celtic players who was disliked by a dry few for 'trying too hard'
against us once in his early Hearts days. I mean, ffs...
Bizarre cogitation aside, the stoical fella took his admiration
of the King Of Kings a step too far at the weekend and the tribute
too literal. May this foundation of the Nine-in-a-row recover
fully and get himself back to full health never mind playing ever
again.
Any argument about his worth as a Celtic keeper can be evidenced
in 5 simple seconds - watch the last-gasp stop with the strongest
arm in football v Man City in the 3-3 CL game; Outstanding.
And so too remains his vat of Hun tears as he thwarted their
festering ambitions time and time again. Get well soon, big guy.
Go Away Now
Sandman
"Choose life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family.
Choose a fucking big television. Choose a pumping from the
Hoops to watch on it."
- Mark Renton, Hibs nutritionist.
ROXIE - 6.5/10
What's that? A post? Clunk went the ball and Joe woke up.
The only time his goal was breached, so to speak; around
it he kept on his toes - particularly the first 20 minutes -
working well in tandem with his defence as they came in
close with some dangerous balls; always a sign of good
communication.
GREGGS THE BAKER - 6.5/10
A bit of a sticky start had Greggs slack with forward balls
and getting turned on his heels as they got in behind him.
But like a good Steak Bake, there was meat in the middle and
once he'd dusted off the pastry flakes he bit into his given
role with as much consistency as ever; capped his comeback
with a delightful ball inside the fullback to put Daizen
through for the penalty award.
STAR LORD - 8/10
Just the type of game we needed at just the right
time. From the first minute Star Lord was the lynchpin
at the back, picking off every dangerous ball, throwing
in some excellent interceptions as Hibs got gallus.
Roared on by a screeching rodent lurking somewhere
behind the ballboy in front of the Hibs casuals, he
produced his best game of the season to contain them,
defy them, then set up the victory.
GET CARTER - 7/10
An exemplary night for CCV - robust and sharp and
very precise with his passing out from deep. May have
erred only once when Nisbet escaped him to miss badly,
but thereafter he bossed it and not even the late
introduction of Johnny Rotten could faze him.
HAKUNA HATATE - 7/10
I am back of the right once more. Tonight I will
be on toast for one quarter of the contest before
asserting my honour and bringing domination to my
wing. Ultimately, I will display football purity
and with the delicacy of origami fingers will slide
a pass to my countryman, Kyogo San, of such exquisite
nature that the move will be enshrined and celebrated
down the ages in Shadow Art by Kumi Yamashita.
Arigato. Yakshemash.
CALMAC - 6.5/10
For once, the slippers were on early. Not that he
didn't produce his own magic moments - the superb
tackle/pickpocketing of two Hibees to win the ball
for Reo to set up Kyogo - but Calmac actually didn't
need to hit third gear as Mooey did his job and more
for him. Nice rest for the skipper before the sash
bashing next week.
THE BUILDER - 6/10
His run of sub-par performances continues but this
one grew more promising as the night wore on and
he imposed himself on the game.
Could have ended his scoring drought but for a fine
stop, however, his role was as supporting cast for
the main man in the middle.
MOOEY - 9/10 MOTM
What's happened? Quiet and unassuming Mooey turns
swashbuckling lothario, heating up the night with
downright filthy quality - like a ladies' favourite
'Hub performer; basically, he was Jonny Sins with boots
on.
Not only did he take control of the game, but sealed
the points with a double, announcing himself as
penalty-taker while we're at it.
A midfield masterclass from the Qatar paladin.
ABADASS - 5.5/10
A lot of buzzing, no sting to define his worth
tonight. Credit his intensity but probably will
have more luck against Barisic come the 2nd. As
per usual...
KILLER MUSHROOM - 7/10
For all the wonders flourishing around him, Kyogo
seemed pretty stifled by a compact Hibs defence.
Then persistence beat resistance and he was away;
another perfectly timed run, great first take and
a composed finish and we saluted the lethal wee
dynamo.
LORD KATSUMOTO - 8.5/10
He doesn't bother with the easy ones when there's a
World Cup special just round the corner. No sooner
was his name cursed than exhalted as he lifted the
roof with a schoolboy swerver, arcing it in like a
Mitsibushi Zero sinking the Hib's tugboat.
He remained a scintillating out-ball all evening,
roasting the toiling full-back like a glass collector
at Jamesy's private Xmas bash. Allegedly.
SUBS -
SON OF JACKIE - N/A
Rumbled on just to make man-baby Porteus cry.
He did.
VALUE ADDED TAX - N/A
He's what the Huns won't pay, and he's now an Albanian
legend like his pioneering Dad. Won't be long before
Ilir Meta's commissioning a statue of the rangy kid
with the Blackadder barnet.
NOTEBOOK - N/A
Pranced on like a cover of Color Climax to warm up for
Monday's S&M lesson.
JAMESY - 6/10
A grizzly Jamesy huffed and puffed in the dank chill
night sporting the look he calls 'winter muff'. Was cruelly
denied a beautifully cultivated goal by the fortunate thigh
of a lunging Hibee with the very last Celtic kick of 2022.
DIEGO ARMANDO MARADONA - 6.5/10
Obviously wee Diego's been watching D10S Mk II in the World
Cup and we were treated to some silky slaloming footwork and
exciting forward surges. Risky? Not when you've got that ability.
ANITA DOBSON - 8/10
Big Ange doesn't really tinker; he tweaks. The system is God,
and once God woke up tonight then his quiet confidence in
Angeball winning the day was vindicated.
No panic, no worries as they had a square go - we don't stop;
managed to see out a comfortable win at a difficult ground -
only 2 wins in our last 10 visits; yeah, I frowned at that too.
Noice one, Ange, mayte.
MIBBERY - 2/10
Sigh, poor Damien Dallas. Waiting for this all Christmas and
the Tims take it away from him before he can press a red button
in anger.
Him and Alan Muir - who looks like he takes absentee names at a
Ludge meeting - just had no answer to the overwhelming force of
nature that trounced their fantasies, like a tsunami wiping out
a beach changing hut with a couple of peeping toms lurking in it.
OVERALL - 8/10
Well, that was a doddle. Eventually. Ye of little faith would
have been making the overtures to the deities as we began
sluggish and Hibs vibrant.
But this was a Dicken's Xmas special 'Tale Of Three Tims' -
Starfelt, Mooy and Maeda; Two Baldies and a Tweaker.
The Three Stooges emerging as a specialist spine of the
unlikely, like some fantastic alternative A-Team from a
parallel dimension blowing away the spoon-burners'
ambitions.
A brilliant result to keep us well clear and able to clinch the
title even before the first fat, kilted, pished-up cooncilor stabs
a haggis.
So we roll over the city to rock up at the worst New Year party
venue since Jurrasic park opened the raptor pen for bookings.
They'll be ready ('Aye'...Ur yeez, Aye?), frothing like rabid
baboons and falling wanking to the floor before the game's
even kicked-off. And that'll just be the officials.
The Huns will be all bravado and bullshit. But there'll be a spike
of terror in their chests behind every vomited incomprehensible
sentiment of hate, because they know if the Celtic turn up and turn
it on, that spike will be rammed through their black hearts quicktime
and in multiples.
So go and get them Celtic, and have them raping each other on the
subway before Ange even thinks about a sub...
Dedicated to...
Big Craig Gordon. Shot-stopper supreme and still one of the rare
Celtic players who was disliked by a dry few for 'trying too hard'
against us once in his early Hearts days. I mean, ffs...
Bizarre cogitation aside, the stoical fella took his admiration
of the King Of Kings a step too far at the weekend and the tribute
too literal. May this foundation of the Nine-in-a-row recover
fully and get himself back to full health never mind playing ever
again.
Any argument about his worth as a Celtic keeper can be evidenced
in 5 simple seconds - watch the last-gasp stop with the strongest
arm in football v Man City in the 3-3 CL game; Outstanding.
And so too remains his vat of Hun tears as he thwarted their
festering ambitions time and time again. Get well soon, big guy.
Go Away Now
Sandman
Last edited:
kin superb Sandman, zI fir one appreciate you're after match scribblings, power tae yer fingers.
