Sandman
Well-known member
SANDMAN'S DEFINITIVE RATINGS: CELTIC @ CLARKSON'S FARM
"Hahahaaaa! Get it right up ye, ya durty fenia....
Bllleeeeeaaaaarggghhhh! Blu-uu--uuuh-rrrrggggg!"
Huns everywhere, 2.22pm
ROXIE - 7.5/10
The Hand of Ghod. Redundant until asked to save the
jerseys as a 70s Led Zepplin roadie somehow found
space and time to guide an equaliser in.
But No! Big Joe! Quite marvellous flick of the hand
on the dive to deflect the shot onto the post.
Then pulled off another stop before the sieve decided
enough was enough and sold him down the Tay.
DIEGO ARMANDO MARADONA - 8.5/10 MOTM
Almost by default, our star man, as the other major
contenders had been hooked. But the bhoy from
Buenos Aires (or maybe not, but it's the only place
in Argentina I know, so roll with it...) gets my vote
for finding the will, the legs, and the beautiful
whipped cross to set up the winner.
Before that, he'd delivered a terrific first 45,
linking, surging, then faded second half and looked
like he was a busted flush. But, hey, that's why
he's here - quality and nous and a grandstand
finish. Played, kid.
GET CARTER - 7.5/10
On it, uncompromising, and at them and solid
as a... Well, granite monolith.
Nobody was safe today as he took a yellow for
ragdolling a farmhand them attacked the away
support in celebration of the winner. Fair play to
the fans - nobody ran in terror as CCV bounced
into the frenzy.
RAQUEL - 6/10
Marvellous in Leipzig, held his own today until his
weakness was cruelly exposed, almost at a devastating
cost - lack of height and aggression at certain times
meant he was caught under the high ball into our box
which resulted in their gut-punch.
No excuses, really - he had time to set up for the
well-telegraphed launch and should have been primarily
focussed on getting his physical domination in,
man-to-man, winning that ball at all costs. But got
hustled out of it. Dae yer job, baby.
TONY THE TIGER - 6.5/10
No nonsense from the returning apex predator. Played
it safer than usual - probably finding his feet after
absence - then gave us some of the real Tony as he put
in the runs and the crosses.
THE BUILDER - 7.5/10
Young bacon purveyor took responsibility on his languid,
rolling shoulders and inhabited the Calmac Zone for his
time on the park.
And he did a fine job - maybe unable to provide the skipper's
zip, but his awareness and passing range was a joy; gritted
teeth as he was withdrawn too early. To my dismay #1...
HAKUNA HATATE - 7.5/10
As I commented on Wednesday, Reo's got fitter and got dig.
Terrific intensity today, crisp passing but more impressive
in his spadework. Between him and Matty, we had control of
the middle with only that dynamic duo. But then up came his
number as well... To my dismay #2.
HACKY SACK - 8/10
Always thought he looked lively with the right mindset,
even when sniping at officials and opponents during rough
times. Today he embellished his promise with genuine
ability and a winning focus that drove us on second-half
and deserved to be the defining force in a solid victory.
However, as he was shaping up to be the matchwinner/killer,
off he jolly well fucked... To my dismay #3
NOTEBOOK - 4/10
Half-time was home time. Quietly effective but perhaps
fatigued and lacking the usual flourish during the first
period. Fingers crossed he's just being rested.
ABADASS - 5/10
Ate too many kippers last week, evidently. Religious
festivities took their toll and the fleeting wonderkid
could - and should - have had a hat-trick and we wouldn't
need pacemakers fitted/serviced.
SON OF JACKIE - 7/10
Big mad bastard. Big mad glorious bastard. Frustrated -
and frustrating - all game as he clattered and battered
his way around their stoic defensive gorgons.
Lauded by all Russian Motherland as he poleaxed a young
Ukranian nuisance and gave it the Ivan Drago disdainful
'If he dies, he dies'.
Looked like that was to be his match highlight after a
series of poor choices and duff final balls of someone
trying too hard; then... insinct! Snapped onto the
terrific Maradona cross and guided it in with all the
finesse he'd been missing the previous 94 minutes and
40 seconds.
Celebrated by ripping his tap aff like a Pollok burd on
a Greek beach and giving the entire front row a feel of
his magnificent pecs; Wimmin' fainted and local cops
turned in their badges.
SUBS -
MOOEY - 6/10
Competent and mildly effective turnout - passed well
and never looked fazed. However, might have sealed
the win but shied off taking a strike when put through.
Go on, Mooey - hit it!
JAMESY - 6/10
Sun's out and Jamesy's out. Costly, though, as he forgot
to tuck it properly and it played him offside when he was
all but clean through. But Jamesy was sprightly as ever
against the cababge-pluckin' Saints for his time on the
park.
LORD KATSUMOTO - 3/10
Daizen, just...wtf? x6. One of those games. Like he'd won
a raffle for 45 minutes in the Hoops. And thought it was
a basketball prize.
TWIST - 6.5/10
Must say, the big mhan went at it with the urgency when
he appeared. Obviously looking to keep the passing tempo
up as he shuttled balls back and forth and made himself
known and available. Impressive cameo.
MCCARTHYISM - 6/10
Said it was good to see James get gametime Wednesday;
today he went a step further and made a crucial imapct
- credit his deft feet to slip in Mardaona for the winning
cross as he went down for a nap. There's life in the old
dug.
ANITA DOBSON - 6.5/10
What would Ange do about the Calmac disaster? Who could
fill his boots in the middle?
Answer in Australian whilst cracking open a Castlemaine FUCK -
"Fuckin' nobody, mayte, I'm goin' full Mowbray with this one..."
So we essentially started 4-2-4 and hoped for Angeball+ to take
effect. All seemed pretty okay, considering the quantity of
changes, until Ange upped the stakes like he was sitting on a
Blackjack 4-card 20 and tapped to twist.
Off went three of our best performers and back came the locals,
relieved at the drop in quality pressure, pitchforks at the
ready. And they all but burst the Celtic gilded balloon...
'All but'... Because Ange's mantra yet again won the day.
So your reservations get shelved. Because...
We don't stop. And we didn't.
MIBBERY - 6.5/10
Oohh, so close.
Matt Lucas raised his Little Britain flag on the far side
so often he won the fucking Perth Navy semaphore contest;
The Perth navy being an old fella called Roary who poles a
raft up and down the Tay looking for dead bodies...
Big Jackie diving header = GOAL. Never offside. You're a
lady, indeed; a lady's front bottom.
Hilariously, Euan in the middle was so busy cleaning up the
front of his shorts after booking both Celtic centre backs and
seeing them concede a late equaliser, that he was unable to
conjure a diabolical spell to prevent the winner; Settling in his
stunned, emotional state for booking Jackie as his tears
finished off the shorts rinsing.
OVERALL - 7/10
David Potter of The Celtic Star was fucking raging after
Leipzig. And his butler will confirm that... So today, dare
the Hoops face his wrath once more?
In a way we almost did. That was definitely a game that
could have been tied up earlier than it was, lol...
But the struggles to score a decent percentage of chances
continue, offering traumantic opposition ripostes. Yet in
a blink of a disbelieving Hun's eye, also delivering one
of those beatific, golden Celtic moments.
Was that climactic second worth the previous minute's
despair? Course it was. In the midst of CL carnage, any
win will do on a Saturday lunchtime at determined domestic
opponents.
That it came in such a manner is but a by-product of Celtic's
endeavour - even when we concede at the death, there's always
the possibility of a Lazarus event because of how we play.
So revel in it, enjoy it; find that blissful schadenfreude
when you know the Hun nation was spewing through their nostrils
for a good ten minutes after Big Jackie casually gave them a
nut-tap.
'Top of the league', and all that...
Go Away Now
Sandman
"Hahahaaaa! Get it right up ye, ya durty fenia....
Bllleeeeeaaaaarggghhhh! Blu-uu--uuuh-rrrrggggg!"
Huns everywhere, 2.22pm
ROXIE - 7.5/10
The Hand of Ghod. Redundant until asked to save the
jerseys as a 70s Led Zepplin roadie somehow found
space and time to guide an equaliser in.
But No! Big Joe! Quite marvellous flick of the hand
on the dive to deflect the shot onto the post.
Then pulled off another stop before the sieve decided
enough was enough and sold him down the Tay.
DIEGO ARMANDO MARADONA - 8.5/10 MOTM
Almost by default, our star man, as the other major
contenders had been hooked. But the bhoy from
Buenos Aires (or maybe not, but it's the only place
in Argentina I know, so roll with it...) gets my vote
for finding the will, the legs, and the beautiful
whipped cross to set up the winner.
Before that, he'd delivered a terrific first 45,
linking, surging, then faded second half and looked
like he was a busted flush. But, hey, that's why
he's here - quality and nous and a grandstand
finish. Played, kid.
GET CARTER - 7.5/10
On it, uncompromising, and at them and solid
as a... Well, granite monolith.
Nobody was safe today as he took a yellow for
ragdolling a farmhand them attacked the away
support in celebration of the winner. Fair play to
the fans - nobody ran in terror as CCV bounced
into the frenzy.
RAQUEL - 6/10
Marvellous in Leipzig, held his own today until his
weakness was cruelly exposed, almost at a devastating
cost - lack of height and aggression at certain times
meant he was caught under the high ball into our box
which resulted in their gut-punch.
No excuses, really - he had time to set up for the
well-telegraphed launch and should have been primarily
focussed on getting his physical domination in,
man-to-man, winning that ball at all costs. But got
hustled out of it. Dae yer job, baby.
TONY THE TIGER - 6.5/10
No nonsense from the returning apex predator. Played
it safer than usual - probably finding his feet after
absence - then gave us some of the real Tony as he put
in the runs and the crosses.
THE BUILDER - 7.5/10
Young bacon purveyor took responsibility on his languid,
rolling shoulders and inhabited the Calmac Zone for his
time on the park.
And he did a fine job - maybe unable to provide the skipper's
zip, but his awareness and passing range was a joy; gritted
teeth as he was withdrawn too early. To my dismay #1...
HAKUNA HATATE - 7.5/10
As I commented on Wednesday, Reo's got fitter and got dig.
Terrific intensity today, crisp passing but more impressive
in his spadework. Between him and Matty, we had control of
the middle with only that dynamic duo. But then up came his
number as well... To my dismay #2.
HACKY SACK - 8/10
Always thought he looked lively with the right mindset,
even when sniping at officials and opponents during rough
times. Today he embellished his promise with genuine
ability and a winning focus that drove us on second-half
and deserved to be the defining force in a solid victory.
However, as he was shaping up to be the matchwinner/killer,
off he jolly well fucked... To my dismay #3
NOTEBOOK - 4/10
Half-time was home time. Quietly effective but perhaps
fatigued and lacking the usual flourish during the first
period. Fingers crossed he's just being rested.
ABADASS - 5/10
Ate too many kippers last week, evidently. Religious
festivities took their toll and the fleeting wonderkid
could - and should - have had a hat-trick and we wouldn't
need pacemakers fitted/serviced.
SON OF JACKIE - 7/10
Big mad bastard. Big mad glorious bastard. Frustrated -
and frustrating - all game as he clattered and battered
his way around their stoic defensive gorgons.
Lauded by all Russian Motherland as he poleaxed a young
Ukranian nuisance and gave it the Ivan Drago disdainful
'If he dies, he dies'.
Looked like that was to be his match highlight after a
series of poor choices and duff final balls of someone
trying too hard; then... insinct! Snapped onto the
terrific Maradona cross and guided it in with all the
finesse he'd been missing the previous 94 minutes and
40 seconds.
Celebrated by ripping his tap aff like a Pollok burd on
a Greek beach and giving the entire front row a feel of
his magnificent pecs; Wimmin' fainted and local cops
turned in their badges.
SUBS -
MOOEY - 6/10
Competent and mildly effective turnout - passed well
and never looked fazed. However, might have sealed
the win but shied off taking a strike when put through.
Go on, Mooey - hit it!
JAMESY - 6/10
Sun's out and Jamesy's out. Costly, though, as he forgot
to tuck it properly and it played him offside when he was
all but clean through. But Jamesy was sprightly as ever
against the cababge-pluckin' Saints for his time on the
park.
LORD KATSUMOTO - 3/10
Daizen, just...wtf? x6. One of those games. Like he'd won
a raffle for 45 minutes in the Hoops. And thought it was
a basketball prize.
TWIST - 6.5/10
Must say, the big mhan went at it with the urgency when
he appeared. Obviously looking to keep the passing tempo
up as he shuttled balls back and forth and made himself
known and available. Impressive cameo.
MCCARTHYISM - 6/10
Said it was good to see James get gametime Wednesday;
today he went a step further and made a crucial imapct
- credit his deft feet to slip in Mardaona for the winning
cross as he went down for a nap. There's life in the old
dug.
ANITA DOBSON - 6.5/10
What would Ange do about the Calmac disaster? Who could
fill his boots in the middle?
Answer in Australian whilst cracking open a Castlemaine FUCK -
"Fuckin' nobody, mayte, I'm goin' full Mowbray with this one..."
So we essentially started 4-2-4 and hoped for Angeball+ to take
effect. All seemed pretty okay, considering the quantity of
changes, until Ange upped the stakes like he was sitting on a
Blackjack 4-card 20 and tapped to twist.
Off went three of our best performers and back came the locals,
relieved at the drop in quality pressure, pitchforks at the
ready. And they all but burst the Celtic gilded balloon...
'All but'... Because Ange's mantra yet again won the day.
So your reservations get shelved. Because...
We don't stop. And we didn't.
MIBBERY - 6.5/10
Oohh, so close.
Matt Lucas raised his Little Britain flag on the far side
so often he won the fucking Perth Navy semaphore contest;
The Perth navy being an old fella called Roary who poles a
raft up and down the Tay looking for dead bodies...
Big Jackie diving header = GOAL. Never offside. You're a
lady, indeed; a lady's front bottom.
Hilariously, Euan in the middle was so busy cleaning up the
front of his shorts after booking both Celtic centre backs and
seeing them concede a late equaliser, that he was unable to
conjure a diabolical spell to prevent the winner; Settling in his
stunned, emotional state for booking Jackie as his tears
finished off the shorts rinsing.
OVERALL - 7/10
David Potter of The Celtic Star was fucking raging after
Leipzig. And his butler will confirm that... So today, dare
the Hoops face his wrath once more?
In a way we almost did. That was definitely a game that
could have been tied up earlier than it was, lol...
But the struggles to score a decent percentage of chances
continue, offering traumantic opposition ripostes. Yet in
a blink of a disbelieving Hun's eye, also delivering one
of those beatific, golden Celtic moments.
Was that climactic second worth the previous minute's
despair? Course it was. In the midst of CL carnage, any
win will do on a Saturday lunchtime at determined domestic
opponents.
That it came in such a manner is but a by-product of Celtic's
endeavour - even when we concede at the death, there's always
the possibility of a Lazarus event because of how we play.
So revel in it, enjoy it; find that blissful schadenfreude
when you know the Hun nation was spewing through their nostrils
for a good ten minutes after Big Jackie casually gave them a
nut-tap.
'Top of the league', and all that...
Go Away Now
Sandman
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