Sandman
Well-known member
SANDMAN'S DEFINITIVE RATINGS: CELTIC @ OUTPOST 31
"SOMEONE COULD DIE!"
- Daily Ranger headline as GB light half a dozen
sparklers at Motherwell.
"A Spectacular Display"
- Daily Ranger take on the Onion Bears firebombing
Dens Park.
ROXIE - 0/10
"No Joe! No! Goddamn it! Baaaastaaaaard...".
Clutches a cross out of the air. The very last
touch of the game.
And Joe Hart jinxes the almost-greatest half-time
pub bet in football history - 'Joe not to touch
the ball with his hands the whole second-half,'
says a tenner.
Any takers? Five.
Walked home.
GREGGS THE BAKER - 6/10
Consistency is a priority of a good sausage
roll, and one of Greggs finest playing
attributes. Another comitted display, but
I'm still thinking his touch is a few degrees
off true North just yet.
TONY THE TIGER - 6/10
The Don Of Dingwall returns to the place of
his finest Hooped moment. No heroics required,
just a solid, disciplined 90; which we got.
OF JUSTICE - 6.5/10
Watch me pick a Pirlo with me silky corrie-footed
swagger. Peach of a ball into Kyogo, followed
by a rotten apple as he tried to repeat the trick.
Can't win 'em all, had an enjoyabe afternoon,
but stay frosty for Madrid.
GET CARTER - 6.5/10
Rocking rock, rolling stone, granite giant -
Coonty players found he epitomises all three
alliterations as he pressed them high and fancied
his own chances of adding to the score. A good
run-out for Tuesday.
CALMAC - 6.5/10
Hahaha - Celtic skipper carded for innocuous clip
just to make sure the MIBs' bus fare back to the
ludge was covered by their Satanic overlords.
Not much for Calmac to compete with today; a case
of making sure the Celtic ticked-over and eventually
got the points.
EDDIE TURNBULL - 7.5/10 MOTM
THE perfect Eddie game from the eighth minute forward.
No frenzy in the middle to contend with - plenty of
time to take the ball and pick his ambling passage
through them; which he nearly did on a fine solo mazy
before he sprung the trap and sizzled in a thistle-cutter
at the optimum second before Half-time, thus changing
the complexion of the contest irrevocably in our favour.
SAINT BERNARDO - 5.5/10
A tough one; rhythm upset early on, battled about,
tried a few things, must have felt his big starting
chance had turned into a bit of an attack v defence
training session where his ability was not required
to flourish as we ground out the win.
YING - 6/10
Just as well Koreans are made of elastic - that's
according to a Malky MacKay text; and what a coincidence
this was to save the kid's career after the Godfather Of
Soul tried to maim him.
At least there's the satisfaction of knowing James Brown
went off not feeling good at all; we knew that he would...
There'a gallusness about the boy that saw him come
back for more, and while not much came of his forays,
there still looks promise in his boots.
OH BHOY - 7/10
He scored again! Yes he did. No. no, he didn't.
Ah well, at least he set one up with an aerial challenge.
No. No, he didn't; that was a 'foul'.
Okay, so he got awarded the penalty for having his shirt
hauled off his back at a corner? Eh...
After Wednesday's heroics the lhad put himself about and
rattled every defender who came near him, and probably
still can't believe he didn't get one at least.
LORD KATSUMOTO - 5.5/10
LOL @ Daizen giving it to the Coonty cluster behind the
goal when we 'scored'. And then he was found offside;
twice... Damien VARas couldn't find the optimum anti-Celtic
still to draw lines on.
Thereafter Daizen faded as his best abilites get nullified
against a stoic low block.
SUBS -
THE ALLFATHER - 6.5/10
Lively as Wednesday. Head down, getting on with imposing
himself as a viable starting option; certainly looks like
he's got something - a divine ability.
KILLER MUSHROOM - 6/10
That cushioning touch - so close to a delightful goal as
he drifted onto Scales' rangefinder pass. Then made an
arse of a great clean break opportunity , Doh!
TONIO IWATAO - N/A
Good to see him getting minute. There's a rock of a DM
in this Japanese Bhoy; needs more involvement, same as
Calmac needs more resting for the 2024 run-in; I expect
Tonio to feature bigtime.
BRIAN DE - 7/10
Good Ghod, the drama. Movie mogul madness as the silken
swashbuckler from Izzyland enters in the third act and
delivers one of the finest cameos since Keith Richards
stumbled into Pirates Of The Caribbean.
A dipping worldy and a sand wedge dink to lift the DVD
from bargain bucket to must-see lists.
JAMESY - 6/10
15 seasons in a row. Of course Jamesy was going to score.
The angst of coming so close with his last touch on
Wednesday, to notching another on the bedpost with his
only touch today. And with his big head too; most unusual.
THE SHNAKE - 7/10
A re-jig again, expressing in selection terms the lesson
he learned from Hibs; we're now seeing proper squad
rotation to harvest tricky points on the road and keep
everyone on their toes.
He'll be delighted the task wasn't as tough as previous
trips North, evident in the camera cuts to the side of the
pitch as he indulged in some friendly banter with old
Watford cohort, big mad Malky; swapping racist gags,
probably...
MIBBERY - 6/10
Ah, they tried so hard. The disallowed goal; the Hunnic
'Tim Contact!' rule imposed early.
Then disaster: Damien Dallas wailing in his ear, stoic
wee Munro insisting on a yellow... "It's live oan fuckin'
Sky!" Damien reminded him. And that was that.
They did manage to ignore a request for Oh's shirt,
outdo themselves on the offside as we sorted through
Damien's favourite freeze-frames, and of course a card
for Calmac at least provided something for the wank-bank.
They'll be back with more bewilderment but we'll be
ready.
OVERALL - 7/10
A strange, dull deliberation of a game as we chased
the win the early circumstances dangled on a stick.
Donkeys might have blundered along, but we've got
some thoroughbreds who can provide the cutting edge.
It took some time but the final result was never in
doubt despite the Marvel Universe flying antics of
their keeper, who looks like he cuts his own hair
on a rainy day when bored stuck out in his croft.
With shears.
So the Heelan' horrorshows are avoided and the SPL
lead extended comfortably as the kissin', fistin'
cousins battle it out for the Diddy Cup tomorrow.
The Bhoys can now focus on Indie-Label Madrid and
the step-up in glamour from Leatherface's shed to
Bespin Cloud City. We're still rolling well, so
bring on the big tests and let's see what we're
really made of.
Go Away Now
Sandman
"SOMEONE COULD DIE!"
- Daily Ranger headline as GB light half a dozen
sparklers at Motherwell.
"A Spectacular Display"
- Daily Ranger take on the Onion Bears firebombing
Dens Park.
ROXIE - 0/10
"No Joe! No! Goddamn it! Baaaastaaaaard...".
Clutches a cross out of the air. The very last
touch of the game.
And Joe Hart jinxes the almost-greatest half-time
pub bet in football history - 'Joe not to touch
the ball with his hands the whole second-half,'
says a tenner.
Any takers? Five.
Walked home.
GREGGS THE BAKER - 6/10
Consistency is a priority of a good sausage
roll, and one of Greggs finest playing
attributes. Another comitted display, but
I'm still thinking his touch is a few degrees
off true North just yet.
TONY THE TIGER - 6/10
The Don Of Dingwall returns to the place of
his finest Hooped moment. No heroics required,
just a solid, disciplined 90; which we got.
OF JUSTICE - 6.5/10
Watch me pick a Pirlo with me silky corrie-footed
swagger. Peach of a ball into Kyogo, followed
by a rotten apple as he tried to repeat the trick.
Can't win 'em all, had an enjoyabe afternoon,
but stay frosty for Madrid.
GET CARTER - 6.5/10
Rocking rock, rolling stone, granite giant -
Coonty players found he epitomises all three
alliterations as he pressed them high and fancied
his own chances of adding to the score. A good
run-out for Tuesday.
CALMAC - 6.5/10
Hahaha - Celtic skipper carded for innocuous clip
just to make sure the MIBs' bus fare back to the
ludge was covered by their Satanic overlords.
Not much for Calmac to compete with today; a case
of making sure the Celtic ticked-over and eventually
got the points.
EDDIE TURNBULL - 7.5/10 MOTM
THE perfect Eddie game from the eighth minute forward.
No frenzy in the middle to contend with - plenty of
time to take the ball and pick his ambling passage
through them; which he nearly did on a fine solo mazy
before he sprung the trap and sizzled in a thistle-cutter
at the optimum second before Half-time, thus changing
the complexion of the contest irrevocably in our favour.
SAINT BERNARDO - 5.5/10
A tough one; rhythm upset early on, battled about,
tried a few things, must have felt his big starting
chance had turned into a bit of an attack v defence
training session where his ability was not required
to flourish as we ground out the win.
YING - 6/10
Just as well Koreans are made of elastic - that's
according to a Malky MacKay text; and what a coincidence
this was to save the kid's career after the Godfather Of
Soul tried to maim him.
At least there's the satisfaction of knowing James Brown
went off not feeling good at all; we knew that he would...
There'a gallusness about the boy that saw him come
back for more, and while not much came of his forays,
there still looks promise in his boots.
OH BHOY - 7/10
He scored again! Yes he did. No. no, he didn't.
Ah well, at least he set one up with an aerial challenge.
No. No, he didn't; that was a 'foul'.
Okay, so he got awarded the penalty for having his shirt
hauled off his back at a corner? Eh...
After Wednesday's heroics the lhad put himself about and
rattled every defender who came near him, and probably
still can't believe he didn't get one at least.
LORD KATSUMOTO - 5.5/10
LOL @ Daizen giving it to the Coonty cluster behind the
goal when we 'scored'. And then he was found offside;
twice... Damien VARas couldn't find the optimum anti-Celtic
still to draw lines on.
Thereafter Daizen faded as his best abilites get nullified
against a stoic low block.
SUBS -
THE ALLFATHER - 6.5/10
Lively as Wednesday. Head down, getting on with imposing
himself as a viable starting option; certainly looks like
he's got something - a divine ability.
KILLER MUSHROOM - 6/10
That cushioning touch - so close to a delightful goal as
he drifted onto Scales' rangefinder pass. Then made an
arse of a great clean break opportunity , Doh!
TONIO IWATAO - N/A
Good to see him getting minute. There's a rock of a DM
in this Japanese Bhoy; needs more involvement, same as
Calmac needs more resting for the 2024 run-in; I expect
Tonio to feature bigtime.
BRIAN DE - 7/10
Good Ghod, the drama. Movie mogul madness as the silken
swashbuckler from Izzyland enters in the third act and
delivers one of the finest cameos since Keith Richards
stumbled into Pirates Of The Caribbean.
A dipping worldy and a sand wedge dink to lift the DVD
from bargain bucket to must-see lists.
JAMESY - 6/10
15 seasons in a row. Of course Jamesy was going to score.
The angst of coming so close with his last touch on
Wednesday, to notching another on the bedpost with his
only touch today. And with his big head too; most unusual.
THE SHNAKE - 7/10
A re-jig again, expressing in selection terms the lesson
he learned from Hibs; we're now seeing proper squad
rotation to harvest tricky points on the road and keep
everyone on their toes.
He'll be delighted the task wasn't as tough as previous
trips North, evident in the camera cuts to the side of the
pitch as he indulged in some friendly banter with old
Watford cohort, big mad Malky; swapping racist gags,
probably...
MIBBERY - 6/10
Ah, they tried so hard. The disallowed goal; the Hunnic
'Tim Contact!' rule imposed early.
Then disaster: Damien Dallas wailing in his ear, stoic
wee Munro insisting on a yellow... "It's live oan fuckin'
Sky!" Damien reminded him. And that was that.
They did manage to ignore a request for Oh's shirt,
outdo themselves on the offside as we sorted through
Damien's favourite freeze-frames, and of course a card
for Calmac at least provided something for the wank-bank.
They'll be back with more bewilderment but we'll be
ready.
OVERALL - 7/10
A strange, dull deliberation of a game as we chased
the win the early circumstances dangled on a stick.
Donkeys might have blundered along, but we've got
some thoroughbreds who can provide the cutting edge.
It took some time but the final result was never in
doubt despite the Marvel Universe flying antics of
their keeper, who looks like he cuts his own hair
on a rainy day when bored stuck out in his croft.
With shears.
So the Heelan' horrorshows are avoided and the SPL
lead extended comfortably as the kissin', fistin'
cousins battle it out for the Diddy Cup tomorrow.
The Bhoys can now focus on Indie-Label Madrid and
the step-up in glamour from Leatherface's shed to
Bespin Cloud City. We're still rolling well, so
bring on the big tests and let's see what we're
really made of.
Go Away Now
Sandman
team.
stopped reading after this. Peaked right oot the traps there Sandman. Jamesy will help you recover 
I feel good 
