Sandman
Well-known member
SANDMAN'S DEFINITIVE RATINGS: CELTIC @ SKI SUNDAY CL 1st Qualifier 1st Leg
"Eey, St.Trinians were quite tricky, really. The lads got distracted by their gym-slips and
nearly blew it ferst half. But we winned in the end and we're Euro champeens again. Ain't we?"
Slippy G, Cock of Gibraltar.
"I'm singin' in the rain. Just singin' in the rain, What a glorious feeling, And I'm happy again.
I'm laughing at clouds. So dark, up above."
N.Lennon
"I love the glorious twelfth. I love shooting those plump strutting bastards, particlularly when
they walk down the roads all cocky and thinking they're invulnerable. Nothing quite like seeing
them explode in a ball of gore when the shotgun blast gets them. God, I love the twelfth.
Eh? Yeah, I like Grouse hunting in August too..."
Sean O'Fein.
BANE - 7/10
Villainous brilliance and villainous villainy in the first half - superb life-saving stop when he
narrowed the angles on their clean break thruogh, BUT shocking communication failure to
gift them the corner from which they scored. Keepr's fault - roar at Jozo to leave it.
Second-half he still appeared a little uneasy. A shaky evening in the rain.
BITTON - 7/10
Competent, safe impression always given - fits in well on the backline with his footballing
knowledge,can tackle and always good with the ball at his feet looking up for a break.
Only ocassional casualness.
AJER - 8/10
Techno Viking revelled in the conditions, missing only his longship as the clouds emptied.
He's all about strength and fortitude - rarely loses a tackle or takes a risk; building towards
being the perfect defensive stalwart with a real attacking threat. We won a BIG prize when
Ronny Deila hooked this young Norse warrior. Skol!
JOZO - 7.5/10
Two great interceptions from their right-wing cut-backs first half. Terrific positional sense
and timing. Did what he had to do at the corner fuck-up; defender's mantra, people -
'Better out the park than in the net'.
Bane failed to call properly so Jozo HAD to get a head on the ball as it came down from
the laden skies.
Continued to exact the best from his defensive line in very testing conditions. His game was
all about positioning himself and his team-mates and getting things as near-clockwork as
possible. Great controlling performance.
BOLI - 7/10
'Triple B' as he shall be henceforth known by all thanks to Leigh Griffiths - 'Big Boli Boli'.
Plenty of power and energy and awareness - great sliding interception to stop a long ball
finding their winger near half time. Caught wrongside only once early on, looks like he's got
the nous to fit in well.
Stole Sincy's hairstyle so was susbstituted early for poor etiquette and a barber's visit
BROON - 8/10
Calmness and quiet rage personified. Old heid kept the heid when we went one down. He rallied
the bhoys and maintained focus. Enjoyed himself in the mid battlefied as they tried to stick the
boot in.
Was crucial in the second goal as he picked up a loose ball twenty yards out. But it's what he does
and he did it all with that captain's strut.
CALMAC - 7.5/10
Sarajevo may feel they've been victims of alien abduction. Calmac probed their erses so much that
their backlinewas visited by Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones in the changing rooms.
The ferry magnate played a great pivotal role in beside Broon, constantly taking the ball, turning
and picking the pass. The only mystery was why we never profited directly from his cultured feet.
CORPUS CHRISTIE - 8.5/10 MOTM
Relentless darting around the lines, a total nightmare for the defensive block to deal with. He's
robust too, so the physical aspect took it's toll on his markers. Could have got on the scoresheet late
on, but was instrumental in the third with a flicked header.
When his energy and timing are in sync we have a true star. Like the Christmas one...
FORREST - 5/10
Jesus, Jamesy. Frustrating lack of involvement first half, bar gifting them the ball to break early
when Bane bailed us out. Then should have scored after a delightful link-up with Eddy but
sclaffed wide with his right instead of clipping in with his left.
Second half got no better. Yes, they tried to double-team him but he's faced better opponents
and prevailed. Ultimately, touch and choice and final ball were more unkempt-gash than boaby-flash.
MIKEY J - 7/10
Pure RAGIN' as the rains completely RUINED his New Romantic bouffant. So angry he could barely
see through the tears, he vented his fashionistas disappointment firstly by pennning lyrics full of
teenage goth angst, but then more imporantly - on the ball; screaming in a vital belter of an equaliser.
Lively and a real handful for Sarajevo. Sadly, his involvement was curtailed as his hair disaster proved
too much emotionally - taken off mid-second half for an emergency hair appointment. Fingers crossed
for a successful salon session. #PrayForMikeysMullet
FRENCH EDDY - 7/10
'Why's he worth 9 mullyin?' THAT'S why - periods of frowning gallic indifference eclipsed by flashes
of mercurial magic. BAM!
Tie-killing strike full of composure and class. Almost got another. Really enjoys scoring against Hearts,
so nobody had the command of French to explain otherwise; just kept nodding and pointing at the
Sarajevo tops saying, 'Le Maroons bastardos? Oui...'
SUBS:
HAYES - 6.5/10
Luckily as Triple B fell, time-hopping mercenary Johnny quantum-leaped in from the Balkan War
battlegrounds to cover. Another flawless shift from our favourite Victor comic character.
MORGAN - 6/10
His famous dad, Morgan Freeman, would be proud of young Morgan's return after a season in the
Sunderland shipyards. Trying hardto be our Mackem now (see what I did there fans of Tyne and Wear nomenclature?) and fired in a few decent crosses.
SONIC - 7/10
A cameo Pacino would be proud of. Scintillating ten minutes to frazzle a tired Sarajevo.
The backheel a school playground special and surely worth two points if fucking UEFA would apply
the rules properly for 'fancies'.
MANAGER - 8/10
Brave selecetion. Brave tactics and formation. Got it spot-on. Evidently had done his due dilligence to
a tee despite a setback. But that was down to individual errors. Never let the players falter; had the
discipline maintained. I suspect the gameplan went almost perfectly, vindicating his decisions and
giving Lenny and the backroom staff a tremendous confidence boost.
Moreover, the special ingredient so many of his critics overlook in Neil Lennon played a big part -
that character which saw him excell as a player above his own presumed abilities, and that saw him
through dark days of intimidation and bigotry as a manager. On nights like these, it's more than an
existential concept; it permeates from the touchline into the mindset of the men in the moment.
Tonight, every aspect of Lennon's footballing qualities was exemplified. On and off-field.
A great start.
OVERALL: 8.5/10
And so it begins... With a tricky draw and a trip to Sarajevo, a former battle-torn city, made infamous
decades ago when Franz Klammer fell out with the Ski Sunday production team and bloody conflict
ensued between both factions; carnage on the slalom and a capital beseiged. They called it the 'Bollocks
War' because it was essentailly over utter bollocks.
Or something like that. I'm not a historian; I just googled it while pouring Jack Daniels over my Weetabix
this morning. Do your own fucking research.
Anyway, the Celts rolled in to bring emerald green to the wintry midsummer bleakness. Surprised by the
cunning Sarajevo Ultras' Mary Poppins tifo - those waves of brollies took the breath away - the team were
hesitant as the bleakness gave it back.
Plenty of possession amounted to the princely sum of fuck-all as Ski Sunday Select scored a typically
scrappy Euro-opener in the monsoon conditions.
BUT, under this 'new' manager, this team has that aforementioned CHARACTER. I've seen plenty of scripts
play out the way this one considered after that opener - a mystifying capitulation and a dreadful two or
three goal loss as heads went down and players hid.
Not so this assembly of avengers going for the NINE and TEN. There's no fake-and-bake manager on the
touchline too worried about his image or buddy-buddy reputation with the squad. There's a guy who'll
encourage but DEMAND. A guy who knows the Hoops and what it takes in Europe.
We got a taste of that tonight. A comeback win in darkest Balkans in the pissing rain on a cutting pitch
against an energised and organised competent side. It wasn't just a great win - it was the perfect win to
tune-up the Celts for the stressful rigours of the Yellow Brick Road ahead.
More please.
Sandman Out.
"Eey, St.Trinians were quite tricky, really. The lads got distracted by their gym-slips and
nearly blew it ferst half. But we winned in the end and we're Euro champeens again. Ain't we?"
Slippy G, Cock of Gibraltar.
"I'm singin' in the rain. Just singin' in the rain, What a glorious feeling, And I'm happy again.
I'm laughing at clouds. So dark, up above."
N.Lennon
"I love the glorious twelfth. I love shooting those plump strutting bastards, particlularly when
they walk down the roads all cocky and thinking they're invulnerable. Nothing quite like seeing
them explode in a ball of gore when the shotgun blast gets them. God, I love the twelfth.
Eh? Yeah, I like Grouse hunting in August too..."
Sean O'Fein.
BANE - 7/10
Villainous brilliance and villainous villainy in the first half - superb life-saving stop when he
narrowed the angles on their clean break thruogh, BUT shocking communication failure to
gift them the corner from which they scored. Keepr's fault - roar at Jozo to leave it.
Second-half he still appeared a little uneasy. A shaky evening in the rain.
BITTON - 7/10
Competent, safe impression always given - fits in well on the backline with his footballing
knowledge,can tackle and always good with the ball at his feet looking up for a break.
Only ocassional casualness.
AJER - 8/10
Techno Viking revelled in the conditions, missing only his longship as the clouds emptied.
He's all about strength and fortitude - rarely loses a tackle or takes a risk; building towards
being the perfect defensive stalwart with a real attacking threat. We won a BIG prize when
Ronny Deila hooked this young Norse warrior. Skol!
JOZO - 7.5/10
Two great interceptions from their right-wing cut-backs first half. Terrific positional sense
and timing. Did what he had to do at the corner fuck-up; defender's mantra, people -
'Better out the park than in the net'.
Bane failed to call properly so Jozo HAD to get a head on the ball as it came down from
the laden skies.
Continued to exact the best from his defensive line in very testing conditions. His game was
all about positioning himself and his team-mates and getting things as near-clockwork as
possible. Great controlling performance.
BOLI - 7/10
'Triple B' as he shall be henceforth known by all thanks to Leigh Griffiths - 'Big Boli Boli'.
Plenty of power and energy and awareness - great sliding interception to stop a long ball
finding their winger near half time. Caught wrongside only once early on, looks like he's got
the nous to fit in well.
Stole Sincy's hairstyle so was susbstituted early for poor etiquette and a barber's visit
BROON - 8/10
Calmness and quiet rage personified. Old heid kept the heid when we went one down. He rallied
the bhoys and maintained focus. Enjoyed himself in the mid battlefied as they tried to stick the
boot in.
Was crucial in the second goal as he picked up a loose ball twenty yards out. But it's what he does
and he did it all with that captain's strut.
CALMAC - 7.5/10
Sarajevo may feel they've been victims of alien abduction. Calmac probed their erses so much that
their backlinewas visited by Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones in the changing rooms.
The ferry magnate played a great pivotal role in beside Broon, constantly taking the ball, turning
and picking the pass. The only mystery was why we never profited directly from his cultured feet.
CORPUS CHRISTIE - 8.5/10 MOTM
Relentless darting around the lines, a total nightmare for the defensive block to deal with. He's
robust too, so the physical aspect took it's toll on his markers. Could have got on the scoresheet late
on, but was instrumental in the third with a flicked header.
When his energy and timing are in sync we have a true star. Like the Christmas one...
FORREST - 5/10
Jesus, Jamesy. Frustrating lack of involvement first half, bar gifting them the ball to break early
when Bane bailed us out. Then should have scored after a delightful link-up with Eddy but
sclaffed wide with his right instead of clipping in with his left.
Second half got no better. Yes, they tried to double-team him but he's faced better opponents
and prevailed. Ultimately, touch and choice and final ball were more unkempt-gash than boaby-flash.
MIKEY J - 7/10
Pure RAGIN' as the rains completely RUINED his New Romantic bouffant. So angry he could barely
see through the tears, he vented his fashionistas disappointment firstly by pennning lyrics full of
teenage goth angst, but then more imporantly - on the ball; screaming in a vital belter of an equaliser.
Lively and a real handful for Sarajevo. Sadly, his involvement was curtailed as his hair disaster proved
too much emotionally - taken off mid-second half for an emergency hair appointment. Fingers crossed
for a successful salon session. #PrayForMikeysMullet
FRENCH EDDY - 7/10
'Why's he worth 9 mullyin?' THAT'S why - periods of frowning gallic indifference eclipsed by flashes
of mercurial magic. BAM!
Tie-killing strike full of composure and class. Almost got another. Really enjoys scoring against Hearts,
so nobody had the command of French to explain otherwise; just kept nodding and pointing at the
Sarajevo tops saying, 'Le Maroons bastardos? Oui...'
SUBS:
HAYES - 6.5/10
Luckily as Triple B fell, time-hopping mercenary Johnny quantum-leaped in from the Balkan War
battlegrounds to cover. Another flawless shift from our favourite Victor comic character.
MORGAN - 6/10
His famous dad, Morgan Freeman, would be proud of young Morgan's return after a season in the
Sunderland shipyards. Trying hardto be our Mackem now (see what I did there fans of Tyne and Wear nomenclature?) and fired in a few decent crosses.
SONIC - 7/10
A cameo Pacino would be proud of. Scintillating ten minutes to frazzle a tired Sarajevo.
The backheel a school playground special and surely worth two points if fucking UEFA would apply
the rules properly for 'fancies'.
MANAGER - 8/10
Brave selecetion. Brave tactics and formation. Got it spot-on. Evidently had done his due dilligence to
a tee despite a setback. But that was down to individual errors. Never let the players falter; had the
discipline maintained. I suspect the gameplan went almost perfectly, vindicating his decisions and
giving Lenny and the backroom staff a tremendous confidence boost.
Moreover, the special ingredient so many of his critics overlook in Neil Lennon played a big part -
that character which saw him excell as a player above his own presumed abilities, and that saw him
through dark days of intimidation and bigotry as a manager. On nights like these, it's more than an
existential concept; it permeates from the touchline into the mindset of the men in the moment.
Tonight, every aspect of Lennon's footballing qualities was exemplified. On and off-field.
A great start.
OVERALL: 8.5/10
And so it begins... With a tricky draw and a trip to Sarajevo, a former battle-torn city, made infamous
decades ago when Franz Klammer fell out with the Ski Sunday production team and bloody conflict
ensued between both factions; carnage on the slalom and a capital beseiged. They called it the 'Bollocks
War' because it was essentailly over utter bollocks.
Or something like that. I'm not a historian; I just googled it while pouring Jack Daniels over my Weetabix
this morning. Do your own fucking research.
Anyway, the Celts rolled in to bring emerald green to the wintry midsummer bleakness. Surprised by the
cunning Sarajevo Ultras' Mary Poppins tifo - those waves of brollies took the breath away - the team were
hesitant as the bleakness gave it back.
Plenty of possession amounted to the princely sum of fuck-all as Ski Sunday Select scored a typically
scrappy Euro-opener in the monsoon conditions.
BUT, under this 'new' manager, this team has that aforementioned CHARACTER. I've seen plenty of scripts
play out the way this one considered after that opener - a mystifying capitulation and a dreadful two or
three goal loss as heads went down and players hid.
Not so this assembly of avengers going for the NINE and TEN. There's no fake-and-bake manager on the
touchline too worried about his image or buddy-buddy reputation with the squad. There's a guy who'll
encourage but DEMAND. A guy who knows the Hoops and what it takes in Europe.
We got a taste of that tonight. A comeback win in darkest Balkans in the pissing rain on a cutting pitch
against an energised and organised competent side. It wasn't just a great win - it was the perfect win to
tune-up the Celts for the stressful rigours of the Yellow Brick Road ahead.
More please.
Sandman Out.
