Sandman
Well-known member
SANDMAN'S DEFINITIVE RATINGS: CELTIC v DAVY ESCOBAR'S SELECT
"Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
Then the Green Brigade got let back in, thank fuck
And the atmosphere rocked once more."
- Clement Clarke Moore “An Account of a Visit from St. Nicholas"
revised edition.
ROXIE - 6/10
"Joe! JOE?! Has anybody seen Joe?
He's big lad, a wee bit daft sometimes,
but mostly sensible, aye?
Ah canny believe he'd go off on his own.
We left him right there - right in the
Sellic goalmouth at the kick-aff. We was
watching the game up the other end and
after 90 minutes... Well, we haven't
seen him again *sniff*.
Whoever took him - please gie's him back
for Xmas. He luvs his Hunskelpin' and Santa
might just have some fur him. So please,
let him come home..."
- Joe Hart's Maw's public appeal.
GREGGS THE BAKER - 7/10
KISS - Keep it simple, stupid. And when Greggs
keeps it simple we get the best sausage rolls
this side of Orion's Belt.
Also, his runs and timing and mental acuity
function at a higher level when he's not trying
to elaborate, like today. Fine contribution.
WAYNE GRETZKY - 6/10
The volatile Canadian has been flickering on
and off like a serial killer's lightbulb; in-game
antics this afternoon made for a perfect
representation of his season's form with both
good and bad as his passing hit or missed, but
overall his efforts proved mostly positive.
OF JUSTICE - 7/10
There were a few ropey first 45 moments before
he clicked with the rest of the team and the best
of his game was on show.
Composed, with nice footwork, not to mention the
day's highlight as he gave a corner the full-ginger
barnet treatment and back-flicked it home beautifully;
a deft sleight-of-heid bit of magic Ron Weasley
would have gasped at.
GET CARTER - 8/10 MOTM
Appearance # 100 and 100% full-pelt for the win.
Wore the set of a grizzly who's been woken from
hibernation by a kick in the baws. Provided the
fulcrum and driving force from deep that kept
them pinned-in to be picked off
After 40 minutes of growling at a frustrating
low-block, CCV implemented the novel solution of
trying to kill them one-by-one - picked the ugliest
of Jim Henson's creations and smashed it in the
face with a Christmas cracker of a strike.
That shook them up and gave us food for thought -
0-0 at the time and we won 2-0 after it. We have
a new tactic; The data doesn't lie.
Should have capped a landmark match with a spectacular
goal but a splendid save denied his diving header.
However, he's back, in full. Excellent.
CALMAC - 6/10
The pressure, interestingly, seemed to be off him
to make things happen as they dropped so deep and
CCV strode forward so often that the skipper merely
had to keep the engine ticking over and the tempo
flowing; which he can - and did - do with his eyes
wide shut.
THE BUILDER - 6.5/10
Not afraid to slog it in the dreich weather, always
looking to add some craft to the labour. Only weight
of numbers and a tricky surface foiled Matty as he
drifted and slinked about their box trying to prise
them apart. Also made the clearance of the day -
off the wrong line...
SAINT BERNARDO - 6/10
Davy Escobar's used to seeing double - happens when
you tap yer own supply, and today saw him checking
the teamsheet for the O'Reilly twins.
Big Bernardo might not have been needed for a rescue
but the fans could have done with him carrying a wee
brandy barrell around the freezing stands.
As it was, you've got to give it to the bhoy for
involvement; weather like that isn't Lisbon-friendly,
and Benfica don't nurture duds either (*cough, remember
the Jota fella?).
I've a feeling there's much more to come from him
when he's settled into a rhythm and realises he doesn't
always have to perform in conditions from post-apocalyptic
sci-fi stories.
BRIAN DE - 7/10
Another surprise second-half package. I suppose
there's tropical storms and hurricanes aplenty in
his heritage and he certainly rained the pain down
on them after the interval (see what I did there,
Michael Fish fans?).
Supplied the guile and the deliveries to puncture
the lead balloons and secure the points. Something
he must repeat twice more before the year is out...
KILLER MUSHROOM - 7/10
Welcome back, Kyogo-san! Never been more pleased to
see someone more pleased than ever. All the dry runs,
the fruitless toil to appease coaching egos, the loss
of edge and a little self-belief, all wiped away in
a storm-splitting grin thanks to an instinctive toe-poke.
And... Here. We. Go...
LORD KATSUMOTO - 6.5/10
Battered about and got battered about. Daizen getting
his groove back just means Daizen charging around the
joint in a glorious frenzy of limbs and flashing baldy
heid. Which he wasn't afraid to stick into the mix in
pursuit of glory.
Didn't find it today but an hour of power will hopefully
see us benefit from a full 90 of samurai slaughtering when
the Diddy Cup Championees come to soil Paradise.
SUBS -
OH BHOY - 6/10
Oh dear, oh dear - thwarted twice as he looked to ramp
up his fine scoring averages; must be said only a great
stop kept his header out as he once more showed his worth
as a physical-impact addition.
YING - 6/10
Not much time to shine but made the most of it with some
interestingly deceptive footwork that warmed up the crowd.
EDDIE TURNBULL - N/A
Asking an auld fella to chank aboot in that; shame on ye,
Rodgers.
JAMESY - 6/10
Jamesy just loves the festive season - there's always so
many more empty glasses for him to 'fill'...
He'll definitely keep you topped-up, ladies, and that special
service was almost rampant on the park too as he fizzed across
the slippery-when-wet surface, firing in a few decent balls.
Ooh-err, missus - lookout for the Jamesy Xmas Special on Celtic
TV with Dick Emery guesting...
THE SHNAKE - 6.5/10
Wasn't looking good for him as the restlessness frittered
around the stadium after a half hour of near things. However,
his half-time tweaks or demands or... Gucci belt display?...
worked and the day played out to coaching satisfaction as
substitutions kept the game firmly in our grasp and he got
through a no-win situation with something rare recently - a
win.
'That'll do, pig,' as Farmer Hoggett would say...
MIBBERY - 4/10
Who's this fresh-faced young virgin MIB pup? They give the
expected Tim wins to the new inductees as a form of hazing.
This one must have thought he'd be shooting up the goat ladder
at half-time, only for his priapic state to wilt mere minutes
into the second period, and he never quite recovered staunchness.
OVERALL - 7/10
Well done. Last time anyone had to perform a rescue mission in
conditions like that it was the crew of the Nostromo dragging a
freshly-impregnated John Hurt (nothing to do with Jamesy) across
the surface of LV-426 to a dropship.
Our season was in need of rescue and Livi on paper is easy. But
Livi in such weather is anything but. Not even Princess Diana in
her heyday could have worked through such a knot of big sinewy
men without a little luck or helping... hand...
Our fortunes seemed depleted beyond 30 minutes as the ideas bank
ran low, with the winning edge of two seasons past gradually blunting
under the weight of coaching ego; players once terrified to to take
a breather look too ready to slack-off when the going goes Billy
Ocean.
But they got there with some deus ex machina intervention falling
for us rather than against, as has been the sorry plot recently.
Backed by the resurgent tumult of the GB and the Bhoys, the
extra oomph was redolent around Paradise and the players provided
the fanfare. We got it together, somehow, into the second 45 and slayed
the relentless giants as their admirable defending finally succumbed
to Celtic guile.
So now the turkey can go back in the oven and the inlaws can be
tolerated; the weans will be allowed to open their presents and
not have to wait until 5pm on Boxing Day with no guarantee...
So Ghod bless us one and all. Well, not all.. Not those fucking
pagan, Satanic Hun heathens... But you all, yes.
Merry Xmas, fu...
Go Away Now
Sandman
"Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
Then the Green Brigade got let back in, thank fuck
And the atmosphere rocked once more."
- Clement Clarke Moore “An Account of a Visit from St. Nicholas"
revised edition.
ROXIE - 6/10
"Joe! JOE?! Has anybody seen Joe?
He's big lad, a wee bit daft sometimes,
but mostly sensible, aye?
Ah canny believe he'd go off on his own.
We left him right there - right in the
Sellic goalmouth at the kick-aff. We was
watching the game up the other end and
after 90 minutes... Well, we haven't
seen him again *sniff*.
Whoever took him - please gie's him back
for Xmas. He luvs his Hunskelpin' and Santa
might just have some fur him. So please,
let him come home..."
- Joe Hart's Maw's public appeal.
GREGGS THE BAKER - 7/10
KISS - Keep it simple, stupid. And when Greggs
keeps it simple we get the best sausage rolls
this side of Orion's Belt.
Also, his runs and timing and mental acuity
function at a higher level when he's not trying
to elaborate, like today. Fine contribution.
WAYNE GRETZKY - 6/10
The volatile Canadian has been flickering on
and off like a serial killer's lightbulb; in-game
antics this afternoon made for a perfect
representation of his season's form with both
good and bad as his passing hit or missed, but
overall his efforts proved mostly positive.
OF JUSTICE - 7/10
There were a few ropey first 45 moments before
he clicked with the rest of the team and the best
of his game was on show.
Composed, with nice footwork, not to mention the
day's highlight as he gave a corner the full-ginger
barnet treatment and back-flicked it home beautifully;
a deft sleight-of-heid bit of magic Ron Weasley
would have gasped at.
GET CARTER - 8/10 MOTM
Appearance # 100 and 100% full-pelt for the win.
Wore the set of a grizzly who's been woken from
hibernation by a kick in the baws. Provided the
fulcrum and driving force from deep that kept
them pinned-in to be picked off
After 40 minutes of growling at a frustrating
low-block, CCV implemented the novel solution of
trying to kill them one-by-one - picked the ugliest
of Jim Henson's creations and smashed it in the
face with a Christmas cracker of a strike.
That shook them up and gave us food for thought -
0-0 at the time and we won 2-0 after it. We have
a new tactic; The data doesn't lie.
Should have capped a landmark match with a spectacular
goal but a splendid save denied his diving header.
However, he's back, in full. Excellent.
CALMAC - 6/10
The pressure, interestingly, seemed to be off him
to make things happen as they dropped so deep and
CCV strode forward so often that the skipper merely
had to keep the engine ticking over and the tempo
flowing; which he can - and did - do with his eyes
wide shut.
THE BUILDER - 6.5/10
Not afraid to slog it in the dreich weather, always
looking to add some craft to the labour. Only weight
of numbers and a tricky surface foiled Matty as he
drifted and slinked about their box trying to prise
them apart. Also made the clearance of the day -
off the wrong line...
SAINT BERNARDO - 6/10
Davy Escobar's used to seeing double - happens when
you tap yer own supply, and today saw him checking
the teamsheet for the O'Reilly twins.
Big Bernardo might not have been needed for a rescue
but the fans could have done with him carrying a wee
brandy barrell around the freezing stands.
As it was, you've got to give it to the bhoy for
involvement; weather like that isn't Lisbon-friendly,
and Benfica don't nurture duds either (*cough, remember
the Jota fella?).
I've a feeling there's much more to come from him
when he's settled into a rhythm and realises he doesn't
always have to perform in conditions from post-apocalyptic
sci-fi stories.
BRIAN DE - 7/10
Another surprise second-half package. I suppose
there's tropical storms and hurricanes aplenty in
his heritage and he certainly rained the pain down
on them after the interval (see what I did there,
Michael Fish fans?).
Supplied the guile and the deliveries to puncture
the lead balloons and secure the points. Something
he must repeat twice more before the year is out...
KILLER MUSHROOM - 7/10
Welcome back, Kyogo-san! Never been more pleased to
see someone more pleased than ever. All the dry runs,
the fruitless toil to appease coaching egos, the loss
of edge and a little self-belief, all wiped away in
a storm-splitting grin thanks to an instinctive toe-poke.
And... Here. We. Go...
LORD KATSUMOTO - 6.5/10
Battered about and got battered about. Daizen getting
his groove back just means Daizen charging around the
joint in a glorious frenzy of limbs and flashing baldy
heid. Which he wasn't afraid to stick into the mix in
pursuit of glory.
Didn't find it today but an hour of power will hopefully
see us benefit from a full 90 of samurai slaughtering when
the Diddy Cup Championees come to soil Paradise.
SUBS -
OH BHOY - 6/10
Oh dear, oh dear - thwarted twice as he looked to ramp
up his fine scoring averages; must be said only a great
stop kept his header out as he once more showed his worth
as a physical-impact addition.
YING - 6/10
Not much time to shine but made the most of it with some
interestingly deceptive footwork that warmed up the crowd.
EDDIE TURNBULL - N/A
Asking an auld fella to chank aboot in that; shame on ye,
Rodgers.
JAMESY - 6/10
Jamesy just loves the festive season - there's always so
many more empty glasses for him to 'fill'...
He'll definitely keep you topped-up, ladies, and that special
service was almost rampant on the park too as he fizzed across
the slippery-when-wet surface, firing in a few decent balls.
Ooh-err, missus - lookout for the Jamesy Xmas Special on Celtic
TV with Dick Emery guesting...
THE SHNAKE - 6.5/10
Wasn't looking good for him as the restlessness frittered
around the stadium after a half hour of near things. However,
his half-time tweaks or demands or... Gucci belt display?...
worked and the day played out to coaching satisfaction as
substitutions kept the game firmly in our grasp and he got
through a no-win situation with something rare recently - a
win.
'That'll do, pig,' as Farmer Hoggett would say...
MIBBERY - 4/10
Who's this fresh-faced young virgin MIB pup? They give the
expected Tim wins to the new inductees as a form of hazing.
This one must have thought he'd be shooting up the goat ladder
at half-time, only for his priapic state to wilt mere minutes
into the second period, and he never quite recovered staunchness.
OVERALL - 7/10
Well done. Last time anyone had to perform a rescue mission in
conditions like that it was the crew of the Nostromo dragging a
freshly-impregnated John Hurt (nothing to do with Jamesy) across
the surface of LV-426 to a dropship.
Our season was in need of rescue and Livi on paper is easy. But
Livi in such weather is anything but. Not even Princess Diana in
her heyday could have worked through such a knot of big sinewy
men without a little luck or helping... hand...
Our fortunes seemed depleted beyond 30 minutes as the ideas bank
ran low, with the winning edge of two seasons past gradually blunting
under the weight of coaching ego; players once terrified to to take
a breather look too ready to slack-off when the going goes Billy
Ocean.
But they got there with some deus ex machina intervention falling
for us rather than against, as has been the sorry plot recently.
Backed by the resurgent tumult of the GB and the Bhoys, the
extra oomph was redolent around Paradise and the players provided
the fanfare. We got it together, somehow, into the second 45 and slayed
the relentless giants as their admirable defending finally succumbed
to Celtic guile.
So now the turkey can go back in the oven and the inlaws can be
tolerated; the weans will be allowed to open their presents and
not have to wait until 5pm on Boxing Day with no guarantee...
So Ghod bless us one and all. Well, not all.. Not those fucking
pagan, Satanic Hun heathens... But you all, yes.
Merry Xmas, fu...
Go Away Now
Sandman
