Sandman
Well-known member
SANDMAN'S DEFINITIVE RATINGS: CELTIC v FURRY BITS
"Freedom is the freedom to say that two plus two make
four."
- George Orwell.
ROXIE - 6/10
With a lack of atmosphere due to, you know - 'reasons' -
Joe passed the time wandering around his empty area with
'Only The Lonely' playing in his ear pods.
Called into action just the once in the second half
when a lone Travelling Willbury made it into our box for
a flick attempt, he dealt with it in his usual smart
manner (see what I did there, Roy Orbison fans?)...
GREGGS THE BAKER - 6/10
Steady as she goes - Greggs putting in yet another
90 minutes of composed competence; nothing flash or
too adventurous as he kept the left flank secure and
let the flair run riot up ahead.
WAYNE GRETZKY - 6/10
As with his counterpoint on the left, AJ was solid
and contained; no reason to bust a gut with Ying
and his magical mesmerising slippers occupyng the
forward berth. Just as well, because on his one
late foray towards their box his shot hit the
passing London Road bus.
OF JUSTICE - 6.5/10
'I remember them...'
Just a year ago he was on the wrong end of this
type of hiding. But he's not been one for hiding...
He's played his way into the Celtic first eleven and
is holding onto it like it was a hundred Bitcoin he'd
bought in 2012 for a dollar.
Alertness and precision passing meant no favours
were dished to the lads he enjoyed a good few nights
with up at Shearer McSheepy's Woolly Farm Funhouse.
GET CARTER - 7/10
His committment is second to none - exemplified by
the 'Baws For The Cause' sacrifice. Once The Rock
gets new rocks he'll be as complete as his overall
game was today.
THE ALLFATHER - 6/10
I like this kid - plenty energy and touch; slow
to get into things today as his given role was
to squeeze between lines tighter than a dubious
offside decision in favour of the Huns.
Brought a fine save out of the keeper but was
replaced early; his best perfromances have been
when introduced later in games to add zip.
CALMAC - 6.5/10
Motoring as usual against the Dons - complete
domination of the first 20 yards of the oppostion
half for the entire opening period allowed him
to orchestrate incessant pressure. Well-deserved
rest when the win was secure.
THE BUILDER - 8/10
Back with a bang; a ganbang - multiple penetration
of their stout defence in a dazzling display of flick,
slip, scoop, and sizzling passing. 2 assists and
countless breathtaking involvements; how he didn't
get MOTM is fucking beyond me.
Hang on.. Yeah, it was my own call...
BRIAN DE - 8.5/10 MOTM
Gilded boots will turn you left, right, and inside out.
Fullback Devlin's swarthy Central American nightmare
came to life as if he had looked in the mirror last night
and muttered "Can ye man?" five times.
Aye, he can. Dipping, swerving, twisting, and that was
just his shoulders and hips. The ball did other things -
spinning and whipping its way to three assists and a
goal - a wonderfully ironic Tavpen pisstake as he
mimicked a run-up the Huns see 100 times a season, but
actually scored...
KILLER MUSHROOM - 7/10
"Is this a piece of your brain?"
At least now Kyogo will understand Fawlty Towers.
Disgusting Serbian Sunday League slamdown by rampaging
brain damaged Herman Munster, who's obviously practiced
plenty of them given he plays for Montenegro.
The nazi stormtrooper approach to that 'challenge' had
me all Amon-Goeth-on-a-balcony and reaching for the sniper
rifle until the wee mhan got up and managed to walk off.
Pray he's okay because that was a rabbit-punch (or more
fitting a 'donkey-puch' going by what delivered it...)
and a half, with a heid.
And who needs more than half-a-dozen touches in a game
to make your mark? A save and a goal - classic Kyogo.
YING - 7.5/10
Another headcase. Ying and Yang sure played out for him
today - lovely dazzling footwork to light up the first-half
and his first goal, with his head! Then he got headered
back and departed looking like the korean Tyson Fury.
Another kid who's moved halfway round the globe to realise
his dream; and this one may be a keeper after all (that's
not a new goalie reference, for all the 'we need a 10
million-bucks new keeper, now, please!' Playstation FIFA
virgins...).
SUBS -
OH BHOY - 7.5/10
Some doubt the bhoy's ability because he failed to come on
and destroy the Atletico Madrid defence single-handed with
zero service on a night when most of his remaining team mates
had already chucked it.
Yeeeess...
Well here he goes again, pesky Asian target man that he is,
annoying the 'hexperts' with two goals in ten minutes and
some partial vengeance on Salem's Lot's head vampire. Great.
TONIO IWATAO - N/A
Calmac's stunt man gets more gametime, but less than he
deserves.
EDDIE TURNBULL - 6/10
Slomo is a fictional drug in the brilliant action movie
'Dredd' that reduces perception of time by 100x. Same
effect we get when Eddie ambles on and ambles about.
And it seemed their goalie had been inhaling too as a
guileful reversed shot sneaked in to notch another
goalscoring contribution from a man in the summer Scales
camp of 'surplus to requirements'. Not so, it seems.
JAMESY - LOL/10
The windows in the Jock Stein hospitality are made
of reinforced plexi-glass supplied by a company
Jamesy owns shares in. Today's demonstration of their
protective qualities was supplied by the man himself
as they got rattled by The Flash's Space X launch.
DIEGO ARMANDO MARADONA - N/A
Ange's project brought in from the cold. Is The Shnake
thawing out towards the mercurial kid?
THE SHNAKE - 7.5/10
Changes made, mental re-invigoration was his main
task over the last four bruising days of Atletico aftershock.
He got that spot-on - minds were clear and focussed
and at it from the whistle and didn't let up for 100
minutes.
So he hits a fortnight break with a decent points lead,
pressure eased and time to assess injuries. Job done.
MIBBERY - 6.5/10
Brain transplants are not concussion injuries, apparently.
Still priapic from the lunchtime dodgy-penalty competition
in Livingston, Gollum and VAR colluded to spare their
reckless orc assassin a red because the ball just happened
to bounce of his titanium nut as he delivered it like a
warhead onto Kyogo's unsupecting cranium.
When asked afterwards what it would have taken to administer
proper justice to the Kurgan from Highlander due by the rules
of force and intent, Gollum told the press, "Only death."*
The scurrilous wee prick.
*I bet he would have.
OVERALL -8/10
Managed by the re-animated Bobby Robson, the zombified
Aberdeen 11 put out the lowest block since Fermer Shooie
McTavish got caught-out down on his knees in the dark
behind Fuckye the ram instead of Dolly the ewe.
We dismantled their resistance in jig-time to remind
the travelling support to record the latest re-runs of
Thingummyjig and campaign for Jack McLaughlin to
be their next manager.
Our reshaped Bhoys slotted together like the finest sprung
dancefloor and waltzed our way to a Heath Ledger Joker
special; 'Six...'
So we tied the week on aggregate with three injury-time
belters just to highlight the subs' qualities too and round
off a set of fixtures that proved both halloween horror
and fireworks night spectacular.
Ain't nothing wrong with going down, it's staying down
that's wrong, said a great man, and today the Bhoys came
back off the ropes to bloody some red, and blue, noses.
I was in the jungle much of my early teens right through
to the Fergus demolition and the advent of...Weemin in my
life...Fnar, fnar.
Full of mad bhoys venting, voicing, rebelling...
The board then didn't like us much, and plus ca change
today. The North Curve is basically that jungle, and the
jungle always had its say, regardless of the drier opinions
of others, regardless of perception of justified protest or
nuisance-making.
Ironically, my time in there began around 1984 and here
we are in proper Orwellian times right enough as people
are victimised for free speech and corporate entities
practice blatant denial and obfuscation while the world
burns.
You don't have to like the stories or the songs, but
you have to Let The People Sing.
Until the last rhebel...
Go Away Now
Sandman
"Freedom is the freedom to say that two plus two make
four."
- George Orwell.
ROXIE - 6/10
With a lack of atmosphere due to, you know - 'reasons' -
Joe passed the time wandering around his empty area with
'Only The Lonely' playing in his ear pods.
Called into action just the once in the second half
when a lone Travelling Willbury made it into our box for
a flick attempt, he dealt with it in his usual smart
manner (see what I did there, Roy Orbison fans?)...
GREGGS THE BAKER - 6/10
Steady as she goes - Greggs putting in yet another
90 minutes of composed competence; nothing flash or
too adventurous as he kept the left flank secure and
let the flair run riot up ahead.
WAYNE GRETZKY - 6/10
As with his counterpoint on the left, AJ was solid
and contained; no reason to bust a gut with Ying
and his magical mesmerising slippers occupyng the
forward berth. Just as well, because on his one
late foray towards their box his shot hit the
passing London Road bus.
OF JUSTICE - 6.5/10
'I remember them...'
Just a year ago he was on the wrong end of this
type of hiding. But he's not been one for hiding...
He's played his way into the Celtic first eleven and
is holding onto it like it was a hundred Bitcoin he'd
bought in 2012 for a dollar.
Alertness and precision passing meant no favours
were dished to the lads he enjoyed a good few nights
with up at Shearer McSheepy's Woolly Farm Funhouse.
GET CARTER - 7/10
His committment is second to none - exemplified by
the 'Baws For The Cause' sacrifice. Once The Rock
gets new rocks he'll be as complete as his overall
game was today.
THE ALLFATHER - 6/10
I like this kid - plenty energy and touch; slow
to get into things today as his given role was
to squeeze between lines tighter than a dubious
offside decision in favour of the Huns.
Brought a fine save out of the keeper but was
replaced early; his best perfromances have been
when introduced later in games to add zip.
CALMAC - 6.5/10
Motoring as usual against the Dons - complete
domination of the first 20 yards of the oppostion
half for the entire opening period allowed him
to orchestrate incessant pressure. Well-deserved
rest when the win was secure.
THE BUILDER - 8/10
Back with a bang; a ganbang - multiple penetration
of their stout defence in a dazzling display of flick,
slip, scoop, and sizzling passing. 2 assists and
countless breathtaking involvements; how he didn't
get MOTM is fucking beyond me.
Hang on.. Yeah, it was my own call...
BRIAN DE - 8.5/10 MOTM
Gilded boots will turn you left, right, and inside out.
Fullback Devlin's swarthy Central American nightmare
came to life as if he had looked in the mirror last night
and muttered "Can ye man?" five times.
Aye, he can. Dipping, swerving, twisting, and that was
just his shoulders and hips. The ball did other things -
spinning and whipping its way to three assists and a
goal - a wonderfully ironic Tavpen pisstake as he
mimicked a run-up the Huns see 100 times a season, but
actually scored...
KILLER MUSHROOM - 7/10
"Is this a piece of your brain?"
At least now Kyogo will understand Fawlty Towers.
Disgusting Serbian Sunday League slamdown by rampaging
brain damaged Herman Munster, who's obviously practiced
plenty of them given he plays for Montenegro.
The nazi stormtrooper approach to that 'challenge' had
me all Amon-Goeth-on-a-balcony and reaching for the sniper
rifle until the wee mhan got up and managed to walk off.
Pray he's okay because that was a rabbit-punch (or more
fitting a 'donkey-puch' going by what delivered it...)
and a half, with a heid.
And who needs more than half-a-dozen touches in a game
to make your mark? A save and a goal - classic Kyogo.
YING - 7.5/10
Another headcase. Ying and Yang sure played out for him
today - lovely dazzling footwork to light up the first-half
and his first goal, with his head! Then he got headered
back and departed looking like the korean Tyson Fury.
Another kid who's moved halfway round the globe to realise
his dream; and this one may be a keeper after all (that's
not a new goalie reference, for all the 'we need a 10
million-bucks new keeper, now, please!' Playstation FIFA
virgins...).
SUBS -
OH BHOY - 7.5/10
Some doubt the bhoy's ability because he failed to come on
and destroy the Atletico Madrid defence single-handed with
zero service on a night when most of his remaining team mates
had already chucked it.
Yeeeess...
Well here he goes again, pesky Asian target man that he is,
annoying the 'hexperts' with two goals in ten minutes and
some partial vengeance on Salem's Lot's head vampire. Great.
TONIO IWATAO - N/A
Calmac's stunt man gets more gametime, but less than he
deserves.
EDDIE TURNBULL - 6/10
Slomo is a fictional drug in the brilliant action movie
'Dredd' that reduces perception of time by 100x. Same
effect we get when Eddie ambles on and ambles about.
And it seemed their goalie had been inhaling too as a
guileful reversed shot sneaked in to notch another
goalscoring contribution from a man in the summer Scales
camp of 'surplus to requirements'. Not so, it seems.
JAMESY - LOL/10
The windows in the Jock Stein hospitality are made
of reinforced plexi-glass supplied by a company
Jamesy owns shares in. Today's demonstration of their
protective qualities was supplied by the man himself
as they got rattled by The Flash's Space X launch.
DIEGO ARMANDO MARADONA - N/A
Ange's project brought in from the cold. Is The Shnake
thawing out towards the mercurial kid?
THE SHNAKE - 7.5/10
Changes made, mental re-invigoration was his main
task over the last four bruising days of Atletico aftershock.
He got that spot-on - minds were clear and focussed
and at it from the whistle and didn't let up for 100
minutes.
So he hits a fortnight break with a decent points lead,
pressure eased and time to assess injuries. Job done.
MIBBERY - 6.5/10
Brain transplants are not concussion injuries, apparently.
Still priapic from the lunchtime dodgy-penalty competition
in Livingston, Gollum and VAR colluded to spare their
reckless orc assassin a red because the ball just happened
to bounce of his titanium nut as he delivered it like a
warhead onto Kyogo's unsupecting cranium.
When asked afterwards what it would have taken to administer
proper justice to the Kurgan from Highlander due by the rules
of force and intent, Gollum told the press, "Only death."*
The scurrilous wee prick.
*I bet he would have.
OVERALL -8/10
Managed by the re-animated Bobby Robson, the zombified
Aberdeen 11 put out the lowest block since Fermer Shooie
McTavish got caught-out down on his knees in the dark
behind Fuckye the ram instead of Dolly the ewe.
We dismantled their resistance in jig-time to remind
the travelling support to record the latest re-runs of
Thingummyjig and campaign for Jack McLaughlin to
be their next manager.
Our reshaped Bhoys slotted together like the finest sprung
dancefloor and waltzed our way to a Heath Ledger Joker
special; 'Six...'
So we tied the week on aggregate with three injury-time
belters just to highlight the subs' qualities too and round
off a set of fixtures that proved both halloween horror
and fireworks night spectacular.
Ain't nothing wrong with going down, it's staying down
that's wrong, said a great man, and today the Bhoys came
back off the ropes to bloody some red, and blue, noses.
I was in the jungle much of my early teens right through
to the Fergus demolition and the advent of...Weemin in my
life...Fnar, fnar.
Full of mad bhoys venting, voicing, rebelling...
The board then didn't like us much, and plus ca change
today. The North Curve is basically that jungle, and the
jungle always had its say, regardless of the drier opinions
of others, regardless of perception of justified protest or
nuisance-making.
Ironically, my time in there began around 1984 and here
we are in proper Orwellian times right enough as people
are victimised for free speech and corporate entities
practice blatant denial and obfuscation while the world
burns.
You don't have to like the stories or the songs, but
you have to Let The People Sing.
Until the last rhebel...
Go Away Now
Sandman
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