Sandman
Well-known member
SANDMAN'S DEFINITIVE RATINGS: CELTIC v INTANGIBLES
"Cheating is a choice, not a mistake. Or even an honest one."
- Referees' Handbook. aka 'Book of the Dead of the Priest of
Horus, Imhotep (Imuthes) ca. 332–200 B.C'
ROXIE - 6.5/10
What's a girl to do? Not a save to make, yet two conceded.
No chance with either, flaked out by the Ghost Of Barca
swooping across him for the late equaliser. In between
disbelief and delight he was his usual motivational self.
DIEGO ARMANDO MARADONA - 6/10
Welcome to Scotland. Bet you didn't realise that butthurt
empire sympathisers are generational here - any handball
by an Argentine is severely punished, whether he was even
looking in its direction or aware or had it smashed against
his bicep at point blank range behind him from a skelly heider.
Adendum: Argentinain footballers will aslo be carded
for aforementioned mythical armball regardless of rules.
Wee fella did well to shake the absurdity and applied himself,
but he was a marked man and hooked rightly to give the MIB
blue baws.
GET CARTER - 6/10
Smashed his way through a tofu-munching hipster louche to
announce his return to fitness. Few lapses as he got a decent
test, yet proper ragin' at their second when every defenders'
nightmare played out - plenty time to read the danger as their
winger cut inside, but inability to snuff it. Frustrating.
BIG MERCEDES - 5.5/10
Fell into casual lapses as the game wore on; understandably lost
the midweek edge as opposition quality dipped dramatically but
when you do that, shifting back up through the mental gears
is a struggle. The warnig signs were there when he tried to trap
a high ball into our half, be clever turning inside, and lost it.
After that, United's lively front line had his number and he
was towing a caravan until the final whistle.
TONY THE TIGER - 6/10
A surprising fade from the Ralstonado too; tough shift first-half
- United got joy with nifty play down his flank.
As we got deep into the match, Tony's power came to the fore
but his touch was heavy and final ball didn't have the usual
potency.
Just one of those days but he battered through it, as ever.
EDDIE TURNBULL - 6/10
He's nearly convincing, then he's not. Ambled his ancient (deceased)
frame around the greenery looking like a sanguine topiarist. But
the finishing cut was absent.
Might have scored but for misfortune and the trademark check and
turn became a burden to Angeball rather than a useful tool to
unlock their packed defence. Expected more from him on a day made
for can-opening cultivators.
THE BUILDER - 7/10
Bit of a phenomenon now, just how this young viking legend came
out of nowhere and slotted into the captain's role when asked.
You probably read this and think, 'Well, of course - we're used
to seeing him there now.'
And that's the point - though Calmac's absence has been a gut-punch,
Matty's understudy role has been a triumph; Olivier stepping in for
Gielgud.
The kid has held the show together in the most extreme environments;
didn't crumble in the CL - indeed, nominated as a stand-out v RB by
the UEFA observer - and in the bread and butter scraps he's in there
with the knuckle-dusters on, refusing to give an inch.
Another who may have deserved a rest after taking on Tony 'Kamp
Kommandant' Kroos and the Magical Croatioan Elf, but youthful
exuberance saw him in the thick of it today, forcing the press,
maintaining the pressure, striving to get the win. Some Bhoy.
HAKUNA HATATE -6.5/10
"I'll run about the Bernabeu, then I'll run about the Brendanbeu" -
like that, Hun lurkers? Dry yer eyes...
Wee Reo doesn't stop either - digging and pinging and if not for CL
fatigue may have been the matchwinner. Certainly in all the right,
and tight, spots but final decisions appeared lagged by those heady
intense nights and he just was not quite exact at the right times.
HACK SACK - 7.5/10 MOTM
"I'm not 100% fit, honest."
"He's not 100% fit, honest..." - Ange.
Well, he's gonna be a treat when he's firing on all cylinders.
Days like these, games like these, you always - always - need
someone who'll step out of the malaise and find the way to goal.
Expected matchwinners toiled somewhat, and up Hacky stepped,
drifting in with natural guile, found the spaces, found the
goals. Priceless. Now go get fit...
SON OF JACKIE - 6/10
Eyes rolling as the ball just wouldn't. Typical that the mhan
most likely became the mhan most frustrated.
Denied by some decent keeping and some snatched impatience,
survived a disembowling attempt by a banjo-strumming hillbilly
with a bowl-cut by Blackadder Barbers, and always looked likely.
But his time ran out without a strike, and struck-out he was.
NOTEBOOK - 6.5/10
The comeback tour reached Glasgow from its showstopping Madrid
finale, and after a great first-half when he might have opened
the scoring, the stage was set for the Young Gun to go seal the
day.
But it looked like his legs were hampering his ambitions after
such a lay-off and he shaded out of the picture around the hour
mark. But a useful run-out.
SUBS -
GREGGS THE BAKER - 6.5/10
Birthday bhoy on to make it 3 goals in 3
league games. Went one better and saved the
jerseys with a fantastic goal-line clearance.
Gave us another 45 minutes of inverted nipple
ingenuity as he recovered from his Madrid
hangover and became instrumental in our attacking
surges.
KILLER MUSHROOM - 6.5/10
With the real Mr.Kobayashi on his way to dish
out the Soze discipline in January, about time
Kyogo got a new nomenclature for the sake of
his health.
Today, swapsies with Jackie again as we sought
a consistent finisher. And wouldn't you know it,
as one dips the other flips - flipped the lid off
the can with a glorious snapped header off the
K-Pop barnet and the gleeful frenzy began.
ABADASS - 6.5/10
Super Scooper! I feel a song coming on...
What an entrance/finish and celebration.
Nothing the kid loves more than nailing United
in injury time and doubling the joy in the stands.
LORD KATSUMOTO - N/A
"I did not touch it. If you dishonour me by declaring I
touched it with your preposterous VAR and therefore deduct
a goal, I will come to your minka tonight with my many-folded
samurai blade and disembowel you, only after taking the heads
of all your family, two-generations deep, while you watch."
So they didn't.
JAMESY - 6/10
"Just canny believe ah didny score..."
Connie McLaughlin - 'Well, you were so unlucky James; great
move and header but it just spun off the joint of post and bar."
(leans into mic) "Ah wisnae talkin' about that... Last night,
ah mean..."
Connie McLaughlin - 'Oh...'
(pauses. sniffs. raises brows) "Fancy it?"
ANITA DOBSON - 7.5/10
Good grief, they bemoan, he was right all those months ago.
They really don't stop, do they?
Laggard Huns and Hun hacks everywhere now gritting their teeth
and still insisting upon 'jammyness' are, like their institution,
an anachronism.
As the mantra goes, Ange instills the belief and the players,
they keep the faith. This was a victory for everything Angeball
stands for, and everything his detractors don't. Unto the death
we go, in pursuit of glory, Angeball to the max, snatching points
from pointlessness, and points make prizes.
And prizes make legends. And the big mhan's well on the way.
MIBBERY - 7.5/10
We know what you are.
We also know how goat-sick you are now.
And we love it.
Sleekit beyond measure, the scurrilous MIBs took the Madrid
debacle and applied it today soon as the chance presented itself.
By the time you read this you'll already have had your eyes and
ears saturated by SMSM obfuscation and the ludicrous suggestions
that their penalty decision was justified... Gaslighting Fc.
Stop laughing at the back. Only goats will be happy tonight as
the Hoops spared their ravishings with a real Hunspewer of a
climax.
We beat them again - everything they could throw at us: Bargain
Cunt the ref and Little Nicky on Wankavision.
Yes, we know what you are - filthy servile cheating Hun scum.
But you'll never take the Celtic.
Enjoy yer weekend...
OVERALL - 7.5/10
What sights we have to show you...
Grandstanding once more, these CL Hoopsters returned with a clang
to domesticity; just win us three before we watch Messi, we hoped...
And it all looked as good as usual until the baw-tap madness of
Hunnic shicanery took a red hand. The mental jolt looked to have
been overcome as we regained composure and the lead, but the signs
were there all second-half as we lacked a Cullen Bohannon to pull
the trigger (watch that brilliance if you haven't already).
Credit United for some eye-opening interplay down the wings at
times, not afraid to give it a go playing out from the back;
worried me that our legs might not carry us through without
conceding, and then it happened - a tired goal to lose and a real
body-blow.
But... Aptly, we set off the fireworks at just the right time.
Ecstacy rebooted, and another swashbuckling win for the relentless
brigade of rebel-rousers who won't switch-off until the lights are.
Don't get used to this - it's a cherished joy watching this team
click, and witnessing a masterplan in the making to take us beyond
the boundaries of league, expectation, fiscal constraint... And
of course, opressive Hun mentality. GIRUY COYBIG.
Go Away Now
Sandman
"Cheating is a choice, not a mistake. Or even an honest one."
- Referees' Handbook. aka 'Book of the Dead of the Priest of
Horus, Imhotep (Imuthes) ca. 332–200 B.C'
ROXIE - 6.5/10
What's a girl to do? Not a save to make, yet two conceded.
No chance with either, flaked out by the Ghost Of Barca
swooping across him for the late equaliser. In between
disbelief and delight he was his usual motivational self.
DIEGO ARMANDO MARADONA - 6/10
Welcome to Scotland. Bet you didn't realise that butthurt
empire sympathisers are generational here - any handball
by an Argentine is severely punished, whether he was even
looking in its direction or aware or had it smashed against
his bicep at point blank range behind him from a skelly heider.
Adendum: Argentinain footballers will aslo be carded
for aforementioned mythical armball regardless of rules.
Wee fella did well to shake the absurdity and applied himself,
but he was a marked man and hooked rightly to give the MIB
blue baws.
GET CARTER - 6/10
Smashed his way through a tofu-munching hipster louche to
announce his return to fitness. Few lapses as he got a decent
test, yet proper ragin' at their second when every defenders'
nightmare played out - plenty time to read the danger as their
winger cut inside, but inability to snuff it. Frustrating.
BIG MERCEDES - 5.5/10
Fell into casual lapses as the game wore on; understandably lost
the midweek edge as opposition quality dipped dramatically but
when you do that, shifting back up through the mental gears
is a struggle. The warnig signs were there when he tried to trap
a high ball into our half, be clever turning inside, and lost it.
After that, United's lively front line had his number and he
was towing a caravan until the final whistle.
TONY THE TIGER - 6/10
A surprising fade from the Ralstonado too; tough shift first-half
- United got joy with nifty play down his flank.
As we got deep into the match, Tony's power came to the fore
but his touch was heavy and final ball didn't have the usual
potency.
Just one of those days but he battered through it, as ever.
EDDIE TURNBULL - 6/10
He's nearly convincing, then he's not. Ambled his ancient (deceased)
frame around the greenery looking like a sanguine topiarist. But
the finishing cut was absent.
Might have scored but for misfortune and the trademark check and
turn became a burden to Angeball rather than a useful tool to
unlock their packed defence. Expected more from him on a day made
for can-opening cultivators.
THE BUILDER - 7/10
Bit of a phenomenon now, just how this young viking legend came
out of nowhere and slotted into the captain's role when asked.
You probably read this and think, 'Well, of course - we're used
to seeing him there now.'
And that's the point - though Calmac's absence has been a gut-punch,
Matty's understudy role has been a triumph; Olivier stepping in for
Gielgud.
The kid has held the show together in the most extreme environments;
didn't crumble in the CL - indeed, nominated as a stand-out v RB by
the UEFA observer - and in the bread and butter scraps he's in there
with the knuckle-dusters on, refusing to give an inch.
Another who may have deserved a rest after taking on Tony 'Kamp
Kommandant' Kroos and the Magical Croatioan Elf, but youthful
exuberance saw him in the thick of it today, forcing the press,
maintaining the pressure, striving to get the win. Some Bhoy.
HAKUNA HATATE -6.5/10
"I'll run about the Bernabeu, then I'll run about the Brendanbeu" -
like that, Hun lurkers? Dry yer eyes...
Wee Reo doesn't stop either - digging and pinging and if not for CL
fatigue may have been the matchwinner. Certainly in all the right,
and tight, spots but final decisions appeared lagged by those heady
intense nights and he just was not quite exact at the right times.
HACK SACK - 7.5/10 MOTM
"I'm not 100% fit, honest."
"He's not 100% fit, honest..." - Ange.
Well, he's gonna be a treat when he's firing on all cylinders.
Days like these, games like these, you always - always - need
someone who'll step out of the malaise and find the way to goal.
Expected matchwinners toiled somewhat, and up Hacky stepped,
drifting in with natural guile, found the spaces, found the
goals. Priceless. Now go get fit...
SON OF JACKIE - 6/10
Eyes rolling as the ball just wouldn't. Typical that the mhan
most likely became the mhan most frustrated.
Denied by some decent keeping and some snatched impatience,
survived a disembowling attempt by a banjo-strumming hillbilly
with a bowl-cut by Blackadder Barbers, and always looked likely.
But his time ran out without a strike, and struck-out he was.
NOTEBOOK - 6.5/10
The comeback tour reached Glasgow from its showstopping Madrid
finale, and after a great first-half when he might have opened
the scoring, the stage was set for the Young Gun to go seal the
day.
But it looked like his legs were hampering his ambitions after
such a lay-off and he shaded out of the picture around the hour
mark. But a useful run-out.
SUBS -
GREGGS THE BAKER - 6.5/10
Birthday bhoy on to make it 3 goals in 3
league games. Went one better and saved the
jerseys with a fantastic goal-line clearance.
Gave us another 45 minutes of inverted nipple
ingenuity as he recovered from his Madrid
hangover and became instrumental in our attacking
surges.
KILLER MUSHROOM - 6.5/10
With the real Mr.Kobayashi on his way to dish
out the Soze discipline in January, about time
Kyogo got a new nomenclature for the sake of
his health.
Today, swapsies with Jackie again as we sought
a consistent finisher. And wouldn't you know it,
as one dips the other flips - flipped the lid off
the can with a glorious snapped header off the
K-Pop barnet and the gleeful frenzy began.
ABADASS - 6.5/10
Super Scooper! I feel a song coming on...
What an entrance/finish and celebration.
Nothing the kid loves more than nailing United
in injury time and doubling the joy in the stands.
LORD KATSUMOTO - N/A
"I did not touch it. If you dishonour me by declaring I
touched it with your preposterous VAR and therefore deduct
a goal, I will come to your minka tonight with my many-folded
samurai blade and disembowel you, only after taking the heads
of all your family, two-generations deep, while you watch."
So they didn't.
JAMESY - 6/10
"Just canny believe ah didny score..."
Connie McLaughlin - 'Well, you were so unlucky James; great
move and header but it just spun off the joint of post and bar."
(leans into mic) "Ah wisnae talkin' about that... Last night,
ah mean..."
Connie McLaughlin - 'Oh...'
(pauses. sniffs. raises brows) "Fancy it?"
ANITA DOBSON - 7.5/10
Good grief, they bemoan, he was right all those months ago.
They really don't stop, do they?
Laggard Huns and Hun hacks everywhere now gritting their teeth
and still insisting upon 'jammyness' are, like their institution,
an anachronism.
As the mantra goes, Ange instills the belief and the players,
they keep the faith. This was a victory for everything Angeball
stands for, and everything his detractors don't. Unto the death
we go, in pursuit of glory, Angeball to the max, snatching points
from pointlessness, and points make prizes.
And prizes make legends. And the big mhan's well on the way.
MIBBERY - 7.5/10
We know what you are.
We also know how goat-sick you are now.
And we love it.
Sleekit beyond measure, the scurrilous MIBs took the Madrid
debacle and applied it today soon as the chance presented itself.
By the time you read this you'll already have had your eyes and
ears saturated by SMSM obfuscation and the ludicrous suggestions
that their penalty decision was justified... Gaslighting Fc.
Stop laughing at the back. Only goats will be happy tonight as
the Hoops spared their ravishings with a real Hunspewer of a
climax.
We beat them again - everything they could throw at us: Bargain
Cunt the ref and Little Nicky on Wankavision.
Yes, we know what you are - filthy servile cheating Hun scum.
But you'll never take the Celtic.
Enjoy yer weekend...
OVERALL - 7.5/10
What sights we have to show you...
Grandstanding once more, these CL Hoopsters returned with a clang
to domesticity; just win us three before we watch Messi, we hoped...
And it all looked as good as usual until the baw-tap madness of
Hunnic shicanery took a red hand. The mental jolt looked to have
been overcome as we regained composure and the lead, but the signs
were there all second-half as we lacked a Cullen Bohannon to pull
the trigger (watch that brilliance if you haven't already).
Credit United for some eye-opening interplay down the wings at
times, not afraid to give it a go playing out from the back;
worried me that our legs might not carry us through without
conceding, and then it happened - a tired goal to lose and a real
body-blow.
But... Aptly, we set off the fireworks at just the right time.
Ecstacy rebooted, and another swashbuckling win for the relentless
brigade of rebel-rousers who won't switch-off until the lights are.
Don't get used to this - it's a cherished joy watching this team
click, and witnessing a masterplan in the making to take us beyond
the boundaries of league, expectation, fiscal constraint... And
of course, opressive Hun mentality. GIRUY COYBIG.
Go Away Now
Sandman
