Sandman
Well-known member
SANDMAN’S DEFINITIVE RA(N)TINGS: CELTS v BABYLONIANS
‘The Airdrieonains were an ancient kulchure seeded from pre-history by visiting aliens who would interbreed with locals.
Many archeological sites of interest exist across the township of Airdrie, like Lidls – constructed on the ruins of an Airdrieonian pyramid/spacecraft landing pad, or B&M – built over a sacrificial burial ground, which only went out of use circa 2012, when the Huns died and the townsfolk lost faith in their Mesopotamian dark Gods.”
Ancient Aliens – Discovery Channel, season 7 episode 11.
‘Aye, ahm ur a right f#ckin Hun, like, ya c###. Whit made ye hink that?’
Hutton, Airdrieonian goaltender/gurning ned.
‘Huns in financial trouble again? Oh dear, how sad ,never mind.”
Windsor Davies. RIP.
BANE – 9/10
‘Whit did he no catch it fur?’ asked the jakey near me in the pub, with a snigger. Not content with thwarting Batman our cup goalie makes a ‘Save by Stan Lee’ combination of approximately 67 point-blank stops which should have come captioned by comic-book BLAM!s and KERPOW!s. You had to read back three panels to see if he actually did get a hand to the first one.
He did, miraculously. Marvel movie franchise to follow.
RALSTON – 8/10
We have a keen tiger at right-back, staking his claim. Nearly scored in the first minute, used our superiority to constantly exploit the space and found himself whipping in great crosses and deadly cutbacks every five minutes. Bodes well.
IZZY – 6/10
Touch seemed a million miles off initially and his perma-confused expression makes you wonder if he’s not sure this is reality or a peyote-infused trip. But always gives it up for the jersey, won the penalty – delayed drop, yes, but only after some wraith scythed at his calf.
BOYATA – 7/10
What ye still daein here? The Calamity finds himself still in the Hoops rather than on a plane to anywhere that’ll stump up a few sheckles for him.
Under no pressure, but it’s frightening the amount of ball we play through him. Surely there’s a tweak to the system that by-passes the need for Dedryck to be main instigator? Or drop in a comfortable defensive mid beside him at the expense of a centre-back domestically; Someone who has a Dedryck Alarm that causes Broony to bellow ‘Get the fuck away fae it!” when Boyata’s within a five yard proximity.
BENNY KOVIC – 7/10
Kojak’s imaginary sidekick turned in his usual competent performance, assured and classy, belying his age; please stay. Just… gonny stay?
CALMAC – 7/10
Tidy, neat, sharp and alert – looks like he’s tuning up to spark us to glory; that is a good thing.
BROON – 8/10
Biting, winning, leading. Never a foot wrong, cleaning up in the mid, not taking the bait from agitated young Huns snapping at his heels.
Resisted the temptation to lamp a few, particularly their keeper, which should mean he gets his temperament bonus – awarded for restraint in the face of unspeakable neddery.
CHRISTIE – 6/10
Unusually ineffective – kept running up blind alleys, hitting brick walls. Could argue Airdrie marshalled him well and denied him space.
Kept at it as always but found no luck even when we broke clear/got in behind them. Not his day.
FORREST – 6/10
See above. Another handled well by ruffians in sinister diamond sashes. But his attentions stifled meant space for young Ralston to maraud.
SINCLAIR – 8/10
Absolutely shite and absolutely brilliant. Miss of the season, then take-two tapped in with consumate calm. Underhit pen saved well by horror in royal blue. Sharp as a tack to get his hat-trick only to be denied by CHEAT with flag – another Hun for the MIB list; galvanised by Slippy G’s financial train-wreck, they all think they can stick it to the Tims with no consequences.
Sincy’s only lapse of cool was not to stand over the fanny in nets after his tap-in and giggle; Guaranteed sending-off. You can’t beat ripping it out of those excitable Hun millennials and their new-found entitlement.
BURKE – 6/10
Nahp. Can’t see the point. Boy looked rusty but willing. Moved well enough, eventually got more into it with some nice lay-offs. BUT… the point of him?
Perhaps this is a philosophical teaser posed by the board to stimulate the support into discussing Meinongian purpose? He’s surely just here to fill the gaps in and we’re surely not in the business of training up West Brom players to match fitness for them at the expense of hungry Celtic youngsters? Surely?
Surely…
SUBS:
Biton – N/A
Good to see the big guy back. I’m an advocate of playing him as a centre-back/defensive mid, particularly in domestic games when opposition bus-park.
He’s got tremendous passing ability, would fit into a flexible midfield 5 of Broon, Calmac, Biton, perm any two others, and allow us to go 2 up front by dropping in as part-time centre-half when required.
Weah – 8/10
Jeez, bhoy was a surprise to many. Guess who’s been playing with Neymar/Mbappe/Cavani? Class showed in his goalscoring cameo – GLIDES across the surface like a Kestrel on laudanum; going to be an exciting 18 months of this bhoy’s tenure if his start is a measure.
Incredible enthusiasm for the contest on a dreich evening – right there, the example to all kids hoping to cut it; play like it was yer first game with the big bhoys in the park.
Facilitating Timo up front in tandem with Eddie/Bayo MUST be BR’s future priority – never mind containing opposition – BLITZ them first.
Shame for the ears of the citizens of Liberia, however, as big George lines up 21 tanks for a salute every time his bhoy scores a goal.
Mikey J – N/A
Not enough time for an impact. Did howver, manage to raise the overall on-field average for good looks, not easy given the sheer heroin-chic ugliness of many opposing him.
BR – 7/10
Job done. -1 for playing Dedryck. -1 for playing Burke over Mikey J, etc, etc. -1 for holding back the subs too long. Get us into a 3-5-2 for domestic pish; see big Nir proposition above.
OVERALL – 7/10
Got what we wanted and more – a workout, a bit of a scare right on half-time, a great cameo by young superstar in the making, a great bit of goalkeeping by reformed supervillain, drama via Sonic the hedgehog’s polarisation at the other end, and a panto Hun baddie goonball in nets for the Kulchur Klub.
Crowd created a really good atmosphere despite the lag, the frustrating start, the level of opposition and the weather.
As has been commented on by you and many others – pitch looks a total state. There must be a farmer up near Pedro’s mansion with a bare coo field rubbing his hands. £1.5 million? Ye can get a more than decent heated driveway for that…
To sum up – TRIPLE REBEL TREBLE still on.
‘The Airdrieonains were an ancient kulchure seeded from pre-history by visiting aliens who would interbreed with locals.
Many archeological sites of interest exist across the township of Airdrie, like Lidls – constructed on the ruins of an Airdrieonian pyramid/spacecraft landing pad, or B&M – built over a sacrificial burial ground, which only went out of use circa 2012, when the Huns died and the townsfolk lost faith in their Mesopotamian dark Gods.”
Ancient Aliens – Discovery Channel, season 7 episode 11.
‘Aye, ahm ur a right f#ckin Hun, like, ya c###. Whit made ye hink that?’
Hutton, Airdrieonian goaltender/gurning ned.
‘Huns in financial trouble again? Oh dear, how sad ,never mind.”
Windsor Davies. RIP.
BANE – 9/10
‘Whit did he no catch it fur?’ asked the jakey near me in the pub, with a snigger. Not content with thwarting Batman our cup goalie makes a ‘Save by Stan Lee’ combination of approximately 67 point-blank stops which should have come captioned by comic-book BLAM!s and KERPOW!s. You had to read back three panels to see if he actually did get a hand to the first one.
He did, miraculously. Marvel movie franchise to follow.
RALSTON – 8/10
We have a keen tiger at right-back, staking his claim. Nearly scored in the first minute, used our superiority to constantly exploit the space and found himself whipping in great crosses and deadly cutbacks every five minutes. Bodes well.
IZZY – 6/10
Touch seemed a million miles off initially and his perma-confused expression makes you wonder if he’s not sure this is reality or a peyote-infused trip. But always gives it up for the jersey, won the penalty – delayed drop, yes, but only after some wraith scythed at his calf.
BOYATA – 7/10
What ye still daein here? The Calamity finds himself still in the Hoops rather than on a plane to anywhere that’ll stump up a few sheckles for him.
Under no pressure, but it’s frightening the amount of ball we play through him. Surely there’s a tweak to the system that by-passes the need for Dedryck to be main instigator? Or drop in a comfortable defensive mid beside him at the expense of a centre-back domestically; Someone who has a Dedryck Alarm that causes Broony to bellow ‘Get the fuck away fae it!” when Boyata’s within a five yard proximity.
BENNY KOVIC – 7/10
Kojak’s imaginary sidekick turned in his usual competent performance, assured and classy, belying his age; please stay. Just… gonny stay?
CALMAC – 7/10
Tidy, neat, sharp and alert – looks like he’s tuning up to spark us to glory; that is a good thing.
BROON – 8/10
Biting, winning, leading. Never a foot wrong, cleaning up in the mid, not taking the bait from agitated young Huns snapping at his heels.
Resisted the temptation to lamp a few, particularly their keeper, which should mean he gets his temperament bonus – awarded for restraint in the face of unspeakable neddery.
CHRISTIE – 6/10
Unusually ineffective – kept running up blind alleys, hitting brick walls. Could argue Airdrie marshalled him well and denied him space.
Kept at it as always but found no luck even when we broke clear/got in behind them. Not his day.
FORREST – 6/10
See above. Another handled well by ruffians in sinister diamond sashes. But his attentions stifled meant space for young Ralston to maraud.
SINCLAIR – 8/10
Absolutely shite and absolutely brilliant. Miss of the season, then take-two tapped in with consumate calm. Underhit pen saved well by horror in royal blue. Sharp as a tack to get his hat-trick only to be denied by CHEAT with flag – another Hun for the MIB list; galvanised by Slippy G’s financial train-wreck, they all think they can stick it to the Tims with no consequences.
Sincy’s only lapse of cool was not to stand over the fanny in nets after his tap-in and giggle; Guaranteed sending-off. You can’t beat ripping it out of those excitable Hun millennials and their new-found entitlement.
BURKE – 6/10
Nahp. Can’t see the point. Boy looked rusty but willing. Moved well enough, eventually got more into it with some nice lay-offs. BUT… the point of him?
Perhaps this is a philosophical teaser posed by the board to stimulate the support into discussing Meinongian purpose? He’s surely just here to fill the gaps in and we’re surely not in the business of training up West Brom players to match fitness for them at the expense of hungry Celtic youngsters? Surely?
Surely…
SUBS:
Biton – N/A
Good to see the big guy back. I’m an advocate of playing him as a centre-back/defensive mid, particularly in domestic games when opposition bus-park.
He’s got tremendous passing ability, would fit into a flexible midfield 5 of Broon, Calmac, Biton, perm any two others, and allow us to go 2 up front by dropping in as part-time centre-half when required.
Weah – 8/10
Jeez, bhoy was a surprise to many. Guess who’s been playing with Neymar/Mbappe/Cavani? Class showed in his goalscoring cameo – GLIDES across the surface like a Kestrel on laudanum; going to be an exciting 18 months of this bhoy’s tenure if his start is a measure.
Incredible enthusiasm for the contest on a dreich evening – right there, the example to all kids hoping to cut it; play like it was yer first game with the big bhoys in the park.
Facilitating Timo up front in tandem with Eddie/Bayo MUST be BR’s future priority – never mind containing opposition – BLITZ them first.
Shame for the ears of the citizens of Liberia, however, as big George lines up 21 tanks for a salute every time his bhoy scores a goal.
Mikey J – N/A
Not enough time for an impact. Did howver, manage to raise the overall on-field average for good looks, not easy given the sheer heroin-chic ugliness of many opposing him.
BR – 7/10
Job done. -1 for playing Dedryck. -1 for playing Burke over Mikey J, etc, etc. -1 for holding back the subs too long. Get us into a 3-5-2 for domestic pish; see big Nir proposition above.
OVERALL – 7/10
Got what we wanted and more – a workout, a bit of a scare right on half-time, a great cameo by young superstar in the making, a great bit of goalkeeping by reformed supervillain, drama via Sonic the hedgehog’s polarisation at the other end, and a panto Hun baddie goonball in nets for the Kulchur Klub.
Crowd created a really good atmosphere despite the lag, the frustrating start, the level of opposition and the weather.
As has been commented on by you and many others – pitch looks a total state. There must be a farmer up near Pedro’s mansion with a bare coo field rubbing his hands. £1.5 million? Ye can get a more than decent heated driveway for that…
To sum up – TRIPLE REBEL TREBLE still on.