ha ha ha,
Does that mean theres another potential promotion for me?
Can I have ....let me see........the job of ....ahem.....'arse-kicker in chief' to the Cabinet....when they fall from grace and need a swift one ...Ive got a couple of steel toe cappers I used to use, when I went to the hell hole......... in case, sort of, could have needed, them, ....method.
when the dump once existed...
...He...Salmond, might get cleared yet........
cheers mate.
One day bout 9 years ago I was working as a doorman at Gates of Perth Race Course duringa big meeting on a sweltering hot day.
Gates were shut and I was having my break. Place was full to the Gunnels and thousands of people were being truned back at the gates.
A bloke with two woman turned up totally burst and flashed a Scotish National Party badge and claimed he was here from the government to inspect the health and Safety of the venue.
I wouldnt let him in.
So he demanded that I call for the head of security for the Uk race courses. So i radioed to control and explained the guy was burst and clearly at the madame.
They said let him in but hold him at the gate till the head of security for UK racecourses come.
So i let them in, but he refused to wait for the head of security. So i followed them around and radioing the control. They told me that head of security was on route and to keep following the dude and the two women.
They walked into the first big booze tent and just ordered lots of booze.
Then the dude started giving me abuse along the jobsworth lines.
Finally the big security chief arrived ina jeep and the bloke was refsuing to show the credentials he flashed at gate. The two chciks ran off into the crowd but the dude was brust and the head of security told me to grab him.
I put him in a hammer lock but wasnt rough. But the dude started screeming as if he was being beaten up and kept slumping towards the ground.
I was told to escort him off the property.
So I did the doorman thing and got him to the gates but all the while he squealing "you dont know who I am your finished"
I got to the gate and the police turned up.
He was claiming brutality.
So it became a police matter.
I explained the situation.
The cops were talking to him and he flashed this government badge. They radioed somebody and then came and said Your being charged with trying to break this mans arm.
I said hold on a minute I havent tried to break his arm at all. And I had to call for the head of Security.
He turned up at the gates, me in hand cuffs. when it turned out he was the personal secretary of Alex Salmond, this UK race course security man explained he had refused to hand over his card for inspection and was clearly drunk and holding a pint in tent and clearly not here for inspection but just using his card to enter a full event, the cops went back to the dude. then came back and said he isnt pressing charges this time.
I was reprimanded for using a hammer lock. I explained The dude refused to leave and i was using reasonbable force to escort him out.
And they truned round and point bank said we beleive you but he is who he claims to be and his pass lets him in the gates and well its easier to deal with you than go down the route with him. So if you drop this we wont charge you?
I said look i cant beleive im hearing this nonsense. Im here doing my job. I have no beef witrh the dude for chancing his arm. I didnt huirt him, i wouldnt even have put my arms on him if he just left. I was instructed by the head of security to remove hiom from the venue. And depsite the fact there are no witnesses to his flase claims and his fraudulent use of his credentials you are telling me Im lucky im not getting charged?
Gotta be joking man.
The older cop said look are you gonna cause us problems big man. This is the personal secretary of First minister. You dont have a leg to stand on here and we could quite easily be his witness against you.
The head of security just buggered off and this dude was standing there laughing at me.
Im usually a mellow chap. But I was boiling inside but said thats fine. Then the dude just walked in and the cops gave me a stare like just let it pass.
And i thought you know what I wont be voting SNP anytime soon. Duude just wandered staright into the bar tent and cops gave me the look of some people are people pal. suck it up.
Radioed the control and they said it cool let him in his pass is valid.
And i leanred a valuable lesson that day.
Dont work at Perth race course ever again.
Hahahaha.
