Have you any funny Celtic related stories to tell?

Imatim

Imatim

Well-known member
One I remember was a midweek game back in the day just before Big Jock took over.

It was against Dundee in a midweek game and Alan Gilzean scored 2 goals if memory serves me well and Dundee won the game 2 nil I think it was.

Anyway to the funny part, (well I thought it funny at the time)......it was in the second half and it was fairly obvious we were going to get beat and this guy shouts out quite loud "never mind, Jock Stein will be taking over shortly"........to which this other guy replies back in a really sarcastic tone " Jock Stein!!! feckin Frankenstein wouldn't touch these no hoping bassas"

I guess you had to be there.....and little did we know what was to come.
 
My mates a taxi driver.

He had a hire going to Celtic park one night years ago.

My mate asked if the dude was going to a function.
Reply was it is function- something to do with meeting some of the lisbon Lions.

My mate who is big Celtic fan got big jealous and said he wishes he could have went would have been a nice to meet some of the players who won the big trophy and shake their hands.

Told the passenger a few of his favourite Celtic stories memories.

The passenger said my favourite memory was actually being at the game in Lisbon.

Wow that must of been awesome.

Arriving at Celtic park the passenger put his hand in the window to shake his hand and said well I loved your stories, heres a new one to tell people. You did get chance to shake a Lisbon lion hand tonight and my favourite memory of football was scoring the winning Goal to win the cup. Im Stevie Chalmers with a wry smile.

And to tell the truth I probably wouldn't know him if he passed me in the street to this day. But I wish I could shake his hand if I did ever meet him.
 
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My ould da was Celtic mad but couldn't get a ticket for the New Year's day match v rangers on one particular occasion. At the usual family hogmany get together he proceeded to get my uncle, his brother-in-law well and truly plastered on the whisky. This uncle wasn't teetotal but wasn't a big drinker usually and of course he was too ill with a hangover to go to the football so gave my da his ticket. Although he enjoyed the match, he always felt guilty about making my uncle so ill that he couldn't get out of bed for 3 days. HH
 
TET said:
My mates a taxi driver.

He had a hire going to Celtic park one night years ago.

My mate asked if the dude was going to a function.
Reply was it is function- something to do with meeting some of the lisbon Lions.

My mate who is big Celtic fan got big jealous and said he wishes he could have went would have been a nice to meet some of the players who won the big trophy and shake their hands.

Told the passenger a few of his favourite Celtic stories memories.

The passenger said my favourite memory was actually being at the game in Lisbon.

Wow that must of been awesome.

Arriving at Celtic park the passenger put his hand in the window to shake his hand and said well I loved your stories, heres a new one to tell people. You did get chance to shake a Lisbon lion hand tonight and my favourite memory of football was scoring the winning Goal to win the cup. Im Stevie Chalmers with a wry smile.

And to tell the truth I probably wouldn't know him if he passed me in the street to this day. But I wish I could shake his hand if I did ever meet him.
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My lasting memory of Stevie was at Kilsyth St Pats sports day. Queued up for ages with my dad to get a picture taken (black & white!) on the steps of the wee pavilion (think it was just changing rooms) with Stevie and me holding the Glasgow Cup. He must have been there for hours and was a complete gentleman. Hard to imagine that sort of thing happening today.
I was walking on air for weeks!!!
 
BillericayBhoy said:
My lasting memory of Stevie was at Kilsyth St Pats sports day. Queued up for ages with my dad to get a picture taken (black & white!) on the steps of the wee pavilion (think it was just changing rooms) with Stevie and me holding the Glasgow Cup. He must have been there for hours and was a complete gentleman. Hard to imagine that sort of thing happening today.
I was walking on air for weeks!!!
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He would probably be on 500k per week playing with Man Utd if he had the time machine. Just shows how badly broken modern game is actually when a player of his quality is unlikely to affordable for Celtic with the amount of fans they have world wide.

Really sad that Satellite TV can destroy the game in countries it is adored by subsidising certain leagues. I an only imagine how bad it feels to support a small team in Scotland knowing you can never really hope for miracles. If Celtic can't really afford half decent players then the standard all the way down gets lower and lower and lower.

Somehow the beautiful game losing its beauty. Turning into a farce. Some of the English teams in championship have higher earning than Celtic with 10k fans per game.

And just to have a player like Jinky these days would cost about 1 million per week wages.

Nuts. Some of the guys playing at biggest clubs in world couldn't lace wee Jinky's boots but cost the price of a hospital????
 
Totally agree, satellite tv is killing the game, making the rich teams richer and the poor teams poorer. I feel there could be a massive change coming down the tracks with our kids generation moving towards streaming etc. and not buying the sports packages. Roll on the day when the big leagues lose this subsidy and the playing field levels.
You may say I’m a dreamer................lol.
 
On the plus side it means that English can plunder talent all over the world, thereby taking less talent from Scotland. Which should mean more opportunities for home grown talents. In the longer term it will hit England as their academies are filled with foreign kids meaning fewer and fewer English kids coming through. But I long for the day Sky and BT decide to pay 50% of the fees because they have no competition
 
No very funny but me and my pal dogged the school cause he wanted to see a goalkeeper Celtic were trialling,as I come from near barrowfield,we where creepin about those big like earthworks round it when big Jock spots us and gives us dogs abuse,big Billy was trying to calm him down.....me and my pal got off our marks...if you read this Bru all the best pal!!
 
Carfin said:
I took my wife to the Celtic V Liverpool UEFA Cup tie that ended 2-2 back in the late 90’s.

We were sitting in the Main Stand and she’s looking across at the new North Stand floodlights and says “Those lights are awfy bright. Will they turn them off when the game starts?”

:D
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HA HA HA a belter ;-)
 
My mate took his wife to a game, years ago
Full house at Celtic Park and the crowd was in full song
At half time she turns to him and says:
"I didn't know they played football in Sri Lanka...that's nice..."
His face must have been a picture: "Whit ?"
Her: "Well, the crowd on the other side of the field, were shouting at the referee, apparently, he's from Sri Lanka"
He said: "FFS !! They're shouting "Away ye go ya wanker !!"
 
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A few years back I took my daughters to a league cup match at Parkhead v Hearts

We were in the family section MainStand front east

A guy a few seats along came out with an expletive and an old fella next to him said 'excuse me We don't swear in this section''

A few minutes later Charlie Mulgrew was fouled directly in front of where we were sitting right at the touchline and we clearly heard him cry 'AH YA BASTART' '!!!

The guy who had been berated by the old fella shouted to Mulgrew 'Charlie Charlie ye canny swear in this section'

BRILLIANT The old fella kinda melted under his seat ???

HH?
 
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BILLCOWIE1958 said:
A few years back I took my daughters to a league cup match at Parkhead v Hearts

We were in the family section MainStand front east

A guy a few seats along came out with an expletive and an old fella next to him said 'excuse me We don't swear in this section''

A few minutes later Charlie Mulgrew was fouled directly in front of where we were sitting right at the touchline and we clearly heard him cry 'AH YA BASTART' '!!!

The guy who had been berated by the old fella shouted to Mulgrew 'Charlie Charlie ye canny swear in this section'

BRILLIANT The old fella kinda melted under his seat ???

HH?
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Ha, Belter
 
Story goes that on Scotland duty, Bobby Lennox, on the way back from Wembley after beating England right after they won the World Cup, the team bus was rocking and they stopped and loaded booze onboard to celebrate
The songs were going well, everybody was in great spirits when Slim Jim Baxter shouts to the wee man: "Hey Bobby you're a good chanter...gie's a song...'
Bobby says: "Whit ye want me tae sing?"
"Give us the sash Bobby"
Bobby starts "It was bright and it was beautiful...DAH DAH DAH DAH DAH..."
Big Baxter shouts "Aw Bobby, dae ye not know the words...?"
Bobby L: "Naw, we've usually scored by that time..."
The bus went into uproar laughing...
 
I was about 17 and was working in Paisley on the Saturday of an O/F game
Left work at noon and headef for Gilmour Street station, traffic jam held the bus up and so I jumped off and ran a few blocks to make the 'Supporters' special which was coming from Gourock and only made about 3 stops before Glasgow Central
There were two trains, about 20 minutes apart on the schedule, one Ranegrs, one Celtic,
As I get to the station, I hear a train thundering in overhead, I sprint upstairs, because I think it's the Celtic supporters special and just before the edoors closed, I ran across the platform and jumped into the train, taking the first 'single' seat ,which faced across the carriage instead of the 'back to front facing 'seats
"Whew' made it, then I look around (FUCK!!) a sea of red, white & blue, net my gaze
Had my scarf packed tightly in my pocket as in those days you stood a good chance of getting a kicking in the street, if you ran into the wrong crowd
The doors shut and the train takes off, net stop Glasgiw Central, then the singsong started up...booze fueled 'party songs' about Fenians, the Pope and all the usual wee swearies
About ten minutes into this 'Journey from Hell' the guy (pissed of course) sitting to my left tunrs round and shouts "HAW !! How come you're naw singing...!!"
I looked around and the train was staring at me...I then rolled my head to the side and drooled a wee bit then went: "Whaugh !! My best severely 'challenged' impersonation...and then laughed like an idiot...head rolling again...
The guy sitting beside the drunken cro magnon imbecile, slapped his head and said "Lay the boy alaine...he's naw right !!"
They went back to their songs and you could not have squeezed your credit card, between the cheeks of my arse, all the way to the Central
Train rolled in, I'm up on my feet at the door, in order to be first off
As the doors open, I jump out and whipping my scarf out, I race up the platform, shouting "Get it up ye, ya Orange Bastards!!" (acceptable in those halcyon days)
The wee Jamaican guy at the barrier at platform 13, tried to stop me running "No running in the station !!!"
I hope he forgives me, as I shouldered him out of the way and was up on my toes all the way to Celtic Park (Parkhead as it used to be known)
That day, lives in my memory, I've recounted it more than a few times, to Celtic & Ranegrs pals alike
A good laugh, but I'm fortunate they were pissed and I didn't trip and fall, otherwise this story would never have been told, by yours truly
HAIL HAIL
 
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