Sandman
Well-known member
SANDMAN'S DEFINITIVE RATINGS: CELTIC @ GIEDI PRIME
"Pay attention to your enemies. For they are first to
discover your mistakes."
- Antisthenes
ROXIE - 7/10
Farewell tour of cesspits ends in the biggest football
swamp of all, the Klan Klubhouse. And though he conceded
3, the big fella claimed a beautiful assist within 20
seconds and saved the jerseys with a blinding double-footer
stop before half-time.
No chance with the second-half goals as the defence fell
back like the Huns' ancestors down the evolutionary ladder
until all that was left between basic survival and oblivion
was Joe's presence; we made it, just.
GREGGS THE BAKER - 6/10
"Shut yer holes, fatboys!" he jibed at the enclosure of Baron
Vladimir Harkonnen lookalikes. And he'd been quietly effective
- and not culpable - over the game; just lacking the defensive
influence we've seen from him that might've seen out the win.
WAYNE GRETZKY - 6/10
Did he not make a Celtic debut here just one short year or so
ago? Like a second home, he'll tell you; if your second home
was an abbatoir in the slums of Sodom.
And here's one for you armchair Colinas - NOT a penalty! Aye,
it looked like he caught the freaky Hun junkie skateboarder on the
thigh in the VAR replay... BUT, his first contact was WITH
THE BALL which bounced up and resulted in the follow-through
and penalty.
That's my take through seven pints. And it's probably fucking
RIGHT. Also agreed upon by an amateur ref who's a Hun; and
I bought him fuck-all...
OF JUSTICE - 5.5/10
This place holds no fear for Liam. Descendent of rebels,
the Ginger Gaelic Baresi showed the fermenting descendents
of Baldrick what a shophistocat can do, sporting a pipe
and slippers in the face of mythic ugliness, coasting
right through a comfortable opening period...
Then the tides turned. And he fell into a lax posture
when we required a vicious, ruthless defensive approach.
Bitter luck with their second clattering in off his shins,
but it was a sign of the ground we'd conceded; for me,
part of his job was to push the line higher.
GET CARTER - 6.5/10
He doesn't hate the Huns, he just has a growling distaste for
their peskiness - like a grizzly shaking off ferrets. Forcibly
in their faces, pretty dominating, yet pinned by the wind and
ultimately a victim of circumstances.
He may regret not holding them further up the park after the
admirable stoicism we'd shown until then failed us in injury
time. But it was coming.
TONIO IWATAO - 6/10
He's a very good DM, but he's no Calmac (on form). Seemed to
be taken by surprise by the furious pace. However, adjusted
to the rhythm; but therin lay the key to victory - he couldn't
SET it.
HAKUNA HATATE - 6/10
Paying tribute to the late great Akira Toriyama, Reo was
determined to welcome a stadium of manga demons to the
slaughter. He looked well capable but also juuuust off his
best; those precious micro-seconds of deliberation were the
first-half difference between 2-0 and 5-0 and the end of
them as we know it. Again.
But he'll get better with gametime and so will we as a
collective. Hopefully JUST in time...
THE BUILDER - 8/10 MOTM
This may also be Matty's final hurrah at the Hate Pit
and that would explain the human sacrifices found in
the showers as the Viking Gods were called upon to
protect one of their own.
And didn't he do well as the game progressed and the
equalising conditions prevailed and it cried out for
quality on the ball?
That we got - when he could - and it would have been
more but for Thor cursing his luck. Yet he still managed
- among all the chaos and pressur - to Panaenka the
'greatest goalie England has ever seen' and was denied
a spectacular heider by the hand of same.
TAKINTE - 4/10
The ultimate validation of any prospective Celtic hero
is the Hunskelper trial. He failed after early promise.
Today could have been his day but in these contests he
who hesitates vegitates, and his contribution disspipated.
KILLER MUSHROOM - 5/10
Play him, feed him, win the title. Yet even with the
gale, the deliveries were over or under hit or never
materialised; the one clear cut opening he had similar
to September, he chose to move an few extra touches.
Will we ever play to his strengths again, though -
TITLE winning strengths - and just bloody well fire
the ball into danger zones for him to snaffle?
Like the Huns did all fucking second half...
LORD KATSUMOTO - 7/10
Trailer park Tavpen goes 'round the outside
'Round the outside, 'round the outside
Trailer park Tavpen goes 'round the outside
'Round the outside, 'round the outside...
As if you didn't know DaizEminem would sneak
up on the gimpy Hun captain and expose him
for what he is (pish).
Well, you might have though DaizEminem would
have waited until the foam settled on your
first breakfast pint iuntil he stabbed them
in the arse - I blew mine all over the pub
Huns like confetti.
And but for one classic 'cross' into the
assembled orcs he was once more the most
reliable of front hustlers we have; a
perpetual danger to hesitating heathens.
SUBS -
CALMAC - 4/10
Patched up, propped up, Armalite AR-18
duck-taped to his shoulder. Then it backfired
on him and he gifted the Hun equaliser at 2-2
with a crazy slack pass across the mid.
Always THE mhan to start. Not always - never? -
the bhoy to bring on...
YING - N/A
Nope. Promising kid, back in the game, just
couldn't get into the game.
SAINT BERNARDO - N/A
The twin for the twin; a cunning plan that
never quite transpired...Though nearly.
Managed to lay on the 3rd in his short time.
DUNCAN IDAHO - 6.5/10
Bang! Roon ye! Nearly... Such a deflating outcome
after the big ghuy had all but written himself
into the French Eddy legendary tales as a winning
Hunskelper.
He'd fluffed a great break before, then had seen
his goalscoring dreams come true. Then... Aw, fuck
sake.
THE SHNAKE - 6.5/10
He expected a deadly duel with Feyd Rautha, he ended up
puncturing Baron Harkonnen but not finishing him.
And why? Well, I'm biased - as haters will point out -
but the Rodgers luck had regurgitated it's sickening
second-half reversal to put us within a few moments of
a title-defining win.
Right then, where was the magician's prestige? Where
was the substitution to kill time and let them consider
the utter fuck-up of a side they were in front of their
seething masses?
Where was the Scales-for-Nawrocki sleight of hand switch
that fired new venom and no-nonsense into an embattled
defensive line? That took the incessant pressure off the
weary warriorsto be shouldered by an uncompromising,
experienced Glasgow Derby winner? Ergo - exactly the move
made in Decemeber's win, though forced.
It didn't trraspire. Because you were riding the victory
wave of euphoria, Brendan, and NOT paying attention to
the 8 minutes of trauma ahead.
Harsh? Fuck off. That's how great managers win titles.
MIBBERY - 5/10
The Boolin' club mentality of the Scottish football
authorities has never come into such stark evidence
as with this appointment.
While a professionally-run organisation would have
kept a known cheating Hun a million miles from such
global scrutiny, the Wee Free troglydites and imperial
entitled tragedies that form such a body just could not
resist sticking it publically to the Tims.
When we look for transparency in a supposed neutral
sporting body (no laughing at the back) it generally
means clarity in communications and decision-making;
not publically declaring yourselves scurrilous, embittered
orange bastards.
But this is Scotland 2024, where the Klan walks the
streets emboldened by state endorsement and junta
protection.
And lo, their scapegoat for their own incompetence made
a decent fist of it under immense pressure. My pished-up
point is made regards their penalty; won by a scummy
flouncing degenerate who looks like the indie-movie
neighbourhood dealer who gets high-school cheerleaders
hooked on smack to pimp out. If I'm accurate then it's
Walsh on VAR to call-out, surprisingly enough...
OVERALL - 6.5/10
The Huns - still fucking horrendous, but now organised,
focussed and playing out of their skins under the terror
regime of The Beast Rabban angrily prowling the sidelines.
Us - searching after 30-plus games for a focussed and
winning formula. One we have recently looked like finding,
and so nearly had today.
A Schadenfreude Sunday of epic proportions let slip by
shoddy game-management by the man to whom Celtic means
'utterly everything.' Fnarr, Fnarr...
Of course, I'm just a prick with an opinion and the
Brendanistas will be bubbling at the shiny-shiny memory
of the evervescent closing moments ; a period of time
that I will repeat my take on - we blew it because the
boss failed to act, too caught up in his own seeming good
fortune once more.
You probably think different; I write this shite without
any reference - I prefer pure reactive opinion as honest
appraisal, rather than crowd-think or surmised take.
We blew that today just purely down to lack of micro-managing
specific moments rather than the God-awful windy conditions
that did dictate a large part of the proceedings.
So close and yet so far. As you were, and simply put -
just win six in a row and the title's ours. Get at it,
Bhoys.
Go Away Now
Sandman
"Pay attention to your enemies. For they are first to
discover your mistakes."
- Antisthenes
ROXIE - 7/10
Farewell tour of cesspits ends in the biggest football
swamp of all, the Klan Klubhouse. And though he conceded
3, the big fella claimed a beautiful assist within 20
seconds and saved the jerseys with a blinding double-footer
stop before half-time.
No chance with the second-half goals as the defence fell
back like the Huns' ancestors down the evolutionary ladder
until all that was left between basic survival and oblivion
was Joe's presence; we made it, just.
GREGGS THE BAKER - 6/10
"Shut yer holes, fatboys!" he jibed at the enclosure of Baron
Vladimir Harkonnen lookalikes. And he'd been quietly effective
- and not culpable - over the game; just lacking the defensive
influence we've seen from him that might've seen out the win.
WAYNE GRETZKY - 6/10
Did he not make a Celtic debut here just one short year or so
ago? Like a second home, he'll tell you; if your second home
was an abbatoir in the slums of Sodom.
And here's one for you armchair Colinas - NOT a penalty! Aye,
it looked like he caught the freaky Hun junkie skateboarder on the
thigh in the VAR replay... BUT, his first contact was WITH
THE BALL which bounced up and resulted in the follow-through
and penalty.
That's my take through seven pints. And it's probably fucking
RIGHT. Also agreed upon by an amateur ref who's a Hun; and
I bought him fuck-all...
OF JUSTICE - 5.5/10
This place holds no fear for Liam. Descendent of rebels,
the Ginger Gaelic Baresi showed the fermenting descendents
of Baldrick what a shophistocat can do, sporting a pipe
and slippers in the face of mythic ugliness, coasting
right through a comfortable opening period...
Then the tides turned. And he fell into a lax posture
when we required a vicious, ruthless defensive approach.
Bitter luck with their second clattering in off his shins,
but it was a sign of the ground we'd conceded; for me,
part of his job was to push the line higher.
GET CARTER - 6.5/10
He doesn't hate the Huns, he just has a growling distaste for
their peskiness - like a grizzly shaking off ferrets. Forcibly
in their faces, pretty dominating, yet pinned by the wind and
ultimately a victim of circumstances.
He may regret not holding them further up the park after the
admirable stoicism we'd shown until then failed us in injury
time. But it was coming.
TONIO IWATAO - 6/10
He's a very good DM, but he's no Calmac (on form). Seemed to
be taken by surprise by the furious pace. However, adjusted
to the rhythm; but therin lay the key to victory - he couldn't
SET it.
HAKUNA HATATE - 6/10
Paying tribute to the late great Akira Toriyama, Reo was
determined to welcome a stadium of manga demons to the
slaughter. He looked well capable but also juuuust off his
best; those precious micro-seconds of deliberation were the
first-half difference between 2-0 and 5-0 and the end of
them as we know it. Again.
But he'll get better with gametime and so will we as a
collective. Hopefully JUST in time...
THE BUILDER - 8/10 MOTM
This may also be Matty's final hurrah at the Hate Pit
and that would explain the human sacrifices found in
the showers as the Viking Gods were called upon to
protect one of their own.
And didn't he do well as the game progressed and the
equalising conditions prevailed and it cried out for
quality on the ball?
That we got - when he could - and it would have been
more but for Thor cursing his luck. Yet he still managed
- among all the chaos and pressur - to Panaenka the
'greatest goalie England has ever seen' and was denied
a spectacular heider by the hand of same.
TAKINTE - 4/10
The ultimate validation of any prospective Celtic hero
is the Hunskelper trial. He failed after early promise.
Today could have been his day but in these contests he
who hesitates vegitates, and his contribution disspipated.
KILLER MUSHROOM - 5/10
Play him, feed him, win the title. Yet even with the
gale, the deliveries were over or under hit or never
materialised; the one clear cut opening he had similar
to September, he chose to move an few extra touches.
Will we ever play to his strengths again, though -
TITLE winning strengths - and just bloody well fire
the ball into danger zones for him to snaffle?
Like the Huns did all fucking second half...
LORD KATSUMOTO - 7/10
Trailer park Tavpen goes 'round the outside
'Round the outside, 'round the outside
Trailer park Tavpen goes 'round the outside
'Round the outside, 'round the outside...
As if you didn't know DaizEminem would sneak
up on the gimpy Hun captain and expose him
for what he is (pish).
Well, you might have though DaizEminem would
have waited until the foam settled on your
first breakfast pint iuntil he stabbed them
in the arse - I blew mine all over the pub
Huns like confetti.
And but for one classic 'cross' into the
assembled orcs he was once more the most
reliable of front hustlers we have; a
perpetual danger to hesitating heathens.
SUBS -
CALMAC - 4/10
Patched up, propped up, Armalite AR-18
duck-taped to his shoulder. Then it backfired
on him and he gifted the Hun equaliser at 2-2
with a crazy slack pass across the mid.
Always THE mhan to start. Not always - never? -
the bhoy to bring on...
YING - N/A
Nope. Promising kid, back in the game, just
couldn't get into the game.
SAINT BERNARDO - N/A
The twin for the twin; a cunning plan that
never quite transpired...Though nearly.
Managed to lay on the 3rd in his short time.
DUNCAN IDAHO - 6.5/10
Bang! Roon ye! Nearly... Such a deflating outcome
after the big ghuy had all but written himself
into the French Eddy legendary tales as a winning
Hunskelper.
He'd fluffed a great break before, then had seen
his goalscoring dreams come true. Then... Aw, fuck
sake.
THE SHNAKE - 6.5/10
He expected a deadly duel with Feyd Rautha, he ended up
puncturing Baron Harkonnen but not finishing him.
And why? Well, I'm biased - as haters will point out -
but the Rodgers luck had regurgitated it's sickening
second-half reversal to put us within a few moments of
a title-defining win.
Right then, where was the magician's prestige? Where
was the substitution to kill time and let them consider
the utter fuck-up of a side they were in front of their
seething masses?
Where was the Scales-for-Nawrocki sleight of hand switch
that fired new venom and no-nonsense into an embattled
defensive line? That took the incessant pressure off the
weary warriorsto be shouldered by an uncompromising,
experienced Glasgow Derby winner? Ergo - exactly the move
made in Decemeber's win, though forced.
It didn't trraspire. Because you were riding the victory
wave of euphoria, Brendan, and NOT paying attention to
the 8 minutes of trauma ahead.
Harsh? Fuck off. That's how great managers win titles.
MIBBERY - 5/10
The Boolin' club mentality of the Scottish football
authorities has never come into such stark evidence
as with this appointment.
While a professionally-run organisation would have
kept a known cheating Hun a million miles from such
global scrutiny, the Wee Free troglydites and imperial
entitled tragedies that form such a body just could not
resist sticking it publically to the Tims.
When we look for transparency in a supposed neutral
sporting body (no laughing at the back) it generally
means clarity in communications and decision-making;
not publically declaring yourselves scurrilous, embittered
orange bastards.
But this is Scotland 2024, where the Klan walks the
streets emboldened by state endorsement and junta
protection.
And lo, their scapegoat for their own incompetence made
a decent fist of it under immense pressure. My pished-up
point is made regards their penalty; won by a scummy
flouncing degenerate who looks like the indie-movie
neighbourhood dealer who gets high-school cheerleaders
hooked on smack to pimp out. If I'm accurate then it's
Walsh on VAR to call-out, surprisingly enough...
OVERALL - 6.5/10
The Huns - still fucking horrendous, but now organised,
focussed and playing out of their skins under the terror
regime of The Beast Rabban angrily prowling the sidelines.
Us - searching after 30-plus games for a focussed and
winning formula. One we have recently looked like finding,
and so nearly had today.
A Schadenfreude Sunday of epic proportions let slip by
shoddy game-management by the man to whom Celtic means
'utterly everything.' Fnarr, Fnarr...
Of course, I'm just a prick with an opinion and the
Brendanistas will be bubbling at the shiny-shiny memory
of the evervescent closing moments ; a period of time
that I will repeat my take on - we blew it because the
boss failed to act, too caught up in his own seeming good
fortune once more.
You probably think different; I write this shite without
any reference - I prefer pure reactive opinion as honest
appraisal, rather than crowd-think or surmised take.
We blew that today just purely down to lack of micro-managing
specific moments rather than the God-awful windy conditions
that did dictate a large part of the proceedings.
So close and yet so far. As you were, and simply put -
just win six in a row and the title's ours. Get at it,
Bhoys.
Go Away Now
Sandman
Last edited:
.HH.
