Sandman
Well-known member
SANDMAN'S DEFINITIVE RATINGS: CELTIC @ GOMORRAH
"I wanna, I wanna, I wanna be Edouard
I wanna, I wanna, I wanna be Edouard..."
Alfredo Morelos
"Pennywsie the clown returns on Friday and it's no
secret he takes the gruesome guise of a Colombian
Hun with no appetite for goals against Celtic.
Book your tickets now to see if the brave gang of Bhoys
can vanquish the cosmic evil that is the slavering
orange scum of the Govan sewers."
IT Chapter 2 promo.
THE WALL - 7/10
Boom! Ahead of The Cat? The mhan who saved us from a savaging last December?
Inceredibly, the comparison ended at the teamsheet - the Huns barely tested
our 'new' keeper, barely let his return to the Hate Factory go unremarked on in
his 'boring goalie days oot' memoirs.
Stayed solid, blocked when required, dealt with danger admirably. Did nothing
to justify his inclusion ahead of The Cat. Didn't need to - yes, the Huns ARE
that pish.
HAT ATTACK - 7/10
Welcome to the Bigotdome. Big fella looked fazed... Phfffffft.... Aye, as fazed
as a fox in a chicken coop full of junkie chickens who knows the farmer's up
the farm house getting his hole.. Took to his task superbly, won the vital challenges,
held the line, remained cool as his Mossad cyber-agent twin at centre-back and
looks a steal at the price we paid.
JULLIEN CLARY - 8.5/10 MOTM
Was he the real deal at 7 million worth of French gigantor? Was he maybe the
irritating, effette camp act who can't step up to VVD levels of competitive action?
Even faced with these pretendy zombie bastards?
Well, bang, fucking bang, bang, bang - as he won every aerial ball hoisted in,
was tuned in magnificently to slick passing on the deck. Numerous interceptions
and interventions that could have turned the match. Exactly the game we hoped we'd
get for the fee.
It was a Virgil Van Dijk quality display amid a makeshift back four that HAD to
rely on at least one majestic performance. The big guy delivered at the most crucial
time. Magic.
BITTON - 7.5/10
What can you say about the Mossad assassin, played out of position, asked to do
the job of players formerly adept at snuffing Huns, even sending them into orbit.
Big Nir proved, once again, just how priceless his presence this season will be -
I keep re-itterating - as he snuffed out incredibly dangerous moves with sheer
awareness and nous.
Damn shame to see him falter to a pulled hammy chasing a nothing ball. What a
passer of the football we have there. Lenny, utilise him well.
BOLIWOOD - 8/10
Ha-ha-ha, brilliant. Detractors on their knees as I write, like repentant Huns,
or you SHOULD be - this kid faced up to the verminous racist hordes baying for
his blood, and played his best game in the Hoops to date under the worst type
of pressure.
Always available, always backtracking - boundless energy kept our left flank
alive and stifled their best options wide. Great game from a player so - FAR too -
many don't understand or are willing to. Yet there you have a fella mired in
the Pit of Purgatory, wandering about like he didn't give a fuck for their
hysterical frothing venom and playing like a boss. Well done, son.
I'd say keep the heid, but it belongs to Sincy.
BROON - 8/10
Yes. On it like yer Beetle bonnet from the start, ladies... Broony redefines
thuggery into an art form the despicables cannot fathom. Yes, he'll kick yer
heids off an hustle yer effette ingenues with his particular form of gentlemanly
raffishness, but ultimately its all conducted with a level and quality of finesse
you zombie vermin reprobates can never comprehend. Because you sanction the use
of Alan McGregor in nets; And that's your sophistication level. LMFAO.
CALMAC - 6.5/10
Subdued and off the pace - lucky not to pick up a card (or two). Calmac failed
to show his class and tantalisie the Hun midfield as he has done in the past -
a tactical decision not entirely his fault.
Instead we had him scrapping beside Broon, a role he's not designed for, yet
one he admirably stuck to task.
CORPUS CHRISTIE - 7/10
Roving, boundless energy, just failing to find the space and time to make a
major difference. Watched over by his Dad as he stormed the gates of Hades,
young Corpus was always a hair's breadth away from linking up to devastating
effect.
Cannot criticise him as his energy and commitment were tremendous, yet his
own final ball ( and delivery from set-pieces) let us down when it required
just a killer pass.
MIKEY J - 6.5/10
And so he faced the trilogy of tragedy. Not this game, this time, for
Mikey the Modern New Romantic; no innocuous anonimity as Huns bludgeoned
him with impunity. He wasn't letting this one go. And depsite his quick
feet and tricky-dicky shenanigans being clamped-down upon at every touch,
he still managed a magic Mikey moment to release Eddy
for the first.
Much of his remit was un-natural - toil over talent, but he slogged it out.
Today, Mikey got his shit together - as the cool people say - and made sure
he was no longer a passenger on the flight through Hun airspace. Now the
collective Hun monkeys are off his back, in future we're looking for him
to be Kamikaze #1.
...
CONTINUED IN PART 2 - THAT'S TWO, T-OO, CAPISCE?
"I wanna, I wanna, I wanna be Edouard
I wanna, I wanna, I wanna be Edouard..."
Alfredo Morelos
"Pennywsie the clown returns on Friday and it's no
secret he takes the gruesome guise of a Colombian
Hun with no appetite for goals against Celtic.
Book your tickets now to see if the brave gang of Bhoys
can vanquish the cosmic evil that is the slavering
orange scum of the Govan sewers."
IT Chapter 2 promo.
THE WALL - 7/10
Boom! Ahead of The Cat? The mhan who saved us from a savaging last December?
Inceredibly, the comparison ended at the teamsheet - the Huns barely tested
our 'new' keeper, barely let his return to the Hate Factory go unremarked on in
his 'boring goalie days oot' memoirs.
Stayed solid, blocked when required, dealt with danger admirably. Did nothing
to justify his inclusion ahead of The Cat. Didn't need to - yes, the Huns ARE
that pish.
HAT ATTACK - 7/10
Welcome to the Bigotdome. Big fella looked fazed... Phfffffft.... Aye, as fazed
as a fox in a chicken coop full of junkie chickens who knows the farmer's up
the farm house getting his hole.. Took to his task superbly, won the vital challenges,
held the line, remained cool as his Mossad cyber-agent twin at centre-back and
looks a steal at the price we paid.
JULLIEN CLARY - 8.5/10 MOTM
Was he the real deal at 7 million worth of French gigantor? Was he maybe the
irritating, effette camp act who can't step up to VVD levels of competitive action?
Even faced with these pretendy zombie bastards?
Well, bang, fucking bang, bang, bang - as he won every aerial ball hoisted in,
was tuned in magnificently to slick passing on the deck. Numerous interceptions
and interventions that could have turned the match. Exactly the game we hoped we'd
get for the fee.
It was a Virgil Van Dijk quality display amid a makeshift back four that HAD to
rely on at least one majestic performance. The big guy delivered at the most crucial
time. Magic.
BITTON - 7.5/10
What can you say about the Mossad assassin, played out of position, asked to do
the job of players formerly adept at snuffing Huns, even sending them into orbit.
Big Nir proved, once again, just how priceless his presence this season will be -
I keep re-itterating - as he snuffed out incredibly dangerous moves with sheer
awareness and nous.
Damn shame to see him falter to a pulled hammy chasing a nothing ball. What a
passer of the football we have there. Lenny, utilise him well.
BOLIWOOD - 8/10
Ha-ha-ha, brilliant. Detractors on their knees as I write, like repentant Huns,
or you SHOULD be - this kid faced up to the verminous racist hordes baying for
his blood, and played his best game in the Hoops to date under the worst type
of pressure.
Always available, always backtracking - boundless energy kept our left flank
alive and stifled their best options wide. Great game from a player so - FAR too -
many don't understand or are willing to. Yet there you have a fella mired in
the Pit of Purgatory, wandering about like he didn't give a fuck for their
hysterical frothing venom and playing like a boss. Well done, son.
I'd say keep the heid, but it belongs to Sincy.
BROON - 8/10
Yes. On it like yer Beetle bonnet from the start, ladies... Broony redefines
thuggery into an art form the despicables cannot fathom. Yes, he'll kick yer
heids off an hustle yer effette ingenues with his particular form of gentlemanly
raffishness, but ultimately its all conducted with a level and quality of finesse
you zombie vermin reprobates can never comprehend. Because you sanction the use
of Alan McGregor in nets; And that's your sophistication level. LMFAO.
CALMAC - 6.5/10
Subdued and off the pace - lucky not to pick up a card (or two). Calmac failed
to show his class and tantalisie the Hun midfield as he has done in the past -
a tactical decision not entirely his fault.
Instead we had him scrapping beside Broon, a role he's not designed for, yet
one he admirably stuck to task.
CORPUS CHRISTIE - 7/10
Roving, boundless energy, just failing to find the space and time to make a
major difference. Watched over by his Dad as he stormed the gates of Hades,
young Corpus was always a hair's breadth away from linking up to devastating
effect.
Cannot criticise him as his energy and commitment were tremendous, yet his
own final ball ( and delivery from set-pieces) let us down when it required
just a killer pass.
MIKEY J - 6.5/10
And so he faced the trilogy of tragedy. Not this game, this time, for
Mikey the Modern New Romantic; no innocuous anonimity as Huns bludgeoned
him with impunity. He wasn't letting this one go. And depsite his quick
feet and tricky-dicky shenanigans being clamped-down upon at every touch,
he still managed a magic Mikey moment to release Eddy
for the first.
Much of his remit was un-natural - toil over talent, but he slogged it out.
Today, Mikey got his shit together - as the cool people say - and made sure
he was no longer a passenger on the flight through Hun airspace. Now the
collective Hun monkeys are off his back, in future we're looking for him
to be Kamikaze #1.
...
CONTINUED IN PART 2 - THAT'S TWO, T-OO, CAPISCE?
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